


Slow Show

by oscarwildechilde



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Domestic, Fluff, Jewish Remus Lupin, M/M, Non-binary Tonks, Parenthood, Raising Harry Potter, Welsh Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 116,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27599678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscarwildechilde/pseuds/oscarwildechilde
Summary: Following Harry's third year at Hogwarts, and Sirius' subsequent exoneration, Harry, Sirius and Remus try to figure out how to be a family together.Canon Divergence where Sirius is found innocent after the events of Prisoner of Azkaban and he and Remus take Harry from the Dursley's.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 435
Kudos: 712





	1. Suburban Home

**Author's Note:**

> _“I wanna hurry home to you  
>  Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up  
> So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain  
> God, I'm very, very frightened, I'll overdo it“_
> 
> Slow Show- the National

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I want to be a masochistic  
>  I want to be a statistic  
> I wanna be a clone  
> I want a suburban home"_

Remus awoke to Sirius’ arm draped over his chest as he dozed beside him. For a moment, Remus just watched the steady rise and fall of his chest- his ribs still visible just beneath the skin, as if to remind himself that the past few weeks hadn’t been a dream. 

The end of the term had passed in a whirlwind. Between Sirius’ exoneration, Peter’s second escape, and Snape “accidentally” revealing his condition to the students, Remus hardly had a moment to breathe before he found himself back at the small cottage with Sirius at his heels. Despite Dumbledore’s objections, they immediately began hatching a plan to rescue Harry from his Aunt and Uncle’s house. 

“He belongs with us.” Sirius told him definitely as they met in Dumbledore's office shortly after he was cleared. 

Remus had to admit, hearing Sirius say "us", automatically assuming Remus would want to be involved, made his heart jump a little. 

"I'll understand, you know." Remus said as they left the castle that night "If you and Harry don't want me to come along." 

Sirius looked at him, confused "Why would I ever want that? We're a family, yeah?" 

Yesterday, they finally drove Remus’ battered old Volvo down to Little Winging. Sirius stuck his hand out the window, breathing in the early summer air with an appreciation that only someone locked away for 12 years could. Remus glanced at him, eyes closed as he turned his face towards the window and smiled.

As they made their way through the labyrinth of suburbs, they got completely and totally lost. Remus pulled to the side of the street and took out a map, unfolding it on the bonnet of the car. “It was Privet Drive, yes?” Remus asked, scanning the roads with his finger.

“Number 4. That's what his letter said.” Sirius confirmed, looking over his shoulder “I found it last summer easy enough, it should be ‘round here somewhere.”

"Does any of this look familiar?" 

"I mean, it was dark, I can't be sure."

An older woman passed them on the sidewalk, openly leering at the odd duo in strange clothing and a beat up car. 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” Sirius called out. The woman clutched her handbag tight to her chest as Sirius came closer “We’re looking for Privet Drive, might you point us in the right direction?” 

She pursed her lips but swallowed down any unpleasantness going through her mind “It’s just down that street, to the left.” she said curtly 

“Thank you so much, love. You’re a lifesaver.” Sirius said with a wink. The woman frowned and continued on and Remus cocked an eyebrow.

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your instinct to flirt with every old woman you see.” he said as they got back in the car 

“Aw, don’t worry Moony, you’re still my favorite old woman.”

Remus smacked him lightly on the nose with the map and the car shuddered back to life with a sick-sounding crunch. 

“It’s a miracle this thing is still running. Didn’t your dad buy it in the 60s?” 

“Yes, well, it does the trick.” He said, taking a turn down the road the woman pointed them to

“You put a charm on it, didn’t you?” 

“I can neither confirm nor deny that fact. If Arthur Weasley asks, I did no such thing.” He said. They kept driving until they came across Privet Drive and scanned the identical houses until they reached Number 4. Sirius stepped out of the car first and studied the front of the house and the manicured lawn that looked as if someone had gone out with a pair of scissors and ruler to make sure every blade of grass was the correct length.

“Somehow this house looks more prissy than the rest of them.” 

“Promise me you’ll keep your head on when we go in there.” Remus warned, shutting the car door with a creak

“‘Course I will. When have I ever lost my head?” 

Remus fixed him with a look and Sirius grinned “I’ll be good, I promise.” 

Sirius rang the bell and took a step back, kicking at a stray pebble with the toe of his combat boot. The door swung open to a short man with a bushy mustache and no neck. When he set eyes on Remus and Sirius, his face immediately steeled and he frowned.

“No solicitors allowed.” He said gruffly 

“Oh, we’re not solicitors.” Sirius said, “You must be Vernon.” 

“Who are you people?” he demanded

“I’m Sirius Black, this is Remus Lupin. We’re here for Harry, I’m his Godfather.” He held out his hand for Vernon to shake

Vernon’s face turned a violent shade of red and looked at Sirius’ hand as if it were covered in a highly contagious pox “You lot get off my property, now! You’re not welcome here.” 

“Oh, we’ll be out of your hair in a moment, I assure you.” Sirius said, returning his hand to his pocket “May we come in?”

“May you- absolutely not!” Vernon said “Now kindly get off my porch, or i’ll be forced to call the authorities!”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter “Hear that Remus? He’ll call the authorities.”

“Well then, we must listen to what he says.” Remus said dryly “Perhaps it would be best for you to invite us in. Although we’d be happy to make a scene right here.” 

Vernon looked over their shoulders and spotted a neighbor leaning over his fence to see who parked the beat up car with its’ strange passengers on their quiet street. Vernon turned a more violent shade of red and clenched his jaw.

“I will not be blackmailed by you people!”

“No blackmail at all, Vernon.” Sirius said. Vernon opened his mouth and closed it again as if he was just realizing he likely had no chance of stopping the two wizards from entering his house, regardless of him stepping aside. Fuming, he allowed them to come in, shutting the door behind them quickly. 

“Now I don’t know what you’re playing at and who you people think you are, but you have no right coming into my home unannounced and start spouting off nonsense!” He demanded loudly. At the commotion, there was the sound of quick footsteps on the stairs and Harry appeared. He took in the sight of the two of them and grinned.

“Ah, Harry! Excellent, go grab your things.” Sirius said

Harry made a move to go back up the stairs and Vernon stopped him

“Now you wait here!” he yelled “The boy isn’t going anywhere. You come out of nowhere and say you’re his ‘godfather’ and I’m expected to just let you waltz in here, am I?"

“Precisely.” Sirius said.

"He's not going anywhere!"

From the kitchen, a tall, thin woman appeared. Remus remembered here from many, many summers ago, and again at Lily and James’ wedding.

“Ah, Petunia, good to see you again.” Remus said. She looked from one man to the other, a scandalized look on her face.

Vernon turned to her “Do you know these, these-?” he turned back and fixed Remus with a look

“I’d be very careful on your next words, Dursley.” Sirius said. 

His face was growing redder and redder. Harry was at the bottom of the stairs now, blocked by Vernon and Petunia 

“And just where have you been for the past 14 years while we’ve clothed him and housed him out of our pocket? Freeloading around with no responsibilities until you decided it’s time to show up, I expect?” 

“Well, Prison, actually.” Sirius said cheerfully “Recently exonerated.” 

Petunia was watching the scene in horror, looking at the two of them with a look usually reserved for Harry. 

“I’m going with them.” Harry said 

“Careful, boy.” Vernon warned, his tone sharp

“Do you really think you can stop me from going?” Harry smirked 

“I can stop you from doing whatever I like! This is my house!”

Remus frowned “Perhaps we should all take a breath and work this out as adults, yes? Maybe we ought to sit down and have some tea.”

“You people aren’t coming any further into my house!” 

Petunia almost looked faint at the idea of them sitting on her furniture. Remus noticed a large teenager poking his head out of the kitchen fearfully and running away. He supposed that was Harry’s cousin.

“Now you people listen here! We did not give him food off our table and clothes off our backs for you to waltz in here 14 years later, making demands.” 

Harry raised an eyebrow “Yeah 11 years in a cupboard, they really need to make up for that.”

Remus and Sirius both stopped cold, as if processing what Harry said in stunned silence. 

“I’m sorry, a cupboard?” Sirius said, his voice quiet

“Yeah, I slept in the cupboard under the stairs.” Harry explained nonchalantly 

“Harry, go get your things.” Remus said. His tone was icy and dark. Remus’ calm and kind demeanor tended to make people look over the fact that he was, in fact, quite tall. Combined with the scars marring his face, he had the potential to look rather intimidating when angered. It didn’t happen often. Even Sirius, fuming himself, put a hand on Remus’ sleeve. Vernon took a small step back. “He was a child, and you kept him in a cupboard?” 

Harry couldn’t help but smirk at the terrified look on his aunt and uncle’s faces as Remus glowered down at them. Vernon’s eyes landed on Sirius, who’s hand was on his wand lightly. 

“I- I don’t have to explain myself to you people. Someone dumps a child on your doorstep, see how you like it.”

Sirius clenched his jaw “You’d better watch yourself, Dursley, because I might just decide that keeping my nose clean and staying out of trouble just isn’t for me anymore.” 

Remus flitted his gaze to Petunia “And you, you let this happen? How did you sleep at night knowing you treated your sister’s child this way?”

“She was a freak. And if she had just kept her nose out of where it didn’t belong, I wouldn’t have been saddled with-“

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Harry snapped

“Do you think for one moment that if something had happened to you, that Lily would have mistreated your son? Locked him away, starved him?” Remus demanded. Petunia gaped like a scrawny fish washed up on land “I pegged you for a lot of things, Petunia, but cruel was never one of them.”

“Hang on, did you know each other?” Harry asked

“I lived near your mother one summer, your aunt and I crossed paths.” Remus said cooly, regaining some of his composure. 

“Right then. Harry will be leaving with us, and if you try and stop us, it wont be very pretty for you.” Sirius said “I’ve been to prison once, I’m not afraid of doing it again for a good reason.” 

The color seemed to drain from Vernon’s face and Sirius turned and winked at Harry. He grinned and rushed up the stairs to pack the rest of his things as quickly as possible. They stood in tense silence in the foyer before Harry reemerged at the top of the stairs, struggling with his trunk, Hedwig and his Firebolt. Sirius flicked his wand to guide the trunk down the stairs, forcing Vernon and Petunia to jump out of the way as it careened towards them. Harry slung his rucksack over his shoulder and slipped past them.

“Er- bye, then.” He said to his aunt and uncle, who simply glowered at him. Sirius took Hedwig’s cage and opened the door 

“Lovely to meet you both.” Sirius said. Remus gave them one last glare before following them out and letting the door slam behind them. Hedwig seemed less than thrilled at the development and began to screech as they put her cage in the backseat with Harry. 

“We can let her out once we’re a little further out if you like.” Sirius said, stepping into the passengers side. Remus was already in the drivers’ seat, gripping the steering wheel and taking a deep breath. 

“‘Keep your head on, Sirius’, ‘ You have a terrible track record, Sirius’, he says the entire way here.” Sirius said 

Remus sighed and turned to the back seat “It’s great to see you, Harry.” 

The car sputtered to life and they caught a glimpse of the Dursleys watching them leave from the front window. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting for a while, we had some things to sort out with the Ministry.” 

“What kind of things?” Harry asked. He leaned into the front seat curiously 

“For one thing, getting permission from the Ministry to actually come down here and get you- which I was going to do regardless of what they said, but Dumbledore suggested it was best to go through the proper channels.” Sirius explained

“You needed to ask permission?” 

“Oh the bureaucrats love to make everything complicated. They weren’t too thrilled at being embarrassed for making such a big mistake, what with me being innocent and Wormtail escaping and all. They made us go to a hearing and everything.” 

“I haven’t read anything about any signs of Wormtail.” Harry said 

“No, they apparently haven’t seen anything.” Remus frowned

“Not that they’ll tell us. They keep saying it’s a ‘Department of Magical Law Enforcement investigation’” Sirius explained “They won’t catch up to him. The coward.”

“In any case,” Remus continued “Everything is sorted out now.” 

“So where are we going?” Harry asked 

“Wales” Sirius said 

The cottage used to belong to Remus’ muggle grandfather. When he died, his Aunt started renting it out to lodgers, typically small families or young couples. Sometimes vacationers coming to the village on holiday to get out away from the city. It had been empty for a few years and when his Aunt grew tired of maintaining it, Remus inquired about taking it off her hands. The timing was perfect. It was small, a little stone building well out of the way of the main village, with an overgrown garden and a pond nearby. 

There wasn’t much to it, but they set up the loft bedroom for Harry, taking the smaller bedroom downstairs for themselves. There was a cramped little kitchen with mix-matched chairs around the table and a window overlooking the garden. All of the cabinets were still painted a faded light green. The living room had an impossibly comfortable sofa set up in front of a big fireplace, with one wall taken up by a large bookshelf that was filled with disorganized stacks of books. Sirius had also insisted they buy a tiny television so he could “catch up” on what he missed in Azkaban. It was all rather chaotic at the moment.

“We’re still getting settled” Remus explained to Harry when they first arrived

“I think it’s brilliant.” He said, thinking it exactly the sort of place that the Dursleys would hate.

———————————

Carefully, so not to wake Sirius, Remus moved his arm off his chest and slipped out of bed. He padded into the kitchen, pulling a dressing gown over his pajamas as he did. It was still early, the blue light of the morning creeping through the window in the kitchen. As quiet as he could, he flicked his wand to start the kettle. It felt strange to be moving around the house so quietly, knowing that there were two people to disturb with noise. Remus was so used to being alone, and in the blink of an eye he suddenly wasn’t. It felt surreal. He had an occasional partner throughout the years, when the loneliness got to be too much, but they never lasted more than a night or two before he left, or they did.

While the kettle was heating up, Remus reached behind a can of coffee in the top cupboard, where he stashed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He stepped out into the cool air of the morning and sat on a metal bench in the garden and fumbled with the lighter for a moment. He let the nicotine enter his lungs and closed his eyes, feeling it rush to his head. As he opened them again and exhaled, he saw that Harry was standing in the doorway behind him, making him jump.

“Christ!” Remus said suddenly, dropping the cigarette to the ground and stamping it out quickly “You scared me, Harry.” 

“Are you smoking?” Harry asked with a cheeky smile 

“Er, yes.” He said, frowning “Which you should never do, it’s very bad for you.” 

“And yet, you’re doing it." 

“Yes, well, bad habits and all that. Do me a favor and don’t tell your Godfather, he made me promise to quit.” 

Harry laughed “One day and you already want me to hide things for you?” 

Remus gave a smile “You’re up rather early. I was always told teenagers sleep until noon.”

“I, er…” He hesitated “I just woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.” 

He looked a Harry’s face, feeling like he was holding back on something, but he didn’t press the matter “That’s fair enough. Breakfast?” 

“Yeah, definitely.” 

They went back into the kitchen and Harry took a seat at the table while Remus scrounged around the kitchen for something to eat. He really wasn’t much of a cook, and tended to only make food to sustain himself when he could. The kettle began to whistle on the stove, so he made them both cups in the meantime. The commotion seemed to have roused Sirius from his slumber, because he trudged into the kitchen, his long hair wild from sleep.

“You sit down before you burn the place to the ground.” Sirius said, rustling Harry’s hair as he passed by. Remus took a seat as the owl from the Daily Prophet swooped through the window. He put a few knuts in his leather pouch and took the paper from him. He set aside the crossword for Sirius and began reading the front page, finding nothing interesting, just an article about a troll sightings on the rise below one talking about the upcoming World Cup final. Sirius scrounged up some bacon and toast and fried up some eggs and set everything down on the table. They ate, Remus' face obstructed by the paper. Harry poked at his food for a while, seemingly deep in thought. 

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, furrowing his brow at Harry. Remus lowered the paper.

“Nothing, I-“ he frowned “My scar hurt again. Last time it happened, Voldemort was at Hogwarts. But there’s no way he could be here, right?” 

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and then back to him “What was happening before it hurt?” Sirius asked 

“I had a really strange dream.” he said “Wormtail and Voldemort were there, but he was… Weak, not really whole. And there was one other man. They were waiting out in a house, and this muggle caretaker came through and overheard them talking about how they were planning on killing… Someone. And then they killed the man and it ended. When I woke up, my scar was burning.” 

Harry finished his story and Remus and Sirius were both quiet for a moment. Remus worried a spot on his hand and Sirius furrowed his brow. “You mentioned another man, do you know who it was?” 

Harry shook his head “I didn’t recognize him.” he said “But what does it mean?” 

Remus frowned “It could very well mean nothing.” 

“But it might not.” Harry concluded 

“Possibly.” Remus said. “Listen, there are no scars like yours in the world, Harry. We don’t have much to go on as far as why it feels the way it does.” 

“Perhaps it’s best not to dwell on it for now. It could have just been a coincidence.” 

Harry was not entirely satisfied with this answer, but they were interrupted by a small yet annoying owl bursting through the kitchen window and flying around in circles excitedly 

“Jesus Christ, what is that?” Remus asked

“Isn’t that Ron’s owl?” Harry asked “The one you gave him?” 

“I think so, hang on.” Sirius stood and tried a few times to grab the owl before he finally managed to catch it and untie the letter from his legs. When he released it again, it continued its' circling before finally settling by the window, still hooting happily. Sirius handed the letter off to Harry, who opened it and read quickly. 

“Harry-

Dad got us tickets to the Quidditch World Cup! Ireland vs Bulgaria!! Mum and Dad sent a letter with Errol for Sirius and Lupin, but there’s no way they’ll say no. Hermione already said yes, we’ll see you then!

-Ron”

Ron clearly wrote in a hurry, the note scrawled in sloppy print. 

“No way!” Harry said, grinning 

“What did Ron say?” Sirius asked. Harry handed him the note 

“The World Cup! Ron’s dad got tickets, can I go?” 

“‘Course you can!” Sirius said happily. A moment later, Errol, the Weasley’s owl swooped into the kitchen, crashing into a dish on the counter and shattering it. Remus cringed and went to rescue the bird, taking the letter from his talons and waving his wand to repair the broken dish. Errol shook himself off and perched himself beside Pigwidgeon. 

“How did they know I was here?” Harry asked

“We let them know we would be coming to get you so they knew where you were.” Sirius explained. Remus handed the note to him

“Dear Sirius and Remus, 

I hope you both are well and settling into your new home. I’m sure Ron has already told Harry, but Arthur was able to secure tickets to the Quidditch World Cup final this August, and we would love to have you all join us. Hermione will be coming to, so it’s shaping up to be quite the event (and I’m sure Arthur will appreciate the extra help). 

Go ahead and send your response with Errol, we hope to see you both soon!

Best,

Molly Weasley”

“Hang on, ‘you all’, she doesn’t mean us too, right?” Remus asked

“Seems like it.” Sirius said with a grin 

“Oh lovely.” Remus frowned 

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun!” Harry said 

“I’m not certain a large gathering of wizards is quite where I ought to be at the moment.” Remus said, taking a sip of tea 

“Hey, live a little Moony.” Sirius said, nudging him in the ribs 

“Besides, there’ll be a ton going on, nobody will notice.” Harry said 

Remus looked at the two of them grinning at him expectantly and sighed “Alright, fine, I’ll come too.” 

Harry let out a cheer “It’s going to be brilliant, I’ve never seen a professional Quidditch game before.” he said

“They’re quite something.” Remus said

“The only time my brother and I would ever get on was when we watched the Falcons, once in a blue moon.” Sirius said

“You have a brother?” 

“I used to.” He said simply. Harry was going to say something, but Sirius already moved on, talking about the match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "Suburban Home" by Descendents


	2. Riches and Wonders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We are strong, we are faithful  
>  We are guardians of a rare thing  
> We pay close, careful attention  
> To the news the morning air brings  
> We show great loyalty  
> To the hard times we've been through_

The World Cup final was fast approaching, and Harry was giddy with excitement. He took the sports section of the Daily Prophet every morning to keep up with news. A few weeks before the match, Harry’s supply list for the upcoming school year arrived in the post. Sirius read it over a few times “Fancy a trip to Diagon Alley? I need to stop by Gringotts anyways.” 

“I suppose I need some things from Flourish and Blotts.” Remus said “Harry, care for a trip?” 

“Yeah, definitely.” He said “I spent half the summer there last year.”

“After you blew up your Aunt?” Remus asked

“You heard about that?” 

Sirius grinned “Your dad would have been so proud.” 

They all got dressed and gathered by the fireplace. Sirius threw a cloak over his shoulders and grabbed a pot of floo powder from the shelf by the fireplace “Molly said you don’t have the best track record with floo powder.” Sirius said 

“It was one time!” Harry said defensively “I’d never done it before.”

Sirius stepped into the fire first, followed by Harry. Remus took a breath, already feeling the anxiety of going into a heavily populated wizarding area so soon after he was outed to the world. He followed them through, stepping into the dingy dining room of the Leaky Cauldron and brushed the dust off his robes. 

“Right then, the bank?” Sirius said

It was still early enough that Diagon Alley was quiet, only a few witches and wizards were out on early morning errands. They made their way down the cobblestone street, moving quick enough to avoid people getting a good look at them. Sirius lead the way through the bank and went to an open teller. and cleared his throat.

“Yes, I need access to this bank vault.” Sirius said. He handed the goblin a slip of parchment “I was told I would need to sign some documents.”

“Ah, yes. Mr. Black.” The goblin glanced down at him “You would like to take ownership of the ancestral vault. May I see your wand, please?” 

Sirius handed it over and waited while the goblin went into a back room and returned with some complicated looking documents. Harry and Remus hung back in the marble lobby while he filled them out. 

“Strange. I never had to fill anything out when I got my vault.” Harry said 

“Sirius’ family are… Old money. They’re one of the ancient pureblood families. Sirius is the only one left in the direct line. Families like that, they tend to have complicated magically binding contracts to makes sure only the male heir would have access to their inheritance. Your father’s family was new wealth, they tended to be a lot less paranoid about money and things ending up with the ‘wrong sort’.” 

“They sound like the Malfoys.” Harry said

“Oh only by marriage.” Sirius said, returning to them and slipping his wand back in his pocket along with a roll of old, yellowed parchment and a silver key “Right then, shall we go.” 

“Hang on, I should go to my vault as well.” Harry said

Sirius shook his head “No need. You should save it for later on.”

“No, really-“ 

“Harry, I assure you I have more than I need. Besides, you’re my responsibility.” Harry shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable at the gesture, but Sirius clapped him on the shoulder and lead them towards the carts. 

The trip to Sirius’ vault was deeper than Harry had ever gone in Gringotts before, and Remus looked a little green as they stepped out into the humid air of the underground caves. Sirius wasn’t joking, the vault was massive. Remus had never actually seen one this big. He supposed the massive accumulation of wealth from his family throughout the centuries, combined with the money the Ministry had given him for false imprisonment (a hefty sum in itself), as well as the money his Uncle had left him so many years ago added up. Sirius unlocked the vault and it swung open, revealing a massive amount of gold, as well as a good amount of artifacts and furniture stored away for some reason or another. 

“Careful not to touch anything.” Sirius warned “I don’t care if anything gets broken, but if my mother locked something in here, it’s nasty at best. Particularly Remus, because my mother just did not like you.” 

“She threatened to poison me once.” Remus nodded

“Why, because you’re a werewolf? Harry asked

“Oh no, she didn’t know that. My mum was a muggle and I was too ‘scraggly’.”

“She was a lovely woman.” Sirius said, his tone dry. 

“Sounds like she and the Dursleys have similar ideas.” Harry said 

“If the conversation only revolved around children being seen and not heard and the proper way for a garden to look, they would have gotten on famously.” Sirius said “We should leave before something tries to eat us.” 

Back on the surface, all of them a little ill from the ride back up, they stepped back onto the street, now a little busier than before.

“Right then, I suppose robes first?” Sirius said, pulling out Harry’s list “It says you need dress robes this year.

“Why do I need dress robes?” Harry asked as they made their way to Madame Malkins 

Sirius shrugged “Doesn’t say. Always a good thing to have on hand, though.” 

Remus kept his eyes forward as he noticed a few people starting at the three of them and whispering among themselves. He supposed they were an odd trio, with Sirius’ notoriety and the field day the Daily Prophet had regarding hid departure from Hogwarts. And now, accompanied by Harry, they were sure to draw some attention. Sirius took the stares in the same stride he always had, with a cool indifference that only someone blessed with his looks from a young age could pull off. He barely seemed to notice the looks and the parents tightening their grips on their children’s hands as they passed by.

A bell chimed from the door as they stepped in. The old witch didn’t look up from measuring a young boy, probably entering his first year “Hogwarts?” she said

“Er- yeah.” He said, barely getting the words out before a tape measure began measuring his arms and legs on its own accord. 

“You’ll be needing dress robes, there’s a whole rack right over there.”

The witch looked over at Remus as he lingered by the door “Those robes are on their last legs, dearie.” she said

“Oh, I’m fine, thanks.” he said, blushing slightly

“He’ll get a new set.” Sirius said

“Sirius-“ Remus began

“Please let me make my mother roll in her grave by spending her money.” Sirius said with a look

He sighed, resigned, knowing that Sirius wouldn’t take no for an answer “Alright then, fine.” 

She finished up with Harry and began measuring Remus as the others went to look through the racks of different dress robes. 

“I’ve never even seen them before, I don’t know what they’re supposed to look like.” Harry said, picking up a bright teal robe and cringing. 

“Lucky for you, I was raised in high society.” Sirius said. He flipped through a couple and glanced back at Harry “Hmmm, definitely something darker. A light color will wash you out.” 

“The green is nice.” Remus said, making his way over to them 

“Ah, definitely.” Sirius said, holding up a nice bottle green “It’ll bring out your eyes.”

“I can’t think of any reason why we’ll need them anyway.” Harry said as they paid for the lot and left the store, the brown package tucked under Sirius’ arm. 

“I’m sure they’ll tell you once you get to school.” Sirius said “Right then, Flourish and Blotts is just down that way. Moony can spend hours there, so we may as well get it out of the way.” he said 

“I won’t be that long. I just need one or two things.” 

Sirius leaned over to mutter to Harry “I’ve heard that one before.” 

Harry stifled his laugh as Remus turned to glare at the two of them “I heard that.” 

They split up in the store, Harry ran off to grab his school books and Sirius followed Remus up the wooden stairs to some obscure reference books. He leaned on the railing to watch Remus browse.

“It hasn’t gone too badly, eh?” Sirius said “Our first outing out, that is.” 

“Huh?” Remus said, distracted.

“Being out in public. It hasn’t been too bad.” he repeated

“No, I suppose not.” Remus said, pulling a leather bound book off the top shelf “More staring that I’d like, but it’s been quiet at least.”

“I know it makes you nervous.” 

“I’m not nervous.” Remus said. Sirius cocked an eyebrow and Remus frowned “Okay, I’m a little nervous. I just- I’ve never been around large group of people who know.” 

“You know they won’t try anything.” 

“Yes, I know. Still, I just feel… Exposed.” Remus explained “How are you not a wreck? I thought this would be harder for you.”

Sirius shrugged “I just don’t give a shit what anybody else thinks. I’ve got you, and I’ve got Harry. Nobody else really matters to me.”

“I’ve always admired that about you.” Remus smiled “Here, hold this for me.”

He handed Sirius a few of the heavy tomes he pulled out “Advanced Counter-Curses of Modern Wizardry” Sirius read off “Doing some casual reading?”

“No, er-“ Remus lowered his voice, glancing around at the other patrons “I got a letter, it looks like Mad-Eye Moody is taking over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position.He asked if he could take a look at my lesson plans, just to make sure the students are getting some semblance of consistency. He wants to keep it hush-hush though. You know Mad-Eye.” 

Sirius laughed “God, I can’t believe they’re letting him teach children. Do you remember that one time he gave James a concussion?” 

“To be fair, James snuck up on him.” Remus said 

“Never a good idea.” Sirius nodded “I still don’t think you should have resigned. You loved those kids.” 

Remus sighed “I did. But it’s for the best.” He pulled out a few more volumes before moving on to a different section. Sirius took over the stack of books until it was piled to his chin. 

“Sorry. Sorry, that’s too much.” Remus said, regretting taking a detour into the fiction section. He made a move to take away some of the book but Sirius moved away.

“Nope. No take backs.”

“The house is going to be overrun with books if you keep up with that philosophy.” Remus pointed out

“I realized a long time ago that having a life with you would mean eventually being buried alive by books.” 

Harry raced up the stairs two at a time to meet up with them “The Malfoys are here. I just saw them outside.

“Christ.” Sirius groaned “What are the chances we can avoid them?”

Remus glanced over the railing and looked out the window “It looks like they’re talking to someone.” 

“Great. Let’s get out of here. Quick. The last thing I need is a conversation with Lucius Malfoy.” Sirius said. They rushed to the counter to check out. The bored-looking witch at the counter bound the books together. Harry craned his neck out the window.

“I think they went down the street.”

Sirius took a tentative step outside “Alright, I think we’re goo-“ 

“Ah, there you are, Black.” Sirius winced and turned on his heel to see Lucius and Narcissa coming up the path “You’re the talk of the Alley today.”

Harry and Remus stepped out after him and Lucius sized them both up “Well, you three I suppose.”

“Lucius. Cissy. Good to see you.” Sirius seethed 

“What an adorable little family outing.” Lucius said with a smirk “Quite a little pack you’ve put together.”

“Nice to see you haven’t changed a bit in 12 years, Lucius. Been a while since I’ve seen family.” Sirius crossed his arms and looked at Narcissa pointedly “Well, most of the family that is. Heard from Bella lately?”

Harry looked puzzled as Narcissa gave him a sneer. 

“I’m sure you all have fun plans for the summer. Good to enjoy the fresh air while you can. I myself am going to the Quidditch World Cup. The Minister for Magic has invited us to his personal box, you know.” 

“What a coincidence, we’ll be there as well.” Sirius said, cocking an eyebrow 

“Ah, how lucky.” He glanced towards Lupin like he was something dirty left on the street “I wasn’t aware they allowed pets in the stand. I was dreadfully sorry to hear about your… Resignation. Professor.” 

Remus gave him a shallow smile “I’m sure. Terribly sorry I wasn’t able to help Draco more while I was there. But, if you find he ever needs a tutor, I’m always happy to help.”

Harry had to bite his lip to avoid laughing 

Sirius grinned “Well, it’s always a pleasure, Lucius. I’m sure we’ll be seeing you at the Cup.”

“I’m sure. It will be one to remember.” Lucius said as they turned to enter the shop.

Harry blinked as they walked away, heading towards the potions shop “What was all that about?”

“That was pureblood passive aggression.” Remus said

“Narcissa there is my cousin.” Sirius seethed

“Hang on, you’re related to Malfoy?”

“Unfortunately there’s not a magical family I’m not related to, really. My family and the Malfoys are full of pureblood maniacs and they kept marrying each other to avoid tainting the bloodline. So really we’re all related. Molly and I are related somehow, I always forget how.” Sirius explained

“I always thought there weren’t that many families like that.” Harry said 

“Oh a lot more people buy into it than you’d think.” Sirius said “It’s all bullshit, of course. I mean, look at Hermione, or your mum. For that matter, look at Moony here. Blood doesn't mean anything.” 

They finished up the last of their errands and trudged back to the leaky cauldron, arms heavy with boxes and parcels. 

“I’m starving.” Harry said

“I know a few good places in Muggle London.” Remus suggested “Why don’t we leave this stuff here and wander?” 

“Excellent.” Sirius said “Is that really good Chinese place near our old flat still open?”

They left their things behind the bar and turned towards the door, feeling 50 pounds lighter.

“It closed. It’s a video store now.” Remus said

“You used to live in London?” Harry asked, falling into step between them

“After we left school.” He explained “And your parents made it very clear we were not to move in with them once they were married.”

“And believe me, he and James would have lived in a bunk bed together forever if they had the chance. Lily used to say that the two of them were more of a married couple than her and your father.” Remus said

Harry grinned. He felt a warmth in his chest hearing stories about his parents from their two best friends “I’d like to live with Ron and Hermione after we leave school. It sounds fun.” 

“It’s certainly interesting.” Remus smiled

“Have you thought about what you want to do after school?” Sirius asked, following Remus as he lead them down a street he seemed to know

Harry mulled it over for a moment “No, I guess not.” he said “Honestly I don’t know what sorts of jobs people do in the Wizarding World. I mean, I know what Mr. Weasley does, and the Professors I suppose.”

“Fifth year they’ll start bombarding you with all sorts of pamphlets and things.” Sirius said “There’s plenty of time.” 

They ended up choosing an Indian restaurant off a busy street, with crowds of trendy young people mixing with people coming and going from work on their lunch breaks. They were sat by the window and Sirius watched people pass with rapt attention, the dog inside him coming out a little. 

They got their food, Sirius ordering an impossibly spicy dish that made him sweat 

“It makes you feel alive.” He said, eating like it was his last meal.

“What did my mum and dad do?” Harry asked as they ate “I’ve never known.”

“Your mum was just starting off at the Daily Prophet, and your dad was in training to be a healer.” Remus said 

“Really?” Harry said 

“James was quite the mother hen.” Sirius said, smiling fondly “Once he got it out of his head that he was going to play Quidditch professionally-“

“Which he insisted until at least fourth year.”

“-He realized he liked patching Moony up so much that he wanted to do it forever.” 

Remus scoffed “You’re one to talk. I had an excuse, you just managed to get into a fight every other week.”

“I did not!” Sirius said, looking scandalized

“Oh please-“

Harry grinned and watched as they bickered, feeling as if he was a part of an actual family for the first time in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't love a good shopping montage?
> 
> I've been writing this fic for a while in my notes app to fall asleep so it may be a little silly at times, but it's all in good fun.
> 
> Chapter title from Riches and Wonders by the Mountain Goats


	3. Sleeping Lessons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise  
>  See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life  
> And they got no right  
> As sure as you have eyes  
> They got no right"_

There were nights where Sirius didn’t sleep. Even as a child he was a bad sleeper, jolted awake by the smallest creak of the ancient house, the moaning of pipes. Since returning from Azkaban, the sleepless nights became more frequent. He was jealous of Remus, lying beside him, fast asleep. He could fall asleep anywhere, always could. If Remus was tired enough (and he was usually tired enough) he would simply curl up where he was and be out cold within minutes- dead to the world around him. It didn't matter if they were on the train, or in the Gryffindor common room, or the grounds of Hogwarts surrounded by students. One notable time after a full moon, Remus fell asleep in the stands of a Quidditch game.

Sirius knew not to even bother trying on nights like these. Even if he managed to fall into shallow sleep, the nightmares would follow shortly after and he would wake up more exhausted than before. He was grateful for the open window, the cool summer breeze rustling the willow tree outside the cottage and bringing the smell of lilacs with it. A soft blue light just barely illuminated Remus’ face and made the silver in his hair shine. He looked young in sleep, the lines around his eyes less pronounced. Not for the first time, he was amazed at moments like these- at the second chance he had at life. When he was rotting in Azkaban, he couldn’t even picture what this kind of happiness would feel like. He ran his hands through Remus’ hair gently, committing the feeling to his memory. 

He stayed like this until the dawn light began shining through the window, rousing Remus from his sleep. He squinted up at Sirius and groaned, burrowing his face in the pillow.

“Are you staring at me?” he mumbled, his voice low

“Yes, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” he smiled 

“What time is it?” he asked 

“Early.” Sirius said “5 or so.” 

“Fuck." he groaned "Did you sleep at all?” He turned over and draped his arm over Sirius' torso.

“Nah, I’m fine.” he shrugged 

“You’re doing that more often lately.” Remus pointed out “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” Sirius said “Just thinking.” 

“What about?” 

“Just- This. How much I missed.” he said “We could have had this a lot sooner.”

“Well, we have it now.” Remus pointed out “I think that’s enough for now.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” he smiled “Do you think Harry is happy here?”

“I think so.” Remus said, running his thumb over a tattoo on Sirius' chest “I hope so.” 

“I’m worried I’m going to fuck it up.” 

“Hey, look at me.” Remus turned up to him “You’re not going to fuck it up. Harry loves you. James would be proud of what you’re doing.”

“Do you think so?”

“I know so.” He nodded “Now try and sleep a little, we have to go to the Weasleys tonight, and I doubt we’ll get much sleep after the final.” 

————————

The Burrow was even more chaotic than it usually was, with the addition of the two eldest Weasley children and Hermione. By the time they arrived by the floo, it seemed like everyone was on top of each other. Mrs. Weasley greeted them by the door, looking a little flustered, and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. 

“Harry, you can go ahead and take your things up to Ron’s room, you know where it is.” She instructed “I hope you boys don’t mind, we’ll have you in the living room tonight. We’re a little bit starved for space, I’m afraid.”

“Anywhere is fine with us.” Sirius assured her as Harry bolted up the stairs to meet up with Ron 

“Can we help with anything, Molly?” Remus asked

“Oh no, no, we’re just getting ready for dinner. In the garden I expect, with so many of us. Oh, Arthur, there you are!” 

Arthur came over and shook their hands fondly, followed by the two eldest Weasley siblings. They were reintroduced to Bill and Charlie, who they had last met when they were both very young, and Sirius’ head was spinning with the sheer amount of red headed children running around.

“How did you keep them all straight in your head while you taught them?” Sirius muttered as Arthur lead them into the garden.

“With a lot of difficulty, I won’t lie. I called Percy by Ron’s name at least twice.” Remus said. He spoke up “Speaking of, Molly, where is Percy? I haven't seen him yet.” 

“Oh he’s in his room working, I expect.” She said, setting a dish down on the large banquet table Bill and Charlie had set up in the garden. 

“How’s Ministry life treating him?” 

Fred appeared at her side “For the love of God, don’t ask him about it.” he said “If you even so much as mention Crouch, he’ll talk your ear off for hours.” 

Sirius frowned at the name “Couldn’t have found a better person to work for?”

“Yes, well…” Molly muttered “He’s quite taken with his job, at least.” 

“I’m sure he’s working very hard.” Remus said amicably. He wasn't a fan of Barty Crouch, but thought it best to keep things civil.

“He never stops.” Ron complained, as he, Harry, and Hermione brought out the dishes and silverware to set the table. “I bet you anything he’ll stick his head out the window and complain about how loud we're being.” 

“You boys be kind to your brother. You and George ought to take a page out of Percy’s book and start working half as hard on your studies as you do running around, causing trouble!” Molly tutted 

“Hey, we did well enough.” Fred said. George appeared at his side seemingly out of nowhere.

“Yeah, Professor Lupin gave us top marks.” he said

“Merlin knows he’s the only one!” Molly said crossly “And I can’t imagine the trouble you must have put him through.”

“They were lovely to have in class.” Remus said, not mentioning the time they had turned one of the Ravenclaw’s hair bright green and (attempted) to replace every desk in his class with a flimsy replica that would break when one sat on it. 

Dinner got away, the garden loud and joyful, with floating lights illuminating them all in a soft orange glow. Sirius and Remus sat across from the twins, with Arthur on one side and Ginny on the other. Despite Percy always being polite and eager in his class, he greeted Remus and Sirius rather coldly, and sat on the furthest side of the table. 

Fred and George were chatting with Sirius about some prank candies they had been working on, their voices low to avoid alerting Mrs. Weasley about their goings on. 

“We would have had a field day with that sort of thing, wouldn’t we Moony?” Sirius asked Remus. Fred and George blinked at him in unison, mouths open.

“Moony?” George asked sudenly

“Oh, it was a silly nickname from school.” Remus said, waving them off “Sirius was Padfoot, I was-“

“You’re kidding!” They said in unison

“You’re-“

“The whole time!”

“I can’t believe this.” 

Sirius cocked his head to the side “I’m sorry?”

“The map!” Fred said

Remus glanced down the table at Harry, who grinned at him before turning back to Hermione and Ron “Ah, so that’s where Harry got it.” 

“I’m glad someone decent found it. Filch nicked it in our last year.” Sirius said with a grin 

“But how did you make it?” George demanded 

“Lots of sneaking around.” Sirius explained “It was Moony’s work, most of it.”

"It's a work of genius." Fred said "I can't believe you were our teacher this entire time." 

They continued chatting excitedly together, and Arthur grabbed Remus’ attention. 

“I was terribly sorry to hear about you leaving Hogwarts, Remus.” he said in a hushed tone

“Oh it’s alright.” Remus said, sipping at his wine “It’s for the best, really.”

Arthur frowned “Archaic attitudes if you ask me. I thought you should know, I’ve been hearing… Whispers around the ministry.” 

“About new legislation?” Remus asked “I’ve heard a few rumors here and there. I'm out of contact with most of the werewolves I know these days.”

“There’s a woman in Fudge’s office, Umbridge. She’s rather extreme in her views, but she’s gaining a lot of influence.”

Remus nodded “I know her. Well, I know of her. She was going after the Centaurs fairly aggressively a few years ago.”

“It seems she’s changed her focus.”

“I hate to say, it’s likely because of me.” Remus said “The Ministry isn’t too happy with Dumbledore’s hiring choices, it seems. They’re looking to retaliate, quell the concerns of the parents.”

“Quell the concerns of Malfoy you mean.” Arthur said 

“You said it, not me.” Remus smirked “Well, we can just hope whatever it is doesn’t have any teeth. Most of what the Ministry has put forward in the past decade has just been for show, keeps us in check.” 

“I wouldn’t underestimate how vindictive she can be.” Arthur warned. He glanced at Percy carefully “From what the allies I know in the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures can tell, she’s out for blood.”

Remus nodded slowly, taking a sip of wine and thinking this over “We’ll just have to watch ourselves, I suppose.” 

They finished dinner and a delicious pudding, and the kids convinced Bill and Charlie to have a game of Quidditch with them 

“Don’t fly too high!” Molly warned

Hermione flat out refused to join them, and Percy retreated to his room to "work on a report", making the teams uneven so Harry turned expectantly towards Sirius and Remus.

“Oh no, I’m a God awful flyer.” Remus said, holding his hands up “I would be a distinct disadvantage to any team.”

Harry looked at Sirius, who took one look at him and broke into a smile “Yeah, alright, why not. Been a while though.” 

“He’s modest,” Remus assured them “Second best chaser on the Gryffindor team.”

“Yeah well, you couldn’t beat James’ intensity.” 

Harry grinned happily and they set off, flying just below the tree line on old brooms and a quaffle. Charlie, Fred, Ron and Ginny on one team, George, Bill, Harry, and Sirius on the other. Hermione went off to the living room to read her book, some heavy tome about the goblin wars, leaving Molly, Arthur and Remus to watch the match and drink the remaining wine. 

“How are you boys adjusting?” Molly asked, topping off Remus' glass.

“Hm?” Remus said, turning away from the match “Oh, well enough. Haven’t had much time to catch our breath to be honest.” 

“It must be difficult, all being back in the same place again.” she said 

Remus nodded and sipped as his drink, letting the warmth fill him up “It’s a change, to be sure. A welcome one, mind you, but a change all the same. I was on my own for so long, it feels strange knowing there are people waiting for me at home at the end of the day. People relying on me.” 

“You were all so close back in the day.” Arthur said “A force to be reckoned with, you two.” 

Remus smiled at this “I suppose we were. Before things got bad, you know.” 

Molly nodded solemnly “It’s hard to think about, now. Bill is older than my brothers were now, when they died.”

He watched the twins laughing at one another as they flew around and recalled a similar set of red haired trouble makers he and the others had once idolized in school, and shook away the memory of their bodies laid out side by side as they died “Gideon and Fabian would have been very proud of you.” 

Arthur put a hand on Molly’s shoulder “So would James and Lily.” he said “I’ve never seen Harry happier.” 

“And well deserved, too.” Molly said, a little tearfully “He’s certainly been through enough for a boy his age. The amount of times I wanted to march into Little Winging… But Dumbledore knows best, I suppose.”

Remus didn’t respond to this, feeling a little more cold towards his former headmaster since visiting the Dursley’s and knowing full well Dumbledore had known the life Harry was leading before coming to school. He recalled a conversation they had, shortly after Lily and James’ deaths. Remus was bad in those days, shell-shocked and haggard. A few days after the funeral, he spoke to Dumbledore and begged him to let him take Harry, told him that he knew it’s what they would have wanted. Despite his general terror about being around small children, he knew he needed to put it aside for Harry. He loved the baby more than anything else, and now they were both completely alone. 

“I need you to trust me, Remus.” Dumbledore had told him, as he sat, broken, in his office “He needs to be with his family.”

“But I am his family.” Remus said, his voice suddenly feeling weak and childlike 

The headmaster had looked down at him, sadly “I know. But it needs to be this way.” 

Looking back, Remus wished he had fought more, had asked questions or demanded. Or done what Sirius or James would have done, which is to just take Harry first and figure out what to do later. He had never been that way, though. Too sensible, or too cowardly. He never really knew where the line was. Still, he was determined not to repeat the same mistakes. 

He watched Sirius make a dive for the Quaffle, eliciting a whoop of happiness from Harry and the others on his team. It made him smile, seeing them together. 

“You deserve it too, Remus. Are you and Sirius..?” she made a vague gesture, and Remus assumed she wasn’t sure how open they were being so far 

“We are.” He confirmed “We haven’t… We’re taking it slow. Sirius being gone for so long, you know. And we want to make sure Harry is comfortable and settled before we really have a big conversation about it with him. I’m sure he suspects, but you never now, yes?”

“Well, I’m sure Harry will have no issue with it. He wants you both to be happy, the same as all of us.” Arthur said

“Besides, you’ve never met someone with a good a heart as Harry.” Molly said “I’m so glad he and Ron found each other.”

Remus smiled fondly “They’re great kids.” 

“You should talk to him about it. If I know anything about Harry, Ron, and Hermione, it’s that information you’d like to keep to yourself rarely stays private with them around.” Arthur pointed out 

He let out a laugh “That’s true enough.” 

Molly sighed in exasperation “Merlin willing they keep themselves out of trouble this year. Just one year without some kind of life threatening danger is all I ask.” 

The game finished up and despite the kids begging to be allowed to play one more round, Molly put her foot down “You’ll be up bright and early in the morning, and if you don’t get to bed right away i’ll never get you up in time.” 

They trudged up the stairs while Remus and Sirius helped clean up the yard before Molly and Arthur bid them goodnight, heading down the hall to their own room. They set up a cot beside the sofa in the living room, and Sirius chivalrously allowed Remus to take the sofa.

“The moon is soon, I know how your back gets beforehand.” He said, drowsily putting a hand on Remus’ hip and kissing him. He smiled.

“Molly thinks we should hurry up and talk to Harry.” Remus said quietly as they settled in. He turned on his side to look down at Sirius and study his face in the dark “Reckons nothing is kept away from him and the others for very long.”

Sirius nodded slowly as if taking it in “Do you think he’ll be bothered?” 

He thought for a moment and shook his head “No, I don’t. Things have changed a lot, since you’ve been away.” 

‘Away.” It was how they’d been describing Azkaban. Neither one of them really wanted to dwell too much on the past 12 years, and it was easier somehow, as if it was a long vacation, rather than something deeply dark and traumatic. 

“But you think…” Sirius started “I dunno, living with those muggles…”

“He’s still James’ son.” Remus reminded him “Besides, he probably already suspects.” 

“I suppose you’re right.” Sirius said “We’ll talk to him after the Cup, yeah?” 

“Yeah. After the Cup.” he yawned “G’night Padfoot.” 

“Night, Moony.” 

———————————

When they hit the trail in the morning, Remus was dead on his feet, practically leaning into Sirius as they walked. His body already hurt with the upcoming moon, and he had never exactly been a morning person. Sirius chuckled at him “Why didn’t you just have a lie in and apparate in with Bill, Charlie, and Percy?” Sirius asked

“M’fine.” he muttered “Wanted to go in with you lot.” 

“Not a morning person Prof- er, Lu-, uh…” Hermione stammered. He gave her a sympathetic look

“You can call me Remus, Hermione.” He assured her 

She frowned, clearly not comfortable with calling her former professor by his first name 

“You could always call him Moony.” Sirius offered “It was Harry’s first word.” 

“Wait, really?” Ron asked, grinning 

“Technically it was ‘Moomy’.” Remus corrected. Harry turned a little pink in the ears as Ron snickered 

“Oh and I’m sure yours were dignified?” Harry asked

Arthur immediately frowned and the twins cackled “We taught him to say 'arse'. Mum was furious.” George said 

“But Bill got in trouble for it, seeing as she thought he taught it to us.” 

“Jokes on her, because we learned it from Dad.” 

The laughs got them in good spirits as they continued on the trail, slowly waking up as the sun began to creep up in the horizon.

“Sirius?” Ginny asked as they walked along. He turned and gave her a smile 

“Ginny, yeah?” 

She blushed a little- as she was apt to do when spoken to 

“Is it true you’re an animagus?” she asked. 

He grinned, always excited for a reason to show off “I am indeed.”

He glanced around at the kids, looking at him eagerly, save for Ron- who’s last encounter with Padfoot had gone over a little rough. Remus rolled his eyes as he handed him his pack and changed into the great, black dog and began running around the group, barking happily. Ginny grinned as he wagged his tail at her. He circled around Harry and Hermione, who laughed and then fell into step with Ron, giving the boy a sad look.

“Oh come on, your leg got fixed, didn’t it?” Harry said 

“It still hurt!” Ron insisted. Padfoot gave a whine and ran off the trail and came back with a big stick, happily bringing it to Ron. He sighed and softened, taking the stick and chucking it ahead of them a great distance. He came back as Sirius, handing the stick back to Ron and slinging an arm over him 

“I am still quite sorry about that one.” He said “Hope you don’t hold Padfoot to it too much.” 

“S’fine.” Ron said with a laugh “I like dogs.” 

“If you’d have been a spider, he wouldn’t have forgiven you.” Fred said

“Dead useful, that would be.” George pointed out "Being an animagus."

“Don’t you even finish that thought, George Weasley.” Arthur said crossly “Unless you are seventeen and within the direct supervision of the Ministry.” 

“But Sirius-“

“Was an incredibly reckless teenager.” Sirius finished for him, giving the boys a wink “Best to not risk it.” 

They finally came across the clearing where the portkey lay. Remus recognized Cedric Diggory from his group of sixth years. The twins greeted him cheerfully and Arthur shook the older man’s hand- who must be Cedric’s father. They chatted for a moment and Arthur turned to Remus and Sirius

“This is Amos Diggory, Amos this is Remus Lupin, he’ll have been Cedric’s professor last year yes?”

Amos’ smile wavered a little bit when he laid eyes on Remus, and he noticed that the older man quickly put his hand to his side to avoid shaking it. He recalled rather suddenly that Cedric mentioned his father working for the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures at the Ministry and tried to keep his own face pleasant and nodded politely. 

“Lovely to meet you. Cedric was a wonderful student.” 

“Er, yes, quite! He spoke quite highly of you.” He said simply. His eyes passed over Sirius and smiled for a moment before recognizing him. Sirius looked very different from the pictures people had been seeing for the past year- his face no longer gaunt and thin. He had gained back some weight and his hair was shorter and clean, and the smile on his face made him look entirely different. 

“And this is Sirius Black, of course.” Arthur said awkwardly "Harry's godfather."

Sirius, noticing the exchange with Remus before, simply grinned in his most charming pure-blood way and held out his hand pointedly “Lovely to meet you, Amos.” 

Amos seemed trapped by politeness and shook Sirius’ hand “Yes, quite.” 

Cedric, not concerned with his father’s discomfort, shook Remus’ hand “It’s good to see you, Professor.”

“Please, it’s Remus.” he insisted 

“I’m keeping up Defense Against the Dark Arts in my NEWT year.” He said “Your class really made me love it.” 

“Oh that’s wonderful, Cedric. Happy to hear it.” Remus said with a smile. 

“Right then, the Portkey will be leaving in a moment, everyone grab hold!” Arthur said, pointing to an old boo in the grass. 

Remus grimaced “I hate Portkeys.” He muttered to Sirius 

“Just don’t throw up until we land.” he said, slapping him on the back. They all crowded around and Remus felt the familiar- and not at all pleasant- sensation of being yanked into space by his naval. As their feet hit the ground at the campsite, Remus felt his stomach turn and he gripped onto Sirius’ shoulder and shut his eyes- although he managed to stay standing upright.

“Alright, Moony?” he asked

“Fine. Fine.” he said “Fuck, I hate traveling.” 

Sirius helped Hermione and Harry to their feet and they said goodbye to the Diggory’s 

“Good riddance, more like it.” Sirius muttered

“Mr. Diggory seemed a little weird around you.” Harry said as they followed Arthur to the campsite attendant. He and Hermione fell into step with them

“He works for the Ministry.” Remus said softly, giving a glance to a ministry wizard looking a little out of place wearing a black suit in the middle of a campsite “Department for the Control of Magical Creatures. Let’s just say they’re not the biggest fans of people like me.” 

“Bloody arseholes is what they are.” Sirius said. 

Lupin and Harry helped Arthur with the muggle money and they started off through the throng of witches and wizards throughout the campsite. The air around them was buzzing with excitement, and the enchantment on Harry’s face was worth the immense anxiety that Remus felt being among them. 

By the time they got the tent set up (not an easy task, Arthur had assumed one of them knew how to do it and Remus had to explain that his family had not exactly been the outdoorsy type following his attack), it was late into the morning. The kids went off to collect water for the kettle so Remus took it as an opportunity to get off his feet and sit beside the fire Arthur built. He was thankfully actually be able to help with this, as Arthur insisted on not using magic and Remus happened to bring a lighter. Sirius periodically reappeared, relaying who he’d seen running about the campsite. He seemed unable to sit still among all the excitement. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan walked by at one point, decked head to toe in green in support of Ireland, and excitedly said hello to Remus. He introduced them to Sirius and they looked intimidated and excited in equal measure. 

As they walked away, Dean turning to get another look at them, Sirius sat beside Remus. He leaned in and muttered “Are they…?” he asked quietly 

Remus gave him a smirk “I think so. Not sure if they do yet.” 

“Some things never change, I suppose.” Sirius said “I’m going to get something from inside, need anything?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” he said with a smile

He stepped away and Remus stretched, wondering if he could get away with smoking a cigarette before the kids got back to camp. He looked up and noticed a wizard walking past their tent, looking down at him with disgust. 

“Why don’t you go home, half-breed?” He said 

Remus was so taken aback that he just blinked “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, I know exactly who you are. Why don’t you leave us all alone and go back to where you belong, werewolf.” 

“I think you best be leaving now, sir.” Arthur said, his tone dark and face reddening. The tent rustled behind him and Sirius came barreling out with rage in his eyes. Remus quickly stood up and grabbed his arm to keep him from approaching further. 

“Sirius, no, it’s not worth it.” Remus hissed 

“Like hell it’s not. You think you’re brave, friend?” Sirius said. The man opened his mouth to say something and then registered who he was and took a startled step back. Sirius’ lip curled up wickedly “Suddenly don’t have anything to say?” 

“I-“ He stammered. Remus clutched Sirius’ arm tighter and Sirius stood down slightly.

“I have just as much a right to be here as you do.” Remus said to the man calmly 

“For now.” He said. With that, he turned heel and stalked off. A small crowd had stopped what they were doing to watch the scene and were now mumbling among themselves, pointedly acting like they weren’t discussing the duo at the next campsite. 

Sirius was still fuming and glared at all of them before turning back to Remus “What was that guy’s problem?”

“Me.” Remus said “It’s just going to be a reality from here on out, I’m afraid.”

“Bloody bastards.” He fumed 

“Perhaps this was a stupid idea.” he said “Being around all these wizards, you know. It hasn’t been too long since everything happened.”

“We’re not going to let a couple of arseholes like that guy spoil things. Right, Arthur?” 

“Quite right.” He said, shaking his head towards where the wizard had stalked off to “Talk like that, it’s not in the spirit of the occasion if you ask me.” 

Remus sighed “In any case, I think we ought to avoid threatening random passersby with bodily harm, given your very recent acquittal?”

Sirius shrugged “What’s the fun of that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title comes from Sleeping Lessons by the Shins


	4. Picture Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Picture book, pictures of your mama, taken by your papa a long time ago._  
>  Picture book, of people with each other, to prove they love each other a long ago."

“Did you see that goal by Troy?”

“And by Mullet!” 

“No wait, but that catch from Krum? He was incredible!” 

The kids walked a few steps behind Sirius, Remus, and Arthur as they made their way through the excited crowd back to their tent. There were sounds of fireworks and celebrations going up throughout the campsite. Harry jogged up between them, his green eyes alight with excitement. 

“What did you think?” He asked them

“It was a great game.” Sirius said “This Bulgarians are a tough lot, yeah?” 

“I have got to learn how to fly like that.” Harry said “It was so fast, I could hardly keep up.”

“God help me, I think Lily will return as a ghost and kill me if we let you become a Quidditch player.” Remus lamented. Sirius and Harry laughed and talked about the match until they reached the tent, everyone much too wound up to sleep. Arthur brought out cocoa for the kids and slipped Sirius and Remus and the older Weasleys some fire whiskey, which they accepted happily. Eventually it grew late, and they were all ushered off to bed. Sirius and Remus took another drink with Arthur before making their way to their small room beside the girls’. 

Remus felt ready to fall asleep standing up with how exhausted he felt from the day’s activities. His joints ached slightly as he slid into bed, but he felt satisfied. The game had been half-bearable, and it felt good to be around a crowd for once. Sirius had a contented smile on his face as he lay down beside Remus. 

“That was brilliant, yeah?” 

“It was an organized sporting event, to be sure.” 

“Don’t be a killjoy, Moony, I know you had a good time.” 

“Well, I suppose 9 years of discussions about Quidditch tactics between you and Prongs don’t leave your head as quickly as you think they do.” Remus smiled. He ran a hand through Sirius’ hair “You and Harry seemed to enjoy yourself.” 

Sirius cracked a grin “He’s a great kid, isn't he?” 

“He really is.” Remus smiled. He let out a yawn and Sirius ruffled his hair. 

“Go to sleep, Lupin.” Sirius said, kissing him.

———————

Remus’ dreamless sleep was interrupted by a shift in the atmosphere. He was up in a flash, bolting upright and blinking in the dark. There was something in the air. The bitter taste of fear came over him and he tapped Sirius on the shoulder quickly.

“Something’s wrong.” he said. If it woke him up from sleep, there was certainly something happening. He threw his jeans and his jacket back on, Sirius a step behind him, and walked out into the dark of the tent. There was a scream off in the distance and Arthur ran out of his room a moment later.

“That’s not a celebration.” Arthur said. Remus stuck his head out of the tent, wand raised, and saw fire and the sound of people running. A moment later he saw them far in the distance. The masks, the robes, the muggles hoisted above them. 

“Get the kids up. Now.” Remus said, coming back inside “We need to get them out. It’s the Death Eaters.” 

Sirius made eye contact with Remus and a second later, Arthur was running off to the boys’ room. Sirius took the girls’, and they all emerged bleary eyed in their pajamas and shoes. 

“Go. Stick together, i’m going to help the Ministry.” Arthur said to the kids

“We’re coming too.” Remus said, holding the flap of the tent open and ushering the kids out. Harry gave him and Sirius a terrified look as he was leaving

“But-“

“Go!” Sirius demanded “Stay together, we’ll come and find you. Stick. Together.” 

They ran off towards the woods and Sirius and Remus followed Arthur and the older Weasleys towards to commotion, running against the follow fo the terrified crowd. Remus could feel his heart pound in his throat. He desperately hoped he was wrong, that they weren’t actual Death Eaters, but some kids playing a joke in poor taste. If the remaining Death Eaters were feeling emboldened enough to do this right under the Ministry’s noses… He shook away the thought and adjusted his grip on his wand. There was a blast of fire and a tent caught ablaze to Remus’ right. He and Sirius both stopped at the same moment and cast a charm to blast it with water and rounded out the group of Ministry workers sending curses towards the group of hooded figures. 

Back to back with Sirius, he couldn’t help but be transported back to the horrible days during the war, where they’d been backed into more corners than they could count, wondering if this was the day their luck ran out. Wordlessly, they hurled curses towards them as if no time had passed. Remus could hardly tell if they’d been fighting for ten minutes or an hour before it finally stopped.

When the Dark Mark appeared in the sky, it almost seemed as the Death Eaters were as stunned as the rest of them were. As soon as they got a good look of the winding serpent in the sky, they disapparated, one after the other. Thinking quickly, someone eased the Muggles to the ground carefully 

There was a stunned silence through the group of remaining people as they looked up at the dreaded mark in the sky. Remus felt Sirius’ hand gripping his arm tightly as he gazed at it wordlessly. They heard a commotion and a flash of red nearby and Remus registered Arthur cry out. He took off running towards it, Sirius at his heels and they shoved through a group of black robed Ministry men with their wands raised at Arthur, standing in front of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. If Sirius looked angry when the wizard had insulted Remus earlier that day, he was livid now. He stood, wand raised in front of Crouch, who gaped at the man before him like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Point your wand off my Godson. Now.” He said, his voice dangerous. Remus didn’t stop him, or try and get him to calm down, only held his own wand steady 

“Black.” Crouch said, his voice barely a whisper. His wand faltered slightly but he did not lower it “His wand was the one who conjured it, he was found at the scene of the crime-“

“And your track record for false accusations is impeccable.” Sirius hissed “Do you really think a fourteen year old, this fourteen year old was the one who conjured the Dark Mark?” 

“What is that?” Harry asked as Remus helped him up off the ground. He kept his hand on his shoulder, wand still raised.

Crouch faltered and seemed to flush in the face of the crowd of Ministry wizards. He hesitated and began to lower his wand. Sirius mirrored him, fixing him with a cold stare before turning to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

“Are you all alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re fine.” Harry said

“I’m okay.” Hermione squeaked. Ron just nodded. 

———————

The chaos that came after, Crouch finding and firing his house elf and the Ministry workers running around like chickens without heads seemed to pass by in a blur. Arthur had to rush off to help his colleagues, entrusting the children with Remus and Sirius. They dropped the Weasleys and Hermione off at the Burrow- Molly meeting them in the garden half out her mind with worry- and after assuring her they were all fine, and that Arthur would be home soon, finally stepped through the fireplace of the cottage.

Remus was exhausted, but the idea of sleeping seemed completely foreign to him. Sirius was pacing waiting for the Daily Prophet to arrive through the kitchen window. 

“So that was, what? Voldemort’s mark?” Harry asked as Remus set a cup of tea before him 

“The Dark Mark, yes.” Sirius said 

Harry nodded, his brows knit together “Then I get why everyone was… I dunno, scared, but why did it cause so much of a panic?

Remus took a seat next to him and sighed “The Death Eaters- Voldemort’s followers, that is- would only conjure the Dark Mark when they had killed someone. It was everybody’s worst nightmare to come home one day and have that hanging over their house. A fear many of us realized.” 

“But they didn’t kill anybody this time. So much as we know.” Harry said 

“No, they didn’t.” Remus nodded “Likely… Well, I’m assuming one of them just got too over-excited or drunk and just… Got carried away. Which is why the other Death Eaters disapparated as soon as it appeared. None of them wanted to risk getting caught with that hanging over them. You saw how jumpy the Ministry got at that.” 

A flutter of feathers interrupted their conversation and Sirius rushed to the window to pay the owl for the Daily Prophet, taking the paper and fumbling to open to the first page. Remus and Harry leaned over to watch him as he scanned the front page with a frown. 

“Going to be a headache for Arthur, for sure.” Sirius said

“What’s it say?” Remus asked

“Nothing much we don’t already know. Angry at the Ministry for not doing more to prevent the attack.” He sat at the table, setting the Prophet down. The Dark Mark twisted about in the picture above the headline. 

Seeing the image made Remus shudder beside himself “If I ever see that thing again it’ll be too soon.” 

“Did…” Harry began before trailing off 

“Did anybody we know die?” Sirius finished for him. Harry nodded. Remus and Sirius glanced at each other “Yes. A lot of our friends died, not just your parents. Things were… Well…”

“We were on the front lines of everything in those days.” Remus said “We were being picked off, our families were targeted… I’ll be honest, towards the end, we were sure we were going to lose.” 

Sirius nodded and stared at his hands. 

“So what does this mean? With the mark and everything, the Death Eaters… I mean, do you think my dream meant anything?” Harry asked.

Remus frowned, his thumb worrying a spot on his hand “I don’t know.” 

Sirius nodded “I wouldn’t worry yourself about these things right now.” he said “It very well could have been a bunch of drunk wizards who couldn’t resist showing us all how much power they used to have. We don’t know for sure if these things are connected.”

Harry didn’t look convinced “I don’t think there are many coincidences with this stuff, to be honest.” he said

“We’ll keep an eye on things, I promise. Anything we know, you’ll know.” Remus assured him. Remus took the paper off the table and began reading through the article. 

“Malfoy’s dad, he was one of them.” Harry said “We ran into him in the woods, and he said something about it. I’ll bet anything he was out there.”

“He is, yes.” Sirius said “But they’ve never been able to pin anything on him. Remarkably slippery git, that Malfoy. 

“But how? If everyone knows he is, then how does he get away with it.”

“Never be surprised by the amount of influence Lucius Malfoy can buy.” 

“Oh you’ll never believe this.” Remus said from behind the paper

“What?” Sirius asked

“They mention us.” he said. He turned over the paper and pointed to a small section under the fold “That Rita Skeeter woman.”

“You’re kidding.” Harry said, leaning in

“-among those in attendance was a rather odd couple who had previously caused a stir in the campsite preceding the World Cup final. Accused mass-murderer Sirius Black, recently released from Azkaban prison this June was seen in rather close quarters with known werewolf and disgraced former Hogwarts professor Remus Lupin. The two arrived together along with Harry Potter, who we all know as the Boy Who Lived. Reports indicate that Black, who is Potter’s godfather, took custody of him shortly after his release. This reporter is unable to speculate on the nature of Black and Lupin’s relationship, but sources close to them report that the two were incredibly close during their time at Hogwarts and beyond. Seasoned readers of my column will be able to read between the lines-“ Sirius read off “There’s an entire terrorist attack and the woman dedicates two paragraphs to gossip?” 

“That’s Skeeter for you.” Remus frowned 

“What does she mean, ‘read between the lines’?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and Sirius set the paper down again “Er- we should actually talk to you about that.” he said “Well, er-“ 

He looked to Remus who frowned “Listen, well, we should have mentioned earlier, but we just wanted you to get settled in and everything-“ 

“Oh!” Harry said “Er, I already know. About you two, you know- I know you’re together.“

“You do?” Sirius asked 

“Er, well, Hermione figured it out.” Harry said “

“That Hermione, nothing gets past her, does it?” Sirius said

Harry laughed “It really doesn’t.” he said “It’s okay, you know? Like I don’t care. I’m glad you’re happy.” 

“Er- excellent.” Remus said 

“Why didn’t you say something before? I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“We thought it was best to just let you get settled. I know things have been a little… Chaotic.” Sirius said 

“Is it a new thing?” Harry asked 

“Not really, no.” Sirius explained “We first got together when we were 16.” 

“As long as you’re sure you don’t mind.” Remus said

“I think it’s brilliant. Really, I just want you both to be happy.”

Sirius cracked a grin “You really do sound just like James sometimes.”

Harry beamed, never tired of hearing that. 

——————————————————

They all went to bed early that night, exhausted from the past few days. Remus changed into his pajamas and watched as Sirius stared absent mindedly up at the sky visible from their window.

“Penny for your thoughts?” 

“Hm?” Sirius said, jolted back to reality 

“Are you alright?” Remus asked

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Just… Thinking, is all.” he said “Seeing the Mark again… It hit me more than I thought it would.”

“I know what you mean.” Remus sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees “When was the last time you saw it?

“The McKinnons.” Sirius said, shutting his eyes “Just after James and Lily went into hiding.”  
“I forgot you were one of the first ones to find them.” he said 

“Yeah. One of the worst things I’ve ever seen, I can’t… It sticks in my head sometimes, even now, you know?”

Remus nodded “It’s hard not to think about.”

“When was it for you?” 

Remus thought for a moment “It would have been Mum, for me.” he said “That August, just before the big string of deaths.” 

Sirius shuddered at the memory, of Remus coming back to their flat, hands shaking and face splotchy and red. 

“She’s gone. They- they found her.” His voice was thick with tears when he said it.

They never did find out why she was killed. Moody thought it retribution- a warning from the Death Eaters who knew Remus was involved in the order. Others just thought it was among the attacks on muggles married to witches or wizards. There was plenty of that in those days. Remus’ father was only spared because he was helping Remus after a full moon at the time. Whoever it was must have known Remus wouldn’t be around at the time.

The following week was brutal, as if they were being picked off one by one. Then of course, came October, and everything that came after. It was truly the worst things had ever been in the course of the war. 

——————————————————

The next morning was the last before the full moon, and it felt like every cell of Remus’ body was protesting his movement. He slept in later than he intended, and limped to the kitchen, his steps heavy against the old wooden floors.

Sirius frowned when he saw him come in “You should be resting.”

“I’m hardly running a marathon.” Remus said, sinking into the seat across from Harry 

“Still, you don’t have to be stubborn about it.” Sirius set a cup of coffee in front of him 

“I’m not stubborn, I’m principled.” 

“Sounds the same to me.” Harry said 

“See?” Sirius said 

“You’re sounding more like your godfather every day.” Remus complained “In any case, I have things I need to do today. The basement still needs to be looked through-“

“You don’t seriously think you’re going to go lug around heavy boxes all day, are you?” Sirius said “Honestly, Lupin, it’s amazing you haven’t busted your head open one of these days.”

“It needs to get done-“

“Me and Sirius can do it.” Harry said 

“Don’t you have school work to get done?” Remus said, cocking an eyebrow. 

“I mean, technically.” Harry said with a grin “But me and Ron’ll work on it tonight. And if you wanted to look over my Charms essay while we worked…” 

“Sneaky.” 

“C’mon Moony, just let us take care of it. You can rest in the den, I won’t even banish you to the bedroom.” Sirius said 

Remus sighed “Fine. You two are manipulative, though. Give me your work before you go down.”

The basement was dark and musty, and the spiders on the ceiling reminded Harry strongly of the cupboard under the stairs at the Dursleys. It was full of cardboard boxes, picture frames with faded artwork, neglected golf clubs and a couple of ancient broomsticks gathering dust in the corner. 

“Is this all Remus’ stuff?” Harry asked, brushing some dust off an old box by the stairs

“Nah, some of it was his dad’s or grandfathers’. Some of it we have no idea, must have been left behind by old lodgers.” Sirius said “But supposedly there’s a couple boxes of my old stuff from the London flat, and I’d be very keen to have it back. Merlin knows why he or Lyall didn’t pitch it a decade ago.”

“Lyall?”

“Mr. Lupin.” Sirius clarified, He heaved a box off of a stack and cut off the tape with this wand. Opening it up he frowned “Okay the dolls are horrifying. Definitely getting rid of that one.” 

“Do you have any family left, Sirius?” Harry asked, peeling the tape off a box in his own pile “I mean, other than the Malfoys.” 

He thought for a moment “Well my other cousin, Bellatrix, is still in Azkaban. The last one though, Andromeda, is actually good through. She was disowned a little while before I was for marrying a muggleborn. I should write to her, now you mention it. She’s got a daughter around Charlie Weasley’s age. Other than her, there’s a few distant relations running around, but i’m the last Black.” 

“I always kind of hoped there’d be some distant relatives of mine hanging around, you know?” Harry said

Sirius nodded sadly “I can imagine.” he said “It’s a shame you never got to meet your grandparents. They were great people.” 

“When did they die?” Harry asked 

“A year or so after your parents got married.” Sirius said, heaving another box to the ground “They were older, had your dad later in life. So they went within a week of one another.”

“I saw them my first year.” Harry said, peeling off the tape from a box and chucking it to the ground. Sirius looked up, puzzled “There was this mirror at school, the Mirror of Erised? It showed your greatest desire. I found it one day and saw Mum and Dad, and then my grandparents.” 

He smiled a little at him “I’m glad you did.” 

They worked in comfortable silence for a while, putting boxes into different stacks and slowly making a dent in the chaotic room. Finally from the corner, Harry called out 

“Sirius? I think this might be something.” he said. Sirius looked up from under the stairs and brushed a cobweb from his hair. His eyes lit up as he saw the familiar black trunk gathering dust. The faded initials “S.O.B.” were etched in gold on the top. 

“Ah ha! Brilliant. Nice job, kiddo.” Sirius said with a grin “C’mon, I think we’ve earned a break.” 

Sirius flicked his wand and the trunk followed them up the stairs and back to the living room, where Remus sat on the sofa with his feet resting on the coffee table, reading over Harry’s papers. He looked up “Success?”

“Yes!” Sirius said, setting the trunk down with slightly too much enthusiasm, making it land with a heavy thump on the carpet. Sirius sat crosslegged on the floor and began prodding at the padlock with his wand

“Christ, I don’t even know what’s in that thing.” He handed the parchment back to Harry “This looks good, just rework that ending a little.” 

“Thanks, Moony.” Harry said happily. He sat down beside Sirius and Remus felt a warm feeling in his chest at the nickname “Can’t you just use alohamora?” 

“Nah, my dear mother would try and get to anything I didn’t put on complete lockdown, so I had to get creative about it. Trouble is, I can’t exactly remember what I did to lock this one.” 

“Too bad the knife is probably inside your trunk.” Remus said. He fiddled with it for a while, tapping his wand in various combinations before finally there was a click and it slid open. Sirius let out a cheer and lifted the trunk open. It smelled musty and stale, but everything inside was still carefully placed as if it had been packed yesterday. Sirius held his hands over it for a moment, taking in the relics of his past. He pulled his old jacket off the top, feeling the supple leather between his fingers. 

“This was the first piece of muggle clothes I ever bought.” Sirius told Harry, grinning “Mum nearly put me in a body bind curse for the rest of the summer when I tried to wear it at dinner.” 

Harry grinned “One time I told Uncle Vernon I had a dream about a flying motorbike and he nearly crashed the car.”

“I had one of those.” Sirius said proudly “Charmed it myself.”

“Christ, do not get any ideas taking that death trap back from Hagrid.” Remus warned

“You didn’t seem to mind when-“

Remus cut him off “What else is in the box?” 

Underneath the jacket was a pair of black Doc Martens, an old favorite of Sirius’ “You can have ‘em if you like. I think they’ll fit you.” he said to Harry 

He rummaged about for a second before he came across what looked like a shoebox “Ah ha! That’s what I was looking for.”

It was full of pictures, dozens and dozens of them. Remus leaned over, his interest piqued “I thought those all got destroyed.” he said

“Nah, I kept them in here for safe keeping.” he said, picking up a stack 

“I remember when you got that muggle camera in fifth year.” Remus said “He took it with him everywhere, it was quite annoying actually.”

Harry took a picture off the top. In the old polaroid, a group of teenagers sat in what Harry recognized as the Gryffindor common room. His father was there, just about the same age as he was now, laughing at some long-forgotten joke. His leg was slung over a very young-looking Remus, who was rolling his eyes- whether at James or Sirius, he didn’t know. Beside them was a young black woman he didn’t know, and in the far corner was his mother, looking away from the camera as if she were talking to someone just out of frame. The next one was just of Remus, his face blurry and eyes shut like he was trying to avoid the camera lens. 

There was a mix of wizard photos in the box too. One particularly funny one was of Sirius- as Padfoot- and the great giant stag that must be his father chasing each other in and out of the frame of the picture, Sirius’ tail wagging furiously.

Remus eased himself to the floor beside the two of them and picked up his own stack of pictures, chuckling at some of them or tutting sadly at others.

“Look at this one, Marlene.” he said, handing one over to Sirius. Harry leaned in and saw the same woman from the picture in the common room, older this time- probably after they left school. In this one she was perched on the side of an armchair in the middle of a party happening in the background.

“She was a friend of yours?” Harry asked

“Yeah, she and your mum were good mates. Marlene McKinnon. She was your god mother, actually.” 

“Really?” Harry had never given much thought to his Godmother before, although he supposed with Sirius there must have been someone else “What happened to her?”

“She was killed, not long after you all went into hiding.” Sirius said sadly 

“Wow.” Harry said “You really weren’t exaggerating before.”

He let out a bark of laughter “No, no we weren’t. Anyway, look at this.”

He handed Harry another moving picture. He was surprised to see himself in this one, or at least a very small baby with a shock of black hair, held by Remus and surrounded by his parents and Sirius It must have been Christmas, there was a large tree behind them and candles floating around them. 

“You look terrified in this.” Harry said, passing it over to Remus

“Oh yeah I remember this.” Remus smiled

“Moony is scared of babies.” Sirius said

“I am not scared of babies!” He said “I just don’t particularly like how they’re breakable. It makes me incredibly nervous.”

“He flat out refused to hold you for months.” 

“I’m hurt, Moony!” Harry grinned 

“I got there eventually, didn’t I?” he said, pointing at the image “Physical proof I have indeed held a child before.”

Harry tried to hand the picture back to Sirius but he waved him off “Nah, you should keep it. Take whatever ones you want, I figure you don’t have too many.” 

He ended up keeping a few of them. The Christmas picture, and the one of his Godmother. There were a few of just his parents, one polaroid of the two of them sat out by the lake. Lily was laughing at something so hard she had fallen down so her head was in James’ lap, where he looked down on her with a lovestruck expression on his face, and the other was them making goofy expressions at the camera, looking young and happy. He also kept one of Remus and Sirius at 18, sitting on the stoop of their flat in London. Remus was one step above Sirius, who was leaning back. Remus’ gangly arms rested on Sirius’ shoulders in front of him as they both watched something down the street. 

It was strange seeing them all in pictures like this, seeing them as real people, laughing and dancing and falling in love. The only pictures he had of his parents were from their wedding day, smiling and clearly thrilled, but posed and staged. Seeing these, he could almost close his eyes and imagine being there with them, hearing them laugh and joke with one another like Sirius and Remus did. It was like they were becoming more real right before his eyes, rather than just some disjointed voices and strange memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from Picture Book by the Kinks


	5. Baby, We'll Be Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"And say, look at me  
>  Baby, we'll be fine  
> All we gotta do is be brave and be kind"_

The rest of the summer passed in a haze of record stores and walks through the woods, days spent helping Sirius weed the garden and quiet evenings with Remus. As September 1st loomed over him, Harry realized that for the first time since starting at Hogwarts, he didn’t want school to start. Sirius seemed equally gloomy about the prospect of him leaving, but he was overly compensating by being overly cheerful. 

On the last night in the cottage, Sirius was bouncing around, helping him get his things together and pack up his trunk and Harry leaned into Remus “Is he going to be alight?” 

Remus frowned a little bit “He’ll be fine. He’ll miss you, but he’ll adjust.” he said 

“I wish I didn’t have to go.” Harry said

He smiled “I know. But it’ll be a great year. Arthur said something about ‘exciting things’ in the works. Should make for an interesting term.” 

“Yeah but he wont tell any of us what it is.” 

“Then I guess you’ll just have to find out at the feast, wont you?” Remus smirked “Come on, I think some of your books are still downstairs.” 

Despite their pledges to get out the door early the next day, the morning was a hectic scramble of last-minute packing and trying to force a screeching Hedwig into her cage for the journey. She managed to take a bite at Sirius’ hand as they finally got her into the ancient car- which Remus had to subtly charm to get started. 

“I knew we should have stayed in London last night!” Sirius groaned as they ran into traffic on the bridge to Bristol 

“Well the Leaky Cauldron was full, and I damn sure wasn’t bringing an owl into a muggle hotel in the middle of London.” Remus said, tapping anxiously on the steering wheel 

“It’s fine! We still have a couple of hours anyway.” Harry said “Besides, Ron and I flew there second year, so if push comes to shove-“ 

“McGonagall will turn me into a tasteful throw rug if I let you miss the train again.” Remus said 

“Aww Moony, you’d make an adorable throw rug.” Sirius teased 

They managed to make it to London in record time (Harry strongly suspected that Sirius cast a charm on the car as they made their way into the city), and found a parking spot (the cars magically seemed to move for them in the parking lot), and rushed into the platform with 15 minutes to spare. The three of them were out of breath by the time they found the Weasleys near the edge of the platform. 

“Oh goodness, we were worried you boys would be late!” Molly said

“Traffic.” Sirius huffed. 

Molly turned to the kids and started giving the twins a stern talk and Sirius took Harry by the shoulders.

“You’re going to have a spectacular year, yes?” he said

Harry smiled “Yeah. Definitely.” 

“Stay out of trouble.” Remus said

“But not too much.” Sirius said, cracking a smile. He reached into his pocket and handed Harry a package wrapped in brown paper “This is for you. Just a gift and then something to aid in any mischief needs you may have” 

“If anybody asks, you have no idea where you got it.” Remus grinned 

Harry looked at both of them, suddenly feeling a little choked up “Thank you.” he said “For everything.” 

“Thank you for a great summer.” Sirius said. He pulled Harry into a hug and Remus did the same as the conductor began to whistle. 

“Go on, don’t be late.” Remus said, giving him a pat on the shoulder. “And don’t forget to write.” 

“I won’t. Bye!” he said. Molly gave him one last hug and he sprinted off after Ron. They made it to their compartment with just enough time for Harry to get one last look of them waving to him cheerfully from the platform. 

He, Ron, and Hermione spread out in the compartment. Hermione let Crookshanks out of her basket and she immediately jumped onto Ron’s lap (much to his disdain), but for once he said nothing.

“How was the rest of your summer, Harry?” Hermione asked

“It was excellent.” Harry said 

“Must’ve been weird though, living with a teacher.” Ron said

“Lupin isn’t our Professor anymore, though.” Hermione said 

“Honestly, he’s really cool. Both of them are.” Harry said “I learned loads from them. They told me some about the Death Eaters after the Cup. About the war and everything.”

“Lucky. Mum won’t let Dad tell us anything, says we’re too young. She just said that her brother’s died and that’s it.” 

“Seems like basically everyone did, as far as I can tell.” Harry recalled the pictures they’d shown him of their friends from school, and how many of them had died shortly after leaving. 

“Well they must have been fighting towards the end.” Hermione said “The war didn’t officially start until 1970, and that’s when your parents would have started Hogwarts.”

“How do you always know these things?” Harry furrowed his brow. He’d honestly had no idea about the years they’d been at school, he’d never really thought about it

“It was in a book, obviously.” Ron said 

“I ordered a few by owl from Flourish & Blotts after the World Cup, if you must know.” Hermione rolled her eyes “There was a short bit about you and your parents.”

“That’s bizarre.” Harry said, shaking his head “It’s weird enough reading about Sirius and Remus in the Daily Prophet.” 

“They did seem to waste a lot of ink talking about them this summer.” Hermione pulled out the latest copy from the bag beside her “It’s that Rita Skeeter woman with the gossip column.” 

“Mum reads her all the time.” Ron groaned 

“Sirius reckons he’s going to start making a collage of newspaper clippings if they keep talking about him.” 

“It can’t be good for Lupin, all that publicity.” 

Harry shrugged “No, but he says he’s not too bothered right now. I don’t think he wants to leave Sirius alone for too long anyway.” 

“Fair enough. Being locked up like he was for so long, I wouldn’t want to be alone much either.” Ron said, shuddering at the idea of Azkaban.

The compartment door slid open and Harry scowled as Malfoy leaned in the doorway, a cocky grin on his face. As usual, Crabbe and Goyle stood behind him like gargoyles. 

“Piss off, Malfoy.” Ron said 

“Good lord it STINKS in here.” Malfoy said, pretending to hold his nose “I wonder if it’s the stink of the Muggles on Granger or just Weasley’s house.”

“Maybe it’s the smell of your nose so far up your own arse.” Harry said 

“Oh wait, that’s it! It must be Potter fresh out of the werewolf den.” he cackled. Crabbe and Goyle laughed along with him “Really, Mum always said Black was the worst of the blood traitors, but shacking up with a werewolf really is a new low. And here I thought marrying mud-bloods was bad.

Harry got to his feet and whipped out his wand, Ron followed behind. “I guess wearing a mask around and torturing helpless muggles will make Mummy dearest feel brave, wouldn’t it?” 

“I don’t know what you’re implying.” Malfoy said cooly “Seems like a summer with the half-breed didn’t teach you any kind of respect, did it?” 

Hermione grabbed both of their sleeves before Harry was able to lunge at him. “Harry, it’s not worth it.” Hermione snapped and Harry took a step back as a prefect walked through the hallway. Malfoy smirked and turned away

“Better watch yourself this year, Potter.” he said before stalking off, Crabbe and Goyle at his heels.

“Hermione, why’d you stop him!” Ron said

“Yeah, you heard him.” Harry snapped as the door shut

“Because I really don’t think you should start off the year getting detention for hitting Malfoy!” She said 

“I’m not afraid of detention.” Harry said, sitting back down and crossing his arms

“Please tell me you’re not going to be more reckless this year after spending the summer with Sirius?” Hermione sighed

“Sirius isn’t reckless, he’s-“ he stopped “Okay maybe he’s a little reckless, but i’m not going to do anything stupid.” 

“Not that Malfoy wouldn’t deserve it.” Ron said 

“Well, I’m not debating that.” she said “I just think with the Daily Prophet breathing down their neck, the last thing they need is a reason to start writing about you in the paper.”

“Believe me, the last thing I want is to show up in Rita Skeeter’s column.” Harry insisted 

“What was in that thing that Sirius gave you?” Ron asked as he sat back down beside Hermione

“Oh yeah!” Harry said, pulling the package out of his bag and carefully tore off the brown paper. Inside was a midnight blue box. He pulled off the lid and found two things inside with small notes in Sirius’ familiar script. The first was a small pocket knife, the note stating that it could open any lock. The second was a camera. 

‘Harry- this is charmed to never run out of film. Go on and make your own memories- Moony and Padfoot” Harry smiled at the note and slipped it back into his bag and held up the camera, taking a snapshot of Ron and Hermione. 

Ron groaned “Please tell me you won’t be another Collin Creevey.” 

———————————————

The cottage seemed strangely quiet without Harry. As soon as they were back, it seemed like Sirius was determined not to stop moving, as if occupying his hands would keep him from thinking about anything. Within a week, he had deep cleaned the entire cottage twice through and Remus had to stop him from scrubbing the baseboards again. After that came the sulking. Remus left him to it for the first few days that Sirius didn’t get dressed all day, staying in bed or on the sofa in his dressing gown. By the fourth day, Remus came into the bedroom and flicked on the light. Sirius groaned.

“Honestly, this is a little dramatic.” Remus said 

“Go away, Remus-“ Sirius groaned, rolling over to block out the light

“Sirius, you can’t honestly be upset at Harry for going back to school. He couldn’t just stay here forever.” 

“Of course I’m not mad at him!” Sirius snapped

“Good. Because that would be incredibly selfish of you.” He leaned on the door jam and crossed his arms.

“Just leave me be.” Sirius grumbled 

“No.” Remus said “Look, Harry may be back at school- for now I should point out- but I’m still here, aren’t I? And frankly I don't fancy spending all my time with a petulant child.”

“It’s not like I have anything to do. I don’t have a job or anything.” 

“Nor do I.” Remus pointed out “And yet, I still get out of bed and put on trousers every day.”

“I’m just not in the mood, Moony.” 

“I’m not saying you can’t be sad, of course you can, but this isn’t good for you. It’s not going to fix everything, but I fancy a walk, and I’d like for you to come along. It’ll be good for you to get out of the house.” 

Sirius was quiet for a moment and sat up, frowning “Can I least go as Padfoot?” 

“Seeing as he’s about as good of a conversationalist as you are right now, of course.” Remus shrugged. Sirius gave him a look but shifted into the bear-like dog and jumped off the bed with a huff. 

Remus pulled on his coat and opened the door for him. He padded out, walking a little bit ahead of Remus with his nose to the ground. The first chill of September was going through the air, and the dewy grass made Sirius’ paws wet as they walked along towards the path. Their cottage was a good ways away from their closest neighbor, and often Remus forgot that they weren’t completely alone in the world out there. As they walked along, Sirius seemed to grow less sullen- even as a dog. He was lighter in his steps almost, and Remus could see the slightest wag in his bushy tail. 

They walked along, passing the next cottage where an older woman was sitting out in her garden with a small boy who looked about 8 or so. He saw Sirius and came running down the garden up to the small stone wall. Sirius bounded up and the old woman eased to her feet stiffly

“Kai, be careful!” she scolded 

“I am, Mam-gu!” he said

“He’s very friendly, don’t worry.” Remus called out as the child came up to Padfoot. Kai barely came up to Sirius’ nose, and he sat at the boy’s feet and stiffed at his fingers, making him giggle as his whiskers ticked him. The boy patted Sirius on the head excitedly and Sirius lolled his tongue out, tail wagging. 

“That’s quite a well-trained dog, that is.” The old woman said, walking up and wrapping a cardigan across herself. She smiled fondly as the little boy giggled. 

“Oh it took a while.” Remus said “He’s a stubborn old thing.” 

Sirius looked up at him and shuffled before turning back to the boy. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Mary Jones.” she held out a hand, soft and spotted with age

“Remus Lupin.” He said, shaking her hand “We moved into the cottage down the way.” 

“Ah yes!” She said “Your Llewelyn Howell’s grandson, aren’t you?” 

“Yes ma’am.” Remus said “Did you know him?”

“Oh everyone knew Llewelyn.” She said “And you’ve certainly been the talk of the village, haven’t you?” 

“That’ll be my Aunt’s doing, wouldn’t it?” 

“Well you know how small towns are, dear.” Mary said “We’ve seen you out and about, with that man who looks like some sort of rock n’ roll act, and that skinny teenager. And the dog, of course.” 

Remus smiled “Ah, yes.” he said. He could tell Mary was eager for more information on the odd duo to pass on to her friends in the village “Well the rock n’ roll act would be my -er- partner. And the teenager is our nephew. He’s back off to school now.” He was never quite sure how to describe Sirius to other people, so he kept the situation vague. Better to keep the gory details private, he thought.

“My, how modern!” Mary said politely. Padfoot gave a little bark.

“Oh, I’m sorry, he doesn’t like to be left out. This is Snuffles.” Remus said 

“What sort of dog is he?” 

“Just a big mutt, really.” Remus said. Padfoot looked at him and gave another indignant bark.

“It’s almost like he understands you!” She laughed

“He’s too clever for his own good.” he shook his head. 

“Kai be gentle!” she said as the boy pat his fur 

“Is Kai your grandson?” Remus asked

“Yes, he’s just here for the weekend while his mum is away.” Mary said, ruffling the boy’s hair “He’s a bit of a handful. You know how kids are.”

Remus gave her a small smile, feeling a little pull at his chest seeing the boy squeal with happiness as Padfoot chased him playfully. He wondered vaguely what Harry looked like then, what he had been like, and once again silently mourned for they life they all could have had. 

“Kai, we should let them get back to their walk.” Mary said. Kai groaned sadly and Sirius gave him a lick on the cheek. He giggled and hugged Padfoot around the neck. “It was lovely to finally meet you, Remus. You’ll have to come ‘round for tea sometime. You can bring your friend.” 

He ignored the term and smiled “I’m sure he’d love to. C’mon, Snuffles.” Remus said. Kai gave the dog one last pat and padded back to Remus’ side. As they walked along, Sirius seemed to sense his thoughts and pushed his head against Remus’ hand as they walked. Remus scratched his head

“You really must learn how to act more like a dog when we’re around other people, you know?” he laughed. 

Padfoot barked and ran ahead on the trail.

When they got back to the cottage, Remus started a fire with his wand and held his hands in front of it, easing the ache the chill brought to his joints. Sirius turned back into a man and came up behind Remus, wrapping his arms around his middle. 

“Sorry for acting like an arse earlier.” he said

Remus laughed “I’ve known you since you were eleven, I daresay I’m used to it. I know this must be hard for you.” 

Sirius sighed and rested his head on Remus’ shoulder “I just feel… I dunno, aimless.” he said “All of last year I had a goal, you know? A purpose.” 

“I know how that feels.” Remus said

“Course you do.” Sirius sighed, hugging him tighter “Anyway, I was just… I dunno, I get that way sometimes. I forget there are other people around who need me to be functional.”

Remus turned around and put his hand on either side of Sirius’ face “I get it, alright? I’m not angry with you. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling like after coming out of that place. You just need to tell me these things so I can help you, yeah? If this is going to work, we’re going to have to talk to one another.”

“That never was our strong suit.” 

“Yeah, and look where that got us.” 

“Fair point.” Siruis said, leaning into Remus’ touch “You looked sad earlier, seeing that kid.”

He sighed “A little. I was just thinking how I’d like to have known Harry then.”

“Me too.” he said “It’s not fair that we didn’t.”

“No.” Remus confirmed “But we can’t change that, and things aren’t too bad now, yeah?” 

“No.” Sirius kissed him gently “Things are good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "Baby We'll Be Fine" by the National


	6. Eulogy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Well I haven't always been a perfect person  
>  Well I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed  
> But on the day I die, I'll say at least I fucking tried  
> That's the only eulogy I need"_

“Padfoot & Moony,

I hope you both are doing well. It’s starting to get colder here, and I’m definitely missing summertime at the cottage. Classes are going well so far, but everyone is mostly getting really excited for the Triwizard Tournament. Fred and George are trying to get past the age line that Dumbledore drew. Hermione reckons it’s not going to work. She’s probably right. Anyway, I’m excited to just watch it, the Ministry is going all out apparently. I wonder if you can come see some of it, too? They’re announcing the champion on Halloween. Cedric Diggory put his name in, and Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell. I really hope one of the Gryffindors gets chosen, but really anybody but a Slytherin would be great. 

Dean, Seamus, and Neville all say hello, Moony- we all really miss your class. Moody is definitely intense, but I think we’re learning a lot. Snape is as bad as ever, I think he has it out for me worse than usual. Anyway, I miss you both and I hope the full moon wasn’t too bad last night. Thanks again for the care package- probably your best batch of biscuits yet, Padfoot. Hermione and Ron send their love (as well as a request from Hermione for donations to SPEW- which I don’t have time to get into right now). 

-Harry” 

“Dear Harry,

I’m glad you enjoyed the biscuits. Molly is helping teach me to cook and bake, and I think Moony is getting sick of eating so much. He demanded I send the last batch to you. This Tournament should be something special, I remember hearing stories about the previous ones, and hopefully nobody loses an arm or an eye this time around. I don’t fancy the twins’ chances, but fingers crossed for them, a little teenage rebellion never hurt anybody. We’ll try and see if we can come up to see one of the tasks- it’ll be a good excuse to see you. 

Tell Snape to piss off and leave you alone- if he has a problem with me he’s welcome to write to me himself. Moony has told me to add “under no circumstances should you tell Professor Snape that, and also don’t take any queues from the twins regarding entering the tournament illegally” 

The full moon wasn’t too bad, Moony is under strict orders to remain in bed because he twisted his knee out of the socket- and he has defied this order at every turn. Stubborn bastard. I have been told I make a terrible nurse, but I think that’s largely because I threaten my patient with a full body bind curse if he keeps getting up to sneak cigarettes in the garden anytime I leave him alone. 

He tells me to say hello to your dorm mates for him, and reckons you’re getting invaluable firsthand experience from him (but I know what you mean, the guy is terrifying). I’m not sure what SPEW is, but I’ll put a few sickles in the letter for it. As long as I’m not signing up for some strange cult or something with a lot of mailings. 

Moony says to study hard and stay out of trouble. I say just don’t get caught. Enjoy the Halloween feast, it was always one of my favorites. 

Love,

Moony and Padfoot”

As Halloween drew near and the village decorated, Sirius felt himself beginning to feel the same wave of sadness come over him as before. Remus seemed to sense it as they walked into the village after sending their letter that morning.

“This time of year is hard for me, too.” Remus said, patting his arm gently.

He gave Remus a weak smile “James always loved Halloween, d’you remember that?” 

“‘Course I do. Remember sixth year where he planned a prank for every single day of the month?” 

Sirius laughed “I don’t think I slept that entire time.” 

“There was a lot of unforeseen legwork.” Remus nodded. They continued along “Do you think you’d want to go visit them? Their graves, I mean.” 

Sirius stared at his feet and thought for a long moment “I want to.” he said “I think I need to. But I think it would be hard.” 

“It can give you some closure, perhaps.” Remus said as they walked along “Perhaps since this is the first Halloween we’re both here, we can… I dunno, make it a celebration. Maybe we visit them in the morning and spend the rest of the day celebrating them. I haven’t really had the heart to do anything on the day since then.” 

“A celebration.” Sirius repeated, mulling it over “Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be good. I think it’s what they’d want.” 

“Please, a day completely dedicated to him and Lily? There’s nothing James would like more.” Remus smiled 

The day of Halloween, they apparated outside of Godric’s Hollow and walked into town, their pace slow. It was mid-morning and everything was quiet, the town was already off to school or work and they had the cobblestone streets largely to themselves. Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand as they got nearer and Remus held it tight. He had only been back here sparingly since the funeral- he didn’t really have the strength to come on his own most of the time. It really hadn’t changed much, still the same old town that James and Lily moved into so many years ago. The one they should have grown old in.

Remus remembered the funeral, held a few weeks after they died. Plenty of people wanted to come and pay their respects, or at least come and stare at Voldemort’s last victims, but Dumbledore managed to keep it a rather small affair. Well, Remus assumed it was Dumbledore. He actually didn’t know who had organized it. In the aftermath of everything, he was a wreck. After losing James and Lily, and then Peter, and Sirius, and in a certain sense, Harry, he completely broke down. In the days leading up to the funeral, he hadn’t slept- simply stayed drunk and high and staving off sleep in any way he could. Drugs, potions, men, anything he could find. After the third night of his bender, McGonagall found him. He didn’t know how, or why. He just knew that she peeled him off the pavement in front of a seedy London bar and brought him to her house. She let him weep and sobered him up and made him rest. When he finally awoke, barely remembering anything, she sat sternly in front of him and Remus felt like a child being called into detention again.

“Lupin, I won’t let you lose yourself in this grief.”

“Why?” He said, his voice weak and wobbling “Who is it going to hurt? There’s nobody left.” 

“There are many people in this world who care for you.” she said 

He let out almost a maniacal laugh “Basically everyone who has ever loved me has died. Or is rotting in prison after…” he choked and felt the tears come down his face again. He didn’t know how he had anything left to cry, but he didn't know how to stop anymore “What am I going to do, Minerva?” 

“You are going to pull yourself together.” McGonagall said “You are going to live your life, and visit your father-“

“He doesn’t need me running about and ruining his life. I'm already the reason my mum died. I’m- I’m a cancer. To everyone around me. All of this is my fault.” 

“Remus, that isn’t true.” her voice was softer than he ever heard it 

“Isn’t it?” He snapped. His anger was misdirected, he knew, but there was nowhere else for it to go “If I hadn’t trusted him, if I hadn’t been so- They’re dead because of me. And Harry is going to grow up and never know any of them, and I’m too much of a fuck up to take him. I wish I were dead. Things would be better if I were dead. The world would be better off without one more fucking monster destroying lives.”

“Now you stop that nonsense, now.” She snapped, the sharp tone had returned, hitting him like a blade “Your life is not over, Remus. You have a full life ahead of you. One with love and purpose, and… This is not the end of your story, I refuse to allow that. The world has lost too many young people with promise and potential for you to take yours and squander it with self-loathing. No. I've worked too hard to see you throw it all away. I've lost- I've lost too many students, Remus. I'm not losing another." 

He managed to be functional enough for the funeral, wearing an old suit of his father’s that was slightly too large over his thinning frame. He hadn't been eating, lately. He sat in the front seat of the rows of chairs set up at the graveyard, his hands desperately clutching the bit of parchment in front of him as if it were the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. People filed in slowly, the few surviving members of the Order- the Longbottoms, McGonagall- who simply gave him a stiff nod, Dumbledore, the rest of their Professors from school, Moody, Hagrid dabbing his tears with a massive handkerchief. 

Remus didn’t really have the energy to count them all, and didn’t speak to any of them, simply stared at his hands and waited. He heard some of the ones he didn’t know as well whisper as they looked at him. He knew they were wondering how much he knew, how he had slept in the same bed as a traitor and hadn’t had a clue. He felt a surge of rage so sudden and intense that it scared him, as if the wolf were just beneath the surface of his skin. It begged him to scream out, to turn to them and yell how he wished it was them. That he would let any one of them die for Lily and James. Dumbledore stood up to speak first and Remus pushed the rage down. He didn’t register anything his old headmaster said, and didn’t notice when he stopped until someone put a hand on his shoulder and he realized everyone was waiting for him to stand up and speak.

Although his legs felt like jelly, they managed to take him forward to the small wooden podium in front of the fresh mounds of dirt. His hands shook as he stared at them, probably longer than he should. He opened his mouth and then shut it. ‘I can’t do this’ he thought. Then suddenly he heard James’ voice in his head.

“Don’t leave ‘em waiting for the show, Moony.” 

He swallowed and took a breath before turning back to the crowd “I- Most of you know who I am. James and Lily were my best friends. My first friends, really. I- I didn’t have many of them as a child. I was so, so lonely. And I thought I would always be that way. I thought it was just tied to who I am. But James… On our first trip to school, he sat down next to me and just started talking. Nonstop, that annoying way that he did.”

There was a flutter of fond laughter and he continued on “He always had that confidence of someone who’s never been found uninteresting, never had a thought that wasn’t heard. I… I always admired that about him. There was a lot I admired about him. I couldn’t help but be amazed that out of all the people on the train that day, he decided to sit next to me. Chose to speak to the strange, sad boy sitting by himself.” He tried not to think about the other boy who sat across from them, elegant and aloof.

“My friendship with Lily came slower, I think we avoided each other in the beginning. I wasn’t quite sure how to talk to her. But we realized that we were both misfits at a certain point, both loved the same music and the same books… When I thought I was alone in the world, she was there for me. She lifted me up, made me laugh when I thought it was impossible. Jinxed people for me. I was so proud to be her friend. Lily was the kind of person who made you better just by being around her. Made you funnier, made you smarter, made you braver. You got the feeling that there wasn't anything you couldn't do when you were around her.”

“Both of them-“ he tried to swallow the lump in his throat but his words came up thick as syrup, every one hurt to say and tears began to fall from his eyes “I’ll never know what I did to be lucky enough to have them as my friends. As- as my family. They were my family. I loved them, so dearly. Like… Like so many people who’ve felt the deep loss from the past few years, I’m left wondering how to move on from this. How to survive. But I know- I know that the pain I feel now is worth having known them, worth having been able to witness their lives. No amount of time would have been enough… I only wish I could give up some of that time and give it to their son. He deserved… He deserved more. They all deserved more.”

“I don’t… There’s nothing I can say that will bring sense to this. Nobody can bring sense to this.” He looked up for the first time, to a sea of tearful faces and quickly turned back to his page and closed his eyes “They… They died for the hope of a better world for their son. For everybody's children. And for all of us. That’s… That’s all we can do now. Is live up to that sacrifice.” 

He quickly folded up the page and rushed back to his seat and held his head in his hands. He shrugged off someone’s hand on his shoulder and didn't look up for the rest of the service. They slowly began to file out shortly after. A few people spoke to him, Alice softly told him that if he needed someone to speak to, he could always come to them. He gave her a small smile but they both knew he wouldn’t take her up on it.

When he finally stood to leave, he saw a rail thin woman with pale blond hair lingering by the gates. They made eye contact and Remus recognized her from a summer spent with Lily years ago. She turned to leave and Remus found his legs. 

“Wait!” He said, following her. Petunia stiffened as he caught up with her.

“I have to go.” She said shortly “I shouldn’t be here.” 

“I just-“ he said “I didn’t think you would come.” 

“She was my sister." Petunia answered

“I-I know.” Remus said. They stared at each other for a moment “I’m sorry.” 

She nodded. 

“Is he-“ He began 

“He’s fine.” Petunia cut him off 

“If you… I-“ Remus stammered. His fingers trembled a little as he tore off a piece of parchment and wrote out his father’s address “I’d really love to know him. If you'd let me. She would… She wanted me to be there… Just- if I could see him. Just… Every once and a while. You can reach me there. Please.” 

He thrust it into her hands and Petunia stared at it for a moment as if it would explode. He looked at her for a moment more before turning heel and rushing away. 

Remus pushed the memory away as he and Sirius approached the graveyard, a lifetime away from that day. Sirius stood frozen at the gates, staring inside as if there was an invisible barrier before him. Remus put a hand on his arm.

“Are you alright?” He asked. Sirius nodded distantly. 

“Would you mind… Is it okay if I have a minute with them? Alone?” He asked, looking up at him. 

“Of course.” Remus said, squeezing his hand “Take all the time you need, okay? I’ll be here.” 

Sirius left him at the gates, shoving his hand into one pocket and beginning his slow path through the field of names. He clutched the flowers they brought close to him as he approached their graves, standing side by side. He felt his hand shake slightly, seeing their names etched in stone. It felt so permanent, so real. He put the flowers down between them and stepped back a little.

“Alright, James? Lils?” He said eventually. “I know what you would say if you could. How it’s so like me to be 13 years late to the funeral. Traffic was killer, you know…” 

He shut his eyes “I-“ he stopped and took a breath “I feel silly. Talking to you like this. It’s not like you can hear me. Can you hear me? I don’t really know what I think. What to believe. I hope you can. Hope you can see… Anyways. I just- I owe you both an apology. More than an apology, really. An explanation. I let you both down... I let Harry down, and Remus. Fuck, have I put that man through a lot. Lily, you’d be so furious at me for that. You always did let me have it when it came to him.”

“I fucked up. I know I did. You always did say I was going to let my impulses get the better of me. D’you remember after that… Awful shit I pulled with Snape and Remus? He’s still a prick, by the way, so I was right about one thing, Lily. Anyway, after we got back from Dumbledore’s office, and James you just… Let me have it. I’d never seen you that angry at me. And you told me… You told me that all the good in me was going to be overshadowed if I just listened to my worst impulses all the time. You were right. You always were. I should have… I should have just stayed with Harry. I was stupid to leave him to go to chase after Peter.” 

Sirius hung his head “I’m so, so sorry.” he choked “I- I’m going to spend every day of my life making it up to you. Making it up to Harry. God, I wish you could see him.” 

He smiled a little bit “You would be so fucking proud of him. He’s… Something else.” he said “When I met him, I thought he was all you, James. He looks just like you, it’s a little spooky sometimes. But my god, his tongue is all you, Lils. He’s funny, like you. You always did make me laugh harder than anybody else. I’m sorry, James, but it’s the truth. But he’s also just... A lot of just him. Something entirely new. He's so kind, much more kind than he should be given what he's been through. I wish you could have known him. It’s not fair that you couldn’t. Not fair that he doesn’t get to know you. But he’s so proud to be your son, d'you know that? He lights up when we talk about you. Remus and I… We’re going to make sure he knows the best of you both. We’re never leaving him again, alright?” 

He turned back to the cemetery gates. Remus was watching him carefully, a cigarette perched between his fingers. Sirius smiled fondly as he put it out and began walking towards him. He put an arm around Sirius and he returned it, putting his head down on Remus’ shoulder.

“How do you feel?” He asked him

“I’m okay.” Sirius said “This… This was a good idea. I said what I needed to.”

Remus nodded “I’m glad you did.” 

They stood there for a while, arm in arm. “I miss them.” Remus said after a while, his voice barely a whisper. Sirius looked at him and saw tears in his eyes.

“Me too.” Sirius said, holding him a little tighter “Me too.” 

Before they left, they took a walk and visited the memorial statue, which actually made Sirius laugh a bit, despite himself “James would’ve been thrilled by this, wouldn’t he? A big old statue of him and Evans?” 

Remus grinned “He never would’ve shut up about it.” 

“He would tell everyone he met.” Sirius said “It’s something he would have thought of to impress her around third year.” 

“Lily would have hexed him for that.” 

“Oh, absolutely.” Sirius laughed. He turned to look at Remus and kissed him softly on the temple “Thanks for doing this with me.” 

“Of course.” he said “It’s good to come back every once and a while.” 

When they got back to the cottage, Remus cooked dinner (to mixed success) and Sirius managed to produce a half-decent treacle tart, which was James’ favorite, and put on Monty Python, which Lily used to love. They half watched it and half talked as it grew later and later, retelling their favorite stories. It had been so long since Remus had a person he could corroborate his own past with, who could remember things as they were and bring them to life with him again, adding little details that had long since been lost in the past. 

The little things were the ones Remus loved to remember the most: how James used to shove his glasses up his nose with his middle finger when he was nervous, or how Lily would chew on his lip when you knew she was about to argue with you while you spoke. The way they would bicker over stupid things, like what to name the cat, but were inevitably always on the same page on the things that really mattered. The way James would slowly begin to smile as Lily yelled at him, as if he couldn’t believe his luck. Lily and James stayed alive within their shared words, their lives inextricably tied together in a way that made it impossible for them to really be gone. 

Dark had long since fallen over the living room, but they stayed lounged out on the floor together, Remus’ head resting on Sirius’ chest as he tangled his fingers through his hair, their words growing more mumbled as they grew tired. Remus had almost completely drifted off when a silver light bounded through the room and landed right before them. He shot awake and blinked as the silver cat opened its' mouth and spoke in Professor McGonagall’s voice. 

“You better come quickly. Harry’s name has been called from the Goblet of Fire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself cry at least twice writing this
> 
> Chapter title comes from "Eulogy" by Frank Turner


	7. You Remind Me of Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"You remind me of home:  
>  The paint cracks when the water leaks  
> From the rusty pipes that are just beneath my feet  
> You remind me of home:  
> The heater's warm but fills the room with a  
> Potpourri of dust and gas fumes"_

Less than ten minutes later, they stepped through the fire in McGonagall’s office, where she stood to meet them. 

“What happened?” Sirius asked immediately 

“Come with me, quickly. They’re all in the trophy room.” She said, leading them out They passed by swarms of students gathering in clumps in the hallways, chattering excitedly. “To your common rooms, now!” McGonagall snapped as she passed.

“Minerva, you don’t really think he entered, do you?” Remus asked

“I can’t see how he could have, truth be told.” She said “Even given Potter’s perchance for getting himself into trouble… No. He seemed as shocked as the rest of us. Particularly since the Hogwarts champion had already been chosen.”

They rushed down the halls and came to the trophy room, where Cedric and two teenagers Remus didn’t recognize stood lingering together. They must be the two champions from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. McGonagall whisked past them and pushed open the doors to the trophy room. Whatever argument was happening inside paused as the crowd watched them as they walked in. It was quite an eclectic crowd. Mad-Eye lingered by the door and gave them a nod. Dumbledore was pacing within the circle. Sirius gave Crouch a glare as he passed by but didn’t pay anybody else any mind, simply shoved his way to where Harry was standing, looking shell shocked and clutching a piece of parchment in his hand.

Sirius took him by the shoulder and leaned in “Are you alright?” he asked so the others couldn't hear them

“Sirius, I didn’t enter, I swear.” Harry said “I don’t know what happened, I don’t want to compete, I don't-“

“I believe you, alright?” Sirius said “We’re going to figure this out. It’ll be okay.” 

Harry nodded and Sirius turned to face the group. Remus felt incredibly out of place and stood behind Harry, his hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 

“Sirius, Remus, thank you for coming so quickly.” Dumbledore said “I trust Minerva filled you in on the way?”

Sirius nodded “Albus, he can’t compete.” 

“As discussed before,” Crouch spoke up, seeming annoyed at the interruption “Mr. Potter doesn’t have a choice. The Goblet of Fire is a binding magical contract-“

“Oh fuck your contracts.” Sirius snapped. Crouch recoiled “He’s fourteen years old. Certainly something is going on here that we don’t understand, and what? You’re just going to send him into the lion’s den knowing this full well?”

“Clearly ze boy thought he’d play a leetle joke!” A massive French woman spat 

“That’s impossible.” Mad-Eye said “We all know that. I for one believe Potter had no idea.”

“He didn’t enter.” Sirius said firmly 

“No doubt you gave him the idea, Black.” Sirius turned to see Snape standing in the corner for the first time, scowling “Never could resist an opportunity to show off. Domestic life too boring for you?” 

“Severus, that’s enough.” Dumbledore said before Sirius could react, his lip curling furiously. Remus could practically see his hackles raised. Dumbledore continued his pacing “I’m afraid Crouch is right, Sirius. A magical contract cannot be broken. Harry has no choice to compete.”

Harry seemed to shrink as the crowd turned their gaze to him and Sirius released his shoulder, taking a step towards the headmaster “Dumbledore, you can’t be serious about this.”

“He’s right, Black.” Moody said “There’s nothing to be done. Certainly somebody submitted Potter’s name under a fourth school to ensure he’d be chosen.”

“You’re paranoid as usual, Mad-Eye” Igor Karkaroff snapped

Sirius glared at him dangerously “Two Death Eaters in the room and nobody here is asking questions on how this happened? Or why?” he glanced back at Snape “Oh I’m sorry, ‘reformed’ Death Eaters.” 

“Certainly you have your own expertise in the criminal, Black.” Karkaroff retorted 

“Oh, do you want to test me on that, Karkaroff?” Sirius snapped, whipping out his wand and taking a step forward 

“Sirius, stop it, this isn't helping.” Remus snapped. He swiveled around and Sirius caught his eye and stood down. Severus smirked at him from the corner. 

"So it's decided, Potter has no choice but to compete in the tournament. As of now, he is the fourth champion." Crouch said

"So we are to just let O'gwarts have two chances of winning?" the giant said again 

"I'm sorry, but this is out of my hands." 

Karkaroff and the woman looked as if they were going to argue again, but Dumbledore raised his hands up “It’s been a long night for all of us. I for one, would like a nightcap.” he said “Barty?”

Sirius glared at everyone as they began to file out in varying degrees of anger. Severus glared back and curled his lip at them "Good luck on the full moon, Lupin." 

Remus grabbed Sirius' arm before he was able to react and Snape stalked back to the dungeons.

McGonagall was the last to leave “I’ll give you three a moment.” 

As the door closed, Sirius fumed and paced “Are they fucking kidding me?” 

“I don’t want to do this.” Harry said “I’m not ready, I’m not-“ he desperately looked from Sirius to Remus. Remus took him by the shoulder

“Harry, look at me, take a deep breath, alright? It’s going to be okay. You are capable of more than you think. But listen, you need to be cautious. People have died in this tournament. Now is a time for you to focus, and keep an eye on your surroundings. Sirius?” 

Sirius stopped his pacing and calmed himself, turning back to Harry “You can do this, Harry. If anybody can do this, you can. It’s going to be alright.”

Harry took a deep breath and nodded “I-I’m really frightened.” 

“I know.” Sirius said “But we will help you as much as we can, alright? You’re not alone, do you understand me?” 

He nodded shakily “Yes. I understand.” 

The door opened again and McGonagall stepped in. Sirius put his arms around Harry and held him for a moment 

“It’s going to be alright. Keep Ron and Hermione close, okay?” Remus said, squeezing his shoulder. 

————-

When they got back to the cottage, they sat at the kitchen table quietly. Remus pulled out a bottle of gin he stashed in the pantry and poured them both a hefty portion into a couple of teacups. 

“Pulling out the big guns?” Sirius said, his tone dry 

“Seems appropriate.” Remus sank into the chair beside Sirius. He pulled out a cigarette and Sirius frowned but didn’t say anything as he lit it “Bloody hell, what are we going to do?” 

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair “I don’t know.” He said “This isn’t good. His scar, and the thing at the World Cup, and now this? Something is happening and I don’t like it. I don’t think we can ignore that they’re all connected now.” 

“No.” Remus said “Do you think Peter has something to do with it?” 

“He’s not smart enough to pull something like this. And he’s too much of a coward to come back to the castle to try.” Sirius shook his head “Did you read about Bertha Jorkins in the paper?”

“Bertha Jorkins?” Remus asked “From our year?”

“Yeah.” Sirius said “I guess she went missing.” 

“She was always a little… I dunno, absent, wasn’t she though?” 

“That’s what they said, but apparently she always came back the last few times she's been missing, but it's been a while so they've started to search for her. Worked for Ludo Bagman’s department, though.” Sirius said 

“I don’t like that.” Remus furrowed his brow and watched the embers eat away at the end of his cigarette

“Me either.” Sirius said, sipping at his drink “I’m worried about Harry.”

Remus sighed “We just have to trust that they’ve really put as much thought into safety as they said they have. I trust Dumbledore. And I trust Moody.” 

“I suppose we have to.” Sirius said “But Merlin, he looks so young compared to the others.”

“I know.” Remus agreed “But remember, you and James became animagi when you were 15, and Harry’s been up against tougher spots than most at this point.” 

“I guess you're right.” he shut his eyes “Do you get that feeling sometimes? That this feels just like it did before?” 

Remus paused thought for a moment, exhaling blue-tinged smoke “Sometimes.” he said “At the World Cup. Before the Death Eaters arrived I mean, when that man spoke to me in the camp?”

“I remember. Fucking bastard.” Sirius said

“That feels like it did before. Those sentiments… I feel like they’ve been repressed for a long time. I don’t think anybody stopped thinking it, quite the opposite. But they were… I dunno, afraid? Worried they’d be seen as sympathizing with the Death Eaters still. But lately, I feel them coming out more. They’ve been emboldened. I think the World Cup only solidified that. They didn’t find anybody involved, safe for Crouch’s house elf.” 

Sirius shook his head “This isn’t what we fought for.” he said “This isn’t the world Lily and James thought they were leaving behind. We were all there, risking our lives, dying for the hope that Harry would be living in a world that was different than the one we grew up in. But now they’re all being sucked into the same old bullshit.” 

“I know.” Remus sighed “Sometimes I worry they’ll never change. Wizards. England. Seems like we’re all hell bent on staying the same as we have been in the past century. I don’t mind fighting for it. I just thought… You know when we were sixteen and signing up for the first time, I would try and imagine my life in my thirties. I just thought we would be done fighting by now. I’m just… Tired.” 

“One day we’ll be able to stop.” Sirius said “We just have to believe we’ll see it.”

“I hope you’re right.” he said, taking a sip of his drink “For all our sakes.”

—————————-

Remus poured through every book he had for information on the tournament, the kitchen table covered in books and bits of parchment. 

“Remus.” Sirius said again, pacing around the kitchen. It was early, barely past dawn, but neither of them had been gettin much sleep in the week since the champions were chosen.

“Hm?” He said, looking up 

“Did you hear what I said?” 

“No. I’m sorry, say it again?” Remus said, blinking hard and rubbing his eyes

“We got a letter from Harry.” Sirius repeated “I guess Ron isn’t speaking to him.” 

Remus frowned and set down his quill “You’re kidding.”

Sirius shook his head “I guess he thinks Harry put his name in without telling him.” he said “I can’t see how.” 

He sighed “I suppose he’s feeling insecure.” 

“To the point that he’d genuinely believe that nonsense?” Sirius said

“I’m sure he doesn’t believe it.” Remus said, taking the letter from Sirius and reading it over “But you have to imagine how Ron must feel. Five older brothers and then your best friend being famous the way Harry is… It’s probably a lot to deal with when you’re fourteen.” 

“Still, seems a little misplaced to me.” Sirius frowned

“You of all people shouldn’t be so quick to judge irrational decisions one makes at that age.” Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “He’ll come ‘round before long. Nothing could keep the two of them apart for very long.”

“I suppose not. Anything useful in these?” Sirius turned over one of the aging books on the table 

Remus sighed “No. Nothing.” he said “Other than precursory information on the tournament itself, there’s barely any mention. Didn’t you say you read something about the tournament before? I haven’t been able to find any book that gives me anything remotely useful.” 

“A long time ago, I think. I remember reading some book with a rundown of the tasks from the last dozen or so tournaments. Granted, these were the ones held ages ago.” Sirius said, sitting down beside Remus and straightening out some of the parchment. 

“Any idea where we can find it? It’s at least something.”

“You and your research.” Sirius said 

“It’s useful to be prepared.” Remus argued “It never failed us before.”

Sirius grimaced “I think I remember where the book is.” he said “And technically I own it.” 

“Where is it?” Remus asked

“Grimmauld Place.” Sirius sighed “It was in my father’s library. I remember reading it one summer, when I was cut off from you lot and wasn’t allowed to leave the house for months. I read pretty much everything in there.” 

“Well fuck, that’s not ideal.” Remus said “D’you think we’d be able to find a copy at Flourish & Blotts?” 

Sirius shook his head “I doubt it. It's old. And besides, I don’t remember the name, or the author. I think I can vaguely remember what it looks like.”

“Well, I suppose it’s back to square one, then. I’ll go over ‘Hogwarts, A History’ again, maybe theres something there.” 

“No.” Sirius said “No, we should go. It’s just a stupid house, and I’m not 15 anymore. I’ve no reason to be afraid of it.” 

“Sirius, we don’t have to go back.” Remus said “You don’t have anything to prove.”

“I know. But it’s for Harry. If there’s something in there that could help him… It would be stupid not to go. Besides, I’m going to have to go in there eventually, if only to figure out how to sell it.” He sighed “If only bloody Regulus hadn’t gone off the deep end, I wouldn’t have to deal with any of it.” 

Remus just studied his face, saying nothing. It was rare that Sirius mentioned his brother, even before he died. He always got the sense that Sirius felt responsible for the way his life had turned out. They hadn’t even been speaking in the years leading up to his death, but Remus could see the guilt all the same. Remus put his hand over Sirius’ and rubbed his thumb over his.

“I’ll be with you this time. You don’t ever have to go in there alone again.” 

Sirius gave him a small smile “Thanks, Moony.” 

———————

Though it was a bright afternoon in London, the doorway to Number 12, Grimmauld Place was like a deep black hole. Sirius and Remus stood at the threshold for a long time, their breath visible in the early November air. 

“It’s somehow smaller than I imagined it.” Remus said, hands tucked into his coat as he stared up at the black stone building “I’ve always found it strange that your family chose to build it in the middle of muggle London instead of out in the country somewhere.”

“My father always said that we were here first and that he refused to be kicked out into the middle of nowhere by the Muggles.” Sirius said. He shuddered looking in side. A dank, musty smell was permeating out of the house, as if it was rotted from the inside. He supposed nobody had been inside since his mother died, the place being sealed off to anybody but the direct heir “I’m surprised Lucius didn’t manage to find some loophole to take over the place, to be honest.” 

“It does seem unlike him. Not enough room for peacocks in London, I suppose.” 

Sirius smirked “Never did understand that.” 

“Right then. Are you ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” Sirius pulled out his wand and mumbled ‘lumos’ and lead the way into the house, his movements cautious. He wasn’t sure what additional protections had been put over the house since he had left. The floorboards creaked underneath their weight and the silver light from their wands cast bizarre shadows over everything. 

“Did I ever make you watch ‘The Amityville Horror’?” Remus asked. He was whispering, though he wasn’t sure why.

“I don’t remember. Why?” 

“No reason. It was the first haunted house that came to mind.” he said “This place gives me the creeps.”

“Lupin, you’re a bloody werewolf.” Sirius murmured “You’re scarier than any ghost I’ve ever seen.”

“I didn’t say I was scared, I just said it’s creepy.” 

“Hang on, found the light.” Sirius lit the stubby candles hanging from a sconce that seemed to be made to look like four snakes intwined together, and then another further down the hall, illuminating the dingy hall into an orange glow. Remus wandered around the hallway, staring at empty portraits and the frankly disturbing stuffed house elf heads on the wall. “Home sweet home.” Sirius said, running a finger over the banister and coming up with a thick layer of dust. 

“Walburga’s sense of style is perfectly in line with her personality, I must say.” 

“She is nothing if not consistent.” Sirius said “C’mon, the library is upstairs.” 

The stairs groaned with every step as they approached the first landing, where Sirius paused and grimaced at a portrait in the hall.

“What is it?” Remus said, climbing up behind him and catching sight of the sleeping portrait of his mother “Oof.” 

“That’s new.” He said “Must have put it up before she died.” 

“Somehow she still looks mean while she’s asleep.” Remus said. He took a step to one side, which was when he made a mistake. One of the floorboards, rotted away with termites or age, gave way with a loud crack. He jumped away from it “Fuck!” he yelled. 

Suddenly the portrait awoke, Walburga’s cruel grey eyes looked wildly at Remus “THIEF! THIEF IN MY HOUSE!” she turned and looked at Sirius and he gaped for a long moment “YOU!” 

“Bloody fucking hell.” Sirius said “Hello, Mother.”

“HOW DARE YOU RETURN TO THE HOUSE OF MY FAMILY, YOU BLOOD TRAITOR, SHAME OF MY FLESH!” She screeched 

“Jesus Christ, what do we do?” Remus yelled over her, pushing his hands against his ears.

“Silencio!” Sirius said, pointing his wand at the portrait. This only seemed to anger her further

“YOU WOULD TRY AND SILENCE ME? I AM YOUR MOTHER, YOU DISGUSTING DEVIANT, YOU BRING SHAME TO THIS FAMILY, SHAME TO THE BLACK NAME!” she turned back to Remus as he tried pulling the portrait off the wall “AND YOU BRING THIS FILTHY HALF-BREED MUDBLOOD INTO MY HOME? HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR YOUR FAMILY? YOU DARE TO DESECRATE THE HOUSE OF YOUR FATHER WITH THIS FILTH-“

“No actually I don’t!” Sirius yelled. Thinking quickly, he ran into the next bedroom and came out with a heavy, moth-eaten duvet from the bed “Help me with this, Moony!” 

They struggled for a moment to drape the still-screaming portrait. The noise wasn’t entirely gone, but it was successfully muffled behind the heavy fabric. 

“Well she’s as lovely as ever.” Remus said, catching his breath against the wall “Are you alright?” 

But Sirius was just laughing, shaking his head at the muffled screams “That’s so fucking like her, isn’t it?” 

“What, leaving a portrait of yourself to yell blood-purist propaganda after you die?” Remus said, grinning “Yes, that’s very like her.” 

“God this place is ridiculous.” He said, wiping a tear from his eye as he continued laughing 

“Do you think I’m the first ‘half-breed mudblood’ to come in here before?” he mused

“Certainly the first one who did it willingly.” Sirius said. He looked round the first landing “Hang on, let’s check my bedroom. I’m sure she trashed everything, but I bet you anything my permanent sticking charm held up.” 

Remus chuckled and followed him into a bedroom further down the hallway. There was a black scorch mark over the door, where Sirius’ name must have once been. Sirius shoved his way into the room with his shoulder, the hinges rusted from age. The room was certainly a mess, with torn hangings on the four poster bed and a strange, mildewy smell lingering around, but as Sirius predicted, the posters were still hanging on the wall as they had been when he left. Remus cocked an eyebrow at the bikini-clad woman on a motorbike hanging on one wall.

“Really?” he said

Sirius grinned “Listen, they don’t really make posters of scrawny, bookish boys with scars leaning on motorbikes. At least not ones you could buy in muggle London for a couple quid in the 70s."

“Likely for the best.” Remus said, wandering around the room and looking at the rest of the things on the wall, smiling at the “I think you’re pretty much the only market for that particular niche.” 

“Besides, this did the trick to piss mum off back in the day.” Sirius said, flopping down on the bed and sending up a cloud of dust into the air “She tried everything to get it off.”

“Always an admirable goal.” Remus said. He absently opened a dresser drawer and found nothing but old wizard clothes. He turned and saw that Sirius was staring at him “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.” He said with a grin “Just thinking about how much I used to imagine having Remus Lupin in my bedroom.”

Remus scoffed “I’m hardly the same Remus Lupin you fantasized about then.” 

“Nah, you’re better.” He said, looking at him with a wicked look on his face

“If you have any inclination that I’m going to have sex with you in this house, on that disgusting old bed, you have another thing coming.” Remus said “Frankly, it's disturbing that you’d think of it with your mother screaming at us down the hall.” 

“Spoil-sport.” He smirked. Sirius seemed to remember something suddenly and slid to the floor. Remus furrowed his brow as he used his wand to pry up one of the floorboards 

“Are you trying to tear up the house now? I mean I’m not opposed, but we should get that book first.”

“No, I just remembered I stashed something here.” he said, lifting the floor-board and pulling up a box, similar to the one they found in his trunk. He grinned and slid it under his arm “C’mon, let’s go get the book.” 

“You’re not going to show me what’s in your creepy floor box?” Remus asked

“Nope.” he said “It’s a surprise.” 

Remus frowned and followed him out out of the room, giving one last look to the time capsule of teenage Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "You Remind Me of Home" by Death Cab for Cutie


	8. Run For Cover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Run for cover  
>  Run while you can, baby, don't look back  
> You gotta run for cover  
> Don't be afraid of the fear, that's a played out trap, man  
> You know you're not the only one  
> And don't look back, just run for cover"_

The first task was fast approaching, and with it came increased attention on Harry, Remus, and Sirius. Hardly a day went by where there wasn’t a lengthy article about one or all of them in Rita Skeeter’s column. Sirius was taking it all in stride, having been born and bred to be looked at and talked about since before he could hold his head up. He found the whole thing more amusing than anything else. Remus on the other hand was getting increasingly uncomfortable with the newfound attention. He considered himself a very private person, and up until a few months ago had never found himself to be in the public eye. Even at school, he preferred to blend into the background and let James and Sirius attract the attention. Now the Prophet was running countless articles dissecting his personal life, the most intimate details of his lycanthropy, discussions of if he should even be allowed near children at all, let alone have one in his house. 

“Moony, they don’t know what they’re talking about. You can’t let it get to you, alright?” Sirius said, watching him pour over another article as he paced around the living room furiously. 

“I’m not! I just… Maybe I shouldn’t come to the first task. With all this attention… I just don’t want to make this whole thing worse for Harry.” 

“You’re coming.” Sirius said, snatching the paper away from him and chucking it to the floor “Look, they’re going to run these articles no matter what, and Harry is counting on us to support him.”

Remus sighed “I know.” he said, crossing his arms over himself and trying to ignore the familiar ache of self-loathing in his gut 

“Anybody with a brain knows that Skeeter is an idiot.” Sirius said 

“But all those things they’re saying about you for being with me, doesn’t that bother you?”

Sirius shrugged “Does it seem like i’m bothered? I love you, I don’t give a shit about what anybody else has to say about it. I never have.” 

“I just… I know it’s stupid, I just worry they’re going to use me as an excuse to send Harry back with the muggles.” 

“I’m not going to let them do that.” Sirius insisted. He stood up and put his hands on Remus’ shoulders “Moony, you’re not anything they say you are. Harry and I both love you, and a stupid article in the Daily Prophet can’t change that.”

Remus smiled unconvincingly “I love you, too.” he said 

Sirius kissed him “And I find you unbelievably attractive.” 

He let out a laugh “You’re a flirt.” 

“Incurably so.” 

Early the next morning, they woke and got dressed. Remus tried to ignore his growing anxiety and tried to put aside the what he read in the book they brought back from Grimmauld Place about champions who met a gruesome fate in the tournament. Thoughts of missing limbs and decapitations continued to run through his mind as Sirius rummaged in the closet for a moment and emerged with a long red and gold scarf and tossed it around Remus’ neck.

“It’s going to be fine, Moony.” Sirius said “You worry too much.” 

“We’re about to go watch your Godson fight a dragon in an arena full of people, I am worrying a reasonable amount.” Remus said, fumbling with his cloak.

“We’re about to go watch our Godson win a task in the Tri-Wizard Tournament.” Sirius corrected “You’ve gotta think positively” 

“I’ll let you think positively, I’m going to keep worrying.” 

“Great, then we’ll balance each other out.” 

They apparated into Hogsmeade and began the long walk towards the arena. Remus forgot how long the walk was, and his knee was twinging uncomfortably by the time they got near the castle. As they walked across the grounds, they began to fall into step with groups of excited students heading towards the arena after their classes.

“Remus, Sirius!” they turned to see Hermione rushing towards them in a blur of bushy hair “D’you mind if I sit with you?”

“Hello, Hermione!” Sirius said happily as she caught up to them “‘Course not, the more the merrier.” 

Remus gave her a nervous smile “How’s Harry looking?” 

She gave him an equally anxious look as they continued down together “We were practicing summoning spells all day yesterday, and he’s loads better. But he’s nervous, obviously. I think once he gets on the broom, he’ll be fine…” 

As long as his broom came to him was what she wasn’t saying. 

“Are he and Ron still arguing?” Sirius asked

Hermione let out a huff and rolled her eyes “They’re being so stupid.” she said “Ron’s so jealous and it’s not fair to Harry, and Harry… Well, you know how he gets.” 

“They’ll work it out eventually.” he assured her

“I hope so. It’s getting exhausting when they fight. They're both so stubborn.” 

They made their way into the stands, finding a seat in the front with full view of the rocky enclosure where the dragons would be guarding their eggs. Sirius sat between Remus and Hermione and put a reassuring hand on Remus’ knee. “Love, I can hear your teeth grinding from here.” 

But as the stadium started to fill up, Sirius’ knee bounced restlessly in place and he kept muttering “It’ll be fine.” to himself, more than anybody else. Naturally, Harry was going last among the champions, and the performances of the other three students were not making Remus any less anxious about Harry coming up next. He could hardly stand to watch Cedric's performance and watched him hobble to the medical tent with terror. When Ludo Bagman called Harry’s name, Remus snatched Sirius’ hand and clutched it so tight he was sure he was leaving imprints of his fingernails in his hand. Beside them, Hermione was clutching her face in her hands, watching Harry walk out into the arena and stare up at the Hungarian Horntail. 

“Let’s go Harry!” Sirius boomed over the crowd "You've got this!" 

Chants of "Potter! Potter! Potter!" erupted around them, along with a few green-clad students cheering for the dragon.

Remus watched the massive dragon hiss in Harry's direction and felt his pulse quicken “Fuck, I can’t watch this.” but he didn’t look away. Harry waved his wand and yelled something the crowd couldn’t hear. 

Hermione was muttering “Come on, come on, come on.” into her gloved hands

They all watched with bated breath before there was a noise above them and the Firebolt flew through the air and landed before Harry. 

“YES!” Hermione yelled

“Yes, well done! Well done!” Remus cried out, watching Harry mount the broom and zip off into the air. He looked as if he was meant to be in the sky. Sirius watched him intently, his leg still bouncing rapidly.

“Come on, Potter, come on!” Sirius said, his unoccupied hand gripping the wooden barrier in front of him. 

There were some near misses as Harry circled, trying to goad the dragon into leaving her nest. When he dove down the the first time, the dragon’s spiked tail ripped through Harry’s shoulder, and Remus let out an audible gasp and clutched onto Sirius’ sleeve “I hate this, I really fucking hate this.” 

Time seemed to move slowly as Harry made one final dive, as fast as if he had seen the glint of the snitch in a game and emerged again, clutching the golden egg in his arms triumphantly. 

Remus was the first to his feet, screaming “YES! YES, GREAT JOB!” 

Sirius jumped up and cheered, lifting Hermione into the air in excitement before turning to Remus and kissing him, neither caring that there were so many people around. The crowd around them cheered along, chanting Harry’s name. The three of them rushed out of the stands and to the tent below. McGongall was already there, praising his performance. She gave them a smile as Harry caught sight of Sirius and Remus and practically jumped at them, beaming and flushed with adrenaline.

“That was magnificent!” Sirius said, ruffling his already wild hair “Beautiful, faster than anybody else.”

“Potter, to the medical tent with you right away!” McGonagall said. Sirius swung his arm over Harry’s shoulder, careful to avoid the cut on his arm as they walked to where Madame Pomfrey was already treating Cedric’s injuries. 

A second after they arrived, there was a flurry of red hair and Ron appeared in the tent. Remus was too relieved that Harry was alright- more than alright- to hear their discussion but at the end of it it seemed that he and Ron had forgiven one another for their argument. Madame Pomfrey pushed through the crowd and started patching up Harry’s shoulder.

“You’re going to need to take it easy on this arm, Potter, I mean that!” She snapped as she dabbed at the wound with essence of dittany “It’s shallow, it should heal pretty quickly, but no mucking it up by doing anything stupid, do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Harry said with a grin. When she was done, she swiveled around and faced Remus.

“And you,” she jabbed him hard in the chest “Are you taking care of yourself?” 

“Of course, Poppy.” He said fondly 

She eyed him suspiciously “Sleeping after the moons? Taking care of your wounds and replacing the bandages?” 

“Yes, I’m doing everything you told me to do.” he said 

“And you’re not straining yourself immediately after?”

“Yeah, Remus, you aren’t straining yourself immediately after the full moon in direct defiance of the person taking care of you?” Sirius asked pointedly

Remus frowned as Madame Pomfrey cocked an eyebrow at him “I am doing my best.” 

“See that he does better.” She said to Sirius, who smirked “I need to check on Mr. Diggory.” 

She gave Remus a peck on the cheek before walking off and Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at him, an amused expression on their faces. Sirius grinned “Moony is her favorite.” he said. Outside the tent, they could hear cheers for Harry

“Right then, we should leave you to the celebrations.” Remus said, still beaming at Harry “If I know anything about Gryffindor, it’s that there’s quite a party awaiting you lot in the common room.” 

Harry stood up again and hugged them both “I’m so glad you both came.”

“You did so, so excellently.” Sirius said “Your dad would be proud.”

“Incredibly proud.” Remus confirmed

“I’ll see you at Christmas.” Harry grinned. Sirius and Remus watched him walk off arm and arm with Ron and Hermione and Remus felt his heart swell with pride.

\-----———

“Fucking hell, she’s done it again.” Remus groaned as he read the latest copy of the Daily Prophet. There was a picture of him clutching Sirius’ arm during the first task below the article “Recently appointed guardians of Champion Harry Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, only had eyes for one another following Potter’s triumph in the first task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Sources say that the ‘couple’ couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and shared an intimate kiss as their ward took hold of the golden egg that the Hungarian Horntail was guarding-“ he read 

Sirius glanced at it over Remus’ shoulder “Good picture of us at least.” he shrugged

“Be serious.”

“I’m always-“ Sirius began but Remus shot him a look “Listen, she’s just looking for gossip. Soon enough her readers will be bored of us and she’ll move onto her next victim. Looks like she’s already got her sights on Hermione.”

“Christ, I don’t want her sucked into this either.” He sighed “Aren’t you bothered by our personal life splashed all over the front page?”

“Not really.” Sirius said 

“What if it makes us targets?” 

“Remus, I hate to tell you this, but we’re already targets for the sort of people who are going to be bothered by this sort of thing. Besides, you set up the protections on the cottage yourself.” 

“Perhaps I ought to add some more…” He bit his bottom lip 

“You’re starting to sound like Moody.” Sirius said. He kissed the top of Remus’ head “It’s going to be fine, alright? Just gotta take it with stride.”

“Easy for you to say. According to a poll of Rita’s readers, most of them think you ought to leave me and find yourself an eligible witch. Incidentally, many of those same readers think they'd be perfectly suited for it.”

“Ooh, are any of them cute?” Sirius mused. He smirked at the look Remus shot him “Moony, come on, if you can’t see the humor in this situation, I don’t know what to tell you. It’ll all blow over.” 

“It just can’t be good for Harry is all I’m saying.” Remus said, flipping the page “He’s got enough to worry about without having us splashed all over the Prophet.” 

“Moony, we’re not the only fags these people have seen in their lives.” Sirius leaned back on the back legs of his chair “You said it yourself, times are changing.”

“Not this fast.” Remus sighed “I know I shouldn’t be this bothered, I just… I’m not used to everything about me being this public, you know?”

“I know it’s got to be hard for you.” Sirius said “You’re a private person, I don’t blame you for feeling anxious right now. But I promise you that it’s going to be okay. Harry’s not bothered. Like you said, he has bigger fish to fry. Like finding a date to the Yule Ball.”

Remus scoffed “I don’t envy him that. Speaking of, what do you want to do for the holidays?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I was just thinking, it’s our first one together since Harry was a baby.” he pointed out “Perhaps we ought to do something special. Perhaps a trip?” 

“Maybe.” Sirius thought “Or, what if we threw a party?”

“A party?” 

“Yeah. Like a big blowout, we can invite all the people we like and get raucously drunk.” 

“Do we know enough people for a blowout?” Remus asked

“Well, we’ve got the Weasleys- and they’re basically an entire party in themselves, Hermione and her parents- I’d love to finally meet them, Hagrid for sure, maybe McGonagall, Moody if he’d come. Who else is still kicking about from the Order, anyway?” 

Remus thought for a moment, he hadn’t seen most of the surviving members in years “Other than Moody, I think just Sturgis and Emmeline. Oh, and Deadalus Diggle.” 

“A depressing thought.” Sirius frowned. He shook his head “But anyway, I’d love to see them.”

“You could invite Andromeda and her husband. I know you’ve been wanting to see her.” Remus suggested 

“And we can ask Harry if he’d like to invite any of his other school friends.” he said “I don’t know, it might be fun.”

“You do need a way to reestablish your reputation of throwing the best parties.” Remus said “I think that’s a great idea.” 

Sirius grinned “Brilliant. Then we’ll have to start decorating. Deck everything else out with lights and the biggest tree we can find.” 

“You know the ceiling is only seven feet, right?” 

“Then we’ll get a seven foot tree.” He said happily “Oh! We have to start on presents, too.”

“Please tell me you won’t go overboard as you are want to do.” Remus said. Sirius adored holidays and birthdays, and always had a habit of taking every celebration to the extreme in every way. His celebrations of the Marauders’ birthdays ranged from the excessive to outright ridiculous in their school days- once culminating in the house elves serving nothing but birthday cake for a week straight for Peter’s 15th birthday. A fun thought in theory, but a recipe for a stomach ache in practice. It didn’t stop with simple holidays, he managed to throw ragers in the Gryffindor common room for something as simple as Leap Day. Any excuse to drink in excess and decorate a room had Sirius Black’s name written all over it.

“Why not? I’ve got 13 years of Birthdays and Christmases to make up for.” 

“I don’t even really celebrate Christmas.” He pointed out

“13 Hanukkahs.” he said “If you think about it, thats 104 days of gift giving I’ve missed out on.” 

Remus frowned “I’m just saying, please don’t get me anything extravagant. I will recognize that I cannot stop you from spoiling Harry rotten.”

“You cannot.” Sirius said, pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill, beginning a list of things to buy “In any case, we’ve at least got to get gifts for all the Weasleys, Hagrid, and Hermione. And you’re going to have to help me, because I can hardly remember the Weasleys names most days.”

“Molly, Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny.” Remus recited

Sirius shook his head “How do you manage that?”

“I was a teacher, remember?” He said “I remember everyone’s names.” 

Sirius’ planning was interrupted by a tapping on the window. Remus opened it up and took the post from a handsome tawny owl and slipped it a few knuts before it flew off. 

“Who’s that from?” Sirius asked

“It just says ‘to the parent(s)/guardian(s) of Harry Potter’.” Remus said, handing it over to Sirius, still unsure of his place in calling himself one of Harry’s guardians. 

“Did we finally get our first letter from McGonagall?” Sirius asked, ripping the envelope open with his thumbs

“It wasn’t a Hogwarts seal.” Remus said. 

Sirius unfolded the letter and read it over quickly, cocking his eyebrow “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?” 

“It’s from the Daily Prophet. Well, the Department of Magical Games and whatever.” he said, handing the letter back to Remus “Apparently they want to hold ‘interviews with the Champion’s parents and/or guardians’.” 

“Oh fucking hell.” Remus groaned, reading it himself “They can’t be serious. This is a ruse if I ever heard of one.” 

“Obviously.” Sirius said “They want to come here.” 

“We’re not letting that woman in our house.” he said firmly 

“I mean…” 

“You can’t honestly want to go along with this, do you?”

“Well no! I’d rather not, but don’t you think it’ll look weird if we’re the only ones who don’t do it?” Sirius suggested 

“But what if they’re just saying they’re interviewing everyone so they can worm their way in?” 

“That’s a possibility.” he nodded “But I think they’ll write about us one way or another.” 

Remus groaned and let his head hit the table “I hate the Ministry. And the Daily Prophet. And Rita bloody Skeeter.” 

Sirius tutted and patted his back “I know, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "Run for Cover" by the Killers


	9. On the News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Hey baby, saw you on the news  
>  Lookin' like you ain't got much to lose  
> Now you feel you have enough to do  
> Come on baby, make me fall in love with you"_

_“Guardians of Tri-Wizard Champion Open Up  
by Rita Skeeter_

_It’s a cold mid-December day when I am invited to the cramped, yet cozy cottage that Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, recently appointed guardians of Tri-Wizard Champion Harry Potter, call home. The grey stone building is located a tiny Welsh village that can be generously called ‘off the beaten path’. When I ask about the choice to move to such a desolate location, Black simply says that they “like their privacy”. On the inside, it’s decorated eclectically, with picture frames taking up most of the space on the walls and books stacked in odd locations- perhaps a hoarding tendency picked up from years of being untethered from normal Wizarding society. In an attempt to regain normalcy in their chaotic lives, the duo has decorated the cottage for the holidays, with a massive tree taking up most of the modest living room. A menorah sits on the windowsill- a homage to Lupin’s Jewish heritage. The cottage, I am told, belonged to Lupin’s maternal grandfather- a muggle by the name of Llewyn Howell. Lupin seems cagey about discussing his family further, eagerly pushing me towards a new topic._

_Perhaps it is Lupin and Black’s familiarity with tragedy that draws them so closely to young Harry Potter. Black, as we know, is the heir to the Black family fortune and name- the only surviving son of Walburga and Orion Black. His younger brother, Regulus Black, was a known Death Eater who died in 1978, not long after leaving Hogwarts. Always the “black sheep” of the family so to speak, Black ran away from his family home before leaving school- fleeing to the home of James Potter- father of Harry. “James was my best friend,” Black says, his steel grey eyes misting with tears “he took me in when nobody else would accept me”._

_Lupin too, is no stranger to the dark forces of the world. He states he was “very young” when he was bitten by an unknown (or undisclosed) werewolf. Further details are unknown, as Lupin will not share many details of his early life. Is it shame that keeps him so carefully guarded? It’s known that his father, Lyall Lupin, was a prominent employee of the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures until 1965- when Remus was 5 years old. While under their payroll, the elder Lupin was a vocal advocate of a universal Werewolf registry, stating on the record many times that he would rather werewolves such as his son be put down like rabid animals. Lupin resists any questions relating to his father, his muggle mother, and his relationship with either of them. “It’s a painful topic for me to discuss, I’m sure you understand.” sighs a vulnerable Lupin._

_Black and Lupin met at Hogwarts, and became fast friends with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew- the man who framed Black for his well-publicized murders of several muggles in 1981. Their reputation for reckless and dangerous activities are well known amongst their Hogwarts contemporaries, and seem to have been passed down to their young ward. I ask about their reaction to young Mr. Potter’s entry into the Tri-Wizard Tournament, which Black downplays “I was worried, of course,” he says nonchalantly “but at a certain point you just have to accept that kids are going to do what they like. I won’t fault him for that.” A bold statement from a man who spent 12 years in Azkaban Prison for an impulse decision to chase after his old school friend._

_Also played close to the vest is the true extent of their relationship, and exactly when it began. Sources close to the couple state that they were “nearly inseparable” in their later years at Hogwarts, and even lived together in a flat in London following their departure from school. Following Black’s imprisonment, Lupin was set adrift, never settling in one place for the 12 years they were apart before his short-lived appointment as the Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I ask them if they have any outstanding plans to make their relationship more legally significant, and they glance at each other meaningfully but claim to “have no such plans at the time being”. Certainly the idea of wedding bells would cause a significant splash, both due to the union of two Wizards, and Lupin’s status as a werewolf. There are many within the Ministry of Magic who believe werewolves shouldn’t be allowed to intermarry with un-afflicted witches or wizards, and one of such a prominent family would certainly raise objections from certain factions._

_Perhaps it is the potential of another significant disruption of Mr. Potter’s life that has caused him to have such public outbursts as of late? Or is it simply the influence of the two wizards who, until recently, have only had to look out for themselves. Time will certainly tell what will happen with this odd “family”. Have a comment or opinion? Send an owl to my desk at “Rita Skeeter Responds, Daily Prophet, London” to put in your two cents. I’ll be back next week with an interview with the other Hogwarts champion, Cedric Diggory’s parents.”_

The article was circulating around the school the same as they always did, and Harry ignored the furtive whispers as he passed by.

“You’d think they’d get that it’s all made up by now.” Harry said as they walked across the grounds towards Care of Magical Creatures that afternoon.

“People will believe anything.” Ron said “They’ll be over it by tomorrow.” 

“It really is awful the way they talk about Lupin.” Hermione said 

“He hates it.” Harry admitted “Sirius just takes it in stride, says people can say whatever they want about him so long as they don’t call him old.” 

“D’you think what they said about his dad is true?” Ron wondered

Harry shrugged “He doesn’t talk about him all that much, but I don’t think they hated each other. The way Sirius talks about it, it seems like they just had a complicated relationship more than anything.” 

“Strange about Sirius’ brother, too.” Hermione said “I didn’t know that. If it's true, that is.” 

“I knew he and Sirius didn’t get along, and that Sirius’ family were big into the Dark Arts. I guess it makes sense that his brother would be a Death Eater.”

“Still, it’s weird you’d get two siblings that are as different as that.” Ron said “‘Course, you’d never guess that Fred and George were related to Percy if we didn’t all look the same.” 

“I guess that’s fair.” Hermione said. As they got closer to Hagrid’s hut, Harry pointedly turned away from Malfoy and his gang, who were cackling around a copy of the article.

“Hey Potter, got a date to the Yule Ball yet?” Malfoy called out 

“No.” Harry snapped “Do you?” 

As if to answer, he slung his arm over Pansy Parkinson’s shoulder and she lifted her pug nose into the air “I’ve an idea, since you both are hopeless at finding dates, maybe you and Weasley can go together. Take a page from Black’s book.” 

His cronies cackled at this and Harry rolled his eyes and turned back to Ron and Hermione to ignore them. 

“Of course, that’s probably a little insulting to Weasley, isn’t it? Oh! Maybe you can take one of those stray dogs running around Hogsmeade, you know, if you really wanted to be like your blood-traitor Godfather.”

Harry whipped around, blood rushing to his face furiously “Shut up, Malfoy.” 

Malfoy smirked, looking thrilled that he’d touched a nerve “One of those really dirty mutts, too. Still a step up from fucking a werewolf, but not by much.” 

Hermione grabbed his arm as he tried to take a step forward “Harry, leave it alone, it’s what he wants.” 

“I suppose you’re used to it, aren’t you, Potter?” he continued “What with your dad marrying a filthy little mudblood, you must feel right at home with the dogs.” 

Harry saw nothing but red as he shoved Hermione’s hand off him and lunged at Malfoy, not even bothering with his wand as his fist made contact with the side of his face. Malfoy cried out and hit him back, getting a good shot at Harry’s nose as they tussled in the grass. Harry got in another good punch before Hagrid came out of his cabin. 

“Oy! Knock it off, both of ye!” He boomed. It took Ron and Hermione to finally drag Harry way from Malfoy. He spat blood onto the grass as Malfoy got to his feet, sneering at him. Hagrid gaped at Harry “What are you thinkin’, fightin’ like tha? Off to your heads of house, both of you!” 

Harry shrugged off Ron and Hermione and snatched his bag up, stomping up to the castle to McGonagall’s office, fuming the entire way. Evidently, Hagrid sent up an owl before he arrived and she greeted him at the door, a frown deep on her face. 

“Have a seat.” She said, shutting the heavy wooden door behind them. She handed him a tissue and Harry registered that his nose was bleeding down his face for the first time. He slumped in his chair and held it up to his nose to stop the blood 

“Malfoy started it!” Harry said immediately 

“It was said that you threw the first punch, Potter.” she said 

“Yeah, but he-“

“Potter, I don’t want to hear it.” McGonagall snapped, cutting him off. “Now, I know that this term has been difficult for you, but fighting is inappropriate behavior for a member of my house and in particular a representative of this school.” 

“He was talking about Remus.” Harry argued. He knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere “What do you want me to do, just ignore it?” 

“Yes, Potter, I do.” she said “And I expect Professor Lupin will say the same when I send him and Mr. Black a letter about this today.” 

He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, slinking low in his chair. He wasn’t worried about what they’d say, he knew Sirius would at least know he was in the right “I suppose I have detention.” 

She sighed “Yes, Potter, you have detention. As noble as your intentions, fighting is still strictly prohibited, as you well know.”

“And Malfoy? Is he going to punished? I doubt it, if Snape has anything to do with it.” 

McGonagall frowned “I will be speaking to Professor Snape and ensuring the appropriate punishment is given out to all involved. 

“Fine.” Harry said “But I’m not apologizing to Malfoy. I’d rather have a month’s detention than take back what I did.” 

She fixed him with a look over her glasses “I understand. You don’t have to apologize to Mr. Malfoy. But I implore you to get a better hold of your emotions next time a situation like this arrises.” 

Harry huffed sullenly “I’ll try.” he said, but neither one of them believed he would.

——————-

_“Dear Mr. Remus Lupin and Mr. Sirius Black,_

_This letter is to inform you that Harry Potter will be formally disciplined following an incident on 14th December 1994, wherein following a verbal exchange, he instigated a physical altercation with a fellow student. Both students involved received minor injuries and will both be serving detention in the following week. Please note that further infractions of this nature will result in more severe disciplinary measures._

_Yours,_

_Minverva McGonagall_  
Head of Gryffindor House  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry” 

_“Padfoot & Moony,_

_I got detention for fighting Malfoy in Care of Magical Creatures. He was saying awful things about both of you, especially Moony, and my parents, and I don’t feel bad about it. I got a bloody nose but Malfoy got a black eye and a split lip. I figured I should write because McGonagall is sending you a letter anyway. Have detention for the rest of the week._

_See you at Christmas,_

_Harry”_

_“Dear Harry,_

_Moony tells me that I should write that under no circumstances are you to have any more fights with Malfoy, physical or otherwise. He says that violence is not the answer, we need to rise above, attitudes are not changes in this way, etc. etc. I say I’ve never been more proud. Don’t worry about detention, me and your dad had plenty for worse reasons than this. If Remus asked, I gave you a stern talking to- but really I put a few galleons for you to get you and your friends a butterbeer next Hogsmeade weekend._

_Don’t get caught next time._

_Love,_

_Padfoot”_

_“Harry,_

_We received your letter and the one from Professor McGonagall. While I appreciate your intentions, the last thing I want is for you to be getting detention on my behalf. Under no circumstances are you to get in another fight, I don’t care the reasons why. I have been dealing with attitudes like Draco’s my entire life, and I have learned that this kind of altercation will change nothing. Given the intense scrutiny you are under right now, I would urge you to think twice before engaging in this behavior again._

_I know for a fact that your Godfather has explicitly told you the opposite of what I’m telling you now, but I will once again press that this is unacceptable. We all have bigger fights to worry about than this. I am incredibly disappointed in your decisions regarding this matter. That being said, I’m glad that nobody was hurt more than superficially. I implore you to stay out of Draco’s way and I hope to not receive another owl from Professor McGonagall this term._

_I look forward to seeing you this holiday. Remember to send Sirius a list of people you’d like to invite to the party._

_Love,_

_Remus.”_

“You need to stop encouraging him.” Remus snapped as they sent off their letters at the same time.

“I’m not encouraging him.” Sirius argued “I just think the was right.” 

“Right or not, this isn’t the way to solve anything.” 

“Since when are you a pacifist? You hit more people than the rest of us combined at school.” Sirius said, setting the kettle on the stove and leaning against the counter. Remus frowned and crossed his arms.

“That’s different.” 

“How?”

“I don’t know, it just is.” Remus said “Maybe I was wrong then, too. But Harry doesn’t need more excuses to get into trouble like this.” 

“He’s going to get into trouble regardless of what we say or do.” Sirius pointed out. “I’d rather him get into a fight for the right reasons. I mean, really this is Rita Skeeter’s fault more than anybody else.”

He groaned “Don’t remind me of that awful woman. I can still smell her in here. I can’t believe we agreed to that.” 

“They didn’t give us much choice, to be fair.” 

“I should have just made up some excuse to not be there.” 

“Then she would have made something up anyway.” Sirius bridged the space between them “Look, what’s happened has happened, right? Harry wasn’t hurt and he got a good punch in against that awful Malfoy kid, I’ll consider this whole thing a win.”

“Sirius, I’m not kidding. We can’t let him think that we’re okay with it. You know how he gets- he’s got a temper that gives Lily’s a run for her money and a savior complex that dwarfs the sun. If we let him think it’s okay for him to just punch anybody who pisses him off, I’ll be worried.” 

Sirius sighed “I get it, okay? But he’s a good kid. I’m not going to fault him for losing his temper at the little prick. I would’ve done the same thing.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Your impulse control is not exactly the best in the world, Padfoot.” Remus said “And Harry looks up to you, he wants to be like you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Of course it’s not a bad thing! Most of the time, it’s not a bad thing. But in this kind of scenario… It worries me, that’s all I’m saying. Harry would do anything to make you proud. Including stupid and reckless things.”

“I’m not encouraging him to be reckless.” Sirius frowned “If he did something actually stupid and beyond his control, of course I’d be cross at him! But he’s fourteen and the guy insulted his mum, of course he hit him. I just think we can’t be too quick to judge him for that.”

Remus paused and let out a sigh “I know. I’m not angry at him, I just… I get worried about you two taking risks for me.” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe we want to take risks for you? That maybe you’re worth taking risks for?”

He said nothing, just looked at his feet. 

Sirius frowned “It breaks my heart when you don’t think you’re worth fighting for.” he said softly “If someone said this shit about anybody else, you’d be first in line to fight for them.”

“I-“ Remus began, his voice was quiet “I’m trying not to be like that.” 

“I know.” he sighed “I know you are. But I love you, okay? And I don’t know how to make you believe that, I never have.”

“I believe you, I do.” he argued “It’s just hard sometimes. Especially this time of year… I dunno, it’s hard for me.” 

“Remember how you got mad at me for not talking to you about how I was feeling?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow 

“Point taken.” 

“I’ll try and talk more.” Remus said “And let you fight more. But I’m putting my foot down with Harry doing it.”

“I think that’s a reasonable compromise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, writing the Rita Skeeter articles is incredibly entertaining
> 
> Chapter title comes from "On the News" by Keaton Henson


	10. All Tomorrow's Parties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little spicy but fades to black before anything explicit
> 
> _"And what costume shall the poor girl wear  
>  To all tomorrow's parties  
> A hand-me-down dress from who knows where  
> To all tomorrow's parties"_

“Alright then, Bill?” Sirius listed off from his sheet of parchment as they trudged through the streets of Diagon Alley. A soft snow was falling over them, leaving a thin layer of white on their hair and coats. The full moon had passed a few days before, and Remus was leaning on Sirius’ shoulder for support as they made their way across the cobblestone road.

“Done, we got him those sand-repelling goggles.” Remus said 

“Great.” Sirius checked him off “Charlie?” 

“New pair of fireproof arm guards.” 

“Horrifying lines of work they both went into. Percy?”

“Personalized stationary for the office and a new quill set.” Remus said

“I still say we should just buy him some drugs and loosen him up a little bit.” Sirius said, checking his name off the list

“I feel as if Molly would frown upon that idea.” 

"Fair enough." he said “Fred and George?” 

“Fred got a book on commercial spell experimentation and George got a kit for magical pyrotechnics. I’m sure they’ll both use them, but I feel strongly on getting them each a distinct gift.”

“Yeah, twins probably get the short end of the stick on that one.” Sirius checked off their names “Ron?”

“A Chudley Cannons jersey with his name on the back and a signed poster of their latest roster.” Remus said 

“A man of taste, really. Ginny?” 

“Haven’t got hers yet, but Harry suggested a few muggle records she had her eyes on.” he said “We’ll need to go into muggle London for that.”

“Which is perfect, because we need to go there to get Arthur’s gift anyway.” Sirius said “And we got Hermione several heavy and complicated books you assure me she’ll like and a weightless book bag to carry them in.”

“So that’s a majority of the list finished. Who’s left besides finishing up Harry?” 

“We need to come up with something for Hagrid and Molly.” Sirius said, looking up from the list 

Remus thought for a moment “I don’t know about Hagrid. Can’t we find something vaguely dangerous that won’t destroy the house until we give it to him? 

“What could we even get him that isn’t illegal to buy?” Sirius asked

“Fair enough.” Remus said “Perhaps we’ll leave him until the end and we’ll find something he’d like” 

They continued along, thinking of what to get for him and Molly when Sirius stopped in front of a shop “Hang on, let’s go in here.”

“A jewelry store?” Remus asked, cocking an eyebrow “What, are you going to propose?” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter “Not unless you or the government have softened their hard stance on our potential marriage.”

“We have not.” 

“No, I’m thinking for Molly. I thought we should get her something special. As a thank you for caring for Harry, you know?” he said. 

Remus gave him a soft smile “That’s incredibly sweet.”

“It is, isn’t it.” Sirius said “See, some people would appreciate that and not make fun of me.” 

“Hmm, perhaps I’ll get you one of those people for Christmas.” Remus said. 

Sirius smirked and lead the way inside. Remus immediately felt lost among all the jewelry and rings. He was much more inclined towards practical gifts, things people needed or could get some use out of. Sirius, unable to escape his aristocratic upbringing, had impeccable taste for this type of thing. He helped James pick out his engagement ring, and pretty much every other piece of jewelry he ever bought her. He quickly began eyeing the cases with a careful eye. Remus lingered behind him, feeling incredibly shabby compared with the other wizards in the store. 

Sirius paused at the third case and cocked his head to the side “What about something like this? It’s certainly her color” he asked Remus. He pointed out a subdued locket with a deep blue gem in the center. It was certainly beautiful 

“You’re the expert.” Remus shrugged “It’s very pretty.” 

Chin raised, Sirius got the attention of the wizard behind the display case “Excuse me, sir, can I look at this please?” 

Remus had to suppress a grin at his most posh accent coming out as he spoke, every syllable carefully placed. It reminded him of when they first arrived at Hogwarts, his accent so refined and upright in comparison to Remus’ melodic valley Welsh. Sirius had quickly fallen out of it as soon as he could, picking up mannerisms from Remus and their other classmates, but he would slip back into his old way of speaking when he needed to. The jeweler brought out the locket and Sirius looked over it. 

“Excellent eye.” he said “This piece is 100 Galleons.” 

Sirius nodded carefully and Remus tried not to choke at the price “And this is goblin-wrought, correct?” he asked 

“Of course. Hand made and one of a kind. It’s inlayed with sapphire and the interior is charmed to show an image of whoever the wearer wants to see at any time.” 

He turned back to Remus “It’s not too much, do you think?”

“I mean, it’s up to you.” Remus said “So long as we never mention how much it was. But you said you wanted to get her something special, and I think she’d like it.” 

“Excellent. We’ll take it.” Sirius said.

He had it sent directly to the cottage, along with their other shopping before they went into muggle London. Remus was holding Sirius’ arm for support at this point, but he plowed along without complaint, enjoying the walk through the cold.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Moony?” Sirius asked

“Yeah, just a little stiff.” 

“You know Madame Pomfrey will murder me if I let you hurt yourself, right?” 

“Yes, it’s all apart of our master plan.” he joked “Really, I’m fine. We’re almost done anyway.” 

Once they were finished in the record store, the snow was beginning to fall in earnest, the sky turning white and obstructing the view ahead of them. Sirius shivered and leaned into Remus who was staring at the sky, thrilled. Remus loved the winter, he loved the clumsy numbness in his fingers and the way the air felt sharp in his lungs. He liked that he could bundle up in layers even though he ran hot all the time. Sirius tolerated the cold, but much preferred the summer months. Secretly, Remus would keep the windows open in their room even in the dead of December because he loved how Sirius would press his body up against his and mumble how it was “like sleeping next to a space heater.” 

They wandered along, Remus marveling at how the snow muffled the sounds of the city, and made it seem peaceful and quiet. He was so entranced by the storm that he hadn’t noticed that their clothes had begun to get soaked through. Sirius’ hair was dripping wet and Remus laughed a little “We can head home now if you want.” 

“Only if you’re ready.” He said amicably 

“Come on.” Remus tugged on his arm and they ducked into the next alleyway to apparate back to the cottage. 

Remus hadn’t realized the storm had reached the cottage yet, and as they landed in the garden, their feet hit a patch of snow and ice. Taken aback, Remus’ knee buckled underneath him and he fell backwards into a snow drift, dragging Sirius down with him. He was momentarily stunned as Sirius collapsed on top of him and he began to laugh. Sirius cracked a grin and grabbed a handful of snow, ruffling it through Remus’ hair. 

“You bastard!” Remus laughed, tossing snow back at him as Sirius fell back on the drift and spread his arms and legs out and moved them around to make a lopsided snow angel. Remus’ sides were beginning to hurt from laughing and Sirius stumbled his way to his feet and held an arm out to him. Remus took it gratefully and shakily got to his feet, brushing the snow from his jacket. 

Sirius held onto him and watched his face with a grin. Sirius held him for a long moment, the snow accumulating in their hair, before Sirius leaned in and pressed their lips together. Sirius’ nose was cold on his own as he returned it and they stood in the garden, feeling like teenagers again. Sirius finally pulled away and he could see their breath mingling in the icy air.

“We should go in before we get buried alive.” he said, his voice barely a whisper 

Remus kissed him again “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” 

Sirius unlocked the door and they stepped inside. The warmth from the cottage sent sharp needles of feeing back into Remus' face and fingers. With the door shut behind them, Remus pulled Sirius in by the lapels of his coat and continued where they’d left off as their clothes dripped melting snow onto the floor. 

“I should start a fire.” Sirius muttered absently “warm us up.” 

“No,” Remus said “just come here.” 

He wasn’t about to object and put his arms around Remus as he leaned against the wall. Sirius shrugged off his coat and let it stay where it fell. They left a trail of soaked clothes at they slowly made their way to their room, and Sirius had to stop to catch his breath and they leaned against the door-jam, Remus’ eyes darkened as they broke apart for a moment. His hair was still damp, his brown curls dark against his forehead. 

“What’re you looking at, Lupin?” Sirius asked, his lip curling up to a wicked grin. 

Remus smirked and grabbed his undershirt and tugged him towards the room “Just get in here.” 

“As you wish.” 

————-

Later, they lay entangled under a mound of blankets, Sirius lazily running his thumb up over a scar on Remus’ shoulder as he lay across his chest. 

“I love you.” Sirius muttered

Remus smiled against his skin “I love you, too.” he said, pressing his face into Sirius’ side “Fuck, I could stay here forever.” 

Sirius laughed “Shouldn't you be grabbing your post-shag cigarette?” 

“Since when do you like it when I indulge?” he asked

He shrugged “Since it became painfully clear that you wouldn’t stop.” 

Remus gave him a guilty smile and reached for the pack on his bedside table and frowned “Bollocks.” he said 

“What?”

“Can’t find my lighter.” he said

“Hang on.” He reached into his own drawer and pulled out a small parcel wrapped in blue paper and handed it to Remus.

He gave him a look and furrowed his brow “What is-?”

“Happy Hanukkah.” he said with a shrug.

“I told you I didn’t need anything!” Remus groaned “I haven’t even really celebrated in-“

“Will you just open the damn present?” Sirius grinned, thrusting it into his hands. 

Remus frowned but carefully undid the wrapping and slid a small black box out. Sirius was always amused by his insistance on not tearing the wrapping paper on any gift he got. He lifted off the top and found a silver lighter nestled inside. He blinked in surprise and picked it up, the weight felt more substantial than the cheap bic ones he was used to. He turned it over in his hand and found a small inscription engraved in the side in Sirius’ perfect script

_“Moony, in case i’m not there to remind you- these will kill you one day. I love you- Padfoot.”_

“It has a charm so it’ll always light, even in the wind or the rain. Or an insane blizzard.” Sirius said. 

Remus flipped open the top and lit it once before closing it again “I love it.” he said softly, turning to face him “I really, really love it.” 

Sirius grinned and him and leaned over, kissing him again “Good.” 

He flicked it open again and lit a cigarette, reveling in the satisfying click the metal made as it was opened and closed. He took a satisfying drag and offered it to Sirius, who rarely indulged in the habit these days, but would occasionally do so after sex. Sirius took it between his elegant fingers and Remus watched as he inhaled with his eyes shut. 

“D’you remember the first winter in our old flat?” he asked 

Sirius laughed, exhaling blue-tinged smoke and handing it back to Remus “How could I forget? I think it’s the coldest I’ve ever been in my life. That fucking landlord.” 

Remus laughed “I think we spent the entire time under a mountain of blankets and eating breakfast in winter coats.” 

“And that one time the window got jammed open?” Sirius remembered “Didn’t you almost get pneumonia?” 

“I think so.” he said “It’s strange though, I can’t remember ever feeling bad about the situation then. I only remember being happy. Scared shitless, of course, but mostly happy.” 

Sirius grinned and looked down at him as he took a drag “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Me too. I’m glad it feels like that again.” 

“Yeah.” Remus grinned “Me too.” 

————

The next morning, Sirius was in full-out party preparation mode, and delegated Remus to drive to Kings Cross to pick up Harry from the train. 

“Tell him I’m sorry, there’s just too much to do!” Sirius called from the kitchen 

“Don’t burn the house down.” Remus called as he picked up his keys

“No promises.” 

He set off in the rickety old car, which let out a groan of protest at driving on the snowy roads to London. He stood away from the crowd at the platform, hoping to avoid too much attention. One or two people gave him a sideways glance, but he seemed to be forgotten as the train pulled up and the students began unloading. It was the morning after the Yule Ball, and the older students were looking a little green in the face from the previous night’s activities. Remus scanned through the crowd until he saw Harry and called out to him. He turned and ran over. 

“Hey Moony!” He said. 

Remus hugged him from the side and smiled “It’s good to see you. Padfoot wanted to come but he is going a little bit overboard with preparations. Got your bags?”

“Yeah, this is everything.” he said. As they talked, the Patil twins walked past and fixed Harry with a stare and he grimaced

Remus cocked an eyebrow “What was that about?” 

“I’ll explain in the car.” Harry frowned as they stalked away. He slung his bag over his shoulder and Remus lead the way back to the parking lot.

“The door’s doing a weird thing right now, so just yank it hard.” Remus told him as he unlocked it. Harry smirked, amused.

“Don’t you think it’s maybe time to let the car go?” Harry asked

Remus shrugged “It still runs, doesn’t it?” 

“Legally?” 

“Mostly.” Remus said, shutting the door behind him. He let it sputter into life and Harry shivered, holding his hand over the heater “So how was the ball?” 

Harry groaned “It was a nightmare.” 

“What did you do to Ms. Patil?” Remus said as they pulled out 

“I didn't _do_ anything!” He argued “I mean, I did step on her toe. Once. But she was angry I didn’t want to dance later, too!”

Remus laughed a little “Oh, Harry.” 

“What?” He fumed “I don’t get it! And then Hermione came with Krum and Ron was jealous the whole time. I just don’t get what the big deal is! Why can’t girls just say what they mean?” 

Remus gave him a sympathetic look as he pulled onto the main road “Oh bloody hell, fuck off and grow a pair!” he yelled at another driver, shaking his head “Listen, I won’t claim to be an expert on the subject. Clearly. But perhaps people are saying what they mean, but often we aren’t listening in the right way.”

Harry frowned “That doesn’t make any sense.” 

“Neither does dating.” Remus shrugged

“I hate this.” he groaned “And now Pavarti is angry at me, and I didn’t even want to go with her, really.” 

“Who did you want to go with?” 

Harry flushed a little bit “Nobody.” he murmured

“I mean, I can make some guesses.” Remus teased “Lavender? Hannah Abbott? Pansy Parkinson?” 

“Ew, God no.” Harry scrunched up his face. He sighed “I tried to ask Cho Chang out, but Cedric had already asked her.”

“Cho, huh?” Remus asked, nodding “She’s a good girl.”

His face softened a little bit “Yeah. Yeah she is.” he shook his head “But it doesn’t matter, she’s going out with Cedric now.” 

Remus shrugged “Just because they’re dating now doesn’t mean they always will. Teenage relationships tend to be fickle.” 

“When did you and Sirius get together?” Harry asked 

“Oh, we were off an on for a little bit.” Remus said “But we settled in around the end of sixth year.” 

“And did you… Date other people?” 

“I was never much for dating, really.” he said “Sirius though did his fair share of dating the girls in our year.” 

“Wait, he dated girls too?” 

“Yes, that’s an option, you know.” Remus laughed “In any case, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. And as far as the dancing goes, we can at least commiserate on that. I’m a god awful dancer.” 

“It was so bad, Moony.” Harry groaned 

“I’m sure it wasn’t so terrible.” he assured him “By the time you all go back to school, everyone will have forgotten it.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure. Hermione was furious.” 

Remus sighed “That’s fair enough. They’ll sort themselves out eventually. Your mum and dad used to bicker like that all the time.” 

“Did they?” 

“Oh yeah.” Remus said, smiling fondly “Your mum used to think James had quite the big head. Which, I will grant you, he did. But after fifth year he matured a little and she realized he wasn’t such a bad guy.” 

“Wow.” Harry said “I guess I always assumed they had always been together, you know?”

“Very few people are actually like that.” Remus explained “Many people don’t even meet their partner until well after they leave school.” 

“You did.” Harry pointed out 

“Yes well, my point still stands.” he said 

They drove along for a while, Harry fiddling with the radio to try and pick up a station and finally coming across a University station which played some good music. 

Eventually Harry bit his lip and turned to Remus “When you came to the school, after the Goblet of Fire, Sirius said something to Snape.” 

“ _Professor_ Snape.” Remus corrected 

“Okay whatever.” Harry shrugged it off “He said ‘reformed Death Eaters’, what did he mean by that?” 

Remus clenched his jaw and thought for a moment, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel “What do you think he meant?” he asked carefully 

“Well, I figured that Karkaroff was a Death Eater. Moody told me as much. But was Snape a Death Eater?” 

He sighed “What you have to understand, Harry, is that… Things are often more complicated than they seem. Particularly in those days, we all often didn’t know the broad scope of what was happening and who was doing what. I don’t even really know the whole story to be honest, but Snape was at one point a Death Eater, yes.” 

“Why is everyone so quick to forgive him?” Harry asked “Especially you, after what he did to you last year?” 

“I don’t especially like the man, Harry.” Remus said “But he did turn spy for us towards the end of the war, at a lot of personal risk. And that has to count for something.”

“What, so someone does one good thing and suddenly they’re a hero forever?” 

“I didn’t say that.” he sighed “But Dumbledore trusts him. And I trust Dumbledore’s judgement.” 

“I heard him talking to Karkaroff though.” Harry said “After the ball. He was telling Snape- okay Professor Snape- about something getting more distinct.” 

Remus thought this over for a moment “Did you catch what they were talking about specifically?”

Harry shook his head “No, but-“

“Harry, not everything is a conspiracy.” Remus pointed out “Karkaroff is… Paranoid, to say the least. He ratted out a lot of Death Eaters to save his own neck. That puts a hefty bounty on your head, even now.” 

“I still think it’s suspicious for them to be talking, that’s all.” 

“I understand your concern. But I assure you, if Dumbledore thought something would be amiss, he would not have allowed Karkaroff into the castle.” he said 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Harry frowned 

“Come on, there will be time to worry about all of this later. For now, let’s just look forward to the holiday and the obscene amount of food your godfather is currently making.”

“He’s on a kick lately, isn’t he?”

“Oh you have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on writing tooth rotting fluff tonight but New York just got a big snow storm and I love snow so much this just came out.
> 
> I know in the books they stay over Christmas for the Yule Ball, but I’m just shifting the timeline a little bit so they still have the holidays
> 
> Chapter title comes from "All Tomorrow's Parties" by The Velvet Underground


	11. I'll Be Your Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I'll be your mirror  
>  Reflect what you are, in case you don't know  
> I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset  
> The light on your door to show that you're home"_

Remus stood at the sink, washing the dishes by hand rather than using his wand. He preferred it this way, it felt therapeutic. It reminded him of afternoons spent with his mother, stood on a little step stool they had with little bluebells painted on it. Hope would sing as she washed- the Kinks, Buddy Holly, the Velvet Underground. He had a vivid memory of her dancing around the kitchen, holding him, singing “I’ll Be Your Mirror” until he giggled and forgot about the pain in his bones. Her voice was nothing special, but it was low and tinged with her smoking and so uniquely hers.

_"When you think the night has seen your mind, that inside you're twisted and unkind, let me stand to show that you are blind"_

He’d been remembering things like this lately- little memories of his parents. Both of them died around this time of year, though eight years apart. It almost felt foreign to be celebrating anything at all, let alone to these lengths. Since his father died six years ago, he let most of them pass without fanfare, birthdays without acknowledgment. Sometimes he would buy a nicer than usual bottle of wine and leave it at that. Even when Lyall was still alive, they were mostly going through the motions. They would meet up on the occasional holiday out of obligation, but they would rarely do more than eat dinner and sit in awkward silence. Lyall would try and get Remus to move in with him and he would refuse, not wanting to infringe on his father’s peaceful existence with his gloom. 

He looked up from the dishes and out the kitchen window, where he could hear the muffled voices of Sirius and Harry in the garden. They had initially set out to string lights along the fence post, but it had quickly devolved into a snowball fight. 

“Oh come on, you can’t use your wand, that’s not fair!” Harry said, running to avoid the tidal wave of snow heading towards him 

“All’s fair in love and war.” Sirius grinned “Pretend it’s a dragon!” 

Remus smiled watching them. This was good for him, he knew that. He was happier than he had been in a long time, but he couldn’t shake that long-standing instinct of melancholy that lived in his head. It was all he had to fall back on for so long, that it was hard to break out of the habit. 

He had resolved to at least try. That night was the last night of Hanukkah, and despite his insistance to Sirius that they needn't bother, because it really wasn’t that major of a holiday in any case, they had lit the candles and Remus did his best to remember the prayer that his father used to say in his own low voice. He gave them each a gift from him, a new school bag for Harry and a warm sweater for Sirius- he was always more inclined towards practical gifts, but they thanked him all the same. He had a bigger gift for each of them tomorrow, anyway. Sirius surprised him and learned to make latkes and he grinned as he ate on the living room floor.

“Better than my mum made.”

“I appreciate it, but your mum was as bad a cook as you are.” Sirius said with a smile 

“Yeah that’s fair.” He admitted

“What was she like?” Harry asked, taking a bite “Your mum?” 

“My mum was…” he thought for a moment, thinking of the best way to describe her “a force to be reckoned with.”

“I’ll say.” Sirius laughed “Didn’t she used to go and get arrested a lot?” 

“Wait, really?” Harry laughed 

“Well she did it on purpose.” Remus explained “She was very into protesting when I was a kid. When she could, that is. I certainly didn’t lead to her having so much in the way of free time outside of work. Nearly gave my dad an aneurism every time she went out.”

“If Lyall could have kept you both in bubbles, he would have.” Sirius said 

“And now that I have you two around, I understand the feeling.” 

“Was what Skeeter said about him in her article true?” Harry asked “I mean, I figured it wasn’t.”

“Nah, not really. I mean, he did work at the Ministry and had some… Questionable views on werewolves. He blamed himself for my attack after it happened because of it, and he learned better. And we loved each other, it was just… Complicated because of it. Not bad, just complicated.” He sighed “I do miss him though.” 

“Yeah, me too.” Sirius said 

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him “Sirius, he hated you. He really, really hated you. Before you went to Azkaban, too.” 

“Oh I know that, but I think I could have won him over eventually.” He said “I love a challenge.” 

————-

There was a dream Remus had been having since he was a child. A nightmare. He couldn’t remember a time where it didn’t pop up from time to time. It wasn’t every night anymore, as it had been following the attack, but every so often, around exams, during the war, the first day before he started teaching, it would come back. It wasn’t always the same, sometimes it would change around, and he was watching himself from the edge of the garden, and sometimes he would still be that same tiny child, unable to resist the sweet words of the monster outside.

It was dark as it began tonight. He could smell the trees, the forest around him. And distantly, people. Noise, cars, pollution. All of it clouded his senses, distracted him, but he knew exactly where he was going. He felt the crunch of the fresh snow beneath his feet, cold and exhilarating as the crept towards the little stone house. He could almost taste the flesh within in his mouth, and he salivated at the thought. 

Closer now, closer, he inched around the lights around the fence and crept towards the fresh footprints. And suddenly the boy was in his sight. He had to wait. Wait until he was far enough away, wait until it was too late for the man inside to stop it. He was a fool for not watching the boy, a fool for not locking the doors and windows when he had the chance. He was at the edge of the garden now, and he could see the glint of the full moon in his glasses. And just like that, his teeth were tearing into his shoulder and sending blood over the snow. The boy screamed, but he wouldn’t stop.

“Moony!” he heard a voice off in the distance but didn’t look away from the carnage

“Moony! Wake up, Moony!” 

Remus was up like a shot, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt sweat soaking his forehead as his breath came out in uneven heaves. Sirius stood above him, clutching his shoulders with wide eyes. 

“Breathe, okay?” he said, tightening his grip on Remus’ shoulders. He nodded stiffly and tried to regain control of his breathing, trying to register the room around him, the feeling of Sirius’ hands on him“I’m here, alright? You’re right here with me. You’re okay. Nobody’s going to hurt you.” his voice was soft and low as he ran his hands up and down his arm. 

He shut his eyes and breathed in deep, trying to rid his mind of the dream. He clutched his head in his hands and couldn’t help but let out a dry sob. He felt the same way every time he had the dream, he always felt like a scared child. But this was something new. Sirius got up for a moment to flick on the lights but was back by his side in an instance. 

“Was it the Greyback dream?” Sirius asked softly. 

“Yes.” Remus said, his chest still pounding and his breath uneven “No. I don’t know.” 

“Talk to me. What happened?” 

“I-In the dream, I was him. _I_ was Greyback.” Remus said “And I attacked… It was Harry. Harry was in the garden, and I…” he trailed off, knowing he wasn’t making much sense at all.

“Hey, come here.” Sirius said softly, pulling Remus into his arms and holding him tightly “It was just a dream, okay? It was just a nightmare.”

“I know.” Remus said “I know, I just…” 

“It’s just a dream.” Sirius muttered

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I know this is… This is so childish, fuck…” 

“It’s not childish. It’s okay.” Sirius said. He held him for a long time, his grip never loosening 

“You must be sick to death of this by now.” Remus laughed “Sick of me.” 

“Never.” Sirius said “I could never.” 

Remus’ heart finally stopped pounding within his chest and he was able to sit up, still leaning against Sirius heavily 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sirius asked gently 

“I-“ Remus began. He sighed “I don’t know what happened. It was the same dream, you know? But this time… It was like I was him. Like I was Greyback, and Harry was in the garden. And it… It just felt so _real._ ”

“It was just a dream, Moony.” Sirius said “It doesn’t mean anything.” 

Remus pressed his palms into his eyes “How pathetic am I? 34 years old and I’m still having nightmares over something that happened when I was six. As if horrible things haven’t happened since then?”

“Remus, come on, you know it doesn’t work like that.” Sirius said “I still have nightmares about my mum sometimes.” 

“Do you?”

“Yeah.” Sirius said “Something awful happened to you when you were a child. It’s okay that you still feel it.” 

“It doesn’t feel okay.” Remus muttered “Especially when… Fuck, Sirius, what if I’m more like him than I thought?” 

“You’re nothing like him.” Sirius said firmly “You know that.” 

“Sometimes I…. Sometimes I’m not so sure.” 

“Do you think that Greyback could open his life up to someone else so suddenly? Someone he hated months before?” 

“I-“ Remus looked at Sirius “No. No, I don’t think so.”

“Do you think he could open his home up to a 14 year old without any ulterior motives?”

“No.” 

“Okay. Do you think I could love someone like him?” 

Remus laughed “No. No I don’t.”

“Then I think that speaks for itself.” 

Remus sighed “I- Sirius, I need you to promise me something.” 

“What?” 

“I need you to promise me that you’ll never let something like that happen. Ever.” Remus said, his eyes shut “If it ever happens and I’m… If I’m going to hurt Harry, or anybody else, I need you to promise that you’ll do what you have to.”

Sirius furrowed his brow “Remus, come on. Don’t talk like that. It’s not going to happen.” 

“Just promise me.” he said firmly 

“I- I promise.” Sirius muttered “Can we not talk about this now?” 

“No, we don’t have to talk about it.” Remus said 

“Are you going to try to get back to sleep?” 

“Yeah.” Remus said, taking another deep breath “Can you just… Hold me?” 

Sirius kissed the top of his head “Of course. Always.”

—————

The next morning the terror of the dream was mostly forgotten and replaced with Sirius’ unbridled joy of the day’s upcoming celebrations. He woke Remus up at the crack of dawn before transforming into a dog and barreling up the stairs to leap onto Harry’s bed to get him downstairs. His decorations were something else, it seemed as if every inch of the house was decked out in red and gold, the lights bathing everything in a warm light. He lit a fire behind the overflowing stockings he arranged the night before and handed Remus a cup of coffee as he padded into the kitchen, blinking away sleep.

“Happy Christmas, Padfoot.” Remus yawned, accepting the cup gratefully and kissing him on the cheek 

“Happy Christmas!” Harry called from the stairs, taking the last two in one leap. His hair was even more wild than usual from sleep, and he ran a hand through it to try and flatten it out. 

Sirius passed them both their packages from Molly, and Remus was touched to find he and Sirius had both received the traditional Weasley family sweater. Remus’ was a heathered grey with a navy “R” on the front, and Sirius’ was a deep purple with a gold “S”. They all pulled them on over the pajamas and Sirius excitedly went behind the tree and dragged out the massive box wrapped in red paper meant for Harry. They found it when they went to Diagon Alley and they instantly knew it was perfect. Harry blinked in surprise

“Oh wow, you didn’t really have to do this!" Harry said 

“Nonsense.” Sirius said “‘Course we did.” 

Harry carefully unwrapped the package and Sirius tutted “Is nobody in this household a wrapping paper ripper? Get at it, Potter!”

He laughed and obliged, tearing the paper off the large wooden trunk beneath. Harry furrowed his brow, confused as he looked it over, but lifted the top to reveal a full Quidditch set. The bludgers and the snitch were obviously a little less powerful and could only go so far before returning. 

“You’re kidding!” Harry said, staring stunned at the box

“D’you like it?” Sirius grinned

“I love it!” 

“Great, then you’ll love what’s out in the garden.” 

Harry cocked his head to the side and Sirius nodded towards the back window. He looked outside and gawked in surprise at the three hoops Sirius and he had set up below the tree-line. The neighbors were far enough away that they wouldn’t see anything, and they figured Harry would get some use out of them over the holidays and summers. Harry turned back around and leapt to his feet, hugging Sirius and then Remus as they both laughed. “I can’t believe you did all this! I- Thank you!” he stammered 

“It was nothing. I made Moony do all the hard stuff.” Sirius grinned 

“Happy Christmas, Harry.” Remus smiled

Sirius cooked breakfast before they lost themselves in the excitement of the rest of their gifts. Sirius had largely kept his word of not giving Remus anything too extravagant- but he did buy him a new pair of dragonskin combat boots as his old ones were falling apart from the heel and were no longer responding well to a repairing spell and more books than he needed. Harry gave Sirius a Ziggy Stardust t-shirt and Remus a CD copy of a Smiths record he liked and heaps of Honeydukes chocolate for each of them. Sirius was thrilled that their summer of music education had worked like a charm. Remus had managed to reign in Sirius before he went too overboard, but he did convince him to let them practically bury Harry in a pile of gifts. Although Remus would admit, seeing him open his presents was certainly worth it. 

As they began to wind down, Remus suddenly remembered he’d forgotten to give Sirius his present. He went behind the tree, where he stashed a simple white envelope among the branches and handed it to him. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Sirius insisted 

“‘Course I did.” He said “It isn't much, but I know you wanted a new one soon.” 

Inside was just a card stating the appointment information of a tattoo shop off the main street in Diagon Alley. Sirius cracked a grin “Oh Moony, this is too much.”

“There’s no such thing, according to you.” Remus pointed out 

“Fair enough.” Sirius said “I love it.”

They spent the rest of the morning eating and lounging around the living room before Harry convinced them all to go outside and throw around the Quaffle until it was time to get ready for the party. Remus was lightly bullied into joining them and he did his best to actually catch the ball (to mixed success). Despite all their preparations for the past week, they still ended up scrambling around as 7 rolled closer. 

“Harry, can you clean the windows?” Sirius asked as he rushed from one room to the other

“Are people really going to care about the windows?” He asked 

“Maybe.” Remus said, carrying a tray of food to the living room. 

“Where’s the wine opener?” Sirius yelled from the kitchen 

“Er-“ Remus thought but just flicked his wand “ _Accio!_ ” 

It flew through the air from the couch cushions, nearly hitting Harry in the head. 

Soon enough, Ron appeared in the fireplace, brushing the dust from his robes and poking his head into the kitchen “Happy Christmas!” he said “Mum wanted me to ask if now is good?” 

“Yes! Tell them to come on in.” Remus said, picking up a stack of glasses and following him back to the living room as he poked his head back in the fire and within minutes, the house was overflowing with red hair and matching sweaters. 

Molly immediately went straight up to Sirius and Remus and pulled them into a big hug, her eyes misty “You boys did too much!” she insisted. She was wearing the locket around her neck 

“We did no such thing.” Sirius said “We wanted to thank you for taking care of Harry all these years.” 

“Oh you know I’ve never needed any thanks for that.” she said, dabbing her eyes 

Arthur was the last to arrive, shaking their hands “Thank you for the excellent gift.” he said excitedly. They had found a children’s science experiment kit about light bulbs complete with electric wiring and instructions and figured it would be perfect for Arthur and his love of all things muggle “I can’t believe muggle children do things like this! It’s brilliant what they come up with, isn’t it?” 

“Can I get you two a drink?” Remus asked

“Oh I wouldn’t mind, thank you Remus!” Molly said 

Remus opened up a bottle of wine and fixed up some drinks for Molly and Arthur and the elder three Weasley children and Sirius set up some music with a flick of his wand. It wasn’t long before the house was abuzz with chatter. The doorbell rang, announcing the Grangers dressed in their best. Remus let them in, shaking the Doctors Grangers’s hands and taking their coats. Mr. Granger looked the most like Hermione, but his curly hair was cropped close and his skin was darker than hers. Mrs. Granger was about Hermione’s height and had a kind smile, her hair pulled into a bun on the top of her head. 

“Happy Christmas!” Hermione said cheerfully “And thank you so much for the books, they look fascinating. I got through half of the one on the early formation of the Ministry of Magic in the car. And the bag will be ever so useful.” 

“I’m glad you liked them.” Remus said with a smile “And it’s lovely to finally meet you.”

“And you as well!” Hermione’s mother, Jane, said “Hermione speaks so highly of you and your class.”

“Well, I’m a big fan myself. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that you have a special one, there.” He said as the Grangers beamed with pride “Come in, come in- let me get you a drink. Sirius! Harry! The Grangers are here!” 

Sirius met them in the hall and introduced the Grangers to the Weasleys. Arthur was thrilled to speak to them, and Hermione’s father- Thomas- seemed equally excited to discuss the Wizarding World with him. Sirius began bouncing around the different groups, playing his role as a host especially well. Before long, Hagrid arrived wearing a furry vest and holding the largest bottle of brandy they’d ever seen. Remus was glad they decided to put an undetectable extension charm on the room so it didn’t feel crowded. Poppy and Minerva arrived next- when the children decided to make their exit to see Harry’s room (and, Remus suspected, drink stolen firewhiskey). Poppy gave Remus a peck on the cheek and handed him a bottle of wine.

“I’m so glad you both decided to come.” Remus said with a smile 

“I suppose I was always curious about all the noise I’d hear when Sirius Black was throwing a party.” McGonagall said 

“It’s something to behold, I’ll tell you.” Remus said “Not that we ever did anything inappropriate in Gryffindor tower.”  
“Naturally.” she said 

There was another ring at the door and Sirius answered this time, revealing a short woman with the sides of her head shaved to the scalp and brown skin that hadn’t seemed to age in 13 years. She gave a cheeky grin. 

“You’ve gotten old, Black.” She said

“And I’m furious at you for not doing the same.” Sirius grinned and she hugged him “It’s so good to see you, Emmeline.” 

“You too, you arsehole.” She punched him on the arm “It’s been long enough since you got cleared.”

“I know.” Sirius said, guilty “Been a bit chaotic round here. Get inside, you’ll freeze your tits off.” 

Emmeline walked in and handed her cloak to Sirius, who flicked his wand and sent it off to the pile in their room. “Nice place, yeah?”

“It was Remus’ grandfathers’.” He said. He yelled into the living room “Hey Moony!”

Remus looked up from a conversation with Jane and Bill and cracked a smile, excusing himself. He wove through the crowd and brought Emmeline into a hug, the top of her head barely reaching his shoulder.

“Fuck, I forgot how bloody tall you are!” She said. they lead her into the living room and Sirius thrust a drink in her hand. Harry was just passing by from the kitchen and Remus waved him over

“Harry, this is Emmeline Vance, she was in our year at school.” He said 

“In a different house, thankfully, so I actually got stuff done without this lot making a ruckus.” she grinned, shaking Harry’s hand 

“It’s great to meet you.” he said

“Yeah, you as well.” she said. She turned to Remus “Bloody hell, he really is a spitting image of James, isn’t he?”

“Oh yes.” 

“Technically we’ve met, but you’ve learned how to string together words into sentences since then.”

“Most of the time.” Harry said with a smirk. Remus clapped him on the shoulder and let him get back to his friends 

“Oy, is Sturgis coming? He mentioned something when I ran into him.” She asked Sirius

“Yeah, he should be.”

“He’ll be an hour late as always.” Emmeline said “He hasn’t changed. C’mon Black, give me the tour.” 

Remus set off trays of food to float around the groups of people and watched from the kitchen for a moment. He hadn’t been around this many friends in ages, and he felt a warm feeling in his chest as everyone talked and laughed and drank. The kids came downstairs for food and the house felt full and warm. He had thought that he would never be past the point where he had more graves to visit than friends, but it seemed like that was finally changing. Sirius was in his element, he loved nothing more than entertaining. Remus wandered over finally and smiled to himself as Sirius automatically put his hand around his waist. 

“-I’m thinking of getting it on my forearm, really finish out this arm.” Sirius was telling Harry, Ginny, and Bill

“Can I get a tattoo?” Harry asked. Molly tutted from the next group over as Sirius shrugged

“Once you’re seventeen, sure.” 

“Mum, can I get a tattoo when I’m seventeen?” Ginny asked with a grin

“Absolutely _NOT_.” Molly said “Imagine what people would think, you running around like that.”

“But Bill has a tattoo!” Ginny argued and Molly turned to Bill furiously as he winced.

“You have a _WHAT?_ ” She demanded

“Hey, Charlie has one too!” Bill insisted

“What the fuck, don’t throw me under the Hippogriff!” Charlie said “Bill has more than me.”

“Yeah, but yours are bigger!”

Harry and Ginny laughed as Molly turned her attention to her two eldest songs and ran off into a lecture, demanding to see them. “I can’t believe you would do this to yourselves-“ 

The door rang again, cutting off the lecture and Sirius jogged to the door to find Andromeda and Ted on their doorstep. Sirius was thrilled, greeting his cousin warmly and hugging her for along time

“Oh my god, I’ve missed you so much!” She said 

“So have I!” he said, finally releasing her “No Nymphadora?” 

“Tonks is spending the holiday with their new girlfriend.” Ted explained

“Oooh, a girlfriend, eh?” Sirius asked as he stepped aside to let them in “Do we like this girlfriend?”

“She’s fairly new, to be honest.” Andromeda said “But you know what they’re like when they’re young, running off with whatever new love catches their fancy.”

“Hmmm reminds me of a 18 year old witch running off with her muggleborn boyfriend and announcing it at Christmas dinner?” Sirius said with a smirk. Andromeda punched his arm lightly 

“Well she’s a muggle herself, thank God.” Andromeda said 

“We need some more in the family, balance out the purebloods some more.” Ted grinned 

“C’mon, let me get you a drink. You remember Remus, yeah?” 

As Emmeline anticipated, Sturgis arrived half an hour late, stinking drunk but carrying several bottles of firewhiskey to make up for it. 

“Question?” Sirius asked, leaning into Remus 

“Answer.” Remus said

“Are we entirely too old to ask all our friends to do a shot of fire whiskey with us?” he asked

Remus pondered this for a moment “Normally yes. But, seeing as it’s a holiday, I think we’re allowed a pass.” 

“Excellent. Just what I was thinking.” He summoned some glasses and gathered the over-age crowd- having to shoo off the twins twice as they tried to sneak their way into the mix. 

Remus began filling up glasses and got to Mr. Granger “Ever tried fire whiskey before?” he asked

“No, first time for everything I suppose!” 

“Be warned, it’s not just a clever name.” He said with a grin. Sirius finally convinced Molly and McGonagall to join them, and when they finally filled Hagrid’s glass (a regular drinking glass, not a shot glass), Sirius stood up on the coffee table and held up his drink. 

“Toast!” Sturgis called out 

“Alright then, a toast.” Sirius replied. Everyone hushed up and Sirius thought for a moment “A toast to family. the ones you make, the ones you find, and the ones you cobble together from a bunch of spare parts.” 

“Here, here!” Bill said 

“Cheers!” Remus replied. He winced as the liquor burned his throat and made his body feel warm from his head to his toes. 

“Fuck!” Emmeline coughed, setting her glass down “I need a fag after that- Sturgis?” 

“I quit!” He said apologetically 

“Oh bugger that, Remus- tell me you’re still on my team?” She asked

“Yeah I’ll go.” he said with a grin. 

“At last, someone who hasn’t gone to the dark side.” She said. Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek and left him with the Grangers as they grabbed their coats and stepped out into the chill and quiet of the garden. Emmeline shivered and pulled out a silver cigarette case and put one between her teeth. Remus flicked the lighter Sirius gave him and lit it for her before doing his own.

“Ta, Lupin.” She said.

He inhaled deeply, enjoying the relative quiet but smiling at the noise from inside “So how’s life treating you these days, Vance?” 

“Oh you know,” she shrugged “It is what it is.”

“Seeing anybody?” He asked

Emmeline groaned “Christ, who has the time? Or the energy.” She said “Besides, I think I’ve probably gone out with every queer witch in the country by now.” 

“Ah, I know what you mean.” Remus said “Honestly, I was just content to go at it alone forever. Too much to get through, you know?”

She let out a dark laugh “You’re telling me. First dates are always like “Oh hello, I’m Emmeline, I work in charm development, and all of my friends are dead. So, got any siblings?”

Remus laughed, feeling the drinks in his body loosen his inhibitions “Fuck, it’s a nightmare.” 

“Still though, good on you two for doing this.” She said, gesturing to the house “Makes you feel like there’s a little more hope for the rest of us, doesn’t it?” 

“Anything’s possible, I guess.” Remus laughed “Never thought it would end up like this to be honest.”

“God knows I never would’ve figured you two’d go domestic.” She grinned 

“Funny how things turn out, yeah?” 

She laughed and inhaled and suddenly hit his chest with the back of her hand as she remembered something she meant to say “Hey, listen,” she said “It’s fucked up what happened last year.”

He waved her off “Ah, it’s alright. Really.” he said

“It’s not, and you bloody well know it. I thought about reaching out, but… you know.” he nodded, knowing how he would feel about reaching out to one of them in that situation “Personally, I think Dumbledore should’ve fired that creep.”

Remus shrugged “I don’t have any animosity towards Severus.” 

“I don’t see why.” She said “We all know he did what he did back in the day just to save his skin.”

He inhaled but didn’t comment, breathing out blue smoke “What’s done is done, I suppose.

“I wish I’d have known.” She said “About you. Would’ve explained a lot when we were in school.”

He laughed “Yeah I suppose it would’ve answered a question or two.” 

The back door swung open and quietly shut and the two eldest Weasleys walked out, seemingly not seeing them, and huddled together. Emmeline cocked an eyebrow and grinned as one of them flicked a lighter and lit a joint. Remus smiled and cleared his throat, inhaling his cigarette as Charlie coughed in surprised and nearly dropped it in the snow. 

Bill gritted his teeth and ponded Charlie on the back. He gave them a guilty look “What’re the odds you don’t tell our mum about this?” 

“Depends,” Emmeline said “You gonna share?” 

“Oh for sure!” Charlie said, regaining his composure 

“Lupin?”she asked “From what I recall, you were quite the fan back in the day.”

Bill and Charlie laughed and Remus shrugged “I was known to partake now and again.”

“Meaning he was the plug for our entire year.” 

“That was never proven. But don’t tell your brothers.” Remus said “Or Harry. But why not, it’s Christmas.” 

The four of them came back inside a few minutes later, Remus feeling lighter and giddy as they stepped back into the warmth of the cottage. Sirius was leaning on the all, talking to Harry and Ron as he and Emmeline rejoined them. 

“Dancing really isn’t that difficult.” Sirius was explaining “I had to learn to do it as soon as I could stand on my own.” 

“Did you have any balls while you were at school?” Ron asked. Both Emmeline and Remus groaned.

“Just the one.” Sirius smirked “A well-intentioned teacher decided we were due for a dance around fifth year.”

“He quickly regretted it.” Remus said 

“Who’d you go with?” Harry asked. Sirius turned to Emmeline with a smile and gave her an exaggerated bow. She rolled her eyes

“Your Godfather is a shit date.” She said “Excellent dancer however. Most of the girls spent the whole time jealous of Lily.” 

“Did she go with Harry’s dad?” Ron asked

Sirius and Emmeline both turned to Remus who flushed 

“You’re kidding!” Harry laughed

“As _friends!_ ” Remus said “I felt bad for her, really. I’m a shit dancer.”

“Not to mention, you were probably a full two and a half feet taller than her at that point.” Emmeline giggled

“Oh James was _so_ mad.” Sirius recalled 

“Like you weren’t mad at Lily.” Emmeline said 

“Yes, well, I had to promise both of them that I had no feelings for Lily beyond friendship. And besides, she asked me.” 

“‘Course she did, you were the only halfway decent bloke in our year.” She teased “No offense, Sirius.” 

“Hey, none take. I got him eventually.” Sirius winked “But listen, dancing is all about confidence.” he said, holding his hand out to Emmeline. She rolled her eyes but took it and Sirius and she began to dance to the song in the background. His chin was up and he looked to the world like Fred Astaire and the kids laughed. When they circled back to the group, they all applauded cheerfully. Spirits were high and people followed Sirius’ lead and began dancing, the drinks flowing freely. Sturgis, ever the enabler, pushed drinks on everyone until most of them were pink in the face. The kids were coming in and out, going upstairs or out to the garden. Remus was certain some of them were drinking too, but he shrugged it off. It was Christmas, and really, who was he to reprimand them? 

As Sirius was teaching Ginny how to waltz, Remus had a drink with Hagrid- who was drunk and weepy. He clapped Remus on the back, nearly knocking the wind out of him 

“I’m jus’ so happy fer you.” He slurred, eyes misty “An’ for Harry o’ course. Thinkin’ about how alone you all were, an’ now yer all together again.” 

Remus grinned “I’m lucky.” He said

“An’ with you, and everythin’ you’ve gotta deal with an all” Hagrid said, blowing his nose on a massive handkerchief “Drives me mad, it does. Bu’ you and me out to be lookin’ out fer one another, yeah? Us “half-breeds” gotta stick together, innit?” 

He laughed, feeling drunk and stoned and just happy “You’re right. Yeah.” he raised his glass to Hagrid “To half-breeds!”

“To half-breeds!” Hagrid boomed cheerfully and clinked his glass with his before downing it in one go

“Here, here!” Arthur said from across the room

Remus poured him and Hagrid another drink “To half-breeds and mudbloods and blood traitors.” he toasted. His Welsh accent came out strong with the drink. Everyone lifted their glasses to drink

“Long may we reign!” Sturgis slurred

The music played on, and when the opening chords to _Fairytale of New York_ began through the speaker, Sirius made his way through the crowd and held out his hand to Remus “Dance with me.” He said

“Oh, c’mon, I’m rubbish at it.”

“I don’t care.” He grinned. He grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him to his feet, swaying lazily to the slow beginning, Remus letting Sirius lead him around. Sturgis and Emmeline joined them and soon the living room was full of people drunkedly swaying to the music. As the song picked up, there was chaos and laughter as everyone danced their own way and bumped into one another. Remus looked over Sirius’ shoulder and saw Molly and Arthur beaming and grinning besides the Grangers, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione dancing together in a circle, arms around one another. McGonagall and Hagrid were sitting beside each other, singing out the words to the song as they swayed.

Remus looked up at Sirius and grinned “Happy Christmas, love.” 

“Happy Christmas, Moony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a long time, but I needed some cute holiday fluff.
> 
> Chapter title comes from "I'll Be Your Mirror" by the Velvet Underground


	12. Know Your Rights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"You have the right to free speech  
>  As long as you're not  
> Dumb enough to actually try it  
> Know your rights  
> These are your rights"_

The letter from the ministry came one morning a few days before Harry was set to return to school. They were all sitting in the kitchen, Harry perched on the counter and throwing his Quaffle from one hand to the other as Remus was trimming Sirius’ hair with a pair of kitchen sheers. Sirius was moping about the situation, he flat out refused to visit a barber and would only allow Remus to cut his hair when absolutely necessary. 

“It’s really not that long.”

“I’m not taking any length off of it, don’t be a baby.” Remus said “But it’s getting a little ridiculous.” 

Harry laughed as Sirius crossed his arms in front of his chest but didn’t argue more

“Don’t get too cocky there, Potter, you’re next.” Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

Harry ran a hand through his hair “Oh c’mon Moony, I’m growing it out.”

“You’re growing a mullet is what you’re doing.” 

Sirius grinned “Sorry, Harry. Once Moony has the scissors out, nobody is safe.” 

“It looks fine.” Harry insisted 

“I don’t know what the next task is, but I know for certain it’s not something that will be made easier with hair in your face.” 

“What about you, then?” Harry asked 

Remus shrugged “I’ll cut it later.” 

“How is that fair?” Sirius said, turning to look at him. Remus grabbed his head and turned it back around 

“Keep still or i’ll end up cutting off your ear.” 

There was a peck on the window and Harry turned to unlatch it as a great horned owl swooped in and dropped a heavy letter on Sirius’ lap. It gave a short screech before flying out again. 

“That’s not the usual post owl.” Harry said “Who’s it from?” 

Sirius picked it up and turned it over “Dunno. It’s for you, Moony.” 

Remus glanced over his shoulder “Strange.” he said “Okay you’re done. Potter, sit down.” 

Sirius handed him the letter and Harry threw the Quaffle to Sirius as they traded spots. Remus set down the scissors for a moment and turned it over.

_Mr. Remus John Lupin  
The Stone Cottage by the Pond  
Llangyndyrn, Wales _

The seal was from the Ministry of Magic. He broke it open and pulled out the heavy packet of parchment and scanned it over quickly.

_“Mr. Remus John Lupin,_

_This is an official notice from the Ministry of Magic, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures: Beast Division informing you of an incoming legislative change. Beginning 1 January 1995, the Ministry of Magic will be requesting known werewolves register with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures in compliance with the recently passed 1995 Human Protection and Safety Act. Registration will be followed up with an official inquiry from a Department official. We have it in our records that you are afflicted with Lycanthropy, but have never officially registered with the Ministry of Magic. You must respond to this request by 1 March 1995._

_Failure to comply with this request will be met with a fine or potential imprisonment. Enclosed within is a questionnaire- please fill this out truthfully and to the best of your ability. You will be required to present the completed form upon arrival at the Ministry of Magic._

_The full text of the 1995 Human Protection and Safety Act is available to you upon request. Questions and concerns may be submitted to the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures: Beast Division, located on Level 4 of the Ministry of Magic, London._

_Hoping you are well,  
Rosemary Whitney  
Department for the Control of Magical Creatures: Beast Division” _

Remus grit his teeth and reread the letter over again. He thrust it back in Sirius’ hands and immediately began rummaging through the junk drawer for his spare pack of cigarettes.

“Bloody fucking hell.” Sirius said, reading it over

“What is it?” 

“Fascism is what it is.” Remus said, standing by the window so he could light a cigarette and blow it out the window. Sirius didn’t protest, just paced the kitchen reading it over. 

“The Ministry wants him to register.” Sirius explained

“Oh no, the Ministry is _demanding_ I register under threat of imprisonment.” 

“Can they do that?” Harry asked, reading the letter over Sirius’ shoulder 

“Evidently they can do whatever they bloody like.” Remus spat “I’m taking a walk.” 

Before either one of them could protest, Remus was out the door, slamming it shut as he did.

“Should we got after him?” Harry asked Sirius

“No… No, give him a minute. He needs to cool off.” Sirius sighed, looking at the door with a frown 

Harry read over the questionnaire enclosed with the letter “Date of infection, circumstances of infection, name of sire…” he read off “Bloody hell this thing is like five pages long, why do they need to know all of this?” 

“They don’t.” Sirius said “It’s a power play, they’re flexing their control. Showing they have the power to do this sort of thing. They know the registry doesn’t have teeth for the most part, not enough people come forward.”

“They’re fucking criminals.” Harry muttered “Can we fight it at all? I mean, there has to be some kind of loophole, or… I dunno, a way out of it.”

Sirius frowned “I’m not sure.” he said “Honestly, they probably want Remus to cause a stink, gives them a reason to keep attacking the werewolves.”

“What’s the deal with the ministry lately?” Harry asked “Why are they going after them so much?”

Sirius sighed “They do it every so often, to be honest. After the World Cup, they probably wanted to show people that they can have some control over something, make people feel safe.”

Harry frowned “But that doesn’t make any sense! It was the Death Eaters at the World Cup, werewolves didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“It doesn’t matter, really.” Sirius explained “People are afraid of werewolves, it’s not right, but they are. And they’re afraid of Death Eaters too, but they’re much harder to do something about. Fudge is scrambling.”

“That’s such bullshit” Harry said “Honestly if anyone actually met a werewolf...”

“That’s the problem, most people haven’t. They’ve just heard about them in the newspaper. Back when we were kids, there were all sorts of stories, children being attacked or killed. I mean, that’s precisely what happened to Remus. People were terrified their families would be next.”

“But if it did happen to their families, if they were attacked, then their kid would be treated like that too.” Harry pointed out “Don’t people understand that?”

“They don’t think logically, unfortunately.” Sirius said “And most werewolves don’t have a lot of family or support to be honest. A lot of them are told it’s their own fault, that they were doing something that put them at risk”

“But Moony was a kid!” Harry sputtered “And even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t deserve to be treated like this”

Sirius sighed “Exactly. Things aren’t fair a lot of the time.”

“I think we should fight it.”

“Let’s wait and see what Remus decides to do. It’s up to him”

——————  
Remus came back an hour later, his joints aching and stiff from being out in the cold. In his haste he forgot to grab his coat as he left. He walked back into the kitchen, Harry trimming the tail of his fire bolt. They both looked up at him and Sirius stood

“Tea or gin?” He asked

“It’s 11 in the morning.” Remus said

Sirius shrugged, holding up the bottle

“Yeah, gin is good.” He said. Sirius poured him a glass and Remus downed it with a wince

“How d’you feel?” Sirius asked

“I-“ he sighed “I don’t fucking know. I mean, we knew this was something they were going to try eventually.”

“What do you want to do?” He asked, sitting back down “I mean, I can go find a lawyer today if you want to. Harry and I will storm the ministry if need be.”

Harry nodded enthusiastically and Remus laughed

“I appreciate that.” He sat down and picked up the letter again “That’s what they want, isn’t it? A werewolf they can put in all the papers for noncompliance. They’ll drag it out... I don’t think that helps anybody”

Sirius set his elbows on the table and looked at him evenly “I don’t know, Moony. I can’t tell you what to do here.”

He sighed “No. I suppose nobody can. I guess I’ll just have to act as Dumbledore’s trained lap dog again” he said bitterly

They made a plan to go the Ministry after the full moon. They’d bring Harry along and have a last hurrah in London before he went back to school to make the occasion less bitter.

As usual, Harry went off to the Weasleys for the night and Remus and Sirius went off into a secluded part of the woods and set up protection spells and muggle repelling wards around a hollow. From Sirius’ perspective, things seemed to go relatively smoothly until just before Remus transformed back. Sirius could taste a lot blood in the air as the wolf began to curl in on itself to begin the painful change back. He circled the wolf anxiously, sniffing around his muzzle, having to dodge a swipe of his bloody paws. When finally, Remus lay curled on the dirt floor, Sirius knew something was wrong. He turned back quickly and kneeled down besides Remus, who coughed roughly and curled in on himself tighter.

“Moony, you gotta let me see, okay?” Sirius said, gently rolling him on his back

“M’fine.” He wheezed “Let’s just- let’s go home”

He sat up and immediately clutched his side, where a massive wound across his stomach was bubbling blood.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Remus!” Sirius immediately whipped out his wand and tried the spells he knew, which seemed to slow to ooze but not knit the cut back together as they were supposed to

“Let’s just go home, okay?” Remus said “it’ll heal itself in a little bit.”

“Remus, this isn’t normal, I really think we ought to go-“

“No.” Remus snapped “no hospitals, I’m fine. I’ve dealt with this before.”

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but swallowed it “okay. Okay, hang on to me.” Remus leaned heavily on Sirius as they apparated back to the cottage and went immediately to the bathroom. Sirius set Remus down and clenched his teeth as he did his best to clean the wound (which he discovered was actually four jagged claw marks across his stomach).

“Fucking hell, Moony.” Sirius said, lifting up Remus’ arm so he could see the wound fully

“It looks much worse than it is.” Remus said, though his eyes were closed and his face pale as he leaned against the sink.

“I-“

“I’m fine, Sirius.” He snapped.

Sirius gave him a look “Hey, don’t be like that with me, I’m trying to help you.”

“You’re being a mother hen.”

“I just don’t want you to bleed out, don’t be a fucking arse.”

Remus sighed “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Sirius said softly, dabbing at the claw marks with essence of dittany. Remus hissed and clenched his jaw. Sirius frowned “it’s not working very well.”

“It’s fine, I swear” he said “I’m just... I’ll just shower and I’ll be fine”

“Remus you’ve lost a lot of blood, I don’t think-“

“Sirius I’m not an invalid!” Remus said

“Okay, Jesus Christ, fall down and hit your head for all I bloody care.” Sirius snapped. He shoved the dittany in Remus’ hand and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius lingered by the door to the bathroom regardless, listening to make sure Remus didn’t hurt himself. There was a green light from the living room and Harry poked his head into the hall

“Fuck, is that blood?” Harry asked, looking Sirius over. He looked down and realized that his shirt was spattered with blood

“Yes.” Sirius said “Moony got himself pretty good”

“Is he alright?”

He sighed “He insists he is. But you know how he gets.”

They both lingered around the door for a while before Remus emerged again, wearing an old jumper and a pair of pajama pants. He held up his arms “See? I’m fine.”

Sirius frowned “let me see.”

“I bandaged it up, it’s fine. I won’t be fighting any dragons any time soon, but I’m fine to go to London.” He said cheerfully

“You’re not seriously thinking of still going to the ministry today.” Sirius cocked an eyebrow

“Yes. I’m fine.” Remus said“I’d rather just get it over with. Besides, it’s Harry’s last day of break we shouldn’t spend it cooped up in the cottage.”

“I’m really fine with just staying here” Harry said

“Nonsense.” Remus shrugged him off “I just need to get dressed.”

“Remus, you’re being stubborn.” Sirius said

“I’m not being stubborn!” He insisted “I’m fine.”

Sirius clenched his jaw and watched Remus go back into their bedroom. “I swear this man would argue with me that the sky is blue.”

———

At the very least, Sirius managed to convince them that they should take the floo into the Ministry rather than apparating. Remus was secretly relieved, he knew apparating would take the energy out of him. They stepped out into the atrium and presented their wands and pinned the silver visitors badges to their shirts. Remus tried to ignore the concerned looks from Sirius and Harry and the shooting pain in his abdomen as they made their way to the fourth floor. He worried the scar on his thumb as the lift climbed down to the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures, remembering vaguely the time his father had taken him to work with him here before the attack. He’d let Remus press the buttons. 

They made their way to a waiting area that somehow looked both hastily put together and gloomy, with mismatched chairs clearly thrown out from other departments. There was only one other person there, and they kept their hood over their face. Remus respectfully pretended the other person wasn’t there, as they would do for him, and went up to the bored looking witch at the counter. 

“Do you have your registration papers?” she asked 

Remus handed them over and she flipped through them for a moment before flicking her wand and sending them back towards the offices behind her. 

“Here’s your number. Have a seat over there.” 

Remus nodded and took a seat. Sirius bounced around on his heels, not wanting to sit and Harry picked up a pamphlet on Spattergroit. The witch at the counter looked over and frowned at them.

“Excuse me, sir?” she said “Do you have your registration papers?” 

“Oh me? No, we’re with him.” Sirius said 

She blinked in surprise, as if she hadn’t thought one of them could have family members yet. “Right.” 

“Charming woman, she is.” he muttered to Remus, who gave a weak smile and stared at the floor. Sirius took the seat next to him and put a hand on his knee “It’ll be alight.” 

The other werewolf was called back first, number “5035” and Remus had dozed off in his seat by the time they called “6090”. He jumped up a little too quickly and winced at the pain in his side. 

“Right, I’ll be right out.” he said. the receptionist pointed him to a cubicle near the back of a crowded and noisy office. It seemed that from every direction there was a growl of some sort or another. It intrigued him as he saw the flash of something scaly from a box under someone’s desk. The cubicle in the back was stacked with papers and staffed by a large man in a pair of black robes and a furrowed brow. The name plate on the cubicle read “Martin Molenhouse, Werewolf Registration Intake Office” in neat block letters

“Ah yes, you must be Mr…?” the man said, rummaging through a stack of parchment for the papers he had sent in “Lupin, yes, there you are. Didn’t a Lupin work here in the 60s?” 

“My father, yes.” Remus said 

“That’s ironic, isn’t it?”He said with a click of his tongue, looking up at him over the papers.

“I suppose.” Remus’ mouth twitched down. He was sure he didn’t like this man, who was looking him up and down with suspicion. 

“Right then, Mr. Lupin, here’s how this is going to work. I’m going to go over some of the questions you provided for us and confirm the details. I’ll also ask some additional questions for our records. Does this make sense?” 

“Yes.” He said simply.

“Good. Confirm your date of birth for me.” Molenhouse said, looking down at his page

“10 March 1960.” 

“Place of birth?” 

“Cardiff, Wales.” 

“Strange, you don’t sound Welsh.” 

“Only when I’m drunk.” He said. Molenhouse cocked an eyebrow

“It’s probably best if you don’t make jokes here.” 

“Right.” Remus muttered, feeling more and more like a criminal. “Sorry.” 

“And you said you live in a house with two other people, unrelated to you.” 

“Yes.” 

“And what is your relation to them?”

“Well, er-“ Remus began, still rather unsure on how to refer to them both “I live with my… Domestic partner? I suppose, and his Godson.” 

“Domestic partner?” he smirked a little

“Boyfriend. I suppose. We’re not married or anything, obviously.” Remus said. He was clearly enjoying making Remus uncomfortable with this, and it was obvious who he was talking about, their names were on the form even if they hadn’t been in the papers every other week. 

“How modern.” Molenhouse said “And they know of your condition?”

“Yes, they do.” 

He pulled a form out from his stack “You’ll need to have them both sign this to acknowledge they are aware of your condition and the dangers associated with it.” he said, handing it to Remus “And what are your typical safety plans for the full moons?” 

“Well my partner is an animagus, we apparate to the middle of the woods and set up a barrier of protection spells so I can’t get out of a certain range.” Remus said 

Molenhouse cocked an eyebrow “Unusual.” he said “We typically prefer that you choose an enclosed area, a cage of some sort. Of course the Ministry is happy to set something up for you, if you’re unable to provide this for yourself.”

“I’ve never had an issue before.” Remus said “Sirius is more than capable of keeping me in check.” 

“That’s all well and good, Mr. Lupin, but we don’t want to wait until it becomes an issue.” he said “And if you’ve read the Human Protection and Safety Act, you’ll know that this office must have final approval of your plans for the full moon or you will be marked as noncompliant.” 

“You are aware of the inherent physical risks of confinement during transformations, right?” he asked

“That being said, that’s why it’s the ‘Human’ Protection and Safety Act.” 

Remus clenched his jaw to prevent himself from saying anything stupid. They kept going over all his answers, Molenhouse probing into certain details. All the while, Remus felt the constant stinging pain in his side. Perhaps Sirius was right, it was stupid to go out today. He hadn’t felt this awful in ages, and he tried to focus on what the man was saying as he began to feel a little light headed. Remus folded his arms and touched his side as gingerly as he could and felt a sticky wet spot there. _Fuck_ the bandages must have soaked through. He didn’t say anything to Molenhouse, just sat as still as he could to avoid attracting attention. He struck Remus as the type of man he shouldn’t show any weakness in front of. 

“Right then, that’s all the questions I have for you today. You’ll need to fill out all of these and send them back no later than next week.” he said, handing Remus a stack of parchment. 

“Right.” he said “Well, thank you, I suppose.”

“Have a pleasant day.” Molenhouse said gruffly, turning back to his desk without another word. Remus stood and shut his eyes against the searing pain and took a breath to steady himself before walking out as quickly as he could. 

Sirius and Harry were sitting in the waiting room, playing a hand-slapping game that Remus taught Sirius years ago. They looked up as Remus walked out and Sirius stood with a grin “Good to go?” 

“Yeah.” He said. As he stepped closer, Sirius furrowed his brow

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m- I just need some air.”

“You really don’t look so good, Moony.” Harry said 

“Sit down.” Sirius said firmly. Remus groaned but didn’t protest and slumped into a seat roughly.

“I think… I think I’m bleeding still.” he mumbled 

Sirius knelt on the ground and lifted up Remus’ thick cardigan and gaped at the dark spot blossoming across his shirt “Bloody fucking hell, Remus.” he said “That’s it, we’re going to St. Mungo’s.”

“No!” Remus insisted “I don’t want to go to the bloody hospital.”

“I don’t give a damn!” Sirius said “You’re as pale as a ghost, we’re going. Now.” 

“You promised me, no hospitals. Ever.”

“That’s a stupid rule, and you know it. Stop being such a fucking stubborn arsehole and listen to me for once.” 

“I’m not-“

“Lupin, I swear to God, I will sling you over my shoulder and drag you there if I have to.” Sirius snapped. Remus opened his mouth to argue but Sirius fixed him with a look and he stopped

——————

Sirius left Harry with Remus in the waiting area as he went up to a short wizard at the front desk of St. Mungo’s. 

“Yes, hello, I-“ 

“One moment.” The wizard said “Mr. Johnson? You can go back to see the healer now, floor 3.”

“Yes-“ Sirius continued

“I’m sorry, you’ve got to take a number, Sir.” 

“My partner is really hurt, he’s losing a lot of blood, we really need to see someone right away.” Sirius insisted 

“He’ll be seen, just wait a moment. How was he hurt?”

“He… He cut himself pretty badly during the full moon-“ 

“Wait, he’s a werewolf?” 

“Yes.” Sirius said sharply 

“Right, he’ll need to go to the lycanthropy bite ward.” the wizard said “Those are the only healers who handle werewolf cases.”

“But it’s not a bite, it’s-“

“Still, off you go.” 

Sirius looked furious but turned heel back to Harry and Remus, who was leaned over with his elbows on his knees. 

“We’ve got to go to the lycanthropy ward.” 

Remus groaned “I hate it here.” as he stood, his legs buckled from under him and he nearly hit the ground. Harry and Sirius managed to keep him up as he blinked to stay conscious 

“I bloody well told you that you should have taken it easy today!” Sirius hissed as they walked slowly to the lift 

“It wasn’t exactly my intention to bleed out in the Ministry of Magic today, was it?” 

“Yes, but if you weren’t so fucking insistent on playing it fast and loose with your health-“

“I’m not playing it fast and loose with my health, I’ve handled worse than this!” Remus snapped “And I took care of myself fine for years!” 

“God knows how!” Sirius said back “I swear, it’s like-“

“Can we hold off the fucking bickering until Moony isn’t collapsing in the lift, maybe?” Harry yelled over them. 

“Sorry.” they both muttered. They finally managed to get to the right floor and a healer came up to them immediately. She was quite young, likely still in her training, her long dark hair tied into a bun at the top of her head. She wore wire framed glasses perched on the edge of her nose and pushed them up as she approached them.

“Recent bite?” She asked quickly 

“No, he just gored himself during the full moon.” Sirius said, shifting Remus’ weight on his shoulder. Remus had begun to sweat and shiver slightly 

“Yikes, alright.” The healer said, “What’s your name, love?”

“Lupin. Remus Lupin.” He said 

“Oh! Right then, Mr. Lupin we’ll get you set up in a room.” She flicked her wand and a stretcher floated towards them. Remus opened his mouth as if to protest but Sirius shot him a sharp look and he sat down without a word and allowed himself to be floated off towards a room down the hall. “Mr. Black? Can you stay here and fill out some paperwork for me?” 

He nodded, and didn’t ask how she knew his name. He and Harry hung back in the waiting room “We’ll be there in a minute.”

It was a rather desolate ward, but the staff seemed to have made some effort to make it a little more cheerful for the holidays. The room was empty, though there were two beds. Remus took the one on the far side and the healer put on a pair of gloves “Right then, I’m going to have to get a good look at it, can you take off your cardigan and your shirt?” 

Remus frowned but obliged without protest, still watching the healer with distrust. 

“And what did you treat this with?” She asked, squinting at it 

“Rubbing alcohol and essence of dittany.” Remus muttered “It usually does the trick.”

“Right then. It’s likely just a little deeper than you thought, let me get this cleaned up and we’ll see what we can do.” She said, holding her wand up to his side and clearing away the blood with a gentle wave. She gave a small hiss as she leaned in and pressed her glasses up again “Quite a bit of scarring on your torso, how many years have you been transforming?” 

“Twenty-nine.” he said 

“Yikes. Rotten luck.” She said simply. Remus let out a bitter laugh but said nothing as she gingerly touched the skin around the cut “Don’t like healers, eh?” 

“I-“ He began “I’ve not had the best experiences in the past, I’ll say that.” 

She nodded, “That’s fair. Sorry about that, a lot of them are bloody nightmares about this sort of thing, really. Most really don’t want to come to this ward at all, which is bollocks in my opinion.” she didn’t look up from what she was doing as she spoke “I really want to change things around here though, convince people their attitudes are preventing people from getting help when they need it. Like what happened here.” 

Remus frowned “Have a really fucked myself up here?” 

She laughed “It’s not the worst I’ve seen, but you got really deep.” she said “I’m going to get you some blood-replacing potions and a few others, but I want to keep you here for a bit to keep an eye on it.”

He frowned “Why?”

“An abundance of caution.” she said, peeling her gloves off “I want to make sure you haven’t hit something important or if there’s not something else going on. Do you get cuts this deep often?”

He shook his head “Not in a long time.” he said “When I was a kid, all the time, and every so often in the past decade or so.” 

“And did you come into the hospital those times?” she asked. 

He shook his head “No.”

“When was the last time you did get yourself checked out?” 

“I mean… Last year I was teaching and I had to school matron look me over after a moon once.” 

“But not a full physical or anything?” 

He shook his head 

“Listen, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but at your age and how long the transformations have been happening, you really ought to be more proactive with your health.” 

“You sound like my partner.”

“He sounds like a smart man. You should listen to him.”

“Yeah, probably.” Remus said 

“Right then, I’ll get those potions for you and once you’ve had a minute to settle in I’m coming back to do a check-up. And don’t argue, or I’ll tell that partner of yours you’re being disagreeable.” She said 

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” He said “I never got your name.”

“Kashyap.” She said “Nadine Kashyap.”

“Nice to meet you.” 

Kashyap left with a nod and a flourish of her green robes and Sirius and Harry came in after her, watching Remus carefully

“Alright, Moony?” Harry asked

“Yes, I’m alright. I’m sorry for worrying you both.” He said, he turned to Sirius and muttered “And…. And for being stubborn.”

Sirius frowned “What did she say?” 

“She wants to keep me here to keep an eye on it.” Remus frowned 

“Good.” Sirius said “Maybe she can get through your thick skull.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” he mumbled “You can head to the Leaky Cauldron if you like. No point in you both being stuck here on account of me.” 

“Not bloody likely.” Harry said, crossing his arms

“Aye, you’re stuck with us.” Sirius said, pointedly sitting on the edge of the bed “Besides, I ought to stick around in case you decide not to listen to this healer.”

“Oh you’ll like her a lot.” Remus muttered. He felt rather exposed as he was, pale with his chest and arms exposed as they were, but the two of them didn’t seem to mind. 

“I’ve never been here before.” Harry said, looking around the room 

“Lucky.” Remus said bitterly 

The door opened again and Kashyap walked back in “Ah hello, you must be the family.” she said 

Sirius held out a hand “Sirius Black” he said 

Harry waved “Harry Potter.”

“Oh right, yeah.” she blinked and her eyes darted quickly to his scar but she turned back to Remus “Alright Mr. Lupin, drink all of these- _all_ of it, no cheating.” 

He frowned and took them from her, “Cheers, then.” he took them one after another, gagging at the taste but doing as he was told. They did make him feel slightly better, though he’d never say as much.

“Excellent. Now I’ve got some stuff to go over with you, and I want to do some tests. Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, d’you want to go off to the cafe? I’ll take good care of him, I promise.”

Sirius looked at Remus and he nodded “I’ll be fine. You two go.” 

As they stepped out to leave again, Sirius heard Kashyap say “Nice looking family you got there.”

“They are, aren’t they?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone!
> 
> And also thank you all so much for your lovely comments and everyone who leaves kudos, I read every single one and they make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. I genuinely appreciate every single one of you
> 
> Chapter title comes from "Know Your Rights" by the Clash


	13. For What It's Worth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"It's time we stop  
>  Hey, what's that sound?  
> Everybody look - what's going down?"_

Sirius and Harry were forced to leave St. Mungo's once visiting hours were over, but Sirius insisted he’d be back as soon as he dropped Harry off at the station in the morning. Harry hugged Remus goodbye and told them to send him a letter as soon as they knew anything. 

Sirius kissed Remus “I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t fuss, I’m fine.” he said “And stay out of trouble at school, Potter.” he laughed, though as soon as the door shut behind them, Remus felt a prickle of anxiety in his stomach as he sat in the empty hospital room. Sirius had brought him a book and the newspaper to keep him occupied, but he found it difficult to concentrate on either of them. He couldn’t help but be reminded of the weeks he’d spent in a gloomy ward as a child, being poked and prodded by disinterested healers, fading in and out of consciousness in a haze of pain.

His mother barely left his side the entire time he was in hospital. She sat by his bed, leg bouncing absently as her hair became increasingly greasy and unkempt and her face gaunt. His father was a bundle of nervous energy, never sleeping, never ceasing his movement. He was in and out of the hospital, rushing off to work to urge them to do something, to try and find the man who’d done it. Remus wouldn’t find out about the circumstances of the attack until he was a teenager, and that his father knew precisely who had done it and that the Ministry chose to do nothing. 

He recalled a moment where he drifted out of sleep to see his father weeping beside his bed, clutching his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Remus. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, please stay.” 

He wondered then if he was dead, that he was watching his body as a ghost before he drifted off into uneasy, unnatural sleep. The potions the healers gave him made him feel foggy and disoriented and filled his dreams with disjointed terror. Maybe death would be better, he thought, than this half-living state he was in.

The next time he awoke, he was screaming, his throat raw. He didn’t remember where he was, or what had happened to him, he just knew he was afraid and hurt and wanted to run away from everything and everybody. The strange wizards in their green robes were holding him down as he fought them, his weak arms flailing out at them. He could hear his mother yelling behind them as they spoke to one another as if he wasn't there.

“Let me see him!” She yelled, trying to fight her way to him “Stop it, you’re hurting him, he’s just afraid! Get away from my son!” 

“Ma’am, we’re doing our job.” one of them said, waving a wand at Remus. He felt his limbs go rigid and the noise halt in his lungs 

“What the fuck did you do to him?” Hope said, her eyes tearful as she finally shoved her way to his side, her small hands touching the side of his face.

“It’s just a body bind curse, until he calms down.” Said one of the healers, a stone-faced man with greying hair “It wont hurt him, but we can’t have him turn into a risk to our staff.”

“Risk to your staff? What bloody risk could he be, he’s six years old and he’s hurt!” she yelled, shoving the healer in the chest

“Ma'am, if you can’t calm yourself, we’re going to be forced to remove you from the premises.” he said as the other three healers lef the room to tend to the rest of their patients

“Oh I’d like to see you fucking try.” She warned. Lyall came back into the room and immediately rushed to Hope’s side 

“What’s wrong?” He asked

“Ask your bloody healers, Lyall.” She snapped “He put some kind of body bind spell on our six year old child.” 

“Sir, please explain to your wife that we’re doing this for his own good.” The healer sighed, exasperated 

“I-“ Lyall opened his mouth “Surely this isn’t necessary.” 

“The child is in an incredibly volatile state at the moment. If he manages to hurt someone else, we don’t know what will happen.” He said “It’ll wear off in a moment or so and we can give him another draught to make him sleep.”

“You can’t just keep putting him to sleep and calling that healing.” Hope spat at him “Why don’t you actually come in here and do something?” 

“We’re doing everything we can.”

“No you fucking aren't! One of you will come in here every few hours and poke at him if you bother to touch him at all! And nobody will tell me what’s happening or if he’s even going to-“ angry tears were pouring out of her bloodshot eyes and Lyall moved to touch her shoulder. She shrugged it off and returned to her seat beside Remus' bed. 

“Look, can you just… Can you tell us anything?” Lyall pleaded "I just need to know if he's going to make it out of this."

“Yes.” The healer said shortly “He’s likely to live.” 

“‘Likely’?” Lyall asked

“Yes. It’s unusual for a child his age to survive an attack of this severity, but at the time being, it seems like he’s going to. For all that’s worth.” 

Hope’s anger flared up again and she swung her head to look at the man “‘For all that’s worth’?” She repeated

The healer sighed and looked at Lyall “Surely I don’t have to explain to you the magnitude of this situation. Of the implications of this.” 

“I- No. No you don’t.” Lyall said, looking at Remus and trying to mask his evident fear “But we don’t know… Maybe he didn’t get a full bite, he could still-“

“He got a full bite.” The healer interrupted “Your son will be a werewolf, there's no dancing around that fact. I suggest you begin making plans immediately. As it stands now, once he’s stable enough to move, we’ll be unable to keep him here.”

“What?” Hope demanded

“He’s a risk to our other patients, as well as our staff. I’m sorry.” His tone was insincere, almost cold. 

Lyall shut his eyes “I- What… What do we do?” 

The healer shrugged “That’s up to you. I know of a facility that will take him if you choose-“

“No.” Lyall said immediately “We’re not sending him away.” 

“Please yourself.” He said “But I will tell you, he may be small now, but he won’t be for very long. And you may not be prepared for the level of care he’s going to need. He’s never going to have a normal life, you know this, Mr. Lupin. He’ll never be able to go to school, or have a life around normal people.” 

“You’re wrong.” Hope said quietly, stroking Remus’ hair and not looking up from his face. The healer sighed.

“Listen, I have other patients to see. I can keep him here for another night but after that… You’ll have to take him home.” 

Remus was pulled out of his memory by Kashyap stepping back into the room. She gave him a small smile “How do you feel, Mr. Lupin?” she asked 

“Good, yeah.” he said “Better.”

“I’m just going to check the lacerations.” She said, pushing her glasses up her nose “If you don’t mind.”

“By all means.” He said, unbuttoning the pajamas Sirius had brought him as she walked over.

Kashyap leaned in to get a better look “Excellent, that’s looking a lot better.” She said, touching the edges of the wounds lightly with her fingers “I’m going to ask you take it easy the next few weeks, though.” 

“That's not quite my forte, but I’ll give it a go.” Remus said. He was surprised as she sat down in the chair beside his bed rather than leaving again. It wasn’t entirely unwelcome, he was beginning to grow uneasy in the empty room. 

“Would you mind if I asked you a rather personal question?” Kashyap asked “Feel free to tell me to fuck off.” 

“Well, you’ve already seen me without any clothes on and asked me very detailed questions about my sex life, so I’d say we’re at that point in our relationship.” 

She smiled a bit “I’d like to know a little bit about your past experience with healers. I only ask because, well… To be honest I don’t get a lot of repeat patients around here. Usually I only see people right after their initial bite, so it makes it hard to understand what needs to be better, you know?”

Remus paused “You care a lot about this, don’t you Dr. Kashyap?” 

“Call me Nadine, please. I’m off duty anyway.” She said “And yeah. I do.”

“Nadine.” He repeated “Can I ask why?”

“Why not?” She shrugged

Remus cocked an eyebrow “You know as well as I do that not many people have that same sentiment. So why do you?” 

She paused “My sister.” Nadine admitted “She got the bite a few years before I left school, and she was treated... Just horribly. I wanted things to be better for her."

“That makes sense.” Remus said “How’s she doing now?”

Nadine bit her lip “She died, actually. Killed herself about a year after that.”

“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright.” She said “It was a while ago now.” 

He sighed “It’s a shame, it really is. I-I mean I’m sure you’ve figured out I got the bite when I was really young.” 

“I realized as much, yeah.”

“When I was a kid… There really weren’t a lot of people looking out for our welfare, really. Not that there’s many now, but… Anyway, I was basically locked away in a room, nobody would tell my parents anything or give me anything for the pain. I think most of them were convinced I was a lost cause, and anybody else thought I'd be better off dead. Not many kids survived back then.”

“They still don’t, really.” Nadine said “You must have been a fighter.”

“I was lucky is what I was. I could’ve easily slipped the other way.” Remus said “It was just so striking to me, really. How quickly I turned from being a wounded little boy to being an animal to them.” 

“That’s awful.” She said “It really shouldn’t be that way.”

“No.” He nodded “I had a friend- Harry’s dad actually- who was working towards being a healer. You remind me a great deal of him. He wanted to work here, wanted to change things.”

“I’m sure I’m a poor substitute, but I hope I’ll actually be able to do something, at least.” 

“Let me ask you something, are you the only healer on this ward? I haven’t seen any others walking around”

“There are two others.” She said “I’m the youngest.”

“But no assistants or anything? Nurses?” 

“People tend to stay away if I’m honest.” She said “I do a lot of the leg work around here.”

“Seems like you have your work cut out for you.” Remus said "You're doing a lot with very little."

“We’re pretty underfunded, I won’t lie to you.” Nadine sighed “I’m trying to do what I can, but… I don’t know. I feel like I’m failing people, to be honest.”

Remus gave her a sympathetic look “If it makes you feel any better, this is the best experience I’ve had with a healer in years. Granted, you’re the first healer I’ve actually seen in years, but the sentiment still stands.”

She laughed “Well, I suppose that’s something.”

“It means more than you think it does.” Remus said “Finding a friendly face in a place like this… It’s a good thing in itself, don’t discount the impact of that.”

“Thank you.” She said “That means a lot. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be sitting here chatting your ear off.”

He waved her off “That’s more than alright.” he said “Honestly talking to someone other than my partner is probably a good thing. I don’t get out much these days.”

“Do you think… I mean, listen, I know you’re a patient, and this probably isn’t professional, but expertise like yours is hard to come by. _Really_ hard to come by. Would you be interested in possibly helping me out with some outreach work? We can pay you, of course. It's not much, but it's something.”

“Oh, er-“ Remus said, taken aback “I’m really not much of an expert, Nadine.”

“Mr. Lupin, you have 29 years of lived experience. You’re more of an expert than I could ever be, even if I studied every book there is on Lycanthropy. Which I’ve done.”

“I’m still not sure of how much help I would be to anybody.”

“Listen, I don’t want to pressure you or anything and you don’t have to give me an answer right away, but do you know how many terrified 21 year old kids I get in here? People who have no idea how to move forward from their bite? I can heal them, sure, I can tell them how to take care of themselves, but I can’t… I can’t tell them how to live. You can do that.” She insisted

He laughed uncomfortably “If you’d seen the way I’ve lived for most of that time, I’m not sure you’d want me advising any of your patients.”

“I know it can’t have been easy, but you’ve accomplished a great deal. You were a professor, you have a committed partner and a family… I know a lot of that is recent, but people come in here and feel as if they’ve lost everything. If they could see someone like you who has a life, someone who has people who love them... I think you could do a lot of good for a lot of people.” She stood up and scribbled something on a piece of parchment and handed it to him, it was her work address, written in scratchy script “Just promise me you’ll think about it?”

“I- I’ll think about it.” He said “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” She said with a smile “I really hope you do it.” 

“If I say yes, will you let me smoke in here?” 

She laughed “No. But I hope you decide to help me anyway.” She went back to the door “Sleep well, Mr. Lupin.” 

————-

Sirius arrived within a minute of visiting hours beginning, just after getting Harry on the train. He handed Remus a massive cup of coffee and kissed him as he walked in. 

“Fuck, you’re amazing.” Remus said, taking the coffee gratefully “After I acted like an arse yesterday and everything.” 

“Yes, well, I’ve decided since you were hurt and had to spend the night in hospital you’ve been punished enough. So long as you realize that I am, indeed, always right.” 

“I will admit that you were right this time.” 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow 

“Okay, most of the time.” Remus said “I’m sorry I was being so stubborn.” 

“I assure you I’m used to it by now.” Sirius took a seat and put his feet up on the bed “How d’you feel?”

“Good. Much better.” 

“Somehow I’m having a hard time taking your word for it.” Sirius said

Remus lifted up his shirt to show the wound, which had begun knitting itself together. It was still red and irritated, but no longer at risk of spontaneous bleeding “See? Almost back to normal.”

Sirius looked it over skeptically but nodded “Alright, that’s much better.”

“Did Harry get on the train alright?” Remus asked, lowering his shirt again

“On his way now.” Sirius said with a sigh “he made me promise we’d send a letter when you were discharged.” 

“Savior complex, that one.” he said, sipping at his coffee

“Yes, well. Must run in the family.” Sirius said “Oh, strangest thing, we saw the Longbottom’s kid as we were leaving yesterday. What was his name, again?”

Remus nodded solemnly “Neville.” he said “Must have been visiting Frank and Alice.”

Sirius frowned, confused “Hang on, I thought they died?” 

He shook his head “No. Tortured. The Lestranges.” 

“Bloody hell.” Sirius breathed “Fucking Bellatrix.” 

“He’s a good kid, Neville.” Remus said “He needs some confidence, though.” 

“We should have him over sometime. Maybe next summer if Harry’s okay with it.”

“Yeah, maybe we’ll have some of Harry’s school friends over for his birthday.” Remus nodded. They sipped at their coffee quietly for a moment before he bit his lip “Listen, I am really sorry. I know… I know I worried you.”

“You damn well did.” Sirius said 

“I didn’t mean to.” Remus said “I thought I could handle it, I thought I was fine.”

“I know.” Sirius said “But you do know I’m not going to think you’re weak if you get hurt, yeah?” 

He sighed “I know. I’m sorry. I suppose I fancy myself invincible.”

“Just no more bleeding out on me, yeah? If I have to tell you about my feelings, you have to tell me about this stuff. It's a two way street.” 

“It was stupid.” Remus said “I promise I’ll tell you about all of my aches and pains from here on out.” 

“Good.” 

“Come to think of it, my neck is a little sore from this bed, if you wouldn’t mind giving me a massage.“ he began dramatically

“Is that so?” Sirius smirked “Well my back is sore from carrying you all around London yesterday, so if you don’t mind-“

Remus laughed and the door opened again. Nadine smiled at them both, holding a clipboard with Remus' information on it “Sorry to interrupt.”

“Oh no, don’t be.” Sirius said, taking his feet off the bed “Thank you for taking care of this one for me. He’s a handful, I know.” 

She grinned “Oh I don’t mind. It certainly keeps things interesting. So, looking things over, I’m comfortable discharging you. The bleeding has stopped, and you didn’t hit anything important. I’m just going to stress again the importance of taking it easy the next week or so, though. I’d love it if you just stayed in bed for the next week, but if you _have_ to get up and about, please don’t move around too much. I’ll charge you with keeping that order met, Mr. Black.” 

“He won’t be going anywhere, I promise.” 

“Good.” She said 

“Do you know why he’s been getting more of these injuries lately?” Sirius asked

She shook her head “Nothing in particular stood out to me. Honestly, there’s a lot of factors that go into it. Stress, age, change in routine. Sometimes in a transformed state, you’re picking up on a lot of different things you may not be when you’re human. I just suggest that you try and manage stress, maybe try meditating or something.” 

“Meditating?” Remus cocked an eyebrow 

“Don’t knock it till you try it.” Nadine smiled “If you’re still experiencing the same thing next month, come back in and we’ll run some more tests, okay?”

Remus sighed “Alright, I will.”

“Excellent. I’ll grab your discharge paperwork and you’ll be good to go. Mr. Lupin, you’ll think about what I said?” 

“I will. Thank you for everything, Nadine.”

As she left, Sirius turned back to Remus “What was that about?” 

He sighed “She asked if I wanted to do some outreach for the ward. Help people who’ve been newly bitten.” 

“Really?” Sirius blinked “I think you’d be great at that.”

Remus shook his head “Stop it, I won’t be good at it. Who would want me giving them life advice? I’ve made a mess of my own.”

“Moony, come on.” Sirius said “Your life isn’t a mess.”

“I mean _now_ it isn’t.” Remus said. He slipped out of bed to change into his regular clothes “But that has very little to do with me and my decisions.” 

“You were a Hogwarts professor, and you got there on your own.” Sirius pointed out

“Yes, I suppose so, but really Dumbledore wanted to make sure I wasn't helping you out or anything. I don’t think it was to do with my own merit.”

“Even if that was true- which I don’t think it is- you were still an excellent teacher once you were there.”

Remus frowned “I suppose. But that’s irrelevant, what does that have to do with outreach?” 

“You must have done some kind of outreach with your students.” 

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“I-“ Remus thought “I don’t know. It just is. I rarely had to help someone through a legitimately life-altering trauma. When I did talk to students about their personal lives it was people who came to me crying about their classes, or their grades, or their boyfriends.” 

“And at that age, those are life-altering events, to be fair. Besides the fact that you helped Harry learn how to repel the dementors.” Sirius said “Do what you like, but think about it, wouldn’t you have liked to see someone like yourself when you were growing up?”

“I-I suppose.” Remus said “I just… I don’t know. I drink too much, and I smoke, and I’m too… Angry a lot of the time. I don’t know if I’m the best example of a normal life.”

Sirius shrugged “From where I’m standing, I see a man who has been through something awful and learned to live with it as best he could, and became someone kind and intelligent and selfless, someone who actually gives a shit about the world around him and wants it to be better. I see someone who has lost a great deal in his life, but has never let that make him bitter and resentful, which he would have every right to be.” 

Remus looked at his feet as he buttoned up his shirt “Thank you.” he said “I-I’ll think about it.” 

“Good.” Sirius said “I’ve also been thinking- this ward seems really… Depressing.” 

He laughed “Apparently they’re very underfunded.” 

“Okay.” Sirius nodded “Let’s fund it, then.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, you’ve seen the frankly insane amount of gold getting dusty in that vault.” Sirius said “I think it’s high time I actually do something with it.” 

Remus cocked an eyebrow “What, you’re going to make the ‘Sirius Black Ward for Sad Werewolves’?” 

“Very tempting. Maybe I should name it after my parents, though? As it is their money, after all.” 

“Oh they’d love that. The ‘Orion and Walburga Black Ward for Filthy Half-Breeds’.” He laughed, pulling on his trousers. 

Sirius paused for a moment “Hang on, there’s an idea.”

“What, you can’t seriously want to name something after your parents.” 

“No, but what about _your_ parents?” Sirius said “the ‘Hope and Lyall Lupin Ward for Lycanthropy’. Rolls of the tongue if you ask me.” 

“Sirius, I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not?” Sirius shrugged “Look, I could let that money fester in a vault forever, or I could do something that actually matters with it. I don’t need it. And I don’t want it. But this place could actually do some good with it. Just like you could. You can’t tell me that your parents wouldn’t have wanted it.” 

“No they… They definitely would have.” Remus admitted. He bit his lip “I mean, it’s your money. I don’t want to tell you what to do with it, it’s your decision.” 

“I mean it’s either this or I’m buying something stupid, like another motorcycle. Or twelve.” 

“In that case, I’d much prefer the hospital ward.” 

“Then it’s settled.” Sirius grinned. He picked up Remus’ bag and turned to him. “You ready to go?”

“Absolutely.” Remus said, leaning in and giving Sirius a kiss “Take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield


	14. Swim Until You Can't See Land

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Up to my knees now  
>  Do I wade? Do I dive?  
> The sea has seen my like before, though, it's my first and perhaps last time  
> Let's call me a baptist, call this a drowning of the past  
> She is there on the shoreline throwing stones at my back"_

New Years came and went and Remus and Sirius each threw themselves into their new endeavors- partially to keep themselves occupied and partially to avoid constantly worrying over the net task, which was fast approaching. Harry was no closer to solving the egg than he had been several months ago, and Sirius lay awake a lot of nights thinking of what next challenge awaited him. 

Remus had resolved to help Nadine on a part-time basis, when she needed it. He told her that she could send him an owl when she had a patient who wanted to talk to him, and he would come to St. Mungo’s as soon as he could. Until then, he had another thing to worry about- his plans for the next full moon. Following his night in hospital, the meeting with the Ministry had completely slipped his mind until a few days later as he lay in bed. Sirius sat cross legged in his pajamas beside him.

“What did the guy at the Ministry say, by the way?” Sirius asked, looking up from his crossword 

“Shit!” Remus said, making a move to stand up

“Hey, hey!” Sirius said, holding his arm up. 

Remus gave a resigned groan “Sorry, hang on. _Accio coat_ ” his coat flew through the door and landed at his feet with a soft thud. He rummaged through his pockets for a moment before finding the crumpled up packet of parchment Molenhouse had given him “If I don’t get this back to them by the end of the week I’m sure they’ll send someone down here.” 

“I can’t believe these fucking people.” Sirius said, glancing at the paperwork over his shoulder and furrowing his brow “Hang on, they want you to be ‘confined or contained’ during the full moon?” 

“Supposedly.” Remus said, flipping through the pages “Here, sign this.”

“I hate that they’re treating you like a criminal. You’ve been nothing but careful your entire life, you’ve never hurt anybody.” 

“I’ve come close more times than I’d like.” Remus admitted 

“I don’t care.” Sirius said “I’m not locking you up like an animal. You’ve been hurting yourself enough as it is, but it’s nowhere near how bad it is when you’re confined.” 

He sighed “We may not have a choice. Though I’m not sure how they’re planning on enforcing this one.” 

“Tracking charms?” Sirius suggested

“Something like that, probably.” he said 

“Nothing we can’t get around.” 

“I think it’s best to just be ‘compliant’, at least for a little while.” Remus set down the parchment and drew his knees to his chest to stretch

“You have never been compliant in your entire life.” Sirius said 

“Yes, but that’s because I’ve never really had anybody relying on me at the end of the day. The only one who had to suffer the negative consequences of my bad choices was me.” he pointed out 

“You don’t have to worry about me and Harry.” 

“Love, I’m always going to worry about you two. It’s not a bad thing, I’m glad I have people waiting for me at the end of the day. I like knowing that if I mysteriously went missing somebody would know before the house started to smell.”

“Morbid.” 

“You know me.” Remus smirked “We’ll figure… Something out, I don’t know.”

“Do you think Dumbledore would let you use the Shrieking Shack?” 

“I wouldn’t want to. Besides, I doubt the ministry would approve of me being that close to the school.” 

“Even though- once again- you did it for years with no incident.” Sirius said “It’s not like you’re Greyback.”

“I’m as good as to the Ministry.” Remus said “One thing’s for sure, I’m telling anybody I can at St. Mungo’s to avoid the registry like the plague.” 

“Anytime you want to go ‘non-compliant’, i’m right there with you.” Sirius said, lying out on his back. 

“Let’s just worry about getting Harry through this year before we try and take on the whole Ministry.” Remus said 

“One of these days we’re going to have a normal, stress free year.” 

He laughed “I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one, Padfoot.” 

———————

“Fuck, fuck, fuck it’s bloody freezing.” Sirius complained, trudging up the docks set up on the Black Lake

“It’s not that bad.” Remus said “It’ll be worse once we’re out on the water.”

“Bloody hell, are you sure you’re a werewolf and not some kind of yeti? The cold never gets to you.”

“Could be, never did get a good look at Greyback.” 

Sirius gave him a look and craned his neck to get a look over the growing crowd “Do you see Harry?” 

“Not yet.” Remus frowned “Getting rather close to the wire, isn’t it?”

“Professor Lupin!” they turned around as Dean, Neville, and Seamus came up behind them, each of them decked out in red and gold. Dean held a hand-painted banner with Harry's name surrounded by roaring lions.

“Good to see you all.” Remus said “Have you seen Harry yet?

They shook their head “He and Ron didn’t come back to the dorm last night.” Seamus told them

“Lavender told me Hermione didn’t either.” Neville suggested, looking intensely nervous, which did not seem to be helped by Sirius standing beside him. 

“I’m sure they’re just… Helping Harry prepare.” Dean said, clearly trying to keep a level head as he furrowed his brow 

“What happens if he doesn’t get here in time?” Sirius asked Remus, who simply shook his head. 

They all waited along the dock as the time of the first task drew closer. Cedric, and the champions form Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were surrounded by their supporters and headmasters and all of them seemed to have noticed that Harry was notably absent. 

Madame Maxine was stalking up and down the dock, speaking to her students in rapid fire French. Sirius’ ears seemed to perk up and he turned to her _“Excusez-moi, Madame Maxine?”_ She turned down to look at him and they had a brief conversation that Remus couldn’t understand. Sirius nodded finally _“Merci beaucoup. Bonne chance à toi.”_

Remus cocked an eyebrow at him when he walked back “She know anything?”

He shook his head “She said she hasn’t seen him yet, but if he doesn’t arrive soon, he loses his chance to compete. She also added that she hopes he does.” 

“Lovely people the French.” Remus bit his bottom lip and kept looking around “Hang on, is that him?” 

He pointed down the dock to see Harry running towards them as quickly as he could, dressed in his red tournament robes. The Gryffindors cheered as he came up and Sirius slapped him on the back as he tried to regain his breath “Way to make an entrance, kid.” Sirius said

Harry nodded to try and catch his breath. He put his wand in a holster by his side “Long night, I’ll tell you about it later. Where are Ron and Hermione?

“We assumed they were with you.” Remus said

He shook his head “McGonagall called them up to her office last night.”

Ludo Bagman called the champions to line up and begin and Remus and Sirius walked him up on either side. 

“You can do this, Harry.” Sirius said. Harry pulled a strange plant out of his pocket and began to chew it.

He nodded stiffly and swallowed 

“Remember, if you run into some Grindylows, their fingers are fragile.” Remus muttered

“Right. I’ll see you on the other side.” Harry said, leaving them to join the other three champions at the edge of the dock, coughing roughly as the Gillyweed began to take effect.

——  
Remus didn’t know if not being able to see what was happening under the lake was better or worse than having to watch Harry fight a dragon, but his nerves were still live wires. Sirius was staring at the water like a cat waiting to catch a fish, looking for any sign of movement on the still surface. 

“It was a stroke of genius using Gillyweed.” Neville said, absently “It’s really rare, not many people would have thought to do it.”

“D’you like Herbology, Neville?” Sirius asked. Neville jumped as if he hadn’t been expecting for anybody to listen to what he was saying. He stammered for a moment, looking back at the others, who were talking to Remus about the creatures in the Black Lake “It’s okay, I’m not gonna bite.” Sirius assured him 

“N-no, I know.” he said, flushing “Sorry.”

Sirius smiled “I know, it’s gotta be weird. Last year I was all over the papers as a murderer.” 

“It’s a little strange, yeah.” Neville laughed nervously 

“I knew your parents, you know.” Sirius said, looking away from the water to kick at a rock with the tip of his shoe. 

“You did?” Neville asked

He nodded “Worked with them for a little while. Your mum was training with me at the Auror Office. They’re great people.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ve heard that.” 

“You remind me of Frank.” Sirius said 

“I- really?” 

“Definitely. He was quiet, too.” 

“Oh. My Gran never said that. I always thought he was… I dunno… Cooler.” 

“He was a big believer in that saying ‘a wise man lends his ears, but not often his thoughts’. Advice I personally was horrible at following.

Neville laughed a little bit at that 

“Someone’s coming up!” A person in the crowd yelled. They all turned as people began pointing towards the middle of the lake. 

“Who is it?” Remus asked, putting his hand on Sirius’ shoulder 

“I can’t tell.” 

Dean squinted over the crowd “It’s Cedric!” He yelled 

“Who’s that his with?” Seamus was standing on his toes 

“I think it’s…? Yeah, it’s Cho!” Neville said

“Of course, that must be where Ron and Hermione are. That’s what they have to rescue.” 

Sirius checked his pocket watch “Thirty minutes left.” he said “Come on, Potter…”

“He’ll do fine. So long as he keeps his head.” 

Everyone was still for a long moment, watching the water before another figure emerged. 

“It’s Krum!” Someone shouted. The Durmstrang students let out a dull roar.

“Hermione’s with her!” Seamus said. 

Krum and Hermione made their way to the crowd. Krum was quickly pulled away by Karkaroff. Hermione was given a towel and she was shivering slightly when Remus and Sirius rushed over to her. Remus took off his cloak and threw it over her shoulders. 

She let out a chattery thanks “Has Harry come up yet?”

Sirius shook his head “No. Cedric came up first.”

Again there was commotion from the crowd as the next figure emerged from the murky depths of the lake- it was Fleur, but she was completely alone.

“Hang on, so does this mean she didn’t finish?” Remus asked

“Looks like it. Harry still has a shot.” 

They all waited with bated breath, the time to the end of the hour ticking closer and closer. Remus was biting his lip, and Sirius had begun to pace, eyes darting between the lake and his watch. He turned to go the opposite way when Remus grabbed his sleeve and pointed to a ripple from which Harry emerged, with two others on either arm.

“YES!” Sirius cheered “Well done, Harry!”

Remus let out a breath and the rushed to meet Harry as he pulled himself up into the dock. Harry gasped for air, Remus throwing a towel over his shoulders and Sirius clapped him on the back proudly. They helped pull Ron and the young Delacour girl to the dock where they were quickly enveloped in the cheering crowd.

——

Sirius threw an arm around Harry, all of them feeling warm and elated on their way to Hagrid’s hut “Outstanding moral fiber for sure.”

Harry grinned and Ron punched him on the arm “Bloody savior complex is more like it.” he teased

“Should I be offended you wanted to save Fleur’s sister and Ron but not me?” Hermione laughed

“I tried! But Krum got there before I could.” 

“But I’M the one he’d miss the most.” Ron grinned

“Do you think we’ll be on the cover of the next Daily Prophet, Ron?” Harry asked

“Oh I should hope so.” he said “Hermione, how are you feeling about Harry breaking your heart in favor of me?”

“I think I’ll manage to recover. In time.” 

“Well, I think you should all be proud of yourselves.” Remus said

“Oy, what did they do Moony?” Harry asked “I did all the bloody work, these two got to take a nice nap all day.”

“Of course, I’m especially proud of you, Harry.” 

“As you should be.” A gruff voice said from behind them. they all turned to see Professor Moody limping up behind them. 

“Alaster! Good to see you.” Sirius said cheerfully

“Black, Lupin.” he nodded towards both of them “Sorry to miss your Christmas Party. I don’t trust owls, you never know who really sent them. Good thinking with the Gillyweed, Potter.”

“Thanks, Professor.” Harry said “We’re going to Hagrid’s for tea, would you care to join us?”

“No thanks, Potter. Enjoy yourself. Watch out for poison.” he said. And with that, he limped off. They began to walk again but Remus was rooted on the spot, watching Moody leave with a furrowed brow. 

“Moony? What’s up?” Harry asked from up ahead 

“Huh?” Remus said. He shook his head “Oh, nothing. Nothing, let’s go.”

—————

Later that night, they stood in the kitchen. Sirius was making them drinks (his latest kick was making cocktails) and Remus dried the dishes.

“Did Mad-Eye seem a little… Off to you?” Remus asked

Sirius handed him a gin and tonic “Off? More than usual?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I mean… I didn’t notice anything, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“Me too, I suppose. That could be it.” Remus said “I dunno, he just seemed different somehow.”

“How so?” 

He shook his head “I couldn’t place it. Just a weird feeling in the back of my head.” 

“Maybe he’s just getting older. Weirder.”

“I suppose. I’m sure it’s nothing. Nerves were all on edge after the task.”

“Yeah for good reason.” Sirius leaned back on the counter and sipped his drink “He did good, though, didn’t he?” 

Remus nodded “Yeah, he did.”

“James’d be proud of him.” 

“He would. But honestly, can you imagine anything Harry could do that James wouldn’t be proud of?”

Sirius shook his head “No. Then again, I haven’t found one yet.” 

Remus raised his glass “To Harry.”

“To Harry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title comes from Swim Until You Can't See Land by Frightened Rabbit


	15. Hospital Beds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Coming and going  
>  Asleep and awake  
> In bed at the hospital  
> Tell me the story  
> Of how you ended up here  
> I've heard it all in the hospital"_

“I still don’t like this.” Sirius said, touching the bars of the cage set up in the cellar. The rest of their boxes and things were stacked up against the furthest wall

“I don’t either, but it’s only temporary.” Remus said, waving his wand in a complicated pattern to set up some more protective spells “It’s not like I’ve never transformed like this before.”

“I know, but… It just feels wrong.” 

“You’ll still be there, it’ll still help.”

“Yeah, but…” Sirius shivered a little and stared at the cage distantly “I dunno. I don’t like the idea of anybody being locked up like this.” 

Remus gave him a sad look “I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”

Sirius waved him off “Don’t be, it’s alright.” he said 

He sighed and slipped his wand away “Well, I suppose that’s as good as it’s going to get.”

“Are you sure it’s big enough for you?” Sirius asked. the cage was large, for sure, and sturdy, but Remus was incredibly large as a wolf, and certainly wouldn’t be thrilled with the arrangement. 

“Likely not, but what can you do?” Remus said

“We could skive this off and just go into the woods.” 

He shook his head “There’s too many eyes on us right now.” Remus put a hand absently on one of the bars and frowned, recalling the similar set up his parents had used to contain him as a child, the fear he’d felt being locked away like that. He could still taste the rage the wolf felt at his confinement, its’ teeth gnawing at the bars in a futile attempt to get away and the metallic taste that lingered in his molars for days after. It was unnatural, something felt deeply wrong about transforming like that. The Shrieking Shack was only slightly better, but at least there he could roam, could explore to an extent. He had a few things to destroy other than himself. At least here… Remus just hoped he kept the damage to a minimum. Bleeding out again was not exactly how he wanted to spend his time. 

As dusk drew closer, Remus couldn’t help but roam around the cottage. The full moon always filled him with a nervous energy he couldn’t shake, no matter how much he tried. His joints ached in anticipation, but he couldn’t sit still to rest them, couldn’t focus on anything for more than a minute or so. Sirius watched him as he did, and tried to get him to relax, but there was no helping it. The sun began to get low in the sky and they ventured back down to the cellar, Sirius padlocking the door shut behind them. He crossed his arms as Remus undressed and set his clothes on one of the old boxes stashed in the corner. 

“Ready?” Remus asked, stepping towards the cage 

“Not really, but let’s do this.” Sirius frowned 

Remus put a hand on his cheek “Hey, i’ll be alright. I always am.” 

“I know.” Sirius said “You’ll be alright.” 

Remus stepped into the cage, which wasn’t quite large enough for him to stand at full height, so he slouched over while Sirius locked the door with a heavy deadbolt and set up the last of their usual spells. He felt rather silly standing there naked, his neck at an odd angle, waiting for it to happen like this. The metal floor was cold beneath his feet and he circled it slowly, feeling rather like a tiger at the zoo. He was about to say something to Sirius before he felt the first twinge within his head, like a migraine splitting his brain down the middle. 

“See you soon.” Sirius said, touching his hand through the bars before turning into a dog. He circled the cage as Remus was brought to his knees, the familiar pain never dulled by experience. He felt them break and reform and elongate as his human mind began to slip away, overtaken by the wolf. He let out a scream and the dog whined in sympathy until the wolf emerged completely. 

The wolf circled his small prison in confusion, sniffing at the cold ground that felt foreign, human, under his paws. His claws made an unnatural clicking noise against them and he pushed himself against the bars, growling and snarling. He thrust his paws out through the bars, trying to loosen them, but they didn’t budge. The black dog barked at him, approaching the cage slowly, showing his neck to the wolf as he always did. The wolf bared his teeth. He didn’t understand why the dog wasn’t letting him out, why he was on the other side of the cage, while he was stuck here. The dog whined and pawed at the bars uselessly. 

Frustrated, the wolf threw himself against the bars with all his might. He wanted to be free, he wanted to run and chase the black one and feel the air on his fur, not be stuck in this prison in a dingy cellar somewhere. It felt like it did when he was young, when they kept him locked away. He began to pace and gnawed at his back leg until he lasted blood, ignoring the dog’s barking from outside the cage. There were no bars keeping the dog here, so why didn’t he leave? Why didn’t he run? Instead, he just laid down by the cage, whining pathetically, looking up at him with grey eyes that didn’t look quite right. He shoved a shoulder against the bars again and again and bit at it until his jaws began to ache. It didn’t budge. The wolf howled in anger, as loud as he could until the dog joined in. The wolf growled and lunged towards the bars at him, banging his head against them in his attempt to get at it. The dog raised his hackles and growled, pacing back and forth with teeth bared. 

They continued this cycle for hours, howling and barking and growing at once another, the wolf throwing himself around and biting at his flesh to stave off his desperate need to tear into something, to feel warm blood on his tongue, much to the dog’s obvious distress. Finally, the wolf felt himself grow weak and tired, and could see the blue light of dawn filter though the window. He whimpered and burrowed himself into the corner of the cage as he felt the vice-like grip on his head, a throbbing dull pain that quickly spread throughout his body and became sharper as his body cracked and changed. Distantly, he could see the black-haired man in his peripheral vision as everything went dark. 

Remus coughed and heaved suddenly as he came back to, his stomach turning over. He heard a clatter at the cage door and a moment later, Sirius was at his side, pulling his wand out and gingerly pushing him to turn onto his back. He was too exhausted to argue, so he obliged and let Sirius run his wand over his bleeding leg.

“How d’you feel?” Sirius asked, his voice raw. 

“Fantastic.” Remus answered dryly, his throat equally strained. He grunted as he brought himself to his elbows and took survey of his body. The pain in his head was distracting from all other injuries “Bloody hell I feel like someone played the drums on my face.” 

Sirius winced and studied his eyes carefully “You did a number on yourself, there. Not as bad as it could be. I think your nose is broken, hold still. _episky_.” 

Remus let out a short yelp, but felt better with his nose back in the right place. “Fuck. Thanks.”

“Do you think you can get up?” 

Remus closed his eyes, still seeing stars a little bit, but nodded slowly “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Just help me up the stairs.”

Sirius took him under the arms and helped heave the other man to his feet. He braced himself against the bars of the cage before nodding to Sirius and leaning on him heavily as they made their way up the creaking stairs. Remus sat at the top stair as Sirius undid the latch and muttered _“finite incartartum”_ to undo to incantations on the basement. 

“Did I try and eat the cage or something?” Remus rubbed his jaw as he slumped down on the bed 

“Pretty much.” Sirius said “You were not happy about being in the cage. Kept trying to get at me for barking at you.” 

Remus flushed a little “Sorry.” 

“Don’t be. Not your fault.” Sirius said “Honestly, though, how are you feeling?” 

He paused “My head is the worst.” he said “But I think after some sleep I’ll be okay. My shoulder is a little sore, but it’s not dislocated so I’m assuming I just beat it against the cage a lot.” 

“Yeah, you did.”

Remus nodded “My jaw is sore, but nothing too damaged, I don't think I broke any teeth.” he said “All things considered, everything is pretty shallow. More than anything, I’m just tired.” 

“That makes two of us.” Sirius said “Alright, then, I’ll get you that pain draught and then I would like to sleep for at least a day and a half.”

“I can get on board with that plan.” 

Sirius was still watching him from the doorway, biting his cheek. 

“What is it?” Remus asked

“I-I just hated watching you like that is all.” Sirius said “It wasn’t… It didn’t feel right. The wolf knew it, and I knew it, even as a dog.” 

He sighed “I know.” Remus said “It felt… Wrong. But I’d rather stay under the radar at the moment. I can live with it, you know?” 

“You shouldn’t have to.” Sirius muttered

“I know. But that’s just… How things are, I suppose.” he rubbed his eyes and winced at the sting. “C’mon. Let’s go to bed.” 

“I’ll be right back. Lay down, yeah?”  
————————

A few days after the full moon, Remus got an owl from Nadine at breakfast. 

_”Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_I hope you are well and are recovering from the full moon restfully. I’m writing because shortly after the moon, we received a new patient in the ward. His injuries are relatively minimal, but he’s having a hard time adjusting to the news of his bite. I asked if he’d like to speak to someone, and he accepted. I think he would greatly benefit from your experience. If you are still interested, please let me know and i’ll make sure you’re on the list of visitors._

_(P.S., please tell Harry congratulations on his performance in the tournament.)_

_All of the best,_

_Nadine.”_

Remus sent his reply, telling her he would be there the next Monday. On the day, he dressed nervously, changing his clothes at least three times. 

“Should I be jealous?” Sirius teased

“I just want to make a good impression.” He said, shrugging on an old burgundy cardigan that was patched on the elbows, but he always thought it made him look at least a little put-together. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned at the bruising around his eyes and chin, wishing it would go away a little quicker so he didn’t look quite so beat up when meeting someone new. 

“I’m sure the guy will appreciate you even if you showed up nude.” Sirius said. He cocked an eyebrow “Come to think about it, if I were in hospital, I would certainly appreciate that.” 

Remus affixed him with a look “Charming.”

“You’re going to do great, Moony, I promise.” Sirius assured him, smoothing out the shoulders of his cardigan 

He let out a nervous breath “Thanks, Padfoot.” 

“Now go, visiting hours’ll be starting soon.” 

“Right. I suppose I’ll be back in a little while. Are you sure you’ll be alright here?”

“I can be alone with my thoughts for a few hours without going feral, Lupin.” 

“I know that, I’m just checking in.” Remus said “You know I worry.” 

“Well stop fretting about me and get going before you’re late.” Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus and slapped him on the ass lightly “Go.” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

He stepped through the fireplace directly to St. Mungo’s and was immediately awash with the unfamiliar chemical cleanliness that set his senses on edge. There was always so much activity in hospitals, so many different people with new scents and strange illnesses that it took a concerted effort not to get immediately overwhelmed. He made his way to the ward, worrying the scar on his thumb nervously. 

Nadine was waiting for him by the lift and gave him a cheerful wave as he walked through “Mr. Lupin! I’m glad you could make it.”

“Please, call me Remus.” he said, shaking her hand. She leaned in and studied the bruising on his face carefully.

“Broken nose?” She asked 

“Yeah, the cage didn’t quite agree with me.” He said 

She winced “I’m sorry they’re making you do that. Any other injuries?” 

“I got my leg a few times, but nothing too serious. Got it all patched up.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” She gestured for him to follow her down the hall “So the patient is in here, his name is Hindley. He’s been a little… Well he’s not taking it well, for sure. We haven’t been able to get him to talk much. The bite wasn’t too bad, thankfully, it seems like he was able to apparate away pretty quickly so he made it out with only minor injuries. He’s young, he’ll recover physically.” 

“So what should I do, exactly?” Remus asked “What do I say to him?”

“It’s up to you.” Nadine said “He said he’d be willing to talk to someone, i’m not sure how much you’ll get out of him. Just… I don’t know. Let him know the world isn’t ending.” 

“Right.” Remus nodded “I’ll do my best.” 

Nadine smiled “Thanks for doing this, Remus.” 

“Of course. I’m happy to help.” 

They stepped into the room. Hindley sat on the farthest bed, staring out the fake window absently. He was ashen-faced, his jaw clenched like he was holding himself from screaming. His left arm and both of his hands were heavily bandaged, and there was a healing slit on his cheekbone. He was handsome, probably 24 or 25, with dark skin and neatly shorn hair.

“Mr. Dawson, how are you feeling this morning?” Nadine asked him. Hindley shrugged without looking away from the window “Are you alright with visitors right now?” 

Hindely turned away curiously and looked Remus over “Is this that guy?” 

Remus gave him a smile “My name is Remus Lupin, it’s nice to meet you.” 

He blinked a few times and nodded a little “Please yourself.” 

Nadine turned to Remus “I’ll give you two some privacy, then.” She left, shutting the door behind her, and Remus took a seat by the hospital bed. Hindley eyed him suspiciously. 

“How’re you feeling?” Remus asked 

He shrugged again “Fine, I guess.” 

“Good, that’s good. Looks like you didn’t get roughed up too badly.” 

“Guess that depends on what you mean by roughed up.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Hindely looked him over again “Are you like… From the Ministry or something? Are you going to tell someone everything I say or what?” 

Remus shook his head “No. No, i’m not from the Ministry. I don’t even technically work here, I’m just… Helping out.” 

“So you’re… One of them, then?”

“A werewolf? Yes, I am.” he said. Hindley bit his lip a little and looked him over 

“Hang on, aren’t you that bloke the paper is always going on about? The one living with Sirius Black and Harry Potter?” 

He let out a bark of laugher “Yeah, that’s me. Most of what they say isn’t true, for the record.” 

Hindley looked at him skeptically “I don’t need any help.” 

“I didn’t say you did.” Remus said, folding his hands in his lap “Healer Kashyap just thought you might like to talk to someone who’s been through some of what you’re going through.”

He scoffed “You don’t know what i’m going through.” 

Remus shook his head “No, I suppose I don’t.” he said “Honestly, I don’t remember much before getting the bite, so I never really had to make that adjustment. Have you had any family come to visit?” 

Hindely shook his head immediately “No. And I don’t want them to, I don’t want them to know.” 

“You’re going to have to tell them eventually.”

“Why?” He demanded “I can just… I’ll just go away once a month and come back in the morning, and nobody will have to know.” 

“Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.” Remus told him “It’s not… It’s not a one-night thing, this condition. It’s going to affect you in other ways besides the transformation. And even if it didn’t, I’ve found that trying to hide it from the people who love you is harder than you think. It wears you down.” 

“I don’t… I don’t want to change, I don’t want them to look at me like i’m a monster, I’m not one of you.” 

He nodded patiently and waited as Hindley took a breath and regained his composure a little bit “It’s alright that you’re feeling like this. Are you close with your family?” 

“I-“ Hindley paused “Yes. It’s just me and my parents, and I’m getting…. Well, I was supposed to get married this year.” 

“Mazel-tov” Remus said 

“It’s… It can’t happen now. She’s not going to want to marry me now that i’m like this.” 

“It’s possible.” he admitted “But it’s been my experience that people have the immense capacity to surprise you.” 

“I’m not so sure.”

“Even if you’re right, and she doesn’t want to marry you anymore, you’ll survive. You’ll learn to love again, find someone who’ll love you not despite what you are, but because of who you are.” 

“That’s a little cheesy.” 

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Remus laughed “As soon as it left my mouth.” 

Hindley laughed a little bit “I… I don’t know how I’m going to live with this.” 

“It’s difficult sometimes, I won’t lie to you. I’m not going to tell you that your life will be completely the same, because it won’t. But it is manageable.” 

“Does it…” he looked at his hands “Does it hurt?” 

“The transformations? Yes. They absolutely do.” 

“This isn’t exactly a pep talk.” 

Remus shook his head “I suppose not. But, I’ve never cared much for lying to make someone feel better. It’s best to be prepared.” 

“I just feel like my life is ending.” Hindley said, putting his face in his hands. 

Remus looked at him evenly “Your life is not over, Hindley.” he said “It may look different from here on out, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile. You’ll come back from this.”

“I- thank you.” he muttered “I think… I think I will talk to my fiancé. Let her know where I am.”

“That’s great. Really, really great.” Remus said “I think she may surprise you.”

“I hope so.” He said “Do you mind… Do you mind if I ask you some more questions?” 

“Of course not. Ask away.” 

———-

Remus arrived back at the house through the fireplace a few hours later, having stayed to chat with Hindley for a long while, and had a quick cup of tea with Nadine afterwards. 

“Sirius?” he called out, sticking his head into their bedroom, then the loft and the kitchen to no response. He frowned and checked the cellar, he wasn’t there either “Sirius, where are you?” 

“Moony?” he heard Sirius’ muffled voice from outside and he opened the door to the garden 

“What’re you doing outside? It’s bloody freezing.” Remus said, stepping out to find Sirius coming around the side of the house. He smelled strange, like gasoline and steel. He gave Remus a guilty-look and he frowned “Oh, God, what did you do?” 

“Nothing!” Sirius insisted. Remus fixed him with a stern look and he grinned “Okay, don’t be cross, but I went into the village, and got to talking to this bloke down at the pub, and he happened to mention that he was getting rid of his motorbike…” 

Remus groaned “Oh you’re fucking kidding me.” 

Sirius stepped round the side of the house and Remus followed to where he had parked a large red motorbike in their gravel path “Look how beautiful she is!” It was different from his old one, smaller and less American-looking. Remus didn't know enough about motorbikes to tell much else about it.

“You’re going to kill yourself on that thing.” he said 

“Oy, you smoke, and that’ll kill you, too.”

“I mean, yes, but a lot slower than having my brain scraped off the pavement!” 

“I was never hurt on my old one.” He pointed out, resting a hand on one of the handlebars and looking down at it affectionately. 

Remus sighed and crossed his arms, looking it over “You better wear a fucking helmet. And if you try to make that thing fly, I will call Arthur Weasley myself and have his department raid our house.” 

“Cmon Moony, you know Arthur would love it.” he said “But, point taken, I will not make the motorbike fly.” 

“And if you ever take Harry out on that, I’ll turn you into a throw rug." 

“How about you, then?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow 

“Absolutely not.” 

“You’re kidding yourself if you think you didn’t used to _love_ when you used to ride on my old bike.”

“Yes well, I was 19 years old and stupid, if you told me you loved throat singing I would have learned how.” Remus said “But now I’m a grown adult and not so easily swayed by a handsome man on a motorbike and a leather jacket.” 

“So you think I’m handsome?” 

“You’ll do.” Remus smirked.

“One ride, Moony?” Sirius grinned

He frowned at the hated machine and gave a resigned groan “Alright, one ride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from Hospital Beds by Cold War Kids


	16. This Must Be The Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Home is where I want to be  
>  Pick me up and turn me round  
> I feel numb, burn with a weak heart  
> I guess I must be having fun"_

Sirius dressed in a pair of deep purple robes early in the morning and kissed Remus on the forehead as he snored slightly, his body twisted in a strange way that Sirius was sure couldn’t be very comfortable. The ways in which this man fell asleep were ever a mystery to him. He swept his cloak over his shoulders and checked himself in the mirror before apparating away with a crack. 

The air in Hogsmeade was crisp and cold, no early signs of spring to be found. Sirius shivered and picked up his pace towards the castle. Yesterday, as he and Remus sat at home, getting drunk and playing scrabble (a Muggle game Remus had recently brought home and become obsessed with), an owl arrived with a letter addressed to Sirius. 

_“Dear Sirius,_

_I hope this letter finds you and Remus well. I do not wish to interrupt your evening, however, if you might find time to come and speak to me tomorrow morning, I have an urgent matter to discuss with you that is best left out of writing. Please come to my office at eight o’clock tomorrow morning. The password is ‘mars bar’._

_I look forward to speaking with you,_

_Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore”_

Sirius read over the letter a couple times before handing it off to Remus

“Strange.” Remus said, eyes flitting over the elaborate script 

“He doesn’t usually summon me to his office.” Sirius said, rearranging the wooden tiles “Well, not since we left school.” 

“Do you think it’s about Harry?” 

He considered this “No, or else he would’ve asked both of us in, wouldn’t he?” 

“Not necessarily.” Remus pointed out “Technically I have no more legal authority over Harry than the next-door neighbors.” 

Sirius frowned “We really ought to sort that out, come to think of it.” he said “Just in case.”

“The Ministry won’t like that one bit.” 

“Fuck the Ministry.” Sirius said “Besides, they can’t interfere with it anyways.”

“I suppose not.” Remus said, concentrating on the board and placing the word ‘symptom’ for 16 points

“Bastard.” Sirius shook his head “In any case, may as well see what he needs.” 

“Perhaps he’ll ask you to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor once Moody retires.” Remus smirked 

“If he did, that would be a truly awful decision.” Sirius said “I wouldn’t be able to go a day without cursing one of the little arseholes.” 

“Yeah, that’s the hard part.” 

Sirius made his way into the castle, feeling a familiar warm feeling in his chest as he stepped through the main entryway. It was early enough that the halls were largely empty and the portraits were sleeping soundly in their frames. 

“Mars Bar.” he said to the gargoyle in front of Dumbledore’s office. It swung open and Sirius knocked on the heavy wooden door at the landing.

He stepped in and was surprise to see that Dumbledore was not alone. He stood behind his desk, hands behind his back as he paced. Standing on the other side was a tall black wizard in long emerald robes and a shorter one with neon green hair wearing ripped jeans under their robes. They all turned to look at him as he walked in.

“Ah, Sirius, I’m glad you received my letter. I hope I wasn’t interrupting any plans.” Dumbledore said cheerfully

“‘Course not.” Sirius said “Frankly, Remus is probably glad to have me out of the house.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve met my friends from the Auror office here, this is Kingsley Shacklebolt-“

The tall man shook his hand “Took a lot of work off my plate when you came up innocent, I’ll say.” he said with a wink

“-And Nymphadora Tonks, who I believe is a relative of yours.” Dumbledore continued

The short one gave him a grin and pulled him into a hug 

“It’s good to finally meet Andromeda’s kid.” Sirius said “You look just like Ted, Nymphadora.”

“For now at least. And please, call me Tonks.” they laughed “Mum never liked that I always chose to go about like this instead of looking ‘respectable.’”

“Andy’s one to talk about respectable.” Sirius smirked “When she was sixteen she showed up to a family dinner with blue hair and a pair of doc martens. Nearly gave our grandmother a heart attack.” 

“I hate to interrupt a family reunion,” Dumbledore said with a soft smile “perhaps we should get to the matter at hand?” 

“Of course.” Kingsley said with a nod “Sirius, how much do you know of Barty Crouch?”

“Junior or Senior?” Sirius asked

“Senior.” Kingsley clarified 

Sirius nodded. Honestly, his interactions with both had been minimal. His and Barty Crouch Sr.’s paths had crossed on only a few instances, most of which were unpleasant. He had presided over Sirius’ trial, or lack thereof. Crouch had shown up to his cell in Azkaban a few days after his arrival, with an assistant to take notes and no other participants. Sirius was half out of his mind with shock and grief, and must have looked truly mad to the man. 

“Mr. Sirius Orion Black?” Crouch said from the other side of the bars 

“Please!” Sirius pleaded “Please, you have to listen to me, there’s been a mistake, I didn’t- I would never-“

“I’m sure.” Crouch said shortly “You were the secret keeper for James and Lily Potter, as administered in the Fidelius charm on the 1st of September, 1981, correct?”

“No!” he said quickly “I wasn’t, we changed at the last- It was Pettigrew, Pettigrew was the secret keeper.” 

“Pettigrew is dead.” Crouch snapped “You killed him.”

“I didn’t! I swear, I didn’t.” 

“As do all who come into Azkaban, Black.” 

“Please, you have to believe me, please let me talk to Remus, let me talk to-“

“There will be no need for that. As the head of Magical Law Enforcement, I find you guilty of being a Death Eater and relaying information leading to the murder of Lily Mary Evans-Potter and James Fleamont Potter and the attempted murder of Harry James Potter and sentence you to a life in Azkaban.” 

“No!” Sirius pleaded, rushing to the bars, only to be knocked back by Crouch’s assistant’s wand. He coughed and sputtered at the edge of the damp cell “Please, please, no. I didn’t- I wouldn’t- Please!” 

Sirius shook the memory from his mind “Not a lot, to be honest. I met Crouch when I first arrived at Azkaban, and I would see him and his wife more towards the end of his son’s life. I remember seeing the Dementor’s bury him on the grounds… A god awful situation if you ask me.”

“D’you think we could borrow your memory?” Tonks asked “Sorry to be blunt, I know it’s invasive as all hell.” 

Sirius glanced over at the Pensieve on Dumbledore’s desk “‘Course not. Do you mind me asking why you’re interested in them all of a sudden?” 

Tonks and Kingsley looked to Dumbledore who nodded slowly “It seems that Mr. Crouch is going mad, as some have said. Harry came to me yesterday and explained that Mr. Crouch approached him and Mr. Krum speaking rather nonsensically and some time in between Harry coming to the castle for my help and my return, Mr. Krum had been attacked.” 

“Attacked? Is he alright?” Sirius asked, brow furrowed 

Dumbledore nodded “He will be fine, yes. He was simply stunned.” 

Sirius thought this over “You don’t think he’s gone mad, do you?” 

“I do not.” he confirmed “And subsequently, we have found no trace of Mr. Crouch on the grounds, nor elsewhere.”

“Crouch isn’t a weak man. Nor is he stupid If he’s been compromised…” He and Dumbledore looked at each other meaningfully and Sirius felt a twinge of fear in his stomach. Sirius swallowed it down and nodded slowly “Right. I’ll give you anything you think will be helpful.” 

“We appreciate it, Sirius, really.” Kingsley said 

“I trust you’ll be wanting to speak with Harry before you leave?” Dumbledore said as Sirius pulled out his wand and tapped it against his temple

“If that’s alright, yeah.” Sirius nodded, feeling an odd tickling feeling in his head as if he was pulling a thread out from between the folds of his brain and slipping the silvery memory into the penseive. 

“One more thing before we part ways,” the headmaster said, looking up at him over his half-moon spectacles ‘A time may come soon in which we may need to gather our mutual friends together.”

Sirius blinked and nodded knowingly “I’ll be sure to save the date.” 

He shook hands one more time with Kingsley and Tonks and gave Dumbledore another nod before leaving the headmaster’s office, his mind replaying the conversation and the twist in his stomach growing. 

———————

The halls were beginning to grow packed with students too eager to get off to Hogsmeade to pay Sirius any mind as he lingered outside the Great Hall. Not for the first time, when he caught sight of Harry walking out down the hall, laughing at something Hermione had said, he had to stare for a moment to remember he wasn’t looking at James. It had only gotten worse as Harry grew taller, now within a foot of where his friend had been. He kept forcing himself to make a list of the ways in which they were different in his head, as Remus kept insisting that thinking of them as the same was unfair to Harry. Still, it was hard sometimes. 

Harry was wearing an old sweater of Remus’ and the combat boots Sirius had given him this summer and he grinned as he saw Sirius waiting for them in the hall.

“Alright, Harry?” He said “Hope it’s not too much of an intrusion.” 

“Sirius, what’re you doing here?” Harry asked, hugging him. Sirius clapped him on the back 

“Dumbledore needed to talk to me, figured i’d buy you three a butterbeer if you’d like.” 

“Does that mean you know about-“ Hermione began and Sirius pressed a finger to his lips as a group of Ravenclaw girls passed them by.

“Let’s talk about this somewhere a little more private, yeah?” he said

“I wasn’t aware it was a ‘family visitation day’, Black.” came a sneer from behind them. Sirius prickled and turned to face Snape with a scowl “Or is Potter incapable of going without his precious godfather for more than a few weeks?” 

“Dumbledore asked me here, Snape. You see, some of us are useful for more than lurking in dungeons and terrorizing little girls. I think I’m entitled to see my godson since i’m here.” Sirius spat back

Snape’s lip curled up “Trouble in paradise, perhaps? Looking for any excuse to leave Lupin at home? According to the papers you two are in the outs again. Such a shame.” 

“Piss off, Snape. Even you know that’s nonsense and the longest relationship you’ve ever been in is with your greasy pillowcase.” 

He sneered “I can see all the good you’re doing for Potter, seems as if one summer living with you has given him a bigger head than I thought was possible.” 

“Lay off my godson, _Snivellus_ , or I’ll give you what’s good for you.” Sirius snapped 

“I’d love to see you try, Bl-“ 

“I hope there’s not a problem here.” Mad-Eye said as he limped over to them from down the hall, looking Severus over with his magical eye before turning to Potter “Quick thinking coming straight to Dumbledore, Potter.”

“Have you found Mr. Crouch yet?” Harry said 

“No sign of him, yet. We’ll find him eventually, one way or another. We always do.” he said. He nodded to Sirius “Good to see you, Black.” 

“And you, Moody.” Sirius said. He gave Snape one last glare before turning heel out the castle doors with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. 

The Three Broomsticks was packed with students by the time they made their way there, pushing through the crowd to find an empty high-top near the bar. 

“Shouldn’t we go somewhere quieter if we don’t want to be heard?” Hermione asked 

Sirius gestured for four butterbeers “If you don’t want to be heard, the last place you’d want to be is somewhere secluded. Imagine if you saw three students and a former convict walk into the Hog’s Head? Anybody would be listening into what you’re saying. But here, you get lost in the cacophony.” 

Their drinks appeared and Sirius passed them out 

“So was Moody right? Have they not found Crouch?” Harry asked 

“Apparently not.” Sirius said “They searched the grounds, but haven’t found anything. Seems he vanished after attacking Krum.”

“He was really strange when I saw him. Almost like he’d gone mad or something.”

“I wouldn’t believe that for a second. Honestly, Fudge should have known something was wrong as soon as Crouch stopped showing up to the tournament.”

“Percy said he was just ill.” Ron said 

“Supposedly, but I’ve never known Crouch to be the sort to take off work for anything short of his own death bed. Particularly for something this important to his department.” He frowned, glancing around to make sure they weren’t being watched as he took a sip of his drink “And with how he was acting when you saw him… This was no accident.” 

“So what? He was cursed or something?” Harry asked

“That’s what Dumbledore suspects. It’s why he wanted to see me. To see what I remembered of him the last time I saw him in Azkaban.” Sirius sighed “Listen, this isn’t just to alarm you more, but these things that are happening, it’s not a coincidence.” 

“I- I know.” Harry said, shifting in his seat 

“Somebody is trying to get to you, and whoever it is… Well, it seems as if they’re running out of time.”

“But if someone did bewitch Crouch, why didn’t he just attack Harry while he was alone with Viktor?” Hermione asked 

Sirius shook his head “I’m not sure. If he’s under the Imperius Curse, perhaps their control on him is slipping. Or they knew Crouch would be unlikely to take both of you at once. Either way, I’m not sure you’ll be so lucky the next time. Have you been preparing for the next task?” 

Harry nodded, his jaw clenched “As much as I can, I suppose. Bagman said it was a maze… I’m not sure what to expect.”  
“Just… Practice as many curses and jinxes, whatever else as you can.You’re good in a scrap, you just have to make sure you know what to do before it gets to that. And I’d strongly suggest that you three stay close together. I think it’s best if you’re not on your own too much in the coming weeks, Harry.” 

Sirius could tell his mind was racing with worry, but he didn’t know what words he could say to ease his nerves. Instead he just gripped Harry’s shoulder “We’ll get you through this, alright?”

“Yeah, Bill and Charlie taught me a ton of curses when they were in school, we can learn them easy.” Ron assured him 

“And I can check the library, Professor Moody gave me a good recommendation for a book on protective spells.” Hermione said predictably 

“Just be careful, alright? I don’t want you to go off sneaking around the castle at night. It’ll all be okay.” Sirius gave him a reassuring smile. 

By the time they finished their butterbeer, Harry’s nerves seemed to calm a little bit as they stepped back into the cold and meandered back towards the castle. At the edge of Hogsmeade, Sirius put his hands on Harry’s shoulders “I’ll see you soon, alright?”

Harry nodded stiffly “Right.”

“Remember to practice. And stick together.” Sirius reminded them again. The trio nodded and Sirius hugged Harry once again before disappearing with a crack. 

—————-

Remus was standing over the sink, doing the dishes by hand when Sirius got home. He always did it this way, which always amused Sirius. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, exposing the crosshatching scar tissue shining silver in the sunlight and a Talking Heads record drifted in from the other room. Sirius lingered in the doorway for a while, watching as Remus bounced on his heels and sang along.

 _”Out of all those kinds of people, you’ve got a face with a view. I’m just an animal looking for a home, share the same space for a minute or two, and you love me till my heart stops, love me till i’m dead-“_ His voice was low and slightly off key but Sirius smiled anyway, reveling in being able to witness the Remus that existed when nobody else was watching.

He made his presence known and let his head lean against the doorway. Remus turned around and smirked “How long have you been creeping in the shadows?” he asked 

“Not long.” He said. Remus set a dish down and made a move to roll down his sleeves but Sirius took him by the wrist and kissed him instead “I like watching you.”

“Creep.” Remus said, leaning back on the counter so Sirius stood taller than him and putting his hands on Sirius’ narrow hips “What did Dumbledore want?” 

Sirius sighed and explained what happened to Crouch and his talk with Dumbledore afterwards. Remus bit his lip as he listened, his brow so deeply furrowed a deep line split his forehead down the middle. 

“He’s going to reconvene the Order, isn’t he?” Remus asked 

Sirius nodded “It seems that way. Not that there’s many of us left anymore.”

“That’s what worries me. This fight should have been finished before anybody else got involved. Harry should have never had to worry about this.” 

“We’re not going to be able to stop him.” Sirius said “If it comes down to it, if Voldemort does come back fully, Harry won’t just sit back and let the grown-ups handle it.”

“I know.” he sighed “Nor do I think it would be fair not to let him, given everything he’s been through. I just wish it never came to it.” 

“We can at least… We can try and protect him as much as we can. Help him through this.” 

“What can we possibly do?” he said, looking up at him “This is so beyond our breadth, as guardians, as people… Here we are staring down the barrel of our second war in 34 years and I feel just as scared and confused as I was when we started the first one.”

Sirius put a hand on the side of Remus’ face and ran a thumb over the rough stubble on his chin “We know more now. We’re smarter, we’re stronger. And we’re sticking together this time, yeah? That’s something at least.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s something.” Remus sighed, leaning into his touch “We’ll get through it.”

“We always do. More or less.” Sirius said, kissing him softly “On a lighter note, your birthday is this week.”

Remus groaned “I’d hoped you’d forgotten.” 

“Forget your birthday? Never.” Sirius said 

“I don’t want a big to-do. I mean it, this time. I’m becoming an old man, and I intend to spend my birthday that way.” 

“Moony, you’ve been an old man since you were 13 years old.” Sirius cocked an eyebrow “Besides the fact that 35 is not old.” 

“Yes, well it feels old to me.” 

“We’re parenting a teenager, it comes with the territory.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for reading and commenting, i'm genuinely blown away. I read every single comment and they all mean so much to me. You're all incredible and I really appreciate all the support and love. You're the best.


	17. You Are Your Mother's Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Our love's a protective poison  
>  But you are your mother's child  
> And she'll keep you for a while  
> Oh one day you'll be grown, then you'll be on your own"_

Sirius (mostly) kept to his promise to not make a massive deal of Remus’ birthday, but he still brought Remus an elaborate breakfast in bed and indulged him in a leisurely shag. It was creeping towards noon and they were still lying in bed, Remus’ head resting on Sirius’ chest as he smoked. 

“See this is perfect.” Remus said, exhaling smoke “You can keep your big blowouts, this is all I need. Though i’ll be sore for a week. I told you, I’m getting old.”

“A man of simple pleasures.” Sirius laughed “I did, however, explicitly ignore your request to not give you anything.”

“If you’re talking about that thing you did earlier, I’m fine with that.” Remus smirked 

“Slut.” Sirius shook his head “Hang on. Technically I’m regifting it, because you gave them to me first.” 

Remus sat up with a groan to let Sirius up and watched as he went to their closet and rummaged around. He stood back up, holding the shoebox he had brought back from Grimmauld Place, unmistakable though a little less dusty. He handed it over to Remus and sat at the end of the bed as he looked at it, puzzled. 

“Go on, then.” Sirius said 

Remus carefully lifted the top and inside, he found a stack of old letters, already opened and replaced in their envelopes, arranged in a neat row.

“What are all these?” he took one out of the box 

“Open it.” 

Remus did so, slipping the yellowing notebook paper out of its’ envelope and unfolding it.

_Dear Padfoot,_

_I miss you already! It’s horribly boring here, we’ve moved again (Wales again this time- I wont say the name because you'll grumble about the lack of vowels), and we’re in the middle of nowhere. I’m serious, our nearest neighbors are at least five kilometers away. I’ve seen more sheep in the past week than people, I might lose my mind. I’ll return to you a husk of a person. I'm half feral already._

_How is your summer so far? I’m holding out hope your family isn’t being complete shit (is that too much to ask for?). Any word on if you’ll be able to go with James for any of it? Remember to just keep your chin up and don’t let them get to you. Either that or hope for one of those brain injuries that completely changes someone’s personality (i’ve been reading Mum’s muggle psychology books)._

_Since I know you’ll ask, the furry little problem is fine. Dad put me on bed rest for the past few days just to be sure I’m fully recovered before I return to my incredibly high-impact and exciting life of reading my book in a different chair every few hours. Can’t be too careful with that one, I might sprain my index finger. In any case, I wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about you (and that last night in the dorm) a lot (constantly), I hope you don’t regret it. I can’t wait to have a repeat when we’re finally back at school._

_I miss you and hope to hear from you soon._

_All my love,_

_R.J.L.”_

Remus looked up at him, bewildered “Hang on, you kept my letters?” 

Sirius grinned “I thought for sure she would have gotten rid of them, but I kept yours hidden under the floorboards in case she decided to read them while I was out.” 

‘Surely there wasn’t anything explicit in them.” 

“No, but you sure came close.” Sirius laughed “You always did have a way with words, Moony.” 

“Oh my God, this is… I can’t believe you held onto them. You sentimental bastard.” 

“Hey, one of us has to be.” 

“Fair enough.” Remus laughed “Came with the territory of moving every fucking year, I never had space to hold onto things.” 

“Yeah, but your memory is much better than mine.” 

“You think so? I did a lot of drugs in the 80s.” 

“Eh, so we’re both fucked. That’s alright, Harry’ll just have to remind us who we are every couple of days when we’re shacked up in the old folks home.” 

“Well at least i’ll be pleasantly surprised when I find out I have a hot roommate again.” Remus said. He smiled softly at the box again “This is amazing.” 

They spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around ton the sofa, neither one of them bothering to change out of their pajamas, reading the old letters and speculating what Sirius had said in response to one or the other, laughing over the flowery kind of love you can only write about when you're 16. Neon and bright, with no inkling that anything bad can happen to you when you're that happy. 

“Hey y’know what we were talking about the other day?” Sirius asked after a while 

“Hm? About how you somehow thing Diamond Dogs is a better album than Ziggy? Because you’re still wrong about that.”

“ _No_ , although you’re objectively incorrect. I meant about Harry. About us trying to make you more of a legal guardian than you are.” Sirius said

Remus nodded slowly “I mean… I’ve thought about it. I just… I don’t know. Is there really a point to it? We know it’ll be an uphill battle.”

“So is most of what we try to do.” He pointed out “But I think it’s important.”

“I just don’t see how a scrap of parchment from the ministry will change anything, really.” Remus crossed his arms “At the end of the day, they still won’t hold me with any kind of regard into a decision about Harry.” 

“You don’t know that. And what if something happened to me?”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you.” 

“Just like nothing was going to happen to Lily and James?” Sirius said, cocking his eyebrow 

“That- that was different. That was a war.” 

“I told you what Dumbledore said. You’re not stupid enough to believe that there’s nothing happening right now, and if you ask me, we should be over-prepared rather than taken by surprise.” 

Remus sighed “I just… I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

Sirius frowned at him “And why not?”

“Because-“ He stopped and shut his eyes “Because you and Harry don’t need more stigma against you right now. We don’t need the Ministry breathing down our necks and telling us how to live our lives more than they already are.”

“You know what I think?” Sirius said

“I’m sure you’ll tell me regardless.”

“I think that you just don’t think you’re worthy of it. That you think you’re just some drifter in Harry and I’s life, rather than a member of this family.” 

“I don’t- I’m not-“ He let out a frustrated sigh “Look, I don’t even think they’ll let me take a legal role in Harry’s life.”

“So you don’t think it’s worth trying? You’d rather Harry go back to the muggles should anything happen?”

“Of course not!” Remus snapped “I would rather- You know I love you both.” 

“Yeah, I know you do! So why does it always feel like you have one foot out the door? Do you honestly believe the shit that people like Luicus Malfoy and Rita Skeeter say about you?” 

“I just- I don’t need to make your lives harder.”

“We don’t care! I've told you a million times that we don’t care. I’d take a million articles in the Prophet to have you around.”

Remus took a breath “I think- You say that now, yeah? But what if…” He trailed off “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound like I’m not intending to stick around. I love you, and I want to be here, and apart of Harry’s life. I suppose… I suppose I’ve taken too much to heart about how I’m not suited to be around children.”

“Moony, you’re not dangerous. To either of us.” 

“I wish I could believe that.” he said quietly, feeling very much like a child as he spoke “I just remember… My whole life, my dad would always harp on it. That I had to be so careful about never passing along my condition. That having children wasn’t an option for me, because there was always a risk. I never… I never let myself picture a situation in which I would be responsible for a child. And even though Harry isn’t _mine_ , I just- I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of me.”

Sirius looked at him evenly “Your dad was wrong, Remus.” he said “He meant well, I know, but he was wrong about a lot of things. You shouldn’t be afraid of us.” 

“I’m trying. You know I’m trying. This is all just… Really new to me, still.” 

“I know. I know it’s hard. But I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t doing everything I could to make sure both of you were okay if something happened, alright? 

“I know. I know. I- let’s look into it, okay? We’ll figure it out.” Remus relented “And if we can’t, I promise i’ll go first.” 

“You better not.” Sirius said, cracking a smile “I’m not missing out on my hot nursing home boyfriend.” 

—————-

The energy in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was chaotic, with memos flying around above their heads. Remus and Sirius sat on stiff wooden chairs away from all the cubicles. Something was emitting a frightening amount of fire from a desk drawer, seemingly alarming to nobody else but them. Remus bounced his leg nervously and watched a clock on the wall, wishing this whole day was over. Sirius put a hand on his leg.

“You’re not being put on trial, Moony.”

“I know, I know.” Remus muttered “But when you mentioned us talking to an ‘old contact in the department’, I didn’t think you meant Amelia bloody Bones.” 

“We were good friends of Edgar’s, you don’t think she’d want to help?”

“Perhaps when she was starting out at the Ministry in 1980, not 12 years later out of the blue. She’s a little high up to be dealing with a custody issue, isn’t she?”

“If it was beneath her, she wouldn’t have taken the meeting.” Sirius pointed out “We’re just asking a few questions, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Remus clenched his jaw and didn’t respond, just kept his eyes on the clock and grew more anxious by the moment. He kept smoothing out his hair self-consciously, feeling very much like a child wearing his father’s clothes in the nice, new robes Sirius insisted he wear. 

After what seemed like an hour, a young wizard walked up to them, a massive stack of files in his arms “Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin? Madam Bones is ready to see you now.” he said cheerfully.

Sirius gave Remus a reassuring look as they stood and followed the young man through the labyrinth of cubicles and offices until they reached a massive wooden door. The wizard knocked on the door and it opened on it’s own. 

Amelia Bones’ office was rather impressive, with newspaper clippings of her major cases set in frames against one mahogany-paneled wall, and an ornate desk covered in files and memos. Framed behind her desk was an old family portrait of the Bones family, before the war and the tragedy that befell them. Remus recognized Edgar in the far right, a big grin on his freckly face, and tried not to picture the expression he held as the curse that killed him struck his heart. Madam Bones stood at her desk, scribbling at a document furiously 

“One second.“ She said, finishing what she was doing with a signature. She looked up and gave them a smile “Sorry about, work never ends, does it?” 

She came around her desk and shook both of their hands “Can I get you anything?” 

“No, we’re alright.” Sirius said “Thanks for agreeing to see us.”

“Of course.” She said. She gestured to a green sofa in the corner and took a seat on a chair on the other side “Anything for old friends of my brother. Particularly when one was my niece’s favorite Professor.” 

Remus smiled despite his anxiety “Goodness, I’m flattered. I certainly enjoyed teaching her.”

“She’s a great kid.” Madam Bones said proudly “So what can I do for you two?” 

Remus looked to Sirius, who cleared his throat “Right, well, I took custody of my godson, Harry, this past summer-“

“Oh I certainly read all about it in the Daily Prophet.” Madam Bones said with a shake of her head “Bloody vultures. Go on, I apologize.”

“Right, well, Remus and I are raising him together, but he’s not technically one of his guardians.” Sirius explained “We just wanted to know if there’s anything we can do to make that happen.”

Madam Bones nodded and flicked her wand, summoning a pad of parchment and a quill “I’m presuming you aren’t married?” she asked

They both shook their heads and she scribbled onto the parchment “Even if we wanted to-which we don’t- nobody would allow it to happen. Not even in the Wizarding World.” Sirius said

She sighed “Antiquated laws, I’m afraid. And you’ve been a couple for how long?”

They looked at each other “Er-“ Remus began

“I suppose…?” Sirius hesitated 

“Seven years? Eight? Non-consecutively.” 

“And Harry is not a blood-relation to either of you?”

“No.” Remus said. She pursed her lips “I’m not getting a good feeling about that.” 

“Our laws are… Incredibly antiquated.” she explained “Most of our custody laws are based solely on blood relations. Even adoption is a fairly new concept, and we haven’t exactly kept up. We’re doing our best to update them, though there’s been a lot of resistance from some factions.”

“So there’s nothing we can do?” Sirius said

“I didn’t say that.” Madame Bones said “There are a few things we can do to circumvent the issue. First of all, Mr. Black: do you have an updated will?”

“Er-“ Sirius said “No. I don’t think I ever had one.” 

“Alright, well I would recommend you draft one. As soon as you can. That way, there’s at least some kind of legal documentation stating your wish that Mr. Potter be put into Mr. Lupin’s custody in case you die.” She said “That’s not to say it means you’re in the clear. The new law states that the Wizengamot can place an objection to a child’s placement if there is reasonable suspicion that the chosen guardian is unfit due to lycanthropy."

“And that’s legal?” Sirius asked

“Completely.” She said “But it’s not ironclad. There's a lot of ways to get around things like this. And there's the chance they won't have an objection. My biggest concern isn’t to do with you, Mr. Lupin, it’s because of Mr. Black’s inheritance.” 

“My inheritance?” 

She nodded “Many of these laws were created to protect the generational wealth of the old Pureblood families. You see, they were the ones writing the laws. And many of them have fairly strict rules on who can and cannot be included in the wills of heirs. Seeing as you are the only remaining heir to the Black fortune, we might run into some issues about including Mr. Lupin in any inheritance upon your death.”

“I don’t care about money, though.” Remus said “What if he doesn’t include me in any financial inheritance?” 

“That may help. But likely there’s more restrictions. Listen, I wan’t to help you both out with this, it’s what Edgar would have wanted me to do. Not to mention it's just the right thing. I’m going to look into all avenues we can take, but I want to warn you that it may take a long time and a lot of butting heads within the Ministry. I just want to make sure you’re prepared for that.” 

They glanced at each other again and Remus nodded “I know. I’m- I’m prepared.” 

She gave a small smile “Good. Right then, let me get some more information and we’ll figure out a plan.”

Remus was exhausted by the time they were finished with every question Madam Bones asked them. It seemed like they told her everything they possibly could, to the point that Remus wasn’t sure how it was relevant to the point at hand. She gave them a massive stack of parchment to look over and Remus flipped through them as they left her office and headed back to the atrium.

“We may have to appear before the entire Wizengamot if it gets to that point.” Remus said 

“They really know how to make everything a headache, don’t they?” Sirius sighed. He pressed a button in the lift and it began to zip sideways. When it landed on the next floor, the doors opened up to Arthur Weasley.

“Ah, perfect! I heard you two were here.” he said, stepping inside and pressing the button for his floor.

“How’re you Arthur?” Sirius said, shaking his hand as the lift lurched forward again

“Can’t complain, the department is keeping me busy. There’s been a bit of an uptick in cursed objects making their way to muggle charity shops, causing quite a fuss. I’ve had two enchanted toasters this month.” he shook his head “Anyway, I was meaning to catch up with you both. I trust you’ve heard the news?”

“About Crouch?” Remus asked “Sirius spoke to Dumbledore about it.”

“There’s been no sign of him?” 

“Not yet.” Arthur said “According to Kingsley, at least. They’re trying to keep it under wraps, not good for their image.

“Typical.” Remus shook his head “Surely your department isn’t involved?”

“Only tangentially. I’ve been talking to muggle police departments and hospitals, trying to see if they’ve come across anybody who matches the description. Nothing has come up so far.” 

“How they managed to lose track of an entire department head is beyond me.” Sirius said. The lift stopped again and they paused their conversation. A rather short, toad-like woman with mousy brown hair stepped into the lift, her kitten heels clacking against the hard floors. Arthur’s mouth closed to a thin line as she turned around with her handbag clutched in front of her.

“Hem, hem.” She cleared her throat towards Remus, standing closest to the buttons, and no longer paying attention to anybody else but scanning over the documents Madam Bones gave them. He looked up, and then sharply downwards at the short woman. “Level three, please.” 

Remus tensed as he finally recognized who she was and pressed the button sharply before pursing his lips and pointedly looking towards the paperwork. The woman rudely craned her neck to look at them. 

“Adoption petition?” She asked, her voice sickeningly sweet.

Remus gave a stiff nod and tucked the parchment away in his cloak and stared at the wall. Sirius glanced from the woman back to Remus’ clenched jaw and gave a confused look towards Arthur, who held up a hand as if to say that he would explain later. 

“So silly of me, but I couldn’t help but remember a teensy little law regarding near-humans and half-breeds such as yourself? I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, the Human Protection and Safety Act?”

“I know it.” Remus said shortly 

“Well then, going through all this trouble seems a little silly, don’t you think?”

“I suppose we’ll see.” 

“Yes,” She said with a wide, awful grin “I suppose we will.”

The lift shuttered to a halt again and the woman stepped off “Good day to you.”

The doors closed and Remus seethed, his face red “Bloody choke you fucking hag.” he spat at the closed door

“Who the hell was that woman?” Sirius asked

“Dolores Umbridge.” Arthur frowned “She works for Fudge.” 

“She’s the one who wrote that bloody law, didn’t she?” Sirius asked

“Bloody fucking-“ he stopped and took a breath “She’s vile.” 

“Don’t pay her any mind.” Arthur said “It’s a good thing you’re doing, and people here respect Madam Bones miles ahead of Umbridge.” 

Remus gave a stiff nod but was quiet for the rest of the ride to the atrium. Arthur shook their hands again as he left them

“We’ll see you at the last task, right Arthur?” Sirius asked 

“Wouldn’t miss it!” He said cheerfully “Bill is coming in from Egypt for it.” 

“Well then, we’ll have more for the celebration afterwards.” he grinned “See you soon.”

———————

Remus’ mind kept lingering on their meeting with Madam Bones, and their run-in with Umbridge even as he tried to get to sleep. After an hour of staring at the ceiling, willing himself to drift off, he gave up and slipped out of bed as quietly as he could. The forms were still lying on the coffee table and Remus flipped through them again, glancing over all the questions. 

A memory kept playing through his head since the meeting, he wasn’t sure why. 

He was 20, sleeping soundly in his and Sirius’ old flat in London. Sirius was off on Order business with James, and Remus was enjoying a well-needed lie in after the full moon. He was still dozing in and out of sleep when he heard a desperate knocking on the front door. He ignored it, turning over and pulling the duvet over his head. The knocking continued and Remus frowned, sitting up and listening. 

“Remus, I know you’re home, open up!” Lily’s voice came muffled from the other side.

Grumbling, Remus pulled himself out of bed and padded to the front door “Lily, it’s my first morning off in three months, what could you possibly want?” he opened the door and she came in immediately. She looked as if she just rolled out of bed herself, pulling a cardigan around her. 

“I’m having a crisis.” She said

“Is everyone alright?” he asked, sleep driven from his mind with sudden panic at what news she could have 

“Yes, yes, they’re fine, I… Fuck, Remus I think I might be pregnant.” 

Remus’ eyes widened and he gaped at her “Oh. _Oh._ ” he said “Well, I- Is this a good thing, or a bad thing? I don’t- Fuck at what age am I supposed to be happy for people who tell me this?”

“It’s not- I don’t know, okay?” she said “I’m freaking out. I love James, you know I love him, and he’ll be so pleased, I just… Fuck.”

“So you aren’t pleased then?” Remus furrowed his brow, walking into the kitchen to put on the kettle for them 

“It’s a horrible time, Moony!” She said “We’re only barely married, and we’re out getting curses thrown at us every bloody day by Death Eaters… Who would want to bring a kid into this mess?” 

He bit his lip and leaned on the counter “Do you want children?” 

“Of course I want kids, you know I want kids.” She said, pacing the living room “Fuck, I don’t know how to feel. How would you feel about it?”

Remus let out a bark of laughter “That’s hardly something I have to worry about, isn’t it? Sirius and I can’t exactly make little accidents.” 

“Hypothetically, then.” 

“Fuck, I don’t know, Lils.” Remus said “I’m really the wrong person to ask, I never want kids.” 

“Never?”

“God, no. It’s not that I don’t _like_ kids, I just… I prefer them from a distance is all. Besides, what kid wants to get stuck with me as a father?”

“I think they’d be incredibly lucky.” Lily said

“Hardly.” He shook his head “Besides, this isn’t about me. You’re in a completely different situation and aren’t at risk of passing along a horrifying condition to your offspring. Do you… How do you know?” 

“I’m late.” She said “And I’ve been puking all week, I thought I had the flu… I haven’t…. I haven’t checked for sure. I don’t want to go to St. Mungo’s in case James finds out I’m there and freaks out.”

“Surely this is something you’d rather do with him?” Remus asked “He won’t be angry.”

“I don’t- Of course he won’t be angry. That’s the bloody problem, he’ll be so supportive and kind and tell me he’ll support whatever I want to do.”

“What a bastard.” Remus cocked his eyebrow

She rolled her eyes at him “I just can’t keep a clear head and make a logical decision with him there, okay?”

“Alright. I get it.” he said, running his hands over his face “Okay, give me ten minutes.”

“I really, really love you.” Lily said, giving him a hug around the middle 

“Yes, well, don’t expect me to change any diapers or anything.” 

The February air was sharp, and Remus could feel it in his bones as they walked together to a muggle clinic a ways away from their flat. Lily’s hands were shoved in her coat pocket and she was chewing on the inside of her cheek, deep in thought. 

“Oy, it’ll be okay. Whatever they say in there.” He said “We’ll figure it out.”

“I know, I know. I just… I really hate being taken by surprise.” 

“Well that’s what you get for being a breeder.” Remus shrugged

“Did you mean what you said? That you never want kids?” 

“Yes.” he said “People like me really shouldn’t be around kids.”

“By people like you, you mean?”

“Werewolves, Lily.” he said 

“Don’t be stupid.” 

“I’m not being stupid, I’m being practical. It’s too dangerous. You know how young I was when I got the bite, I would never risk putting a kid in danger like that.” 

“You’re not Fenrir Greyback.” Lily gave him a stern look “So what, if I have this kid, you’re never going to come see them?” 

“Of course not.” Remus said “Eventually they’ll need someone to teach them how to do drugs.” 

“Charming. I think you’re being ridiculous, what if you change your mind?” 

He shrugged “Maybe I will. Can we just drop it for now? We’re dealing with your life decisions right now.”

“Fine.” She said. They walked the last block and a half in silence until they reached the small clinic that felt too much like it was trying not to look like a hospital. The walls were a gaudy sunshine yellow that looked awful with the faded brown carpet. Remus took a seat while Lily picked up a clipboard from the woman at the front desk. 

“I’m the only man in here.” Remus muttered when she sat beside him “I feel like a creep.”

“Relax, Moony, nobody is going to think you’re hitting on them.” Lily said

“Funny.” 

“I try.” 

It seemed like they were waiting for hours before a nurse came out the side door “Lily Evans?” They both stood and walked and the nurse looked over Remus “Are you family?”

“Er-“ Remus muttered

“This is my husband.” Lily said quickly. Remus gave her a look and she nudged him in the side 

“Alright then, come on back here.” she said, taking them down to a room with linoleum floors and a sickening chemical smell that threatened to give Remus a migraine. Lily shifted uncomfortably on the paper-lined table and Remus bit at his finger nail in the chair beside it.

“The doctor will be with you in a moment.” The nurse said with a small smile, shutting the door behind her as she left.

“Your husband?” Remus asked

“I panicked! I didn’t want them to make me go in alone.” she groaned

“James owes me for this.” he muttered, looking around at all the posters on the walls “I really, really hate doctors.”

“I really appreciate you for this, Remus. Honestly.” 

“Why did you ask me, anyway?” He said “And not Marlene or Dorcas?” 

She shrugged “I don’t know. I suppose I just… Feel closer to you. And you’re good in a crisis. Marlene would yell at me about not being careful and Dorcas would freak out just as much as I was.” 

“I’m freaking out on the inside.” Remus admitted “I just can’t believe you might have a whole child.”

“As opposed to half a child?” 

“You know what I mean. It’s just weird. I still feel like a child myself most of the time.”

“Yeah, me too.” Lily said “It wouldn’t be all bad, though, would it? I mean, James would make a great father.”

Remus smiled “Yeah he would. That kid’ll be lucky.”

“Yeah. Yeah they would be.” Lily smiled softly and absently put a hand on her stomach.

—————————

Remus bit his thumbnail on the sofa in the cottage, staring down at the documents. These days he often wished he could speak to Lily. He wished he could tell her what Harry was like, what he said that reminded him of her or of James. 

“Oh Lils,” he sighed “I should have known you’d be right. I did change my mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from You Are Your Mother's Child by Conor Oberst


	18. T.V. Eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"She got a TV eye on me  
>  She got a TV eye"_

The front row of spectators at the last task was reserved for the champion’s families- though as they sat waiting for them to arrive, things had grown tense. In the morning, they arrived with the other families for a feast in the Great Hall, and were met with a cold welcome from Cedric’s father. When he made an offhanded comment about Harry stealing Cedric’s spotlight, he and Sirius nearly got into a fist fight before they were pulled apart my Remus and Harry. 

Eventually, they managed to force Sirius out of the room and take him on a walk around the grounds to cool off. He was moping slightly behind them as they wandered for a while before the feast began. Harry pointed out his favorite places around the castle, and the willow tree that they themselves had sat under nearly every sunny day while at Hogwarts. This brought Sirius back to them, and he grinned at Harry. 

“People fought over that spot for ages in our year. It was just the top place to be for some reason.” Sirius said 

“And by ‘people fought over it’, he means he and your father were oddly defensive of it first year and would declare war on anybody who tried to use it too.” Remus clarified “I was dragged into a lot of unwitting conflict that year.” 

“But we won.” Sirius said “Which is what mattered.” 

They met back up with the others, as well as Mrs. Weasley and Bill, who had come to watch the third task. She gave them all a kiss on the cheek and they spent the afternoon eating the feast and clapping Harry on the back and getting him ready for the ordeal ahead. The champions were called forward and the hall burst into cheers. Remus and Sirius grinned at him and waved him off. 

“See you out there.” Harry called back. The crowd in the Great Hall began to file out to find their seats.

They walked side by side with Molly to the modified Quidditch Pitch alongside the other families, Amos Diggory once again made a face when he caught sight of them.

“I hope we can get through one task without one of you lot causing a scene?” He said 

Sirius frowned and stepped up to him “Do we have a problem, Diggory?” 

“It’s not me that has the problem!” Amos said, his face flushed “Can’t go one week without one of you in the paper for something or other.”

“Amos I am shocked at you!” Molly said angrily “Believing everything that Rita Skeeter woman says. You’re a smarter man than that.” 

Amos frowned and stalked away, and Remus clutched Sirius’ sleeve to stop him from charging forward and hexing him.

He was still slightly fuming when they took their seats on the opposite end of the row from the Diggory’s. 

“He bloody started it.” Sirius muttered to Remus 

“And in two hours you will never have to speak to the man again.” Remus said, rolling his eyes “Honestly, Sirius. It’s possible to just let things go.” 

“Is it? I’ve never tried.” 

“You don’t have to tell me that.” Remus rolled his eyes “Here they come.” 

Dumbledore stepped onto the pitch first, followed by the four champions, Ludo Bagman, Moody, Karkaroff, and Madame Maxine. Sirius gripped Harry’s shoulders and tried to hide his nerves behind a huge grin. 

“How do you feel?”

“Good. Good, yeah.” Harry said, unconvincingly 

“You can do this, Harry.” Remus assured him, a hand on his back “I have no doubt in my mind.” 

“Thanks. I-I think I’m ready.” whether he was speaking to them or himself, Remus didn’t know.

Moody limped over to them and gave Harry a gruff nod “Keep your wits about you in there, Potter.” he said. 

“Thanks Professor.” 

As he took a step back towards Dumbledore, he brushed against Remus’ shoulder. Every hair on the back of his neck stood up and he recoiled, meeting Moody’s eye for just a brief moment. He very suddenly got the same feeling he’d had the last time they ran into him, that there was something off about him- but with the cacophony of the crowd, Remus just couldn’t place it.

“Remus? Remus!” Sirius’ voice cut through his thoughts and he jumped 

“Huh?” he said, looking around. Bagman had begun to announce the champions, and the crowd burst into a dull roar “Right, sorry. Harry, you’ve got this, okay?” 

“See you on the other side, I suppose.” They each embraced Harry in turn as he and Cedric turned towards the entrance to the maze, and on Bagman’s whistle, they disappeared into the dark hedges side by side. Remus swallowed hard, feeling Sirius’ hand grip his arm. His jaw was clenched as he stared where Harry had gone in. 

“Now we wait, I suppose.” Sirius muttered 

Remus nodded stiffly “Right. Now we wait.” 

He sat again, his elbows on his knees and his fingers pressed against his lips. 

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, still standing, unable to sit still for more than a second 

“I’m fine.” he said “Just… feeling a little ill I suppose. Something at dinner didn’t sit with me.” Remus said. He glanced back at where Mad-Eye stood and chewed the inside of his cheek “Actually, I’m going to go to the castle for a moment. Just… Get some air.”

Sirius furrowed his brow “Do you want me to come?” 

“No. No, I’m fine.” Remus assured him, eyes darting back to the maze “Stay here, I’ll be back in a minute.” 

Remus stood quickly and slipped away behind the stands before he really understood what he was doing. His heart was pounding in his throat as he practically ran back to the castle. He didn’t need to bother Sirius or anybody else with his paranoia. He was sure he was being stupid, that there was a reasonable explanation for his hunch about Moody, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling. He just… He needed to be sure. 

————-

His footsteps on the stairs sent echoes through the near-empty halls. Nearly everyone was watching the final task, with only the ghosts cutting through the eerily quiet castle. 

“Awooo!” he heard a familiar noise from above him. Remus looked up and saw Peeves floating though the air on his front, grinning at Remus “Loony Loopy Lupin’s alone in the castle! Everyone says he’s mad, but Peevsie’s always known that!” 

Remus ignored him and turned his attention back at the task at hand, climbing higher and higher. He whipped out his wand when he felt Peeves blow cold air against the back of his neck “I’ll fetch the Bloody Baron, don’t think I won’t.” he warned. Peeves blew a loud raspberry and zipped away, leaving nothing but an echo through the hall. Shaking his head, he climbed to the last landing and stood with his hand hovering over his old office door. He sat there for a moment, mind racing. He could turn back now if he wanted to, but he’d already come this far. The door was predictably locked, and Remus patted his pockets and found the key he didn’t know why he still had. Sentimentality he supposed. He twisted the door open, stepping into the darkened office with his wand raised before him. 

Despite the dark, Remus made his way around without the need for it. His ability to see well at night had always been an asset, he supposed. While at Hogwarts, he would often be set at the front of the Invisibility cloak, guiding the four of them through the halls at night, knowing that illuminating their wands would clue in Filch to where they were. When he was a child, it came in handy read well past his bed-time once his mother took away the torch he’d been using under the blankets. 

Remus paused and stood still in the center of the room, listening out for any sign of motion from the door behind him, daring not to breathe. He stayed frozen like that for what seemed like an eternity, needing to be sure that he wouldn’t have to answer awkward questions about why he was rooting through a Hogwarts Professor’s office in the middle of the night. When he was sure he wouldn’t be interrupted, he rushed over to Moody’s desk and all the magical instruments surrounding it, looking for… Something. Anything. Some kind of reassurance that he was just being overly paranoid in thinking that Moody was compromised in some way. And if he wasn’t, what harm was there? Moody himself would likely praise his skepticism. 

“Constant vigilance.” Remus muttered to himself. He opened the top drawer of Moody’s desk and rifled through the scrolls of student papers and quills. Finding nothing of note, he moved on to the next drawer, then the next. Finally, in a file cabinet behind the desk, he came across something strange- a box with clumps of Moody’s hair, as if he had been pulling it out himself for some reason. When he opened the box, a familiar smell came over him. It smelled like Moody. He could never explain how he knew that, he couldn’t describe people’s smells in any concrete way, but he knew for sure that this was Moody’s hair. So why didn’t it smell like the rest of his belongings? 

The breath hitched in Remus’ throat as the door squeaked open and Moody stepped in, illuminating them both with the light from the hall behind him. 

“Strange place to find you tonight, Lupin.” he said, his voice as gruff as ever

Remus rose to his feet and slipped his wand into his hand as slow as he could, raising it in front of his face “Where did Mad-Eye Moody and I first meet?” He asked softly

“Excuse me?”

“I’m asking you: when did myself and Mad-Eye Moody first meet?” Remus repeated. Both of his eyes were fixed on him intently and he pulled out his own wand.

“Some may say you’re acting a little off, Lupin.” he said “Maybe you shouldn’t be the one asking the questions.”

Remus shook his head “You’re not Alastor Moody.”

He barely managed to dodge the curse before it made contact with his face and he ducked behind the desk, crouching so he could see out and hurling his own curse at the imposter. 

“Don’t be a hero, half-breed.” he snarled. There was a pause, Remus’ heart was pounding and he peered out again, wand raised. A flash came out of nowhere and a thick, black vine was restraining his hand against the wall behind him, twisting and growing and forcing his wand out of his hand. Remus struggled against it, channeling all his energy to breaking apart the vines, but there was no stopping it. Moody’s double stood above him, wand raised at his head. Before everything went dark, Remus thought of Harry and Sirius, and wondered if they’d know how sorry he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> Title comes from "T.V. Eye" by the Stooges


	19. I Know The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know I can't keep you in a cliffhanger for that long. But since last chapter was so short, here's chapter 19 early. 
> 
> Also I'm sorry.
> 
> _"Either way, we're not alone  
>  I'll find a new place to be from  
> A haunted house with a picket fence  
> To float around and ghost my friends  
> No, I'm not afraid to disappear  
> The billboard said, "The end is near"  
> I turned around, there was nothing there  
> Yeah, I guess the end is here_

Sirius was growing restless in the stands and took to pacing around, alternating between staring at the hedge maze and looking over his shoulder to look out for Remus. He’d been gone for a long time now, and his nerves were a live wire having both him and Harry out of his sight. 

“Remus, where the hell are you?” Sirius muttered to himself. He wondered if he ought to go look for him, but he couldn’t risk missing Harry coming out of the maze, so he continued his relentless pacing.

Some of the spectators began to point and call out at something and Sirius whipped his head around and saw red sparks shooting off inside the maze. Somebody was calling it and coming back. They all watched with bated breath when a moment later, Fleur returned to the front of the maze with a crack and was rushed to the first aid tent, aided by Professor McGonagall. Her parents and sister stood to follow her and the crowd returned to waiting. Sirius met McGonagall by the door to the tent and she gave him a look, her lips thin and worried.

“What happened?” Sirius asked

“She’s been stunned.” Minerva said “Somewhere in the maze.”

“Stunned? What was in there that could stun her?” 

“Only one of the other champions could have done it.” She said "The only other things in the maze are creatures."

“They wouldn’t… None of them would have done that, would they?”

She sighed “I don’t know. I don’t- something doesn’t feel right here.”

Sirius bit his lip and looked back towards the castle “Remus went to the castle a long time ago. He said he was feeling sick, but something has been bothering him all evening. It was like... It was like he had a feeling about something. I’m starting to get worried.” 

Minerva glanced at the maze, her clever eyes deep in thought “I-“ she was cut off by the sight of another signal of red sparks in the air and they both froze, waiting for a heavy moment before Krum appeared with Hagrid, looking dazed and half-conscious. He was rushed into the tent behind them and a split second later, Karkaroff ran past them. Strangely, he was running away from the tent and out of the stadium, rather than following his champion. Dumbledore was talking urgently with Moody near the stands. Minerva and Sirius looked at each other for a long moment.

“Go. Find Remus, I’ll send for you as soon as we have eyes on Potter.” She said quickly. Sirius nodded and they split up, Minerva rushing to speak to Dumbledore and Sirius back towards the castle, wand already raised as if he knew something was coming.

————————

Sirius desperately wished he had the map as he climbed up the steps two at a time, wracking his brain for any idea of where Remus may have gone. He poked his head around Gryffindor Tower, although the portrait of the Fat Lady wouldn’t let him in- and was still rather upset at him for breaking in last year. He called out for him in a few restrooms and the empty hospital wing, but came up empty. 

He set off down a random corridor and called out for Remus and was instead greeted by Peeves floating through the wall and pelting him with bits of chalk he’d stolen from the Charms classroom. 

“Fuck off.” Sirius growled, continuing down 

Peeves gave a cackle “Temper, temper, Sirius Black the Cracked.” he taunted “Going mad again are we?” 

“This isn’t the time.” 

“It looks like you’ve lost something, haven’t you?” Peeves followed him down the hall, hanging upside down in front of him. Sirius stopped 

“Have you seen Remus Lupin?” He asked. The Poltergeist gave a wicked grin 

“Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t.” He cackled “Loony Lupin’ll be in a world of trouble though.”

“Where did he go. Tell me, now.” Sirius snapped “It’s important.” 

“Rummaging through Mad-Eye’s desk- about as mad as one can get!” Peeves laughed. And with that he zipped off again, signing “Loony Loopy Lupin, Loony Loopy Lupin” down the hall.

Sirius blinked with understanding and turned heel, sprinting down the corridor and down the last flight of stairs, taking them two at a time. He desperately hoped that the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor’s office hadn’t changed since he’d last been there in his seventh year. His pulse was in his throat as he approached the office, blasting the door open with his wand and flicking on the lights. The office was empty, but it had been disturbed, the drawers of Moody’s desk were thrown open and there was a strange, blackened vine broken on the wall. Remus had fought somebody here, he knew it. But there was no sign of him now. 

“Remus!” he yelled out again “Bloody hell, where the fuck are you?” 

Had he left already? Why had he come here at all? Sirius looked over the desk again, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. Something was wrong though, he knew it was. Every alarm bell in his head was going off. He needed Remus, needed to know what he was looking for, why he had ran off. There must be a reason for it, or Remus never would have left for so long. He circled the room again, looking over the remaining magical objects placed around the room. Moody’s old foe glass stood there, the faces dim and fuzzy behind Sirius. 

A thought appeared in his head suddenly. The lighter. The one Sirius got for Remus, he always had it on him. He had it with him tonight, he knew because Sirius had teased him earlier for sneaking behind the greenhouses for a cigarette, the same way he’d done when he was 15. Sirius raised his wand and called out into the empty room

“ _Accio Lighter._ ” He waited, ears strained in the heavy silence. And then he heard it, a small thump from behind Moody’s desk. Sirius turned and listened harder, there it was again. It was just the faintest of noises coming from inside a massive trunk. Quickly, Sirius sank to his knees in front of it, unlatching the top and finding nothing. But there was another compartment, and another behind that. On and on, Sirius unlatched every compartment, his breath held, until finally he undid the last latch and the lighter came zipping into his hands. 

Sirius looked down into a deep, dark room, as if a cellar had been built into the trunk “ _Lumos!_ ” he said quickly. Blue light illuminated the room and he caught sight of Remus and another man slunk to the floor. Remus had a gash on his forehead that was streaming blood down his face, but looked relatively unscathed otherwise. He nearly gasped in relief to see Sirius standing there.

“Fuck, I have never been happier to see your bloody face.” Remus said “We’ve got to go. _Now._ ” 

Sirius waved his wand over the two of them, lifting Remus to the top, and then the other man. He gaped in shock at the feeble ghost of Alastor Moody as they set him on the ground, his wooden leg gone and the socket usually taken up by his magical eye sunken and hollow. He let out a wheezing cough.

“What- Moody?” Sirius asked, blinking in confusion. 

“Go. Find Dumbledore, now!” he said through a strained throat

“We need to take you to the hospital wing.” Sirius said

“I’ll be fine!” he snapped “Go, now. Find Crouch, we don’t have time to stand around.”

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and nodded “We’ll send someone as fast as we can.” 

They left Moody lying on the office floor and burst into the corridor and down the stairs. “What the fuck happened?” Sirius demanded between heavy breaths 

“Moody is an imposter. It’s Barty Crouch Junior.” Remus explained, wincing slightly as he ran “I had a weird feeling, I thought I was being paranoid. He found me rummaging through his office, must have followed me back from the tournament. He managed to knock me out and when I came to, I was in that trunk with the real Moody. I was so bloody stupid.” 

“You were, but we don’t have time to get into that now.” Sirius said. They turned round a corridor and a silver cat bounded up to them, bringing them to a halt, struggling to catch their breath. 

“Harry is back. Come quickly.” came McGonagall’s voice through the patronus. Her voice sounded strange, frantic in a way that Sirius had never heard before. Remus glanced at Sirius again and he clenched his jaw. They set off again, the portraits becoming blurs of color as they barreled out the front entrance. They darted out into the grounds and stopped dead in their tracks once again as two figures struggled towards them. 

Sirius put an arm in front of Remus and held up his wand. Moody had taken Remus’ wand in the struggle and was probably concussed in any case. The figures limped into the light and Sirius narrowed his eyes at the imposter in Moody’s skin. Barty Crouch Jr. was holding Harry up by the arm and Sirius looked over his godson, horrified by the shell-shocked look in his eyes and the blood soaking through his robes. They all stopped, staring at each other for a long, tense moment.

“Harry, get away from him.” Sirius warned. Crouch’s grip on his Harry’s arm tightened, and he looked from Sirius to Crouch with confusion. 

“Professor, what-?” he began

“It’s over, Crouch.” Remus said “Let him go.”

“He belongs to the Dark Lord. When he sees what I’ve done… When I bring him the boy’s body and tell him what I’ve done, he’ll reward me more than you’ll ever know!” He spat, grinning madly through Moody’s teeth. Harry was looking wildly from Crouch to Sirius and Remus, struggling against the man’s grip. Crouch held his wand up to Harry’s throat and Sirius snarled

“I swear to God, I’ll kill you Crouch. If you touch him again, I will kill you.” 

“You’re too weak! You always have been.” he said “Just a worthless blood traitor and his little pet. The Dark Lord has returned, and he’ll rid the world of the likes of you, you just wait and see.”

“Sirius-?“ Harry said weakly, 

“Shut up!” Crouch spat. Sirius took a step forward and Crouch pushed his wand harder against Harry’s throat. 

“You put his name in the Goblet of Fire then, didn’t you?” Sirius asked 

“And contended with his stupidity and pushed every answer towards him? Yes. My master needed the boy, needed him to grow strong again. The blood of the enemy. I’ve never lost sight of my loyalty, unlike those traitors like Karkaroff and Snape, and so many others who turned their back on him. I never did.” There was a dark gleam in Crouch’s stolen eyes as he ranted in Moody’s gruff voice. 

Remus’ eyes were glued on Harry, his pulse quickening as he watched Harry slowly reach into his robes and pull out his wand while Crouch’s attention was on Sirius. Harry glanced to Remus quickly, who gave him a quick nod.

“ _Expelliarmus!_ ” Harry said, a flash of red light hitting Crouch, sending his wand through the air. In his confusion, Crouch released Harry and Remus sprinted to Harry and dragged him away from the man, shielding his body with his own. 

“ _Stupify!_ ” Sirius cried out as soon as Harry was out of the way, hitting Crouch in the chest. He stumbled and fell unconscious onto his back. Remus kicked away Crouch’s discharged wand as Harry clutched onto him like Remus was keeping him tethered to the Earth.

“It’s okay, Harry, you’re okay.”

“Cedric, he killed Cedric.” Harry stammered as if in a daze. His leg was bleeding heavily and he seemed to be covered in dirt and blood, his skin pale and clammy like he was in shock “He’s back, I- Wormtail was there, and Voldemort came back-“ 

Remus swallowed heavily and held onto him “It’s okay. You’re safe, it’s going to be okay.” 

A beat passed and three more figures were sprinting up towards them. Remus nearly cried in relief as he saw Dumbledore, followed by McGonagall and Snape march up to Crouch’s unconscious body, wands raised. The old Headmaster’s face was alight with fury, a look Sirius had seen only on the rarest of occasions. 

“Why is Moody- Who is-?” Harry muttered

“It’s not Moody, Harry.” Remus tried to explain. Sirius finally lowered his wand and came over to Harry’s other side. 

Dumbledore turned away from Crouch “The real Alastor?” he asked

“In his office.” Remus said, blinking as if trying to clear the fog from his head “He was- he was being kept in a trunk. Polyjuice potion.” 

He nodded knowingly “Minerva, go to the office and find Alastor, take him to the Hospital Wing immediately. And Severus, I’ll need your strongest truth serum.” 

They both nodded immediately and rushed off. Dumbledore then turned to them 

“You three, come to my office immediately.” 

“They need to go to the Hospital Wing, Dumbledore.” Sirius said

Dumbledore looked him in the eye evenly “Sirius, I need you to trust me right now.” he said curtly 

“I-“ his eyes flitted back to Remus and Harry and he nodded, though seemed unconvinced “I trust you.” 

——————-

Sirius was aware vaguely that his hands were shaking as he helped Harry into a chair in Dumbledore’s office. Harry was still dazed, staring off into space in a haze. Remus’ hand had not left Harry’s arm since Crouch had released him. Sirius briefly wondered if he should suggest Remus go to the Hospital Wing himself, but he knew Remus wouldn’t leave. 

“I need to know what happened once you touched the Portkey, Harry.”

“Dumbledore, this can wait, can’t it?” Sirius demanded “Look at him, what he’s been through tonight…”

But Dumbledore wouldn’t budge. So Harry began to talk, his voice low and monotoned as he told them what happened, how he arrived in the graveyard, how Wormtail had murdered Cedric and brought Voldemort back from near-death, how he fought him and saw his parents. When he told them how Wormtail had cut open his arm for his blood, Sirius had to circle around the room.

“Fuck.” he yelled. 

Remus hit the side of his chair with his fist and grit his teeth hard. 

But Harry continued. When he was finally finished with his story, Dumbledore accompanied them down to the Hospital Wing. Sirius and Remus had a hand on Harry, guiding him down the stairs on his wounded leg. When they came to the door of the Hospital Wing, Hermione, Ron, Mrs. Weasley, and Bill were already waiting for them. Harry seemed unable to meet their eyes and Dumbledore held up his hands and told them Harry needed his rest. 

Molly gave a teary eyed look towards Sirius “Can you give us a moment before you come in?” he asked softly. She nodded and ushered the others away, allowing them to guide Harry into one of the beds. Dumbledore left them to go speak to Fudge and Madame Pomfrey was immediately beside Harry. She tried to force Remus to lay down too, but he refused, just sat down beside Harry’s bed and cleaned off his bloody face with a wet cloth. When Madame Pomfrey was finished setting his broken bones and checking him for further damage, she handed Harry a potion. 

“Drink all of it. It’ll give you a dreamless sleep.” she said before giving them all a nod and shutting the curtains behind her. It was quiet for a moment and Harry held the potion as if he was confused on what to do.

Remus pulled up the sheets over Harry, if only to have something to do with his hands “Drink it, Harry. You’ll feel better after some sleep, alright?” 

“Where are Cedric’s parents?” Harry asked finally 

“You don’t have to worry about that right now.” Sirius assured him quietly

“I shouldn’t have- I told him to take the cup with me. Together. He wanted me to…” Harry blinked and stared at the ceiling and Remus could see tears in the corners of his eyes. His voice was thick.

“It wasn’t your fault, love.” Remus said, his voice soft “It wasn’t your fault.”

Harry let out a choking noise and pushed a hand over his eyes. Sirius leaned in and held him close as Harry began to sob, letting out everything he had been holding in since arriving back from the graveyard. Remus sat himself on the edge of the bed and looked down on him, gently stroking his hair away from his forehead the way his father used to do. He finally calmed enough to accept the potion gratefully and the they stayed that way for a long time as Harry’s eyelids grew heavy and finally gave way to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from "I Know The End" by Phoebe Bridgers


	20. Karma Police

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Karma police  
>  I've given all I can  
> It's not enough  
> I've given all I can  
> But we're still on the payroll_
> 
> CW for depictions of violence

As a child, Remus had a horrible habit of eavesdropping on his parent’s conversations. Often his father would chastise him when he let on that he knew something he wasn’t supposed to- a neighbor’s affair, something on the news they thought would scare him, a bit of an argument they tried to keep quiet. Once, his Aunt came for a visit and he heard her and his mother talking in the kitchen, the sound coming soft through the door with the smell of their cigarettes. 

“I just don’t see why you don’t go back to Uni.” his Aunt Gwen said 

“I just can’t right now. Remus is ill, and we hardly have the money for it.” 

“It was always your dream, though.” 

His mother sighed “My dreams changed, Gwen. Both of ours did, they had to.”

“When did they change?” She asked “You’re a stubborn old bitch, i’ve never known you to let up.”

“Look, when you’ve seen your child lying in a hospital bed about to die, it changes everything.”

Remus wasn't sure what she meant back then. He couldn't fathom having the sort of attachment to someone that would change your entire perspective like that.

Now he did.

His eyes stung in the light of the Hospital Wing as he stared at Harry, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest as if he needed proof that Harry was okay, that he was alive. Sirius sat beside him, a silent force keeping him grounded in place and reminding him that despite the dull pounding in his head and the bandages on Harry’s arm, they had been incredibly lucky tonight. He tried to not think about the Diggory’s, sitting somewhere in the castle, who hadn’t been. Molly, Bill, Ron, and Hermione were grouped around the bed too, silent save for Molly’s occasional suggestion that they try and get some rest. 

Their silent vigil was cut short by Fudge’s arrival, and his argument with Dumbledore. When the Minister finally left, resolute to pretend nothing was happening and Voldemort had not returned, Remus was furious. He hadn’t felt this angry since they went to Privet Drive last summer and Remus saw how poorly they had been treating Harry. 

Dumbledore sent off McGonagall and Severus before turning back to Remus and Sirius “I need to speak to you both in my office, immediately.” he said. They both glanced back at Harry, awoken by the argument and fuming himself. Molly put a reassuring hand on Sirius’ shoulder 

“You go, I’ll look after him for you.” she said. 

They followed the old headmaster, Sirius clutching onto Remus’ hand, though they rarely did that around anybody else. Outward displays of affection attracted unwanted attention no matter where they went, and Remus would rather not put a specific target on their backs. Now, though, he was grateful for his constant presence, the reassurance that proximity provided him. Dumbledore paced, his eyes darting around the floor deep in thought. 

“Precautions for Harry’s safety must be made immediately.” Dumbledore said 

“We’ve protected the cottage completely.” Sirius said “Muggle warding charms, unplottable, basically anything Remus put up himself.” 

“You won’t be able to return living at the cottage, I’m afraid.” Dumbledore said 

“What?” Sirius asked “Why-“

“He’s right Sirius.” Remus said, shutting his eyes as he realized “It’s been written about in the papers, and besides- we invited Moody to our Christmas party. He didn’t come, but he knew exactly where it is.”

“Precisely. We can’t know for sure what Crouch told Voldemort, but we must be operating under the assumption that he knows everything.” 

“We have nowhere else to go.” Sirius said, standing on the other side of his chair and gripping the back

“I know what I’m going to suggest may sound unorthodox, but I want you to consider carefully.” Dumbledore said “I might suggest sending Harry back to his Aunt and Uncle’s home for the time being. He’ll be protected there, we’ll be able to keep watch of him.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Remus said, blinking at the Professor 

“Lily’s protection is only granted to Harry so long as he calls his family’s house home.” Dumbledore urged them “Voldemort cannot hope to touch him there.”

“Hang on, hang on. Harry hasn’t thought of that place as home since the moment he stepped foot in this castle.” Sirius said

Remus stammered furiously “And-and besides, these archaic types of magic aren’t written in black ink, we don’t know- we can’t know if it means blood relation or if family is who you consider family. There’s incredible debate about phenomenons like this, as you well know, Dumbledore. We’re not going to gamble Harry’s safety on semantics!” 

“And if you’re wrong?” Dumbledore asked “What if that’s the only thing keeping him safe?”

“Then we keep him safe!” Sirius said, slamming his hands on the back of the chair “We send him back there, and what happens? He runs away from home like he did the past two times he was there for a summer?” 

“Albus, they kept him in a _cupboard_ , they starved him! You can’t in good conscience send him back there.” Remus was on his feet now, as well.

“What I am suggesting is for his own good, I’m not telling you it’s a perfect solution, I am simply saying-“

“He’s not going.” Sirius said “I’ve told you before and I’ll continue to say it, Harry belongs with us. End of discussion.” 

Dumbledore and Sirius locked eyes, staring each other down. Finally, Dumbledore nodded, though he did not look happy about it. 

“I trust you remember what happened the last time you didn’t take my suggestion, Sirius.” 

Sirius didn’t break his stare “Yes. I do. But I’m still right.” 

He nodded slowly “Alright, then. What do you suggest we do?” 

Remus glanced at Sirius as he thought, grey eyes darting at the floor “Grimmauld Place.”

“What?” Remus asked. Sirius turned to him

“My father put every protection imaginable on that house.” Sirius reminded him “It’s virtually impenetrable. We need a headquarters? That’s our spot. Nobody knows i’ve taken it.”

“Are we sure it’s… Safe? Habitable?” Remus asked, recalling the decrepit building 

“It’s livable for now.” Sirius said. 

Dumbledore nodded and continued pacing, stroking his beard carefully “It will have to do for now. But I want to offer myself as the Secret Keeper for the location of headquarters.”

On this, Sirius relented “That’s fine by me.” 

“Very well. I don’t have to tell you both that your lives are at an enormous risk at the moment. With your proximity to Harry being so widely publicized, you will be made a target. Anything Voldemort can do to get close to Harry, he will use. How soon can you be moved into Grimmauld Place?” 

They glanced at each other “Three days.” Remus said

“Make it fast, take what you can and leave nothing behind that will lead anyone to your location.” He said “I will need you both in the days to come. Sirius, how fast can you alert the others? Emmeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore, Mundungus Fletcher- the usual suspects?”

“I can do it tonight, it’ll take an hour at most.” 

“See to it, then. And Remus, how much contact do you have with the old packs?” he asked

Remus thought for a moment “I know people in two packs right now, one in Wales and one in Norfolk. The other… Last I heard they were in the Cairngorms, but I can’t be certain anymore.” 

“I will need you to act as an envoy as soon as you are able to.” Dumbledore said. 

Remus swallowed “Right.” 

“I’ll leave you now. I have to speak to the Diggory’s.” he said, taking a step towards his office door. As he reached the threshold, he stopped, clutching the door jam as he turned back to look at them with an odd expression on his face “I trust you know that I would understand if you both chose not to join me on this path for a second time. Given all you have lost in your lives, nobody would think less of you. Least of all myself.”

They both nodded “We’re not leaving Harry to face this alone.” Sirius said 

“This is our fight, as much as yours.” 

Dumbledore studied their faces, and Remus could almost see the trace of a smile on his face “I’ll speak to you both soon.” 

The door shut behind him and they were left in his office, the air around them still and quiet for the first time in what seemed like years. Sirius sunk into a chair again and leaned over, running his hands through his hair 

“Fuck.” he said, more to himself than to Remus “What do we- I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to go down there and start moving Harry forward from this.” 

“I don’t… I don’t think anybody does.” Remus said quietly “I’m… I didn’t think it would be like this. So… Sudden, so awful.”

“The look on his face, he…” Sirius exhaled hard and pressed his palms into his eyes 

“He’s strong, Sirius.” Remus said “We can help him through this.” 

“How? How do we even begin to move past what he’s seen. He’s… He’s only fourteen.” 

“I- I don’t know.” he sighed “I really don’t know. Right now, all we can do is get him healthy, and keep him safe.”

Sirius shut his eyes and steadied himself, bringing himself to stand “Right. You’re right. I should go find the others as soon as I can, will you stay with Harry?”

Remus nodded “Of course.” 

Sirius looked over Remus’ face carefully, as if he were studying it. “I love you. Stay safe.” 

“Please be careful.” Remus said 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

————————————————-

The others finally cleared out, Molly ushering them to get some sleep if they could and assuring Remus she would be back in the morning. She gave him a tight hug around the middle and he suddenly felt a warm rush of affection for her.

“Thank you, Molly. Truly.” He said. She patted him on the cheek

“Get some rest, dear.” 

He took his spot beside Harry again, brushing off Madame Pomfrey’s insistence that he lay down. It was remarkable just how young Harry looked in sleep, not quite a child- but still marked by youth. Too young to have faced so much- too young to have seen what he had.

For the first time tonight, Remus allowed himself to think of Cedric- still mostly a child himself. He remembered when he thought 17 was practically an adult, remembered arguing with his father about his decision to get involved in the war. He insisted he was an adult and knew what he was getting into. Remus now saw what Lyall did all those years ago, a child walking into an unimaginable horror. What was worse was that Cedric didn’t have a choice, didn’t wake up this morning believing this was a possibility. And why should he? He was young, handsome, gifted. Boys like Cedric never had to consider the possibility that their lives were fragile, their bodies easily broken and the life so quickly snatched away from them.

The first time Remus saw someone die was when he was 17, when the war was still new to them and they still felt invincible. Even with the constant physical reminders- the pains that radiated through his body and the aching in his joints, he still felt that way. He had his best friends at his side, and they’d never gotten themselves into a scrape they couldn’t talk or charm their way out of before. He was sent out on an easy mission- a simple reconnaissance job with a few of the other young members of the order. Benjy Fenwick- who he knew from Hogwarts, a year above them in Hufflepuff, along with Edgar Bones and Emmeline. They were all positioned at different spots in a cafe in a seedier part of Diagon Alley, keeping an eye on a potential meeting with a few minor Death Eaters and some potential recruits. Remus sat at a table in the corner across from Benjy, both wearing disguises to make them look like old men.

“I have eyes on Carrow.” Remus said casually, as if he were speaking to Benjy about the weather.

Benjy looked up from his paper briefly “Yaxly just walked in.” 

“So that’s two of them.” Edgar’s voice came through Remus’ ear from across the room- a marvelous idea of Lily’s.

“There’s someone with them, but I don’t recognize them.” Emmeline said from her vantage point

“It’s not Mulciber, is it?” Edgar asked

“I can’t tell.” She said “He’s wearing a hood.”

Edgar paused for a moment “Benjy, go up to the counter to order something, and see if you can get a better eye on him”

Benjy didn’t react, but folded up his paper and turned to Remus “I’m getting another cuppa, would you like one?”

“No, thank you.” Remus said. Benjy got up and walked to the counter with a slight limp in his step. He got his cup of coffee and began to walk back to the table, looking carefully at the table of Death Eaters. As he passed them by, the unknown man stood up without looking, sending the steaming cup all over Benjy’s front. 

“Bollocks!” He said, the coffee spilling all over his front. The man and him made eye contact for a moment before he stalked off, hood still firmly in place. Benjy came back to the table, cleaning himself off with a flick of his wand.

“We need to leave. Now.” He said as cashally as he could

“Did you recognize him?” Emmeline asked

“It was Snape- but I think he recognized me.” Benjy said

“Fuck.” Remus muttered under his breath, sneaking a glance at the group as they spoke to one another in hushed tones. 

“Right. we can’t leave all at once- Emmeline, you go first and wait for Benjy and Remus around the corner. I’ll meet you there. Understood?”

“Understood.” Emmeline said. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw her stand, draining her tea before walking out of the cafe. Remus and Benjy forced themselves to keep up the farse for ten minutes that felt like hours before they followed her out, circling around the block before meeting Emmeline in a corner hidden away from the main street. 

“Bloody hell out of all the fucking Death Eaters it could have been.” She said

“How do you know he recognized you?” Remus asked

“Just a feeling, he knew my voice when I yelled. Fucking hell, Edgar is going to kill me.”

“It’ll be fine. We at least confirmed Snape was there.” She said “The slimy bastard.”

They stood anxiously on the corner for another 15 minutes until Edgar strolled past and glanced around before ducking into the corner 

“I’m bloody sorry, Edgar.” Benjy said

Edgar waved him off “It’s fine. You did nothing wrong, these things happen.” he said “let’s just get out of-“ 

He was cut off by a blast of purple light that barely missed the side of Remus’ face. It rushed by him and hit Benjy square in the chest. He froze where he stood, as if he were merely stunned and everything seemed to move in slow motion as he fell to the ground, black blood oozing through his skin and mouth. He gaped like a drowning fish, unable to speak. 

“Get out of here, go, go!” Remus heard Edgar yell as he sent a barrage of stunning spells towards their attacker. Remus froze for only the briefest of moments before grabbing ahold of Benjy’s heaving body and apparating away. 

There was nothing anybody could do for him. Nobody even knew what the curse was that hit him. He was only 18. Barely older than Cedric, barely older than Harry when it came down to it. 

A noise from behind him broke Remus out of his thoughts and he swallowed hard- trying to push down his thoughts and memories. He stared straight ahead until Madame Pomfrey pushed through the curtains and looked down at him sternly, a potion in her hands.

“Poppy, I’m fine, I promise.” He said “It’s barely a scratch.”

She sighed and sat down beside him “You’ve always been a stubborn boy.”

“I’m hardly a boy anymore.”

“I suppose not. But that’s how I always see you. All of you.” She glanced down at Harry and shook her head “You need to take care of yourself, Remus. And don’t tell me ‘I do take care of myself’, because we both know you’re kidding yourself. Perhaps physically, yes, but otherwise?”

“I have more important things to worry about right now.” he said, 

“You can’t leave everything in the fight.” Poppy said “Especially now. This boy needs you, Sirius needs you. Things are about to get bad, worse than they were the first time you mark my words. And neither of them will benefit from you breaking your neck trying to save everybody else.”

Remus shut his eyes and looked down “I know.” he said “I-I’m in over my head, Poppy.”

“Join the club.” she smirked “You think this is what I thought I’d be doing, being a school Matron? Pronouncing a boy dead who I treated for Quidditch injuries last year? I didn’t- this isn’t what I signed on for. But we adapt. We survive.”

He rubbed his temple absently “Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“I’m always right.” she said “Now, I want you to take this and don’t complain about it. I won’t make you lay down, but you’re sure as hell getting some sleep.” 

Remus frowned at the potion but took it from her “Thank you.” he said 

She nodded “It’s my job. Now go to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is Karma Police by Radiohead
> 
> Speaking of- I made an ongoing playlist of all the chapter titles on Spotify- you can listen here: spotify:playlist:2wIxMdXcoPHAAOzAR2QoYv


	21. Try Not to Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I will try not to burden you  
>  I can hold these inside  
> I will hold my breath  
> Until all these shivers subside  
> Just look in my eyes _

Upon returning to the Hospital Wing, Sirius tried to get some sleep in his seat besides Harry’s bed. The early dawn light was filtering through the sheer curtains, painting the room a pale blue. Remus was sat beside him his head resting on the edge of Harry’s bedside. Sirius pressed his palms into his eyes until he saw sparks across his vision. Realistically, he knew he couldn’t stay awake forever, but he couldn’t bring himself to try and shut his eyes now. Doubt plagued his mind as he watched Remus and Harry sleep. Dumbledore’s words rang in his ears 

_“I trust you remember what happened the last time you didn’t take my suggestion, Sirius.”_

He couldn’t suppress the voice in the back of his head that told him that he was acting out of selfishness by insisting that Harry stay with them rather than return to his aunt and uncle’s house for the summer. He knew Harry was miserable there, he knew they were cruel. But would he be safer there? Happier, no. But safer? Which was more important? Sirius sighed and ran his hands through his hair. James would know. He was sure of that. James would know exactly what to say, what to do. Sirius closed his eyes, trying to quell the voice in his head and the twist of guilt that told him that he was a piss poor substitute for a father, for any kind of parent.

The door of the Hospital Wing opened with a creak and Sirius sat up. Behind the screen Madame Pomfrey set up sound Harry’s bed, he heard a voice- thick and hoarse in grief. 

“Is he awake yet?” he asked

“Not quite.” Madame Pomfrey said “Soon, I think.” 

“Right, I’ll just… I’ll come back.” 

Sirius stood, hesitating for a moment before stepping around the screen to see Amos Diggory at the door- his eyes red and puffy. He blinked at Sirius in surprise 

“Oh. I’m- I’m sorry to disturb you all, I just-“

“No. No, you’re not disturbing us at all.” Sirius said, his voice low so not to wake  
anybody. He suddenly felt silly about their spat earlier. Had it really been less than a day ago?

Madame Pomfrey gave them both a sympathy look “I’ll leave you two. If you need anything, i’ll be just over there.” 

She stepped away, leaving Amos and Sirius to stare at each other in uncomfortable silence

“I was just- I wanted to-“ Amos stammered “I needed to thank Harry. For bringing-“ 

His eyes welled with tears, likely not for the first time this evening and he seemed to try and choke them down 

“Amos, I-“I… Sirius started, coming at a loss of things to say “Fuck, there’s nothing I can do to make this any less horrible. If there’s… I’m just so sorry. Cedric was… He was a good kid.” 

Amos swallowed hard, tears still in his eyes and he nodded “He was.” he said as strongly as he could manage “I-I don’t blame Harry. Not for a moment. I don’t want him to think that. He- He brought our Cedric back from that horrible place. I’ll-I’ll never forget that.” 

“I know he’ll be grateful to hear that.” Sirius said. He gingerly put a hand on Amos’ shoulder

“Is he… Is he alright?” 

Sirius glanced back at Harry and nodded “He’ll be okay. He’ll need some time.”

Amos nodded “I-I’m sorry for what I said earlier today.It was- I let my pride get the best of me and I…”

“Don’t apologize- please. It doesn’t matter.” Sirius said 

Amos dried his eyes again “I should- I need to get back to my wife. Please, tell Harry… Just tell him I’ll always be grateful for what he did. And if you… If any of you ever need anything- I’m in your debt.” 

Sirius nodded stiffly and they shook hands before Almost walked out of the doors, leaving behind a heavy silence in his wake. He watched the place where he’d left for a long moment until he heard stirring from the bed behind him. Harry began to stir, staring up at the pale light and fumbling on the bedside table for his glasses and pushing them on his face.

“Hey, kid. How do you feel?” Sirius asked, coming back over to him 

“I-“ He began “I’m fine.” 

Sirius gave him a small smile “It’s okay if you’re not.” he said “You will be.”

Harry flushed a little and looked down at his hands “Whats-What’s happening?”

Sirius shook his head and took his seat “I don’t know. Nothing, yet. But Dumbledore has a plan, and he was able to move quickly thanks to you.” 

He didn’t say anything, just fidgeted his hands a little, his eyes far away. He glanced down at Remus “Is Moony alright?”

“He’ll be okay. He claims he’s ‘barely concussed’. You know how he is.”

A ghost of a smile passed across Harry’s lips “That’s Moony.” 

“Listen, I…” Sirius began “We spoke with Dumbledore last night. About what to do from here. Dumbledore suggested sending you back with your Aunt and Uncle for a time-“

“What?” Harry demanded, eyes wide with panic

Sirius raised his hand up quickly “We told him no. I know it would be horrible for you and under no uncertain terms will we be sending you back there unless you want to.”

“I _don’t_ want to.” Harry said

“I know. I just- I didn’t want to make a decision for you. Dumbledore thinks it may be safer for you there. Moony and I disagree, but I thought it should be your decision.” Sirius explained

“I’m not going back there. Ever.” Harry said “We- We’re a family.”

“We’re a family. I would never send you back there, Harry.” 

Remus shifted beside them and sat up with a low groan, his back clearly disagreeing with the 90 degree angle he slept at. He blinked up at the pale light and looked at Harry.

“You’re looking better.” he said, his voice hoarse 

“I-I don’t feel better.” Harry admitted “I don’t know how i’m supposed to feel.”

“It doesn’t matter how you’re supposed to feel.” Remus said “It matters how you really feel.”

“I feel… I just feel numb.” he said 

Remus nodded “That’s alright. It’s normal.” 

“Can I come home?” Harry asked “I don’t- I don’t want to see anybody. I can’t just go and face everybody.”

Sirius and Remus glanced at one another 

“It’s up to you. But…” he trailed off, looking to Remus

“I think it will be good for you to finish the term.” Remus said “I know it feels impossible right now, but ultimately… A return to normalcy, a routine, it will do a world of good.” 

“Will it… Will I ever feel the same again?” 

Again, they looked to each other. Sirius spoke this time “No.” he said honestly “But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel happy again, or normal. It just takes time.” 

“And you don’t have to do it alone.” 

The door to the Hospital Wing opened once again and Hermione and Ron looked gingerly inside, glancing from Sirius and Remus to Harry. Sirius gestured for them to come in. Remus put a hand on Sirius’ arm and nodded back towards the door. 

“We’ll leave you three to talk, alright?” He said “We have to sort some things out in any case.”

Sirius put his hands on the side of Harry’s face “We’ll see you soon, alright? Remember you can send us an owl any time. Night or day.”

“I know.” he said “Thank you.”

Sirius kissed the top of his head gently and Remus squeezed his shoulder “I love you.” he said 

Harry blinked up at them in surprise. It wasn’t that he didn’t think they loved him, but Remus was always seemingly hesitant to say it out loud- as if he felt he was overstepping in showing outward affection for Harry. He swallowed, feeling as if he might cry again. 

“I love you, too.”

——————————————————

The cottage felt strange and empty when they arrived, apparating into the living room and immediately shutting all the curtains and blinds and casting a barrage of protective spells to ensure nobody was already there. When at last they were certain they were safe, they collapsed onto the sofa. 

Sirius ran his hands over his face and slid them through his hair “Bloody hell this is a mess.” he summoned a bottle of liquor from the cabinet and some glasses, fixing them both a stiff drink.

Remus leaned over with his elbows on his knees and gratefully accepted it “An understatement.” he said. He looked around the cottage, at the home they’d made there in a short time, now coming to an end “I suppose we’ll need to pack.” It was at least something he was used to, having moved so often as a child. 

“I never thought I’d have to live in that house again.”

“I know.” Remus said “But it’s only for a time… We’ll come back one day.”

He sighed “Yeah. I know.” Sirius said “One of these days we’re bound to catch a break.” 

“We can only hope.” Remus smirked. He stared down at his drink 

“How are you feeling? You taught Cedric, this can’t have been easy.”

“No.” Remus admitted. He shut his eyes “I feel like I should be used to this by now. Loss. Death. You’d think it would hurt less after so many.”

“But it doesn’t.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Remus said “I suppose that’s a blessing, in a way. That I can still feel it.” 

“It means you’re human.” Sirius put a hand on Remus’ back 

“Once, after everything… After you went away, McGonagall picked me up off the street. I was in a right state. But she said something about how she’d lost too many students to see me lose myself to grief. It just feels so… Never ending.” he took a burning sip of his drink and swallowed, letting the warmth fill him up 

“It won’t be forever.” Sirius assured him “One day we’ll be able to look back on all of this like an unpleasant memory.” 

“I suppose. It’s been a long time waiting for that day.” Remus sighed “Listen, we should talk this through before it gets any further. Because it can’t be like it was last time. I can’t… I can’t lose you again. Either of you.” 

“We’re not going to lose each other, Remus. It’s different now. We’re older, we know more… We’re a lot less stupid than we were when we were 18.”

Remus laughed a little “I don’t feel much different, to be honest. More back pain, maybe, but I still feel like a dumb kid most of the time. Like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I think that’s the great secret of adulthood that nobody talks about. How nobody really knows what they’re doing.” Sirius said “But we’ll be okay. between the two of us we’ll figure it out. And this time, we’re staying together. Nothing is going to change that. I trust you, completely. If you say jump, i jump.” 

Remus looked at him, his grey eyes steady “I trust you, too.” he said “But it’s easy for us to say that nothing is going to change from where we are now. Things are going to get hard, things are going to feel like they did before at times. We’re going to be apart from each other more often, now.” 

“You’re right. They will. But we’ll still be us, yeah? We’re still doing this for the same reason, for Harry. Nothing is going to change that, I know that for a fact.” Sirius put a hand on the back of Remus’ head, his hands laced through the curly hair on the back of his neck “I’m never letting you go again. Not for anything in the world.” 

Remus nodded slowly “You’re too bloody good at this, Black.” he said with a small smile “You’ve been talking me off a ledge for so long you must be sick of it.”

“Never.” Sirius said “And I never will.” 

Sirius kissed him softly and Remus smiled faintly “Come on, let’s get some rest. It’ll be a long time before we’ll get a chance like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading and leaving comments, I really do appreciate every single one of them <3
> 
> Title comes from Try Not to Breathe by R.E.M.


	22. Split Needles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You're old enough, boy,  
>  Too many summers you've enjoyed,  
> So spin the wheel,  
> We'll set you up with some odd convictions,  
> Because you're finally golden, boy,_

A light drizzle was falling over Islington as Sirius stalked along, the mounting sense of unease as familiar to him as the uneven cobblestones he’d walked as a child. He stepped through the wrought-iron gate, where the real Mad-Eye Moody was waiting for him, dressed in a simple grey suit and a black bowler hat tipped over his eye in order to blend in. He still looked thin, his cheeks still hollow and his magical eye was whirring around more than it used too, keeping an eye on all sides. All things considered, he didn’t look bad for a man who just got out of a suitcase a week ago.

As casually as he could without being seen from the street, Moody pulled out his wand and held it up to Sirius “Where did I take Sirius Black on his first mission with the Order of the Phoenix?” he asked

“Norfolk, wasn’t it? To a pub to tail Dolohov.” Sirius recalled. Moody nodded and put away his wand 

“Can’t be too careful.” he said, holding out his hand “Good to see you again, Black.”

“And you, Moody. Glad to see you back on your-er- foot.” he said 

“I suppose that’s thanks to you. And Lupin. Could have used that nose of his in the Auror Office.”

“I think Remus’ disdain for authority would have caused some problems there.” Sirius said “How are you feeling?”

“There’ll be time for that later.” Moody said “Let’s get inside.”

“You really are back to your old self.” Sirius smirked. He pulled out his wand and tapped rhythmically on the door and held it open for Moody, his uneven footsteps sending dull thuds through the entryway “Sorry about the boxes, we’ve just got in ourselves.” 

Remus poked his head out from the dining room, wand held up to both of them “What album did my mother play the first time you came over to my house?” he asked

“Patti Smith, Horses.” Sirius said with a smirk

“A record you never appreciated. Heathen.” Remus said, putting away his wand “You’ve checked him?”

“It’s the real Moody.” he nodded

“Good. Nice to see you, Alastor.” 

Moody’s eye was rolled back in his socket sickly as if he were looking up through the floors “You’re certain this place is secure?” 

“Now that Dumbledore has put on the Fidelius charm, it’s the most secure house in Britain.” Sirius confirmed “It’s not particularly pleasant, mind you, and the curtains are full of doxies, but it’s a work in progress.”

“Better to be uncomfortable than dead.”

“Cheerful.” Sirius said “Cup of tea?” 

“Fine. But we have important business to get to.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of keeping you.” Remus smirked. Sirius kissed him on the cheek “There’s a boggart in the piano, by the way.”

“I swear, that’s the third one so far.” Sirius groaned, leading them through the narrow hall to the dining room and flicking his wand to summon a pot of tea from an ornate silver teapot with a serpent for a handle. 

“My dad would’ve had a field day. I'll take care of it later.” Remus said. He sat on one of the dusty chairs, and lit a cigarette. 

“When Harry gets back you’re going to have to knock that out.” Sirius said 

“Like smoke is the most dangerous thing in this house.” Remus frowned “Anyway, Moody, what did you need to talk to us about?”

“We need to discuss plans for getting Potter back here safely next week. Granted, it’s close enough we could walk, but I don’t particularly want prying eyes knowing you’ve changed locations. Even though the smart ones will assume you have.” Moody said 

Sirius took the seat beside Moody “I’m assuming the floo network is off limits?” 

“I don’t want anything the Ministry can monitor. No floo networks, no portkeys.” Moody said “It’s too risky, we don’t know who we can trust in the Ministry outside of our people.” 

“What about side-along apparition?” Remus suggested “Seems simple enough.” 

“It’s not foolproof.” he grunted “But I suppose it’s going to have to do. Whatever gets him in the house as soon as possible. And that’s the other thing- I don’t want you three going out of headquarters unless absolutely necessary. And I mean unless the place is on fire or missions from the Order, you’re stuck here.”

“You’re kidding.” Sirius said, gaping at him 

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” he asked “It’s too much of a risk, you two have had your faces all over the Daily Prophet for a year now, you walk down the street and people notice you. Every Death Eater alive knows that you’re a way to get to Potter, and they damn sure know you’re involved in the Order.” 

Remus glanced at Sirius, who looked deeply unhappy at the prospect of being trapped inside Grimmauld Place again.

“But what about the full moon?” Sirius asked

“You’ll have to do it here.” Moody said 

“What?” Remus sputtered, nearly flinging his cigarette at Sirius “Absolutely not! Not with the kids here.” 

“We can’t risk you going off into the woods, no matter how deep you go.” Moody said “Snape has agreed to brew the Wolfsbane potion for you again, there’ll be no danger.”

“Still!” he said “Even with the potion, we don’t know- I can’t be that close to people.” 

“We’re all going to have to do things we don’t want to do in the days to come, Lupin. But you two coming and going as you please is a non-starter for right now. Things are too volatile.” 

Remus grit his teeth and frowned deeply “For how long?”

“Until Dumbledore says so.” he said sharply “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but my priorities are keeping you and Potter alive, and I’d rather not have to force you all into hiding. But I will if I need to.”

Sirius’ mouth twitched down but he nodded stiffly “Fine. But I’m still going to get Harry from the station. It’ll look suspicious if anybody but us does it.” 

“I’ll allow it. We’ll be keeping watch from a distance in case there’s any trouble.” Moody’s magical eye fixed itself on both of them in turn before he heaved himself to a standing position “Right then, I’ve got to get back. First meeting is Thursday.” 

When the door creaked to a shut behind Moody, Sirius swore loudly and kicked the baseboard of the hallway. The moldy paint cracked a little with the force, which was at least satisfying. Remus sighed and put a hand on his arm “Sirius-“

“I’m fine!” he snapped

“Listen, I’m not happy about this either, don’t take it out on me.” 

Sirius shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose “Sorry. Sorry. I just- Having to stay here is bad enough as it is, and now I can’t even leave without a bloody chaperone?” 

“Look, I know this is going to be horrible for you. But I’m here, alright? And Harry, and the Weasleys later on. It’s not going to be like it was when you were a kid. Well, besides your Mum’s yelling.” 

“You’re right.” Sirius muttered “I just bloody hate this place.”

“I know.” Remus put a hand on his cheek. He wished he could say something to help- wished he had any sort of way he could commiserate. Remus had never had any connection to a house like Sirius did- good or bad. He could hardly remember what most of the houses he lived in looked like. Most of his life was spent as a ghost, drifting from one place to another with nobody left alive who remembered any of it-save perhaps for Hogwarts. He couldn’t fathom stepping back into a place whose very bones held memories of his worst days. “It’s not forever.” 

“It’s not forever.” Sirius repeated “I’m going to go sort out our room.”

“D’you want help?”

“No. No, that’s alright.” 

Remus watched him slink up the creaky staircase and let out a breath. It was going to be a long summer.

—————————————————

The morning Sirius was to go pick up Harry from King’s Cross, Remus had his first assignment from Dumbledore. Both of them were very aware of this likely being their last outing for a while, and were eager to go. Remus dressed in some of his grungier muggle clothes and kissed Sirius as he was heading out.

“Please be safe.” Sirius said. It was remarkable how seamlessly they changed from leaving each other with a ‘I love you, see you soon’ to ‘please be safe’. ‘Come back alive’ is what it really meant.

“They won’t hurt me, don’t worry.” Remus said “I’ll see you both tonight.” 

He left on foot, heading towards the Tube, and took it far out of Islington. Rush hour was over, leaving him relatively alone for the long trip towards the part of London he was much more familiar with- for better or for worse. 

Most of the packs stayed away from cities- they stayed deep in the forest, away from prying eyes and Ministry intervention. It was a hard life. It suited a lot of people, those who never really had much to cling to in the wizarding world or the muggle world and preferred to stay where they felt safest. Remus had spent his fair share of times in those packs, playing spy for Dumbledore during the first war. This pack was the one he had the most concrete connections with, even lived around them during some of the worse points of the 80s. Ultimately, neither life was for him. Remus had found his pack when he was young- and nothing could replace them in the end. 

The building was little more than a squat, more than half the windows were broken and most of the side of it was tagged with overlapping graffiti. A few kids- not long into adulthood- lingered on the stoop, smoking cigarettes and eyeing Remus with suspicion as he walked past them. Most of the flats had doors that were either off the hinges completely or slightly ajar, and loud music and yelling was blaring out into a cacophony through the halls. He started up the stairs, glancing into a few rooms as he went along. When he reached the third floor, he got the sense he was being watched. 

As he turned around, he suddenly felt an elbow against his throat, pushing him against the wall. Remus stayed calm and held his arms up as he turned to see the tall woman with hair dyed red, her black roots coming through for several inches glaring up at him. She had a long, silver scar splitting her face nearly down the middle from her hair to her chin. 

“You look like shit, Simone.” Remus said, cocking his eyebrow. 

She held him there for a long moment before she finally released him “You’re one to talk, Lupin. What the fuck are you doin’ here?” the cockney drawl to her words as thick as it ever was.

“Need to talk to you. C’mon, I’ll buy you lunch.”

She frowned at him, brows furrowed “The answer is no.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask.” Remus said, brushing himself off “And you need a good meal. Full moon’s coming up.” 

Simone let out a resigned sigh “Fine. But we’ve gotta make it quick.” 

“Got a date?”

“Fuck off.” 

They spoke little as Simone lead him a few blocks to a grungy pub on a corner, a few drunks already lingering outside despite the early hour. The bartender gave her a nod as she walked in and slipped into a booth near the back, slinging her hands over the back and gesturing for a few pints. Remus pulled out his pack of cigarettes and handed her one. She gave him a two-fingered salute in thanks as he lit hers and then his own.

“Suppose I should say congratulations.” She said, exhaling smoke “Got yourself a nice tidy life from the looks of it.”

“Don’t tell me you believe what the Daily Prophet says?” 

“Depends on the day.” She shrugged, cocking her eyebrow and looking him over “But get on with it, ask me what you’re gonna ask me.” 

“Simone, you’ve heard the same things I have.”

“That You-Know-Who is back.” she said, glancing around to make sure they weren’t being listened to. Their drinks arrived and Simone leaned back and waited for the bartender to leave “Get us a couple of burgers and chips, thanks Dan.” 

She took a long drink and for the first time, Remus noticed her left hand was covered in an old bandage, dried blood seeping to the surface. He could smell something foul from beneath it. He pointed towards it with his cigarette “How long’s your hand been like that?”

Simone brushed it off “It’s fine.” she said “Bit of a scratch is all.”

“Looks like more than a scratch. Is that from the last moon?” 

“Are you really going to lecture me on taking care of myself?” she cocked an eyebrow “That’s coffee calling the kettle black, mate.” 

Remus sighed “Listen, Voldemort has returned-“

She winced “Really wish you wouldn’t say the bloody name.” 

“He’s returned. And I know you believe it.”

“So what if I do?” She said “It’s got nothing to do with me.”

“It has to do with all of us.” Remus insisted "You could join us- all of you. We need all the help we can get. 

“Listen, you’ve always been down for a fight. I admire that about you. I think it’s stupid, but admirable.” she said “But you really want me to walk back there to my people and suggest that we put our lives on the line for the Ministry of Magic? After all the shit they’ve pulled lately? If you want to try it, be my guest. They’ll laugh you out the room.” 

“I’m not asking you to fight for the Ministry of Magic.” Remus said “Dumbledore-“

She let out a bark of laughter “What’s Dumbledore done for us?”

“He’s always been a friend to us.” Remus frowned

“No, Romulus, he’s been a friend to _you_.” Simone said, using his name from the old days with the pack “But where has he been for the past 13 years, even after all the promises he made?”

“You think things will be better under Vol- You-Know-Who?” he said

“Of course not, d’you think I’m a bloody idiot?” she snapped “But look at our lives right now. Yeah, great, the baddies lost last time, but where did that leave us? In the same pit we were before. Nothing changed, nothing got better. In fact, a lot of shite got a lot worse. I mean, look at you- you’ve given the best years of your life to this guy, and what’s he done for you?”

“He’s given me everything, Si.” Remus glared at her evenly “He got me an education, a job-“

“Yeah he got you a job when he needed to keep an eye on you and make sure you were acting like a good boy when your ex broke out of jail. But what did he do when you got sacked? When your name was getting dragged through the mud in the press every damn day? Tell me this, has he ever stood up to the Ministry in any meaningful way against the shit they throw at us?” 

Remus opened his mouth but shut it again as two soggy burgers arrived. He took a long drag and exhaled of of the side of his mouth. Simone picked hers up immediately and began eating as if she were starved “Look,” he said, shutting his eyes “He’s not perfect, I won’t claim that he is. But we have the most to lose if Voldemort returns to power. And you can be damn sure the Death Eaters are going to start rooting around here- if not Greyback himself. You’ve got a long of young kids here, and you know the kind of power he has over them.”

Her mouth twitched at the name and she swallowed, rubbing the grease from her chin on the back of her hand. She and Remus met in Greyback’s pack- Remus had gone in as a spy shortly after she had joined- barely a year younger than him and looking like a drowned rat after several months on the streets. Simone came to Greyback out of desperation, but quickly realized it wasn’t what she signed up for. She earned the claw marks over her face when she left the same as Remus- it was Greyback’s favorite way to mark out ‘traitors’.

“You know I have no interest joining You-Know-Who’s cause, and i’m not tolerating that brute or his pack anywhere near us. But you can’t ask me or these people to fight for something we have no stake in. I’m sorry, Romulus, but i’m staying out of it. I’m not dying for Dumbledore. I’m not like you.”

“And what am I like?” Remus said, brow furrowed. He stamped out the butt of his first cigarette and lit another. 

“Oh come on, you know what people say.” She smirked, finishing her burger in one bite.

“That I’m Dumbledore’s trained lapdog? Yes, I’m aware.” he said “I’ve been called worse, I assure you.”

“You can’t blame them. You’ve always been more concerned with fitting in with them than with us.”

Remus rolled his eyes “I don’t believe there is an ‘us’ or ‘them’.” he said “And besides, I’m not doing this for Dumbledore. I can’t just sit by and let a fascist murderer get away with this just because there’s not a quid-pro-quo exchange. I have a family now, I have a responsibility to protect them.”

Simone shrugged “Maybe you’re a better person than me. The only family I’ve got are the people back there- everyone else turned their backs on me when I got bit. You protect your family by fighting, but I’m protecting mine by keeping them the hell out of it.” 

He caught her eye and eventually nodded “I understand. I really do.”

“I’ll keep my ear to the ground for you and pass on anything I hear that might be helpful. That’s all I can do- I’m not sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Unlike some nosey bastards I know.”

“I appreciate it.” he said with a small smile. He pulled out a piece of parchment from his pocket and scribbled a name on it “Listen, this is the name of a healer at St. Mungo's- don’t give me that look, she’s actually a good one- you don’t have to go in, but just please get her to sort out your hand before it falls off, alright?” 

“Wow, parenthood really does change people doesn’t it?” She rolled her eyes but took the parchment anyway “You’re sure we can trust her?”

“Yeah. She’s good, she won’t take any of your shit.”

“Suppose we all need that once in a while.” she said. She glanced at the clock on the wall “I’ve gotta get back. I’m sorry I can’t help you more. But please, don’t get yourself killed, alright? I’ll be right pissed at you.” 

He laughed “I’ll do my best. Take care of yourself, Si.” 

“You know me. I always do.” She said. She stood, giving him a punch on the arm before leaving the pub.


	23. Cry For Judas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Some things you do just to see how bad they'll make you feel  
>  Sometimes you try to freeze time 'til the slots are a blur of spinning wheels  
> But I am just a broken machine  
> And I do things that I don't really mean _

Life at Grimmauld Place was off to a rocky start from the day Harry returned. He seemed different than the kid who had left the cottage at the end of summer- quieter. Remus noticed that he seemed to be trying hard to put on a happy face around the two of them, but as soon as he thought nobody was looking, a deep sadness would fall over his eyes until he was shaken out of it. The gloom and dark of the house didn’t help. Though they’d managed to at least make a few of the bedrooms and the kitchen livable for now. The bathroom was a work in progress - Remus had a strong suspicion the pipes were revolting against them. 

Harry had asked his first night home if he didn’t have to talk about what happened in the maze and after, and though Remus’ mouth twitched into a frown, they agreed. 

“He’s going to have to talk about it at some point if he wants to get through this.” Remus muttered as he got changed for bed, the floorboards groaning as he walked the length of the room. It had once been a guest room- they both agreed that taking the Master bedroom would be too strange. 

“He’ll talk when he’s ready to talk.” Sirius said “It’s not like you were ever keen to share things that happened to you at that age.”

“That’s different.” Remus frowned

“Is it?” he asked 

“In any case- we need to figure out what to do about the meeting tomorrow.” Remus said, sitting cross legged on the edge of the ornate bed. 

“What about the meeting?”

“Dumbledore wants Harry to stay out of the meetings as much as possible.”

"And we're going to agree to it?" Sirius frowned “He has a right to know as anybody else.”

Remus frowned “We have to trust Dumbledore on this. I’m not saying that we don’t tell him anything, just… He probably doesn’t need to hear all the gritty details.”

“Moony, he’s already seen the worst.”

“So we just let him keep seeing it over and over again?” Remus furrowed his brow “Look, we have to be careful with this, it’s not just Harry who’s affected by this. If Harry knows anything, he’ll tell it to Ron and Hermione, and Ginny, Fred, and George will figure out a way to figure it out as well. I’m not saying we keep him in the dark, but we need to be careful with the information he has and when.” 

“I-“ Sirius clenched his jaw and frowned deeply “I don't like lying to him.”

“We’re not lying to him.” Remus assured him “We’re protecting him. I don't want him signing up for the Order of the Phoenix at 15, even if he wants to."

“He’s not going to like this.” 

“No. Absolutely not. I can tell him if you like. Let me be the bad guy.” 

“We’ll deal with it in the morning.” Sirius said, flicking off the candle light with his wand “G’night.” 

“Night.” 

Remus slept uneasily in the house, his ears kept picking up on the creaks and moans of the old building, the chattering of creepy-crawlies in the wall, and Kreature’s muttering above them. Every noise a potential threat. Sirius wasn’t helping matters with his constant tossing and turning against the lumpy mattress. He wanted to leave more than any of them, and although Sirius pretended to sleep, Remus knew he didn’t.

The next night the house felt much more lively as members of the Order began filtering in. Remus could hear them begin to come in, announced by Tonks tripping over the umbrella stand and waking Walburga’s portrait. Remus walked down the stairs, the stiffness in his legs causing him a little pain. He came across Harry watching everyone walk in from the first landing.

“Who is everyone?” He asked as Remus came up besides him. 

“Let’s see… Over there’s Kingsley Shacklebolt, he wasn’t in the first Order but he worked with Moody in the Auror office. That’s Tonks- they’re Sirius’ second cousin. Mundungus Fletcher, who’s a bit of a petty criminal, It’d do you good to stay out of his way.” He pointed to them all in turn. Sturgis and Emmeline came in together- Emmeline giving him a two-fingered salute as she passed the stairs. When Dumbledore stepped in, Remus began to walk down. Harry started to follow him and Remus held up a hand “I’m sorry Harry, you can’t come to the meeting.”

“What?” Harry said, gaping at him. 

Remus sighed “Dumbledore’s orders- Sirius and I have agreed that you shouldn’t know all the details of the meetings.”

“You’re kidding me! Moony, I’m the one who fought him, I’m the one who saw him-“

He nodded “I know. And I’m sorry. But it’s for your own good, I promise you this.” 

Harry frowned deeply at him “Fine.” he said

“We’ll call you for dinner, alright?” Remus said. Harry didn’t say anything as he turned heel and trudged back upstairs to Sirius’ old bedroom and shut the door heavily behind him. Remus watched after him for a moment and went to rejoin the others. Remus sat in the empty seat besides Tonks who turned from Hestia Jones with a smile. Today, they had a mop of shaggy green hair in an elaborate mohawk. The overall effect reminded Remus vaguely of a tropical bird he’d seen at the zoo once. Today they were dressed in a black denim jacket over an artfully ripped t-shirt for Hole.

“Wotcher, Lupin.” They said, their voice a little deeper than the last time Remus had seen them. They typically looked a little different every time Remus saw them, fluctuating between masculine and feminine and androgynous, but always with elaborately colored hair and a cheerful demeanor. 

“How’re you, Tonks?” 

“Not too bad, spending most of my days trying to track down that Pettigrew of yours.” they said

Remus frowned “Slippery little bastard, isn’t he?” 

“You’re telling me.” they said 

“Any sightings?” 

They shook their head “He's lying low, licking his wounds it looks like it. Haven't heard a squeak from him. We’ll catch up to him eventually, though.”

“Sooner rather than later, I’ll hope.”

“Quiet down, quiet down.” Moody said from the head of the table. Remus turned round, Sirius’ arm draped casually over Remus’ chair as he leaned back. Sirius had made a point to sit them as far away from Severus, who was sitting down the table with a mean scowl on his face. Their temporary ceasefire- brokered by Dumbledore- was tenuous at best. 

“Right then, there’ve been no casualties to report this week- so we can be glad for that.” Moody began “Under no circumstances should we let that lull us into a false sense of security.” 

“Your meetings always make me so optimistic, Moody.” Tonks quipped. There were a few chuckles from around the table. 

“Thank you, Tonks.” Moody glared at them “Right, let’s debrief the missions for this week. Kingsley, you start.”

The meeting went by fairly quickly. It seemed nobody had much new information. The Death Eaters they knew were staying tight lipped- going about their business as usual and giving no information to their knowledge of Voldemort’s whereabouts. Remus told the others about his conversation with Simone- but kept her name and location out of it. While he trusted the Order with his life, he knew she wouldn’t want her name in the ears of several Aurors. The meeting drew to a close and the Order began to filter out, finishing up their conversations in hushed tones as Harry slunk down to dinner, still fuming slightly. 

As he was leaving, Severus handed Remus a goblet of the familiar steaming potion, an almost superior smirk on his face with the knowledge that he had something to lord over Remus again. 

“Thank you, Severus. I appreciate this.” Remus said, trying to push down his annoyance 

“Do try not to tear anybody apart tomorrow night, Lupin. It’d make a mess of such a lovely house.” he smirked. Sirius glared from the entryway as Snape stalked out, his black robes billowing behind him. There were only a few of them for dinner. Tonks stayed, as well as Emmeline and Kingsley. Molly had sent them a cauldron full of beef stew- apparently worried that the three of them wouldn’t have anything to eat in the old house before she and the rest of the Weasleys arrived in a few weeks. 

Remus wrinkled his nose at the potion but swallowed it anyway. He hated the thick, chalky residue it would leave on the back of his tongue. It tasted like dirty copper and made him feel foggy headed and drunk during the full moon. 

Kingsley leaned in to Remus as the chatter in the dining room grew louder “I’ve got some information you may be interested in- about Fenrir Greyback.”

Remus’ mouth twitched “From what I know, he’s been lying low somewhere in the Highlands.” 

“We’ve had some whispers from that direction saying he’s on the move, headed South.”

“That’s likely. He’ll come wherever there’s the chance of a fight.” Remus said “But I’ll not be much help in that department- He’ll know me the second he sees me, and it won’t do us any favors, believe me.”

“I’ve heard there’s no love lost between you and Greyback. He certainly has it out for you.”

“Who is Greyback?” Harry asked suddenly from Remus’ other side. He hadn’t noticed Harry was paying attention to their conversation 

“Oh- I-“ He began, biting his lip a little as he thought of what to explain “He’s another werewolf, he leads a pack of others up North. He’s about as near to a Death Eater someone like us could get- though Voldemort is disgusted by him.”

“Greyback’s a nasty piece of work- my mum used to talk about him all the time.” Tonks said with a shudder 

Sirius was the only other person at the table who knew that Greyback was the one who bit Remus. He kept it close to the vest- the string of attacks that claimed Remus were widely publicized and many wizards believed all sorts of nonsense about those who he bit. Some thought that anybody who a werewolf like Greyback bit would become just like him. He didn't think Tonks or Kingsley would be the type to think that way, but he'd rather keep that information to himself if he could.

“Why would he join Voldemort like that?” asked Harry 

“Well…” Remus realized everyone was looking at him now “Greyback himself believes the things that Voldemort tells him, that he’ll have power and be equal among the wizards in his new society. It’s nonsense, of course. Voldemort would never let him amount to anything- likely he sees him as a necessary evil. He may not be clever, Greyback, but he has a remarkable gift of sewing seeds of dissonance among the werewolves.” 

“But it’s because of people like Malfoy and Voldemort that things are bad for you.” Harry said

“Not entirely.” Remus said, gesturing with his hands as he spoke “Unfortunately, it’s not as fringe of an opinion as you may think, hating werewolves. Often it’s been the one common ground that factions in the Ministry have. Which is why so many of them don’t see the Ministry as any better than Voldemort and the rest. Whatever side wins, we tend to lose.” 

“To be honest, there’s a reason why there aren’t more Aurors in the Order.” Kingsley said “The department tends to skew towards that thinking.” 

“So why does he have it out for you, specifically?” Harry asked “Because you want them to join our side?” 

“I- We have a lot of things we disagree on.” Remus said simply. Sirius took it upon himself to change the subject- which Remus was thankful for. Harry still looked dissatisfied, but dropped the subject.

“Oh, Kingsley- I was meant to mention to you, Moody said to come along with you next week-“ 

The rest of the night passed rather quietly- Harry’s mood seemed to lighten a little as he spoke to Tonks- who gave him a big stack of grunge CD’s they pulled out of their backpack. When everyone finally all dispersed for the night, they began to clear the mess of a dining room.

Sirius brought in a stack of dishes and Remus set off cleaning them with his wand 

“Oh, before I forget- Dumbledore asked me to go with Sturgis for a mission after the full moon.” Sirius said to Remus quietly

Remus nodded, mouth twitching a little with anxiety of Sirius going off without him. But that went with the territory these days “Alright, Harry and I will take care of everything here.”

“What sort of mission is it?” Harry asked from the doorway “Do we know anything new about what Voldemort is doing?” 

Sirius turned around- he hadn’t realized Harry was behind them, hearing everything. Sirius and Remus caught each other’s eye and Sirius coughed “Er-“ He was going to the Department of Mysteries with Sturgis to check for security flaws, given his experience breaking in and out of things that were supposedly impenetrable- but Dumbledore had explicitly told them Harry wasn’t to know anything about the Department of Mysteries. “It’s Order business, i’m afraid.” he said with a frown.

Harry’s scowl came back instantly and his face flushed “So what? I’m not allowed to know anything at all because i’m too young? I’m supposed to sit back and ‘let the grown-ups handle it’ like a good boy?” 

Sirius blinked in surprise at how angry he became “Look, I’m sorry, but it’s not my decision.” Sirius said sharply 

“Oh fuck that- you could tell me if you wanted to.” Harry spat “But apparently i’m only important when you lot need someone to get tossed in front of Voldemort.”

“Harry, what is wrong?” Sirius demanded, blinking in surprise “We’re doing what we can to protect you-“

“Protect me from what? What exactly do you think you’re protecting me from that I haven’t already seen? Is it seeing people dying? Or Voldemort himself? And you know what- I dealt with all of those things _on my own._ I did it on my own or with Ron and Hermione, and where were any of you then?” ” Harry was yelling now, pacing slightly- his face flushed. His voice broke slightly on the last few words- as if they were trying to stay down. They hung in the air for a long moment and Sirius just gaped. 

Remus finally took a breath, holding up his hands to both of them. “Everybody just- lets calm down a little, alright?” 

“No- why do I always have to calm down, stay quiet?” Harry boomed “I can’t be pissed off? I have to just sit around and take whatever shit is thrown at me?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying at all, Harry- I’m just asking you to take a breathe and realize you’re in a different headspace.” Remus said softly, trying to hold a hand up to Sirius to keep him from saying anything “You’re entitled to feel however you do.”

“Stop talking at me like i’m a child! What gives you the fucking right- I was surviving alone long before I had anybody protecting me. And all of a sudden when you both come back, you’re going to start ‘protecting’ me?” Harry glared at the two of them- his eyes blazing 

“Harry, you know that’s not fair.” Sirius warned 

“Isn’t it?” Harry demanded “Especially you, Lupin- What was stopping you from finding me? You weren’t in prison, you weren’t abroad. Did you never even think to come and find me?” 

Harry turned heel to storm off and Sirius called after him 

“Harry! Come on, let’s-“ 

Remus grabbed his shoulder “Let him go- let him cool off.” he said with a deep breath. A door slammed floors above them, setting off the screaming of Walburga bellow it. 

Sirius braced his arms against the table, staring at the wall in bewilderment “I’ve never- Fuck, he’s never been like that. I mean, fuck.” 

“That was something.” 

“Are you okay? He- he didn’t mean it.” 

“Nothing he said was untrue. I would have wanted to know the same thing, I just don’t have a good answer for him. He’s been through a massive trauma, we can’t expect him to just jump right back up like he hasn't. And he’s right- it’s really not fair that he’s had to deal with all of this and can’t know everything.” Remus said, rubbing the bridge of his nose “But we have to do it anyway. But we need to make it clear to him that no matter what he says or does, we won’t leave him He’ll test it.”

“When did you have to to learn all of this?” 

“I didn’t. How do you think my mum dealt with me?” Remus cocked an eyebrow “I yelled at her more than I had any right to.”

Sirius grimaced, looking at the staircase Harry had disappeared to “How long until we try and talk to him?”

“Just let him sleep it off. He’ll come round.” Remus assured him 

But morning didn’t bring much of a difference. Harry didn’t come downstairs for breakfast. Sirius brought up a plate and knocked on his door and just heard him mutter “I’m not hungry.” through the door. He left it by the door where it stayed until Remus came up with lunch. 

He frowned at the cold eggs and toast and knocked himself “I need you to eat something or at least issue me a formal declaration if you’re declaring a hunger strike.” 

There was a long pause before Harry’s voice came through the door “What are you talking about?”

“Bloody school doesn’t teach them anything.” Remus muttered to himself. He spoke up “Can I please come in? I’m not going to make you talk about anything?”

He waited for a while before there was a shuffling and Harry stood at the door, still dressed in pajamas and a hoodie pulled over his head. The room behind him was dark and Remus pushed the sandwich to him 

“I’m really not hungry.” Harry muttered 

“Tough. You can’t starve on my watch.” Remus said, holding it out to him. 

Harry took it and frowned slightly, but didn’t try to put it back “Thanks.”

“Of course.” Remus said “See you tomorrow.”

—————-

Remus took his last dose of the potion an hour before the sun set, shuddering at the taste, and locked them in the master bedroom. Sirius had finally convinced him that he shouldn’t lock himself in the cellar if he was already taking the potion.

“I don’t even know what’s down there, you’ll be fine up here.” Sirius insisted. They hadn’t quite gotten to clearing Walburga’s old bedroom out, but it was at least mostly free of unwanted guests, and was three floors above Harry’s- where he was also shut inside to be safe. 

Remus sat on the old down mattress, leg bouncing as he waited. The wolfsbane potion didn’t help with the pain at all, and it felt strange and unnatural being in his own mind in the wolf’s body. Still, it was preferable to the alternatives “Remember, if something goes wrong- you get Harry out as quickly as you can- no matter what you have to-“

“Remus, nothing is going to happen, okay?” Sirius said “You did this every month last year and it never went wrong.” 

“I know, I know. I just- I need to plan for the worst.” 

Sirius nodded “I get it. But it’s going to be alright.” 

“Go check on Harry every once in a while, yeah?” Remus said

“I will, Moony. Just try to relax.” 

Sirius never got used to seeing Remus transform on the full moon- no matter how many times he did. For the first year they came along as animagi, Remus wouldn’t let any of them be inside the shack while he changed- he would make them wait outside the tunnel and come in only after it was over. 

He eventually got more comfortable with it, but Sirius never could. His body would twist and bend in sickening cracks, face contorted in pain. It seemed the potion helped him keep control of his cries, Remus’ jaw clenched shut even as his teeth grew into fangs. Finally, the wolf’s body stilled, hunched over on the ground. Sirius waited in the corner as a dog, whining softly in the back of his throat. Finally, Remus stood and shook himself off, looking across the room at Sirius with recognition. With a pop, Sirius changed back to himself, still sat in the corner with his hand out. 

Remus watched him carefully and Sirius could almost see him cock his eyebrow the way he always did. It was so strange seeing Remus like this as a human. Even at 15, Sirius could see the beauty in the wolf, though it disgusted Remus to hear it- but seeing the wolf at peace like this, he could see him clearly for the first time. Sirius held out a hand and Remus approached with apprehension.

“Oh just come here, don’t be so bloody stubborn.” Sirius rolled his eyes “You all’ve been patting me on the head since I was 15, it’s time to return the favor.” 

Remus finally sat down in front of Sirius and he reached up, gently threading his fingers through his fur. It was thick and soft, exactly the same color as Remus’ hair down to the streaks of grey. His eyes were different thought- yellow instead of brown- but he could tell Remus was behind them. He relaxed into Sirius’ touch and eventually lay down beside him, his head resting on Sirius’ lap. Sirius realized that nobody had ever touched Moony like this- gentle, without fear. Eventually, he fell asleep- likely a new contender for the weirdest thing Remus managed to sleep though, and Sirius carefully moved his snout off his lap and left the room as quietly as he could.

He got as far as the landing before he came across Harry sitting at the top stair, his knees pulled to his chest. He looked small like that- younger than he was. 

Sirius sat down beside him “So he joins the land of the living.” he said 

“Don’t tell Moony I got this close- I know he’ll freak out.”

“It’ll be between us.” Sirius said “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I-“ he started but caught Sirius’ eye and looked down “I felt bad.”

“You’ve got a right to be angry, Harry, nobody is saying that you shouldn’t.” he said “I mean fuck, most teenagers have enough to be angry about without going through everything you have. I know I was, and I just got smacked around and ran away.”

“I just feel like I can’t remember what it’s like to not be angry, or sad, or just numb.” Harry said, putting his head in his hands 

“It does get easier, Harry. Especially if you talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Harry said quickly “I just-I don’t want to think about it. Every time I do… I just feel like I’m going to lose control again- either fly off the handle, or cry… I’m afraid of it.”

Sirius nodded “I can understand it.” he said “But you might try talking to Moony anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think you can find another person who knows what it’s like to be deeply afraid of a part of himself.” Sirius pointed out “Nor one who hates talking about his feelings as much as you do.” 

Harry sighed and shut his eyes “I’m just tired. I’m going to go to sleep.” 

“Alright. Knock if you need anything.” 

He slipped back into the room and Moony looked up at him, his head between his paws. He let out a small whine. 

“He’ll be alright.” Sirius told him, sitting down besides him again 

Moony let out a huff and Sirius smiled a little. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” he said “C’mon, I’m exhausted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from Cry for Judas by the Mountain Goats
> 
> Oh? You thought the summer was going to be all rainbows and people talking to each other about their feelings? THINK AGAIN. 
> 
> Also Tonks is nonbinary and you cannot convince me otherwise.


	24. City With No Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When you're hiding underground  
>  The rain can't get you wet  
> Do you think your righteousness  
> Can pay the interest on your debt?  
> I have my doubts about it_

Sirius left early the next morning, poking his head in the dining room, where Harry was sat at the head of the table, trying to read the Daily Prophet. Sirius ruffled his hair slightly as he passed.

“Alright, I’m off.” he said “Remember to-“

“Stay in the house, I know.” Harry grumbled, trying to flatten his hair “Bye.”

Sirius gave him a look “I was going to say don’t go into the rooms we haven’t cleared out yet, because we don’t know what’s in them. I’ll be back tonight.” With that, he stepped out into the street- the sounds of London flooding through the quiet house for the barest of seconds before fading out again.

The house weirded Harry out, where the deafening silence was broken up by the sounds of something in the walls. He set his plate in the sink and began creeping around the first floor, looking over all the portraits on the walls, the weird creatures mounted on the wall, everything covered in a thick layer of dust like snow. He went up the stairs, careful to not wake Mrs. Black’s portrait. The floor groaned as he walked down the hall to the only other room anybody had been in so far- the library. Harry had the good sense not to touch any of the books- apparently a good number of them had curses on them, but just walked it’s length. The dark wood panelling reflected very little of the light coming through the one window at the far end- framed between the floor to ceiling shelves that lined the walls. 

There was a window seat there, covered with green velvet upholstery that was worn thin and leaking stuffing. Harry walked over, where Remus must have left his lighter and cigarettes before the full moon. He glanced behind him and pulled one of them out of the battered pack and held it- trying to emulate the practiced ease that Remus had with a cigarette perched between his fingers, trailing smoke in the room as he gestured. Curious, he slipped it into his mouth and lit the end with a bit of difficulty.

“You know I can’t condone this.” 

Harry coughed hard, feeling his chest ache.

Remus leaned on the wall besides Harry and raised an eyebrow as he regained control of his lunges “Moony-!” he stammered. He plucked the cigarette from between his fingers and took a long drag of it while Harry’s eyes continued to water.

“Sirius will murder me if he knows you picked this up from me.” Remus said 

“I-I’m sorry.” Harry said “I was just, er… Trying it.”

Remus studied him briefly “I used to do the same thing to my mum. You’ve got to be a lot sneakier than that.” he said 

Harry frowned “Not… Not just about that.”

He fixed Harry with a small smile “I’m not angry, Harry. I understand.” he said “I know how frustrating it can be when people aren’t giving you all the information you feel you’re entitled to. And believe me, I hate doing that to you.” 

“Then why keep it from me?” Harry asked 

Remus mulled this over for a moment, taking a drag of his cigarette. Harry noticed he did this when he wanted to bide time in a conversation and get his thoughts together “Have I ever told you about how I got bit?” 

Harry blinked in surprise “No. Well, you told me you were young, but that’s it.” 

“Well, my parents didn’t tell me either.” he said “For a long time, I thought the person who bit me must have been like me, someone in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt sorry for him, a lot of the time. Thought of how guilty he must feel. When I was home for the summer- I must have been around 13- I heard my parents talking about a man who had just been released from Azkaban, a werewolf. I think you could guess who it was.”

“Fenrir Greyback?” 

Remus nodded “Exactly. Greyback has… A lot of ideas about werewolves. His particular philosophy is ‘bite them young’, believes in positioning himself around young children so he could turn them and later come back for them if their families rejected them. My father managed to cross him when he worked for the Ministry. I was… Furious when I found out.” 

“Why did they lie about it?” Harry asked

“They wanted to protect me from it.” Remus explained “I never… I didn’t understand it then, I hated them for it. I felt like they took away what little control I had over my life by keeping something that important from me- stopped me from being prepared. And being prepared was incredibly important to me. But knowing… It didn’t help anything. It just made me angry, made me scared. I was looking over my shoulder at every turn, worried that Greyback would show up. It made me hate the part of myself that he created.” 

Harry furrowed his brow “So you’re not telling me everything so I’m not afraid? I’m not weak.” 

“It’s not about weakness, Harry. I have never once thought you weak.” Remus said “Nor do I think you incapable of understanding. And I will never keep something from you that I think you need to know. But some aspects of the Order need to stay secret.”

“Then why can’t I join the Order? I want to fight.” Harry insisted 

Remus looked at him with a strange look in his eyes, something distant and sad “That’s something we can’t budge on, Harry. And you’re right, I know it’s not fair. And that you’ve done more than your fair share of fighting long before we came into the picture. You’ve a right to be angry with us- with me.” 

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to say that, Moony.” Harry said, feeling a twinge of guilt in his chest “I really didn’t.” 

“I understand.” Remus said. He finished his cigarette and flicked it out the window “Come here and sit down for a minute.” 

He gestured to two dusty armchairs in the corner of the room and took one, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees and threaded his hands together. Harry took the other and watched him carefully.

“I can’t offer you any kind of… Excuse. Or explanation that’s worth anything.” Remus said “But you deserve to know why I didn’t come and find you. I owe you that much.” 

“I-“ Harry began, but stopped “I just- Did you know? About what the Dursleys were like?” 

Remus shook his head “Not to the extent that they were. I suppose… I suppose despite myself I remain optimistic about people’s better natures, if that makes sense. I met Petunia, years ago. I knew she was… Difficult. Not particularly warm.”

Harry let out a short laugh “That’s an understatement.”

“Exactly.” Remus said “I assumed, incorrectly, that her resentment of Lily wouldn’t extend to you. That there was no way someone would be needlessly cruel to a child, particularly one who’s parents had just been killed.”

“But you didn’t, I dunno, try and see me?” Harry asked. He knew the Dursleys likely wouldn’t have tolerated Remus coming around- would likely have tried running him off as soon as they caught sight of his clothes, his scars. But he still wondered 

“I did.” Remus said quietly, a sad look coming across his face “After your parents died and Sirius was arrested, I was brought into the Ministry for questioning for a few days. Aurors interrogating me, trying to figure out what I knew- how I couldn’t have realized about Sirius, all of what you’d expect. When they finally let me go, you’d already been left with your Aunt and Uncle. So I got together the small amount of money I had with the intention of getting any flat I could and went to Dumbledore. But he said to trust him, trust that you were safe there. I should have fought more, should have taken it to the Ministry… But by the time I pulled myself together I had convinced myself that you were better off without me. The Dursleys could at least afford to take care of you properly, clothe you, feed you. Something I struggled with more than once… At your parents’ funeral, I spoke to your Aunt. Gave her my father’s address and asked if she could write to me. She never did.” 

Another hot wave of anger came over Harry and he clenched his fist, thinking of his Aunt throwing away the only connection he had to his family. He swallowed hard, trying not to imagine the life he could have had. He looked at Remus and got the sudden feeling that he was thinking exactly what he was. He could almost see Remus, a few years younger than he was now, broken and alone. Lost. Likely at times only cities away from where Harry was sitting in the cupboard under the stairs, lost in the same way. Had they ever passed each other on the street? Or missed each other by mere minutes?

“In any case- I… I should have fought harder. Should have done what your father would have, and kicked down the door. I was a wreck, in those days, after all that. Made… All kinds of bad decisions, didn’t really care if I lived or died. I was so angry. At the world, at Sirius, at myself- mostly.”

“Are you still angry?”

Remus gave a small laugh “Not as much anymore. But yes, sometimes.” 

“I just feel…” Harry sighed “I just can’t control it. I’m so angry one minute, and can’t stop… How do you fix it?”

“It just takes time, Harry.” Remus said “Time and patience with yourself. Talking about it helps- it doesn’t have to be with me or with Sirius, and it doesn’t have to be now. It’s something… Well, I wish I had been better at it. But we’ll always be here, no matter what. There’s nothing you can do or say that will make either of us want to leave, alright?” 

“I-“ he began, catching Remus’ eye and nodding slightly “Okay. And I… I forgive you, Moony. I shouldn’t have said it, I just knew it would hurt you.” 

To his surprise, Remus smiled “I know. I used to do the same thing to my dad. I suppose it’s revenge.” he said, getting to his feet with a slight groan “Come on, I need some help in the bathroom. I think there’s a Bundimun infestation.” 

Harry wrinkle his nose “Do I have to?” he grumbled

“May I remind you that I just caught you smoking in the library?” Remus said, cocking an eyebrow at him 

“We both know Sirius would be more angry and you about that one.”

“Yes, well… Still.” Remus shook his head and ruffled his hair as he passed by “Bring your gloves.”

——————-

Sirius returned to Grimmauld Place that evening, poking his head around and finding Harry and Remus in the parlor- which looked marginally cleaner than when he’d left. It was incredibly bizarre seeing them lounge about in the same room his mother and father used to sit stiff backed in their chairs in during the evenings. Despite the cooling charms, it was still so stiflingly hot that even Remus had his sleeves rolled to his elbows as he lay out on the sofa with a book in his hands. Harry sat out on the threadbare carpet, trimming the tail of his Firebolt with deep concentration. One of the CDs Tonks gave to Harry was playing through the player Sirius managed to fix up. 

He was relieved that they seemed to have talked, or were at least in good standing again. 

Sirius sat heavily down on the sofa, landing directly on Remus’ shins and dropping his brown paper bag between them. He frowned and hit Sirius on the head with his book, dog-earing the page and looking up at his shit-eating grin. 

“How was Sturgis?” Remus asked

“Ah you know him, same old, same old.” Sirius said “Anything exciting here?”

“Moony and your Mum yelled at each other for a while. Quiet other than that.” Harry said

“She started it.” Remus frowned “Kreature keeps stealing the sheet we put up to keep her quiet.”

“Naturally. Perhaps if we paint over the portrait?” he suggested

“But then wouldn’t she just yell through it?” Harry asked 

“Good question.” Remus shrugged “Anyway, what’s in the bag?”

“Ah! Goods from the outside world.” He said. He tossed a carton of cigarettes to Remus “Please don’t go through these in a week and make me regret this.” 

“You’re very good to me.” He said with a smile. Sirius reached in and pulled out a mars bar, which he tossed over to Harry before pulling out a muggle celebrity gossip magazine. Remus and Harry both gave him a look.  
“What?” Sirius said “It’s not like it’s any worse than what the Daily Prophet is trying to peddle.” 

“I suppose that’s fair.” 

“When are they going to give it a rest?” Harry asked, gesturing to today’s copy of the paper, lying abandoned on a side table nearby. 

“Not while Fudge has anything to do with it.” Sirius frowned “He’s strong-arming them, it seems.”

“Not much from our friend Ms. Skeeter, though. I thought she’d be all over this.” Remus said

From his spot on the floor, Harry made an unusual face, like he was suppressing a laugh “What’s that about?” Sirius asked

“Nothing.” he said

“You’re a god awful liar, Potter, just like your father.” Sirius said “What do you know?” 

“I can have secrets too, you know.” Harry smirked 

“Does this secret have to do with Rita Skeeter’s prolonged absence from the Daily Prophet?” Remus asked

“It might.” 

“What did you do?” Sirius grinned

“ _I_ didn’t do anything.” He said, turning back to his broomstick “Hermione, however…”

“That girl is a terror, I swear.” Remus shook his head “A bad influence.”

“She didn’t do anything that terrible.” he said “She just may have figured out how Skeeter was overhearing everything all year.” 

“And?” Sirius asked

“Let’s just say it’s very similar to how you got out of Azkaban.” Harry grinned 

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other for a moment before realization spread over Remus’ face “She’s a-“

“You’re kidding.” Sirius gaped

“A beetle.” Harry confirmed

“Good for her choice of career, I suppose.” Remus said, shaking his head “I never would have guessed.” 

“Do you get to choose your animagus?” he asked

“Nah, you just kind of get what you get” Sirius said “It’s usually the same as your patronus, unless your patronus changes.” 

“Hang on, they can change?” 

“Sometimes.” Remus nodded “Mine did.” 

“Why?” 

Sirius grinned at him and Remus rolled his eyes “It wasn’t that drastic. It used to just be a normal wolf, but then it turned more… Dog-like. Over time.” 

“And you say I’m the soft one.” Sirius said 

“So what, if you fall in love, your patronus will change to be the same as theirs?” Harry asked 

“Not always.” Sirius said “And it’s not always a romantic thing.” 

“Sort of like how yours is the same as your dad’s.” Remus explained “But your mum and dad’s were a stag and a doe. Complimentary, you know. We really don’t know why it happens. Or how.” 

Sirius shook his head “I can’t believe she was an animagus the whole time. And that Hermione is what? Blackmailing her?” 

Harry shrugged “I can neither confirm nor deny that.” 

“You’ve rubbed off on him too much.” Sirius said 

“Oh I’ve rubbed off on him? Have you seen his hair lately?”

“I’m growing it out!” Harry said defensively, attempting to flatten out his hair, which was growing long and slightly shaggy, the length doing nothing to deter it’s natural tendency to grow in every direction 

“Oy, it looks cool, like that Cobain fellow.” Sirius said

“You know he’s dead, right?” Remus asked 

“Hang on, what?” 

———————————

The halls of the house were illuminated with candlelight- the orange glow doing nothing to make it feel warmer. Sirius walked along, feeling deeply uncomfortable in his stiff dress robes. He made his way to the dining room, where an elaborate dinner was already set out on the bone china. His mother and father were seated at their respective spots at either end of the table. Neither acknowledged him as he came in and took his seat. A second later, his brother walked in and Sirius nearly fell to the ground. He was dripping wet from head to toe, his hair plastered to his forehead. His skin was so pale it was almost marbled in the low light.

“Regulus?” Sirius breathed. He didn’t say anything, just sat across the table from him and stared straight ahead with sallow eyes that held no light behind them “What-?”

“Quiet, boy.” Orion said from the head of the table, holding a copy of the Daily Prophet with Harry’s face on the cover 

“But Regulus-“ 

“I don’t care what you have to say. Eat.” 

Sirius looked from his father to his brother, blinking as he fumbled for his knife and fork. He looked down to his plate, but the food was rotting before his eyes, fuzzy blue mold creeping its way across the china. He dropped his silverware with a loud clatter and Walburga fixed her gaze on him.

“Don’t be ungrateful.” She snapped “Eat.” 

“I-“ Sirius closed his mouth again and locked eyes with Regulus, his dead grey stare turning his blood to ice in his veins. A noise from the hall made him look up and Remus walked into the dining room, also dressed in crisp black dress robes. Sirius stood in shock as he saw black blood oozing down Remus’ face as if from some invisible wound. 

“Sorry I’m late.” He said, taking a seat beside him, as unbothered by the blood as Regulus was by the water dripping off him. 

“Remus, what-“

Remus gave him a puzzled look and placed a napkin over his lap “What’s the matter?”

“You-your face, Moony-“

“Come now, let’s not be dramatic.” he said “Sit down, Sirius.”

Sirius hesitated, looking from his parents to Regulus and Remus “I- No, come on. We have to leave, come on-“ 

“Sit down, boy!” Orion yelled 

Something was wrong. He shook his head and stumbled backwards, knocking over his chair as he did so. The four of them just watched as he rushed out, trying to make sense of the labyrinth of black hallways that seemed to go on forever. 

“Where are you, Sirius?” he heard Regulus’ voice, an echo as he was speaking in an empty room. “Where did you go?” 

“Reg?” Sirius called back “I- Where are you?”

“Why did you leave?” the voice was everywhere now, all around him “why did you leave me alone?” 

“I didn’t- Reg, where are you?” Sirius was running through the halls now, opening every door he could to try and find him “Regulus!” 

He was lost, he didn’t know where he was. He was stuck in Grimmauld Place, somehow he knew that, but he didn’t know where in the house he was. He couldn’t go back, he didn’t know what direction he’d been in. He just heard his brother all around him, demanding to know where he was. 

“Remus! Regulus! Someone, someone help me-“ he called out, taking another turn and ending up in exactly the same hallway “I don’t know where I am, I can’t get out-“ 

He pushed his way through another door in desperation, and there was Regulus, the black water still dripping off of him. He opened his mouth, and it was spilling out of him, filling the room around them. Sirius tried to make his way over to his brother, but the water was dragging him away. Regulus finally turned to him and spoke.

“I’m lost, Sirius.” 

Sirius shot up in their bed, heart pounding uncontrollably and turning around wildly in the dark. Beside him, Remus stirred slightly, turning over but not waking. There was no blood on his face, there was no water filling the room around him, but Sirius was drenched in sweat. He ran a hand through his hair and slowed his breathing.

He slid out from beside Remus and stumbled to the bathroom, flicking on the light with his wand and bracing himself against the sink. He stared at himself in the mirror, images from the dream coming back to him in waves.

“It was a dream. Just a dream. Regulus is dead. Remus is fine.” he muttered to himself, as if he needed to repeat it to make it true. He turned on the tap and splashed his face with water, rubbing his eyes to erase the thoughts from his head. 

“What’s the matter?”

Sirius turned to see Remus standing behind him, leaning against the wall and blinking in the low light. 

“Nothing. Nothing, just- Just a dream.” he said “Go back to sleep, I’ll be there in a second.”

Remus furrowed his brow and studied his face for a moment, and Sirius gave him an unconvincing smile. He still looked worried but nodded, turning back to where he’d come from. Sirius turned back to the mirror and looked at himself for another second before shutting off the light again and returning to bed. As he lay back down, Remus draped his arm over his waist and was asleep against his chest within a few minutes. Sirius lay there for a long time, absently running his hand over Remus’ arm and staring straight ahead, the image of his brother’s dead eyes returning every time he shut his eyes. He could hear his voice as clearly as it had been in the dream.

_”I’m lost, Sirius.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is City With No Children by Arcade Fire


	25. The Guns of Brixton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"When they kick at your front door  
>  How you gonna come?  
> With your hands on your head  
> Or on the trigger of your gun"_

Hermione was set to arrive a few days before the Weasleys- and with her came some of the more challenging aspects of making life at Headquarters with four adults, six teenagers, four owls, a cat, and the entire Order of the Phoenix in and out all hours of the day and night, habitable. The first challenge came a few moments before she arrived, when Harry suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to warm Hermione of the other resident of Grimmauld Place: Kreature. They were all stuck with him lest they risk revealing the location of Headquarters to Sirius’ cousins. 

“She’s not going to like this.” Harry said, sitting on the stairs by the front door “She went on a hunger strike last year when she found out there were House Elves at Hogwarts.”

“Would it make her feel better to know that I would love to not have him here?” Sirius leaned on the wall and crossed his arms

“No.” Harry said 

“We’ll just have to… Catch her by the door and explain, I suppose.” Remus frowned 

“She’s your friend, Harry, seems like you should be up to the task” Sirius said 

“He’s _your_ house elf!” Harry argued

“Well, she respects Moony the most.” Sirius pointed out, turning to him

“Oh don’t drag me into this mess.” he frowned “Just because you’re emotionally stunted doesn’t mean I always have to be the one to-“

There was a rhythmic tap on the door and a moment later, Hermione entered the house with Emmeline at her side, a deep scowl already on her face as she marched up to Sirius with fire in her eyes. 

“You have a _House Elf!?_ ” She demanded “I can’t believe that you of all people, would think it appropriate to own another living creature!”

“Ah, thank you Emmeline.” Remus said, watching the scene with bemusement

"Just doing my job."

“Hermione! I don’t think that at all!” Sirius said defensively, holding his hands up in front of him as if she were about to try and hit him “We can’t let him go because he knows we’re using the house as Headquarters. He’ll go straight to the Malfoys if we free him.”

“Still!” She demanded, crossing her arms "You're actively benefiting from his unpaid labor, how can you not see how despicable that is?"

“He doesn’t actually do anything.” Harry pointed out “He’s a pretty horrible House Elf to be honest.”

“Harry!” Hermione gaped at him “Of course he’s not friendly, he’s being kept here against his will.” 

“Look, I agree with you!” Sirius said “I don’t like it any more than you do. And as soon as it won’t get all of us killed, i’ll let him go.” 

“I- Fine.” She frowned “I still think this is despicable, though.” 

“Welcome to the Black family home, most of it is despicable.” Sirius said “I’m sorry, we should have told you earlier.”

“Sorry.” Harry winced

Once the commotion was sorted out, Harry and Hermione disappeared upstairs to get her settled in the room they'd designated for her and Ginny, and Sirius and Remus returned to the kitchen to make dinner. Sirius flicked his wand to set a cauldron on the stove to simmer and they set to work chopping vegetables- neither of them had quite mastered the art of doing any actual food preparation by magic.

Remus popped a piece of carrot in his mouth as they worked and glanced upstairs “Should we maybe… Not leave them alone unsupervised?” he asked suddenly 

“Why? What do you think they’ll get up to?” Sirius asked, turning to look at him. Remus raised his eyebrows pointedly and Sirius scoffed. “Oh, _please_.”

“What? They’re nearly 15.” Remus said “If I recall correctly, that’s when rooms with closed doors got a lot more appealing to us.” 

“They’re just good friends, Moony.” Sirius rolled his eyes 

“Yes, and my parents thought you and I were ‘just good friends’ up until we moved into a one bedroom flat.” he pointed out 

“That’s completely different.” Sirius waved him off “Besides, Harry would tell us if he and Hermione were… Together.”

“I’m not saying they’re together necessarily, I’m just wondering if we ought to… I don’t know, have a rule about closed doors or something. Isn’t that what responsible parents do?” Remus asked 

“I guarantee Harry is more likely to snog Ron than he is Hermione.” Sirius laughed

“Well, you’re not wrong about that I suppose.” Remus shrugged 

“Besides, even if they _were_ , I trust Harry to be smart.” 

“Yes, well, we’ve never… Spoken to him about it.” Remus shifted uncomfortably “That sort of thing, I mean.”

“You mean sex, Remus?” Sirius said with a smirk “Be a little more repressed, I beg of you.”

“I’m hardly repressed, as you well know.”

“What, are you uncomfortable with it because he’s straight?” 

“We don’t know that for sure.” 

Sirius raised his brow and bounced his head to the side “Yeah, I suppose not.” he said “Well, we were always going to have to be the ones to talk to him about sex anyway, we know James would have been terrible at it.” 

“Christ, he would have been awful. Imagine the diagrams." 

"It'd be like he was explaining a Quidditch play."

Harry and Hermione came stomping down the stairs and they stopped their conversation, finishing up the rest of the prep work and throwing everything in the pot. Hermione was holding Crookshanks, who saw Sirius and leapt out of her arms to greet him, weaving through his legs and purring loudly. Sirius grinned and picked up the massive ginger cat and scratched behind his ears.

“Owl came for you, Moony.” Harry said, handing him a note and sitting with his feet up on another chair 

“Is the room alright, Hermione?” Sirius asked

“It’s great, thanks, Sirius.” she said, looking slightly embarrassed “Sorry for yelling at you.”

“Nah, don’t be.” he said “I’m going to preemptively apologize for anything the portraits say to you.”

“Phineas is particularly opinionated most of the time.” Remus warned 

“Oh, I read about him in _Hogwarts, A History_ ” Hermione said, sitting down at the long wooden table “I would have loved to talk to him.”

“He’s a bit of a dick to be honest.” Harry said

“He asked me if I had fleas the other day.” Remus frowned

Sirius let out a bark of laughter “He used to rat on me to my mother all the time.” 

Remus opened the note and read over the scratchy handwriting

_”Romulus- got something important to tell you. Won’t say more here. Meet me in the park at 9 tomorrow morning- you know where.-Si”_

“Who’s it from?” Sirius asked

“Simone.” He said, pocketing the note

“From the pack on the East End?” Sirius asked “I thought she wasn’t getting involved.” 

“She is, but she said she’d keep her ear to the ground for me.” Remus explained “Must have heard something she thought i’d want to know.”

“Are there a lot of packs, Professor?” 

Remus bounced his head from side to side as he thought “It depends on the time. They’re not concrete groups of people, more tend to pop up when the Ministry decides to go on a crusade. Simone’s mostly ends up being a crashing pad for kids with nowhere to go.” 

“Like a kind of foster home?” Hermione suggested

“Sort of. In lieu of actual social services, we've more or less made out own." he explained "Most of the packs are more or less just mutual aid groups. Of course, there's people who use them to exploit vulnerable people, but in all honesty they're a small minority." 

"Surely there's a way the Ministry could help them out."

He gave her a small smile "I admire your optimism." he said "Even if they wanted to- which they don't- most of the packs wouldn't accept outside help. They've been burned too many times before."

Once dinner was finished, Hermione managed to get Remus to look over her Summer homework (already completed, whereas Harry hadn’t even started), while Harry and Sirius finished cleaning up. Remus’ question earlier kept playing through Sirius’ mind as he and Harry cleaned quietly. Eventually he cleared his throat a little 

“So, er- you and Hermione seem close, yeah?”

“Hm?” Harry said, looking up “Oh yeah, she’s great.” 

“You’re not… Er- you two are just friends, right?”

Harry gave him a puzzled look “What are you-?” before a look of realization spread over his face and he turned bright red “Ew!”

“I was just asking!”

“God, Sirius, she’s like my sister! That’s disgusting.”

“Okay, okay! Remus thought we ought to check, you can never be too sure.” Sirius said. As much as he liked to think he had shaken all of his proper high-society upbringing, he couldn't help but feel equally as embarrassed “I just had to make sure we were doing our due diligence as parental figures.” 

Harry shuddered slightly “No. Definitely not. God, I can’t believe you thought that.”

“Forget I mentioned it!” Sirius said, shaking his head. They cleared out the dining room in silence for a moment before Sirius spoke up again “You know you can talk to us, right? If something… Comes up.” 

“Okay! I got the picture.” Harry groaned “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

"I thought you liked someone?” he asked “The Ravenclaw seeker.”

“Cho.” Harry said, face flushing anew “Nah, it’ll never happen.”

“What makes you say that?” Sirius asked

“She- well she was Cedric’s girlfriend.” Harry reminded him, turning away and busying his hands with the silverware

“Ah. Right.” Sirius frowned “That does make it a little more complicated.”

“Yeah. Besides, I don’t even know how to talk to girls like that.” Harry frowned

“They’re just people.” Sirius shrugged, leaning back against the counter “That makes it a lot easier.” 

Harry let out a laugh “Well yeah, of course it’s easy for you.” 

“You’re a good looking kid, Harry. It’ll happen. And probably a lot better for you than it did for me.”

“Remus said you dated half the girls in your year.” Harry said

“He makes me sounds like such a slag.” Sirius shook his head “I mean, _yeah_ , but I treated them horribly and was snogging Remus every other weekend starting third year.” 

“These are details I don’t need to know.” he groaned

“Right, sorry.” Sirius said “Anyway, what I mean is that you’re a much better kid than I was at your age. Any girl- anybody at all- would be happy to have you.” 

They both nodded awkwardly at one another “Can we never have this conversation ever again?” he said

“So long as nobody gets pregnant, you’ve got a deal.” 

“Great. Please tell Moony so he doesn’t also ask me?”

“Eh, I’m just going to go kill him for making me do this so no point.”

“Excellent.” 

—————-

Remus could feel sweat drip down his back as he walked through the park. It was much too early for it to be this hot, it was unnatural. Even as a child, Remus hated the summer, hated the pounding heat. It didn’t help that he flat out refused to wear anything that went above his ankle or wrist. 

He finally spotted Simone sitting on a bench and tossing chips to the pigeons gathering around her. She had thick framed sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose and she looked rather green in the face. 

“Rough night?” Remus asked, sitting down and offering her a cigarette. 

“It’s the tequila, gets me every bloody time.” She said, taking it from him gratefully. She held up her hand to show Remus as he lit it for her “That healer of yours got me fixed up good as new.”

“I’m glad you talked to her. I didn’t think you would, if I’m honest.” He said 

“Nah she’s alright. She’s going to start coming to the pack every month if she can- do some patch up jobs here and there.” 

“Si, that’s great. Dead useful to have around." 

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” She said, her voice low. She watched an old man pass by with his dog before continuing “There’s something happening. Something big.”

“I’ve heard Greyback is heading South, is it something to do with that?”

“Likely.” She said “A guy came up a few weeks ago, maybe 23. Went up to all the kids, talking about a gathering that’s happening. Eventually got wind of it and chased him off, but I got him to talk.” 

“A gathering? We don’t ‘gather’.” Remus frowned 

“We do now, apparently.” Simone said “By the sounds of it, they’re going to all the packs I know of. You remember Will, the guy with one eye? He’s got a group up in Ipswich- they’ve already been up there. It’s happening in two weeks.”

“But what are they saying it’s about?” Remus asked

“They’re not. Not really. The guy was spouting off some shit about coming together as a group against oppression. Which I’m all for, but I pressed him on it and he couldn’t give me any details, wouldn’t tell me who’s actually in charge of it. Strikes me as a little suspicious if you ask me.”

“And you think it’s Greyback?”

“Who the fuck else would it be?” She snapped “Words were straight out of his mouth. They’re playing on these kids’ anger and fear and they’re going to try and get them to join this bloody war and get themselves fucked over for something they have no business being involved with.” 

“They’re smart enough to know when they’re being lied to.” Remus said

“Are they?” Simone cocked an eyebrow “Would you have been, if it were you and you were 18 and pissed at the world? Someone like that comes and offers you solutions? Power?” 

He couldn’t argue with that “Did he tell you where?” 

“Reluctantly. Middle of nowhere, up near Stoke.” Simone said

“Well, I suppose we always knew he’d start recruiting again.” he said “Thanks for the heads up, Si. This is really helpful.”

“Wait.” She sighed, taking off her sunglasses and rubbing her eyes “I know… I know I said I’m staying out of it, and I am. But… Fucking hell- but I’m not having this shit around my people, alright? If you’re going to go do something stupid, I’m coming along.” 

“Simone I can’t ask you to do that for me.”

“You’re not asking. And I’m not doing it for you.” she said, fixing him with a stare

“I-“ Remus shut his eyes and thought for a moment “Two weeks?”

“Two weeks.” she said 

“I need to talk to my people first.” Remus said

“Go on. Be the good little solider. But I’m going with or without you, yeah? So make up your mind quick. I’m doing what needs to be done.”

“Si, wait, we can’t just go in there, guns blazing.” Remus said “We need to wait and listen and see what he’s saying, otherwise-“

“What, you think I’m just going to let him spew this shit to people?” Simone said, glaring at him “Just let him go and lead them to slaughter?”

“We need to be strategic-“

“Oh fuck strategy, Lupin!” she snapped, scaring off the remaining pigeons from the bench “Don’t you give a shit about your own people at all?”

“What- Of course I do!” Remus hissed, looking around them to make sure nobody had seen the outburst “Why do you think I would be doing this if I didn’t? But we break up this meeting and what? He holds another and we don’t find out about it and he reaches more people. And can we quit the insinuation that I somehow know less about being a werewolf than you do?” 

“Don’t you?” Simone snapped “You live it once a month. The rest of us are out here-“

“You think I don’t live it every day of my life, that I don’t feel it in my body all the fucking time? The difference between us, Simone, is that I’m trying to do something to actually change shit for us for once, instead of just sitting by- content on surviving.” 

She gave a cold laugh “Please, you’ve been wanting to be one of them since the day you stepped foot in that castle of theirs. You want a normal life like one of them. Face it, Lupin, you made your bed years ago.”

“I-“ Remus stopped, taking a breath to calm himself “Look, maybe I do want a normal life, whatever that means. What does it matter? We want the same thing right now, I’m just suggesting we go in and not get ourselves killed. We’ll be no use to anybody if we go in with no plan.”

Simone frowned and met his gaze evenly “Fine. We’ll do things your way. Just this once. But you’re going to have to live with the consequences.”

“I understand.” he sighed “Look, let me just talk to the Order, I’ll send you an owl tonight, alright?” 

“I’ll be waiting.” She said

Remus was still fuming silently as they parted ways. He walked back towards the tube, the heat doing nothing to improve his mood. The train finally came and Remus took a seat in the farthest seat and watched as people got on and off, heading to work or sightseeing. A few people gave him a sideways glanced and Remus felt a twinge of annoyance- wishing he could yell at them to mind their own business.

Despite trying for years, Remus had never quite felt at home anywhere- never quite belonged in the different worlds he had one foot in. Never Muggle enough to belong with his mother’s family, too much of a werewolf to fit in with Wizards, and too much of a Wizard to be claimed by the werewolves. And far too queer to belong in any of them. Even at school, the first time he truly felt like he was meant to be there, he struggled to see himself as deserving of the affection his friends gave him, the opportunity he’d been given. Inevitably, he would end up feeling like a ghost drifting through his own life- leaving no trace he’d ever been there at all. The closest he’d ever come to feeling at home was with Sirius and Harry, but along with that came the nearly crippling fear of losing them. 

——

The Weasleys had arrived at Grimmauld Place, and harbingers of chaos that they were, the house was very quickly filled with the noise of four more teenagers yelling up the stairs at one another, trunks thumping up the stairs, and Molly directing them all like a solider commanding a battalion. The door clicked open and Sirius swerved to avoid Ron and Harry to meet Remus, wand raised at him. 

“Oh fuck, I need to think of more of there- er- where do I have a birthmark?” he asked

“Really, Sirius?” Remus frowned

“It’s all I can think of!”

“Your arse, on the right side. But you spent half of seventh year in a naked phase- there’s far too many people who know the answer to that one.” 

“Fine then, where do _you_ have a birthmark?” 

“Left side of my ribcage.” 

“Excellent.” Sirius said, lowering his wand and pecking him on the cheek 

“Listen, I need to talk to you before the meeting-“ 

“Oy, Ginny, that’s my trunk!” Ron yelled over them

“No, it’s not- yours is already upstairs-“

There was a massive crash from a few floors above them

“FRED! GEORGE! NO MORE EXPLOSIONS IN THE HOUSE!” Molly yelled 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow and lead Remus through the chaos and found refuge in the kitchen pantry, where the noise outside was muffled slightly “Christ, it’s going to be a long summer.” Remus muttered, sitting on a tall wooden stool.

“You’re telling me. How was Simone?”

“She was… Well, good, I suppose. But she told me something. About a gathering happening in a few weeks.” Remus explained what Simone had told him and Sirius listened, his brow knitted together as he took everything in. 

When he finished, Sirius bit his lip “How certain are you that this is Greyback trying to recruit?”

“Almost positive.” Remus said

“But he’ll recognize you, won’t he?”

“If I come face to face with him, almost immediately.” 

“Moony…”

“I know this is risky. Incredibly so. But with such a large crowd, it’s unlikely that I’ll get close enough to Greyback for him to even know I was there.” he said 

“Unlikely, but not impossible.”

“Not impossible, no.” Remus sighed “Look, this is something that I feel like I need to do, to have eyes on the ground in case something goes South. But I don’t want to do it unless you and Harry are on board. I don’t want it to be like last time.”

Last time Greyback started amassing followers, Remus had gone in as a spy- unbeknownst the most everybody save for Dumbledore. The seeds of distrust had already begun to spread between he and Sirius, leading to a massive row between them the night before he left.

He came home one evening to Remus packing a bag and swallowed hard “Where are you going?”

“I have a mission from Dumbledore.” Remus said simply 

“What mission?”

“I can’t tell you that, Sirius. I’m sorry, I-“

Sirius frowned deeply “What could you be doing that you couldn’t tell me about?” 

Remus let out a frustrated sigh “I have things to offer the Order, same as you.” he snapped

“I didn’t fucking say you didn’t.” Sirius said “But I think I have a right to know where my bloody boyfriend is going off to two days before the full moon.”

“I-“ Remus began, trying to keep his head together as he folded a jumper 

“He’s sending you to the werewolves, isn’t he?” Sirius demanded, crossing the room to face Remus

“You know I can’t talk about it.”

“Oh cut the bullshit, Lupin, I know you better than you know yourself. You can’t go.”

“Oh I can’t?” Remus said, whipping his head around to face Sirius 

“It’s too dangerous!” 

“It’s not like you and James don’t rush off on every mission you can every damn day- why is it suddenly different when I do it?”

“We go on patrol missions, yeah, we don’t go throw ourselves into a den of werewolves and hope for the best!” Sirius snapped

“Dumbledore asked me-“

“Fuck Dumbledore.” Sirius was practically yelling now “You don’t owe him anything.” 

“Sirius, I owe him _everything._ ” Remus said quietly “Everything I have, everything I am-“

“Is because of you, not some old man doing his fucking job and letting you come to school.” 

“I need to do this.” 

“You’re being stupid.”

Remus glared at him “Oh fuck you, do you know what it’s been like for the past year and a half, taking whatever menial job I can and whatever scraps I can do for the Order? Everyone else is doing something important, doing something useful!”

“So what, you’re just going to bloody kill yourself because you’re bored?”

“That’s not what this is about, and you fucking know it, Black. You can’t possibly understand.” 

“Yeah, there’s no way I can understand the unknowable complexity that is Remus Fucking Lupin. Let me tell you this, you’re not that hard to pin down. Cut the inferiority complex, it’s getting fucking old.”

“Oh fuck you.” Remus snapped, zipping up his rucksack and taking a step towards to the door “I’ll be back.”

“When?” Sirius yelled, standing in between him and the door

“I don’t know!” he yelled back “A month, maybe more.” 

“Fine, alright? Go get yourself fucking killed if it makes you feel like a man.” 

“I will, thanks.” Remus fumed, checking his shoulder as he walked out before slamming the door behind him.

“Fuck you, Lupin.” 

Staring at him in the pantry, Sirius looked over the scars marring Remus’ face- a permanent souvenir from the mission that nearly left him blind when he came back. He remembered sitting over his bed while he recovered, a deep pit in his stomach from guilt and hope that those weren’t the last words they’d speak to each other, combined with the feeling of suspicion that was making itself home within their relationship. Sirius shut his eyes and took a breath, trying to push away the memories.

“If this is something you need to do, I’m not going to tell you not to.” Sirius said finally 

“Sirius, you can tell me what you think.” Remus said

“I- I don’t like it.” Sirius admitted “But… If you need to do this, i’m not going to get in your way. But promise me you’re not just doing because you… I dunno, have something to prove? To Simone, or to yourself, or Dumbledore?”

“Not this time, no.” Remus shook his head “I know I’ve made stupid decisions about Greyback in the past, but this time, I really feel… I can’t just let it happen, yeah? These kids he’s trying to get to… It could have been me.” 

He nodded “I know this is one of those things about your life I’m just never going to be able to fully get.” 

“Probably not.” Remus said with a small smile “But thank you for trying.” 

Sirius put a gentle hand on the side of his face and rubbed his thumb over his cheekbone “Just come back, yeah?”

“Done.” he smiled. 

Sirius kissed him and they sat like that for a moment, simply enjoying the quiet and each other’s steady presence.

“We should go help out.” Remus said as Sirius kissed him again

“Eh, they’ve got it for another minute.” Sirius mumbled into his lips 

Light flooded the pantry suddenly and they pulled apart as Mrs. Weasley walked in and immediately turned red upon seeing them “Oh! Goodness, I’m so sorry, I just- Lunch I was-“ she stammered and trailed off, turning away.

Sirius shut his eyes with a wince and Remus stood quickly, banging his head against the shelves 

“Sorry, Molly!” Remus said, rubbing the spot

“We were just-“

“No, no! It’s okay! I should have, er- Well, I’ll knock next time.”

“Yeah you’re right, it’s going to be a long Summer.” Sirius muttered to Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the Guns of Brixton by the Clash


	26. 1933

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"But I don't know what's going on anymore  
>  The world outside is burning with a brand new light  
> But it isn't one that makes me feel warm  
> Don't go mistaking your house burning down for the dawn"_

The sudden change from an almost eerily quiet house to one that was loud and crowded was more of an adjustment than Remus and Sirius were anticipating. Frankly, it reminded Remus a lot of living with James, Sirius, and Peter in the Gryffindor dormitory. And while he had fond memories of that time in his life, he wasn’t keen to repeat it. Sirius also seemed put off by the change. Remus, having grown up as the only child to bookish parents, and Sirius, who’s parents were firm believers in the philosophy that children should be rarely seen and never heard, were not primed for chaos in the way that the Weasleys were. 

None of this was helped by the unexpected tension with Molly. While Remus adored her, living under her rule was not something he was used to. She had immediately taken charge of the effort to clean up Grimmauld Place- which they were grateful for- but Remus noticed she had taken to treating the two of them as some of her children, rather than Harry’s guardians. It was mostly little things, the two of them would be lingering in a room and she would pop in and say “You boys get washed up, dinner will be in fifteen minutes!”, and frown disapprovingly at Remus’ smoking or Sirius’ drinking.

Sirius was much more bothered by this than Remus was, particularly when it came down to what she thought was appropriate for Harry to know about the goings-on in the Order.

“What good will it do for him to know?” Molly hissed one night shortly after their arrival as they cleared up after a meeting “All it’ll do is scare him.”

“He’s not a child, Molly.” Sirius said 

“Barely!” she said, flicking her wand with a little too much force and sending a stack of maps scattering around the room “He’s already had so much of his childhood stolen from him, can’t we just let him be?”

“He _wants_ to know.” 

“Well of course he wants to know, he’s fourteen! When Charlie was fourteen he wanted a dragon as a pet, it doesn’t mean I gave him one.”

“He’s not Charlie.” Sirius said cooly “And he’s not your responsibility.”

Molly clenched her jaw “That doesn’t mean I can’t care about his wellbeing.”

Remus stepped in “Alright, let’s all just calm down, alright? We all want what’s best for Harry, but Molly, we’re going to do what we think is right here. I agree with Sirius, we need to tell him what he needs to know.

“Fine.” She said “But when he goes off and puts himself in another life-threatening situation, it’ll be on your head.” 

She stomped off upstairs and Sirius opened his mouth to send a retort after her, but Remus stopped him “Sirius, drop it.” 

“It’s like she thinks we’re not as much Harry’s family!” he fumed  
“I know it’s frustrating, but we need to coexist for the time being.” Remus said amicably.

“It’s bad enough to be stuck in this hell hole, let alone to be treated like a child again.”

“I understand, but she’s not doing it maliciously.” 

Sirius frowned “I know. I just hate being made to feel like I can’t possibly know what’s good for Harry. He hasn’t been seriously injured or died on my watch, has he?”

“He has not. Not for lack of trying.” Remus said “Come on, we better get this stuff upstairs before the kids come down for dinner.” 

The other annoyance- at least to Remus- was the mystery of the vanishing cigarettes. It seemed as soon as he put one in his mouth, they would vanish. At first, he suspected Molly, but she was ruled out when it started happening after she went to sleep. The fifth time it happened, Remus went immediately to the sitting room, where the kids were sprawled out, entertaining themselves. He cleared his throat and the twins were suppressing laughter as he leaned against the door jam.

“Far be it from me to accuse- however, if another cigarette goes missing before I have a chance to smoke it, I will kindly offer my services as a map maker to your mother, and help her make her very own map of Hogwarts.” He said calmly, scanning their faces “You’ve all seen my handiwork, you know full well I am capable of ensuring that she knows precisely where you all are at all times, at any hour of the day or night. Now, I am going to go back into my room to smoke. I suggest you all work out how you’d like to handle that situation.” 

Fred and George looked at him with horror on their faces “Right. Sorry, Lupin.” Fred said

“Yep, sorry. Won’t happen again.” 

“Excellent. Carry on.” 

As he turned heel to go back to his and Sirius’ room, he heard George mutter to Harry “Christ, you never told us he could be scary.”

“I told you not to fuck with his cigarettes.” Harry said 

Sirius was sitting at a small writing desk in their room, leaning back on the back two legs of his chair the way he did that always made Remus nervous. 

“How goes the code-breaking?” Remus asked, finally successfully lighting his cigarette and practically letting out a groan of relief. 

“Eh, it goes.” Sirius muttered, looking up from a complicated chart in front of him. Sirius’ specialty had always been puzzles and codes. Even when they were young, he was excellent at everything from crossword puzzles to complicated ciphers. Recently, Tonks had intercepted an owl from one Death Eater to another but it was written in a complicated code that none of them could sort out. Sirius immediately volunteered to try and crack it, though he had been out of practice for many years.

“No luck?”

“Not yet, but we’ll get there.” he said. He set down his quill and gestured to Remus’ cigarette “I see you’ve figured out the mystery?”

“The twins.” Remus said, exhaling “They very much remind me of two boys I once knew.” 

Sirius smirked “Although they’re much more entrepreneurial than me and James used to be.”

“They’ll either be rich by 30 or in prison, you mark my words.” Remus said, shaking his head and landing heavily on the lumpy mattress to take off his shoes. 

Sirius abandoned his work and stretched as he walked over to him “When do you leave?”

“Three days.” Remus said 

“Well, at least you’ll be back for Harry’s birthday.”

Remus blinked “Fuck, it’s almost his birthday! I completely forgot, bloody hell.”

“It’s okay! You’ve had a lot going on. It’s still a few weeks away.”

“My head isn’t on right these days.” Remus sighed “Well at least you’re doing a decent job of being a parent.”

“You’re doing fine.” Sirius said “Don’t worry yourself about it.”

Remus shook his head “What are you thinking of getting him?”

“Honestly I’m at a loss.” Sirius said

“That’s a first.” 

“Guess I’m having trouble getting into the celebratory spirit here.” Sirius frowned “Last year we were talking about a blowout, having all his friends here, going all out…”

“To be honest, I doubt he’d want anybody there who doesn’t live in this house already.” Remus pointed out 

“I suppose.” Sirius said “We’ll sort it out.” 

“Yeah. We’ll sort it out.” Remus repeated, putting a hand on Sirius’ hip “Are you all going to be alright when I’m gone?” 

“Well, I don’t like the sound of _when_ I’m gone.” Sirius frowned, scanning his face carefully “But yeah, we’ll be alright.” 

“I don’t mean it like that.” Remus rolled his eyes “I’ll be okay, yeah? It’s just a simple reconnaissance job.” 

“You and I both know there’s nothing simple when it comes to you and Fenrir Greyback.” 

Remus sighed “Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.” he said “But I’ll have Simone with me. She’s a force to be reckoned with.” 

Sirius laughed “From what you’ve said, I’m sure nothing will get past her. You’ve always had a connection with strong women like that. Your mum, Lily.”

“She reminds me a lot of Lily sometimes.” Remus said

“Well, then we have nothing to worry about.” He draped both his arms over his shoulders. Remus could still see the worry behind his grey eyes

“This’ll be the longest we’ve been apart since you got back.”

“Yeah. Yeah I realized that, too. I don’t like it.” 

“Should we be concerned that we’re worryingly codependent?” 

“Nah.” Sirius smirked “We have bigger things to worry about.”

“What, like the rise of Voldemort?”

“Something like that.” 

Remus watched him carefully and pulled him closer “I love you.” he said quietly “More than I thought was possible.” 

“Please don’t talk like you’re not coming back.” Sirius muttered, his voice barely a whisper 

He smirked “Alright then, what should I say instead?”

“Just say that you’ll see me soon.”

“Alright, I’ll see you soon. Before you even have a chance to miss me.”

“Come on Moony, you know I miss you as soon as you leave the room.”

“As I said, codependent.” Remus smirked

“Don’t be an arse, just shut up and kiss me.” 

——————————————————

Remus was set to leave late in the evening. Most of the house was busy with their cleaning tasks for the day, but Sirius and Harry met him by the door. Harry sat at the top stair biting the inside of a cheek in a way that was eerily similar to Lily. He set his rucksack by the door and put a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“You don’t need to worry about me.” He said with a soft smile “It’s a quick job, in and out, yeah?”

He nodded, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “Yeah, I know.” 

Remus looked him in the eye “Look at me. I promise you I’ll be alright.” 

Sirius seemed as if he was trying desperately not to look worried “Exactly. And he’s not going to do anything noble and stupid to get himself into trouble this time.” 

“Right.” he rolled his eyes “I’ll be back in a few days. You two stay out of trouble.”

“You know us, Moony.” Harry said “We like a quiet life.” 

Remus smiled “Oh yeah. That’s how I’d describe you both.” 

He gave Harry a hug and kissed Sirius goodbye and stepped out into the low evening light, the London streets cool and strangely empty. Simone was waiting for him outside King’s Cross, already chain smoking on the curb. 

“Took you long enough.” she said as he approached, flicking her cigarette into the gutter.

“Sorry. Saying my goodbyes.” 

“You’re so soft.” She said with a smirk “Right then, you ready for this?”

“Course.” he said “Easy job, right?”

She gave him an even stare “C’mon Lupin, it’s me. I know you’re nervous. You’d be stupid not to.” 

“I think we’re stupid either way to be honest.” Remus sighed “Right then, ready to go?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” She muttered as they walked to a secluded alleyway off the main street “I hate apparating.”

“Oh, before I forget.” Remus pulled out a scrap of parchment and handed it to her

She looked at him, puzzled “Why are you giving this to me?”

“Just read it to yourself real quick and give it back. In case anything goes wrong, this is where you can find Sirius.” 

She read over the address and handed it back to Remus, who quickly burned it. “Your lot let you tell me about your club house?”

“You know they put more stock into my opinions than you seem to think.” Remus said “I told them we could trust you.”

“I’m flattered.” she said with a smirk “Right then, let’s get this over with.” 

She took Remus’ arm and he glanced around quickly before dissapparating with a crack. They landed hard at the location Simone was given- which seemed to be a rather poorly maintained campground- more or less a grassy field in a hollow of trees. a small creek ran through the middle and groups of people were milling about, setting up tents and building fires. It was a large crowd, Remus had never seen this many werewolves around at once. There were very few who were much older than him, most seemed to be in their early 20s, with the odd grizzled older werewolf giving them suspicious eyes as they passed. The young ones were loud, many of them looking hopped up on something or other. As they walked by, looking for an inconspicuous spot to set up, they passed a girl shivering on the ground in front of a fire, looking dope sick and weak. Remus paused for a moment, but Simone dragged him along.

“We’ll have time to talk to the junkies later.” She said

Remus frowned but didn’t argue. They found an empty spot near the edge of the campsite and set up. 

“You want to make a fire for me?” She asked, taking a seat on a fallen log 

“You do own a wand, Simone.” Remus pointed out

“Technically.” Simone said “But you’re the fancy Professor.” 

“Not anymore.” he said, but pulled out his wand and got a fire going. He sat next to her and handed her a cigarette “Why don’t you ever use magic anyways?”

She shrugged “I dunno. Never really learned to do much, so I never really saw the point.”

“I could teach you some things, you know.” Remus said

She smirked “Let’s focus on one thing at a time, yeah? Then you can homeschool me.” 

“Si!” they turned and saw a man their age with one eye and a heavy limp coming towards them with a crooked grin.

“Willy!” Simone said with a grin, standing and embracing him with a clap on the back “I was wonderin’ if I’d see you, you old bastard.” 

“Oh you know, had to see what all the commotion was about.” he said, releasing her. He punched Remus on the arm “Never thought I’d see you at this sort of thing, Rem.” 

He smiled “Simone talked me into it.” he said “Did you come with the pack?”

“Yeah they’re over there. Getting hammered, most of them.” he rolled his eye “Acting like it’s bloody Glastonbury.”

“Any sign of Greyback?” Simone asked in a hushed tone. Will frowned and shook his head

“Not yet. I’ve seen his people stalking around though. You know him, he’s not going to grace us with his presence until he can make an entrance.” 

“How are people feeling about him?”

Will bounced his head “Hard to tell. It’s a bit of a mixed bag if I’m honest. I warned my people about him, but the young ones- you know how they are. They’re frustrated. But some of the more remote packs have been filtering in, they’re going all in for Greyback.” 

“I suppose that was always going to happen.” Simone frowned “They’re always on the fringe.” 

“Anyways, come meet the pack. We’re about to eat- i’m sure they’ll want to hear what you have to say, Rem.”

“Oh, I’m really not here to speak or anything.” Remus insisted

“Yeah, but at least some of them’ll listen to you. Give them something to mull over before Greyback comes.” Will insisted. Remus glanced at Simone and she shrugged

“Free meal.” she said

Will lead them over to where his small pack was standing around a fire, one man stirring a cauldron and a woman beside him throwing in meat and vegetables. They looked like they must be siblings, with the same sandy blond hair and freckles. Both held bottles of cider as they cooked. Will ruffled the hair of a young blue-haired woman sitting cross legged near them as he passed by. She looked like the youngest, probably 19 at the most.

“Everyone, these are some old friends of mine, Simone McNamara and Remus Lupin.” he said “This is Kurt and Kristen,“ 

He pointed to the two by the cauldron who gave them a nod “Angela, Leggs,-“

“Leggs?” Simone cocked a brow 

“Like Remus Lupin isn’t a weird name?” Leggs said, taking a sip of his drink

“Fair enough.” Simone jabbed him in the ribs

“Ocean, and-“

“Hindley?” Remus said, suddenly recognizing the man sitting furthest from them. He looked rough, much worse than he had in hospital, with deep circles under his eyes and a scar creeping from under his shirt collar.

“Lupin, good to see you.” he said uncomfortably 

“You two know each other?” Will said

“He came to see me in hospital.” Hindley said “He was the guy I told you about, the one who came to talk to me.”

Will gave a smile “I should have known that was you, Lupin.” 

Remus sat next to him “What are you doing out here? Did your family not take it well?”

“I- Well initially it was fine… My fiancé… Well, ex-fiancé now I suppose, was really supportive at first… But after the first couple moons… I dunno, it just took its toll on her. She asked me to leave because she couldn’t handle seeing me like that.”

“Fuck.” Remus shook his head “I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“What about your parents?”

He shook his head “I couldn’t do that to them. They’re getting old, they don’t need me around. I told them I was staying in a flat with some friends and just… Left. Found Will and the others after a while.” 

“Why didn’t you send me an owl?" Remus asked “I could have helped.”

“From what the Daily Prophet is saying it seems like you have enough on your plate.” 

“Still, I could’ve-“

“Oh yeah, you’re that guy- the one who lives with Harry Potter.” Leggs interrupted. The others watched him curiously and Remus nodded.

“That’s me.” he said

“Is it true he’s mad?” The young girl- Ocean- said quietly

Remus shook his head “No, he’s not mad.”

“So you believe You-Know-Who is back, then?” Leggs said skeptically. Angela, a black woman who looked around Remus’ age with a shaved head and tattoos, punched him on the arm.

“You know damn sure he’s back, don’t be an idiot.”

“Oy, don’t be a bitch.” Leggs snapped “I was just asking. We’ve only got his word to go off of, I’m just asking.” 

“So what, you want us to join up with Dumbledore then?” Kristen said, folding her arms over. Her brother gave her a sideways glance but didn’t say anything. 

“I-“ He looked to Simone who pursed her lips at the topic “I want everyone to do what’s right.”

“What is right?” Leggs said “Being good little lap dogs?”

Kristen laughed a little. 

Will frowned “Leggs, just listen to what he has to say, he’s a good guy.” 

“He’s in the old man’s pocket, everyone knows that.” he argued 

“What, do you think Greyback is going to be better?” Angela asked

“Look, I don’t like the guy any more than you guys do, but he has some good ideas.” he frowned “I mean look at us, why should we always have to okay with being treated like second-class citizens, no matter who’s in charge?”

“Things’ll be worse under Voldemort.” Hindley said finally “Even you aren’t dumb enough to think that.”

“He’s not suggesting we join Voldemort, he wants us to be free.” Kristen snapped “Come talk to me when you’ve been doing this a little longer than a few months.”

Will raised his hands up “Alright, settle down, all of you.” 

“I know you don’t have any reason to listen to me.” Remus said “And i’m not asking anybody to jump into a fight they want nothing to do with. But Greyback has pretty words, and he talks a big game about the world he wants to create for us, but that’s all they are. Words. Nobody who aligns themselves with Voldemort has anything to offer any of us but destruction and pain. I know you’re angry at what’s been happening to us, and I am too. And I’m not saying that defeating Voldemort will solve all our problems, but if we don’t… He won’t be keeping any promise he’s made to Greyback. And if Greyback believes that, he’s more of a fool than I thought.” 

He could see them all consider this. Kristen and Leggs still looked unconvinced.

“I’m just asking you to keep this in mind when Greyback arrives.” 

“Have you met him before?” Hindley asked “Greyback, I mean.” 

Remus leg out a dark laugh “You could say that. He gave me the bite.” 

Angela hissed in sympathy “Rotten luck.” she said “He got me too.” 

“I suppose Greyback would say that makes us siblings of some sort.” 

She let out a bark of laughter “Something like that.” 

Kristen went back to folding her arms and muttering to her brother, and Leggs went to go join them 

“So why did you all come to this, if you don’t mind me asking?” Remus asked

Will shrugged “Same as you, I suppose. Seeing which way the tide is turning. I don’t get much of an opportunity to talk to any other packs, to be honest.” 

“Honestly a gathering like this isn’t too bad of an idea.” Simone said “If it wasn’t organized by such a bastard.” 

“Half the problem is that we’re all so isolated from one another, really.” Angela said

Remus heard some excited chatter from the next group over and they all looked up. Some had started gathering around the center of the campground. 

Simone grimaced “Suppose that means he’s here.” she said. She had an odd, guarded expression on her face as if she were trying to mask her fear. Remus couldn’t blame her, he could feel his own quickening pulse and swallowed it down hard. He wasn’t a child anymore. He wasn’t afraid of the big bad wolf.

“Come on, let’s get a closer look.”

They pushed their way through the mounting crowd. Remus clenched his teeth as they finally caught sight of Greyback, wearing a ratty old cloak with a fur collar. Simone had gone stiff beside him and Remus grabbed her shoulder quickly. She turned to him and gave a nod. 

Greyback stood up on a makeshift stage someone had put together using old shipping palettes. It creaked as he stood, waiting for the crowd to gather around him as the sun set behind him, casting long shadows on them all and making him look larger than life.

"Welcome, friends!" He said, his sharp toothed grin was yellow and made Remus' blood boil beneath his skin "Welcome, my family. It brings me joy to see you all here, together, as one species, one pack, one people. As things should be. There are those who don't want you to know your brothers and sisters, your true families. Those who would have you grovel at the knees of the Ministry of Magic."

There were sneers around the crowd and Greyback grinned wider and held up his claw-like hands "We know the truth. We know that they fear us, that they fear our power. They call us monsters, say that we're dirty, and against God. But I know what they don't. That those days are coming to an end. That the days of our subjugation, of our bondage, are nearly over. It's time, brothers and sisters, to rise against them!"

A scatter of applause and cheers erupted from certain factions of the group. 

"I know there are those among us who do not agree. They shy away from getting their hands dirty, from helping their fellow werewolves. Oh yes, I know they're here." there was a glint in his eye and Remus swallowed hard "And to those, I say- you are forgiven. No matter your past transgressions and alliances, you are forgiven. I would welcome you back to your home."

"That's unexpected." Simone muttered to Remus

"He's getting this from someone else." Remus said 

Greyback continued "Some of you may be wondering how we're to achieve this new life. A new way of living is hard for you to imagine when you have been living on your knees for so long. But let me tell you this: The Dark Lord has returned." 

At this, there was a ripple of fearful muttering. From besides him, Will clenched his teeth. None of them had expected him to be this explicit about what was really happened. 

"I know there are those among us who are afraid of this truth. Let me say that you have been lied to. The Dark Lord does not wish to harm you. In fact, he wants to welcome us all into his vision for the New World."

"That's a lie!" Someone yelled from across the crowd. Greyback's mouth twitched slightly.

"Skepticism is understandable." he said "But I have spoken to him myself, and he sees how the Ministry of Magic has mistreated us, how they have ignored our struggles and pushed us to the margins of society. How they deny us our basic needs, and he wants to change things. All he asks in return, is our loyalty."

The muttering among the crowd continued 

"I do not wish for you to take my word for it alone. In fact, the Dark Lord has sent some of his closest followers here today to speak with you face to face. When has the Ministry of Magic offered us that simple kindness?" 

Simone and Remus caught each others' eyes as three masked and dark-hooded figures appeared through the crowd behind Greyback and were invited onto the stage. Simone muttered something to Remus, but he didn't hear it. He was too busy staring at the smallest Death Eater- the one with a gleaming silver hand shining from underneath his robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title comes from 1933 by Frank Turner
> 
> Again, thank you all SO much for your continued support and reading along with this fic. I'm so enjoying writing it, and I adore you all for enjoying it. I don't have a lot of time to respond to comments- but I want you to know that I read every single one and they bring me so much joy when I see one in my inbox. Truly, thank you so much for bringing a smile to my face.


	27. The Good Soldier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Blood hardens in the sand  
>  Cold metal in my hand  
> Hope you understand the way that things are gonna be  
> There's nowhere left to hide  
> 'Cause God is on our side  
> I keep telling myself_
> 
> CONTENT WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER: graphic depictions of violence, torture, homophobic slurs

The tension in the air was palpable. Nobody said a word, and nobody moved as the Death Eaters joined Greyback on stage. Remus was fixated on Peter, his eyes never leaving his masked face and feeling his blood boil underneath his skin. He was fighting against every instinct he had to tear through the crowd and kill him where he stood. But he stayed rooted to the spot as the taller of the three stepped forward and looked over the crowd.

“Welcome, my friends.” It was Lucius Malfoy. Remus would know his uppity voice anywhere. He couldn’t tell for certain, but he assumed the last one was Goyle- his large and imposing presence felt familiar somehow “And what an honor it is to be standing before you in friendship and camaraderie.” 

The irony in his voice was not lost on Remus “Let me first quell your fears, I assure you- no harm will come to anybody here tonight. We come in peace, in search of a better tomorrow. We share the same goal: freedom. Freedom to live as we wish, freedom from the grip of oppression. For years, I, like yourselves, have been forced to live a life of shame, relegated to the shadows, forgotten. But soon, those days will be behind us. I won’t lie to you and say it will be easy- no. But you are hard working creatures. Wolves, after all, are known for their loyalty and tenacity. That is why the Dark Lord has the utmost respect for your people. His vision of the world would ensure that you are able to live lives in the light. No longer will you be shunted to the background, ashamed of what you are.”

Peter was shifting uncomfortably besides Lucius, this human hand trembling slightly. Remus hoped he was afraid, hoped he felt as sick to his stomach as Remus did when he thought of his former best friend.

He loved Peter once, loved him like a brother. Their first year in the dorm, Remus felt a certain kinship with him. While Sirius and James were cocksure and confident, Remus could sympathize with Peter’s nervousness, his desperation to fit in. Remus was timid then, jumped when he was spoken to. He had never been around children his own age, rarely saw many people outside his immediate family before coming to Hogwarts. The loud energy of 11 year old boys alluded him and he lived in fear of saying the wrong thing, of letting any of them too close. Though Peter matched the other boy’s energy, he seemed to know that Remus was overwhelmed by it. The first weekend in the dormitory, James and Sirius were wrestling on the floor, loudly yelling at each other, and Remus simply watched, mouth open in puzzled terror, a book forgotten in his hands. Peter came and sat next to him. 

“You get used to it.” Peter said. Remus jumped slightly and dropped his book. He hadn’t spoken much to any of them the entire first week. 

“What?” He said quietly 

“This kind of thing, you get used to it.” Peter explained “I was an only child before my mum got remarried, and I was really scared of my step-brothers for a while. They were just so loud.” 

“Oh.” Remus said “Er- yeah. I’ve just never… My parents are a little… Overprotective. I never…” he stammered 

“Yeah I saw they sent you like four owls this week.” he said “My mum’s the same way.”

The ghost of a smile passed over Remus’ lips and he nodded.

“D’you want to go play Wizards Chess in the Common Room?” Peter asked

“Er-“ Remus glanced back down at James and Sirius “Yeah. Yeah, that’d be nice.” 

Remus could barely reconcile the boy he once knew, the one he would have died for at one point, with the man standing beside Fenrir Greyback. All he knew is that he would now give anything to wrap his fingers around his throat until the little rat died.

Lucius finished his grandiose speech and he and Simone glanced at each other. The crowd began to disperse, talking loudly to each other. Remus followed Simone and the others back towards Will’s campsite. The throng of people was pushing in all different directions, and Remus lost sight of the others for a moment. He craned his neck to look for them and as he stepped forward, he ran headfirst into a massive werewolf with a tangled mass of scar tissue on the side of his head where his ear once was. 

“Sorry.” Remus muttered. He tried to side step the man, but he pushed against Remus’ chest with a dinner-plate like hand. Remus frowned and looked at him evenly “Let me through.”

“Why such a rush, Lupin?” he said. Remus blinked and looked around. Simone was nowhere to be found. He reached for his wand, but suddenly he was surrounded on all sides by more werewolves. Before he could pull it out, the big one grabbed him by the arm. Remus struggled against him, his feet digging into the dirt as the others came around him too 

“What the fuck are you doing, let me go!” he yelled. A crowd was gathering, watching with wide eyes

“Dalton, grab his wand, he’s a slippery fucker.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Remus snapped, but Dalton- a small but burly man- reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand, waving it in front of him tauntingly 

“You’re a lucky pup, Lupin, Greyback wants a chat with you personally.”

“I have nothing to say to that bastard.” 

The big one smirked “The little fairy has a mouth on him, doesn’t he? You’d have thought you’d learn some respect since the last time.” 

The man behind him pulled his arms behind him and shoved him forward, pushing through the crowd of people staring as he struggled along, shoved towards Greyback’s patched tent in the back of the campsite. The big one shoved him inside and one of the others bound his arms behind his back with one of the ropes from the tent’s tarp. The big one got in his face, looking over him with a sneer. Remus didn’t flinch away, just met his gaze.

“You’re looking awfully brave.” 

“I’m not afraid of you.” Remus said 

“No,” said a voice from the tent’s entrance “But you’re afraid of me.” 

Greyback walked in, somehow looking bigger and dirtier up close. Remus swallowed but didn’t back down “Not anymore.” 

The big one looked at Greyback expectantly, as if waiting to be praised. Greyback just shooed him away “Leave us, MacKee.” 

MacKee’s face fell slightly, but he did as he was told, ushering the others out with him and leaving Remus face to face with Greyback. He came up close to Remus and he struggled against the bonds slightly, looking at Greyback with hatred in his eyes. He put a filthy hand on Remus’ chin. Remus recoiled and Greyback grinned and gripped it tighter, forcing his head from side to side as if admiring his own handiwork. 

He tutted “Such a shame you’ve fallen so low, my son.”

“I’m not your son.” Remus spat, feeling a bubbling of rage in his stomach.

He laughed “You deny it, but you should be proud. What did your own father ever do for you?”

“My father was a good man.” Remus seethed 

“Your father was weak. He was disgusted by people like us.” 

“There is no ‘us’. I’m nothing like you, Fenrir.” 

“Always the tone of disrespect. Everything you are, boy, I created. How fast you forget your place.” He patted Remus on the cheek and without thinking, Remus spat at him. Greyback let out a growl and coiled back, scratching him deep across the face, his sharpened claws connecting with his jaw and down his neck, missing his throat by an inch. 

“Fuck you.” Remus hissed, using every ounce of his stubbornness to stay on his feet, rooted to the spot “You really think hitching your wagon to Voldemort is going to get you anywhere? You’re a bloody fool. He’ll never give you a scrap once he’s done with you.” 

He let out a cruel laugh “How you’ve been brainwashed by your time among them. Do you think they’ll ever truly accept you? You can see it in their eyes, can’t you? All of them- the fear, the suspicion that one day you’ll go feral? They’ll put you down like a rabid dog without a second thought.” His lip curled up “Your father never learned respect. Maybe I ought to try and teach you that same lesson? Find that other faggot you’ve taken up with? Or perhaps the boy?”

Remus’ face steeled “If you come near my family, I’ll kill you myself. I’ll tear you limb from limb, I swear to God.”

“Look at yourself, Lupin. You really don’t seem to be in the position to make threats.” He coiled back and gave him a swift punch to the stomach, effectively bringing him to his knees. He stood over him so he towered over Remus. He pulled back and kicked him in the ribs for good measure, knocking the wind from his lungs.

“That really the best you can do?” Remus coughed. 

“Greyback!” a voice snapped- it was Malfoy. The Death Eaters pushed into the tent “We need that one alive.” 

Greyback turned and glared at him “This is between me and the pup. Family matters.” 

“Not when he knows the location of Potter and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix.” Malfoy said cooly “Or would you like to explain to the Dark Lord that you beat to death the best source of information we’ve found?”

Greyback’s mouth twitched and he finally broke his gaze “Have it your way. But he’s mind once you’re done with him.” 

“As you will.” Malfoy said “Now leave us.” 

He frowned deeply and glanced back at Remus once more before stalking away, shoving his way out of the tent. 

Malfoy tutted as he looked over Remus’ face “Rather uncivilized creature if you ask me, but he gets the job done.”

“You can drop the act, Malfoy, I know it’s you.” 

Malfoy cocked his head to the side but sighed, removing the mask with a wave of his hand “Suppose we don’t need the pretense, you’ll be dead soon enough.” 

Remus laughed darkly “Kill me if you want, I’m not telling you anything.”

“A pity. I would have thought you’d be keen to share with me, _Professor_. After all, aren’t we practically family?” he smirked “What my dear cousin sees in such a beast, i’ll never know. And you, Wormtail, how you managed to be friends with one of them for so long.”

“Yeah, Peter?” Remus said “How did you manage?” 

“Shut up, Lupin.” Peter snapped 

“What, don’t like being reminded of it?” he laughed “Don’t want your buddies to remember what good friends you were with a filthy half-breed?” 

“Enough of your inane chatter.” Lucius said. He pulled out his wand and held it up to Remus bloody face “Where is the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix?”

“Bite me.” Remus said 

“ _Crucio_ ” Lucius said 

Remus fell to the ground, feeling as if every cell of his body was on fire. He grit his teeth, refusing to scream. If his life had taught him anything, it was how to withstand pain. It would take more that a spell to get him to break. Lucius lowered his wand again and Remus gasped for breath 

“Where is Potter?” 

“Fuck you.” Malfoy kicked him sharply, the tip of his boot making contact with his ribs “You kick like a fucking house elf.” Remus coughed, seeing sparks in front of his eyes from the pain radiating through his body. He heaved himself into a sitting position and spat blood at Malfoy’s feet “Gonna have to do better than that.” 

“ _Crucio! Crucio!_ ” again Remus felt the pain swell within his body and he twitched against the ground, feeling like it would never end. Despite himself, he let out a yell and Lucius grinned. Remus shut his eyes hard and thought of Sirius, of Harry. He was going to see them again, he refused to die on his knees in front of the likes of Malfoy and Pettigrew. 

As he opened his eyes, he swore he could see his father standing before him, watching the scene. 

_”It hurts, dad.”_ He thought _“I don’t know if I can do this.”_

He recalled what Lyall once told him when he was young and the transformations ravaged his small body _”There’s nothing in this world that you can’t withstand for ten seconds. So you just have to withstand the pain seconds at a time and then do it again.”_

Remus was drenched in sweat and heaving for breath as Malfoy relented again. He didn’t have the energy to antagonize Lucius, but forced himself to sit up again, refusing to stay in the dirt because of him.

“Enough of this.” Goyle said, frustrated “Either he doesn’t know anything or he’s too stupid to give it up.” 

“You’re gonna be in trouble.” Remus said in a sing-song voice, feeling light headed “Can’t even get the answer to one question from a filthy half-breed? What will your master say?” 

“Pettigrew, since you know him best- you have a go.” Lucius snapped 

“M-me?” Wormtail stammered

“Yes. You are one of the Dark Lord’s most loyal supporters, are you not?” he said, his lip curling “We’ll leave you and your old friend to get acquainted.” 

“He-he’s clever, he’ll try and kill me.” Wormtail said

“Surely you can handle one bound and beaten werewolf, Wormtail?” McNair grinned

“I-Yes, of course.”

“We’ll give you fifteen minutes. And if you fail, the Dark Lord will know about it.” 

The two of them stalked out and Remus glared up at Wormtail, malice in his eyes “What, you’re gonna torture me now, Wormtail?” he spat “You’re too weak to do it.” 

Peter’s gaze steeled and he held a shaking wand up to Remus “I- You know full well what I’m capable of.” 

“Yeah.” Remus coughed “Hiding behind the big kids on the playground so nobody finds out what a coward you really are. You can’t hide from me, Peter, I know you.” 

“You-You have no idea the weapons the Dark Lord possesses.” he said, sounding for once like the weak little boy Remus once knew “I-I-I don’t have a choice, Remus.”

“Fuck that.” He growled. Peter recoiled “You always have- there’s always a choice. You just picked what was best for yourself. Always did. You disgust me, Peter.”

“I-You never cared about me, none of you.” Peter grimaced “I would never be any of your first choice, you-“

“You’re going to justify all the shit you’ve done by blaming us? Saying we never cared about you? I would have died for you Peter, all of us would have You don’t get to have an excuse any more. There is no redemption for you. Not now, not in any afterlife there may be.” 

“I-“ Peter was interrupted by sounds of screaming and yelling from outside the tend. Remus turned his head and blinked in confusion. Peter was frozen in place

“-It’s the Ministry! Get out, get out!” someone yelled from a distance. Peter’s eyes went wide and he looked from the entrance to the tent to Remus. 

There was a split second where Remus could see his mind racing before he turned into a rat with a pop. Remus watched as he scampered out of the tent and he sat, frozen for a moment before bringing himself to his feet, his arms still bound together. There was a gap under one of the walls of the tent, adrenaline coursed through his veins as he ran to it and rolled under, every bone in his body screaming against him. Out of the tent, the campsite was in chaos. There were two dozen wizards in Magical Law Enforcement Patrol Uniforms, wands raised and surrounding the campsite. Those who could apparate were scattering to the wind, but a majority of the werewolves were surrounded, being forced to the ground by the ministry wizards

Disoriented, Remus bolted through the crowd, desperately searching for Simone or Will, or anybody he recognized before practically barreling her over. 

“Bloody hell, what the fuck happened to you?” She yelled, putting her hands on his shoulders 

“No time to explain, we’ve got to go- they took my wand, I-“

“Here, here!” she snapped, pulling out a pocket knife and cutting the rope from his arms and thrusting his wand back into his hand.

“How did you-?” 

“Let’s just fucking go, Lupin!” She snapped. 

“Fuck- let me go! You’re hurting me, let me go!” they both swiveled around- where a Ministry wizard stood over Ocean, his foot on her chest.

“Oy, get the fuck off her!” Remus snapped, turning around and brandishing his wand. 

“She’s a kid, what are you doing!” Simone yelled

The ministry wizard turned to them, pointing his own wand at them “Stand down, now!” he yelled

Remus could barely think, just thrust his wand out “ _Stupefy!”_ ” he yelled. The Ministry wizard fell back, stunned, and Simone rushed forward and dragged Ocean to her feet 

“Are you alright?” Simone asked

“Y-yeah I think so.” She said

“You three, stop right there!” a group of ministry wizards had them backed into a corner, wands raised at them. Remus scanned the crowd and turned to Simone, mind racing. 

“Go find Sirius.” He said quickly

“But-“

“ _Go._ ” He repeated sharply. He saw Simone pull out her own wand and with a crack, she disapparated just as the three patrol wizards sent stunning spells right at Remus’ chest, finally bringing him down. Remus could feel his eyesight fading out as they surrounded him, his head feeling strangely light as everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does he keep getting himself into these situations??
> 
> Title comes from “The Good Soldier” by the Nine Inch Nails


	28. Easy/Lucky/Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Did it all get real, I guess it's real enough  
>  They got refrigerators full of blood  
> Another century spent pointing guns  
> At anything that moves  
> Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot  
> My twitching muscles tease my flippent thoughts  
> I never really dreamed of heaven much  
> Until we put him in the ground_

Remus distantly felt someone shaking him awake, but his body was resisting coming out of sleep. “Remus! Fucking hell, get up!” someone hissed in his ear. 

With great difficulty, he opened his eyes a crack, his vision blurry. Someone was standing over him but he couldn’t register who or why “Remus!” finally, he opened his eyes and saw Will staring down at him, looking relieved “Fuck, I thought you were dead.”

He let out a groan and tried to pull himself up “Where are we?” he croaked

“Ministry holding cell.” Will said

Remus put a hand to his forehead, a splitting headache making him feel like his brain was being cut in half. He looked around, where eight or so other men were sitting around the cell or pacing the room.

“What the hell happened?” 

Will shook his head “I don’t know. Me and Simone went to find you, we thought you just got turned around in the crowd, but we heard MacKee talking about you and we realized you’d been picked up by Greyback. Simone managed to pick-pocket him and get your wand back and we were just working out how to get you out of there when patrol wizards showed up. They didn’t even give us a chance to come quietly, they just came in wands blazing, taking everyone that they could.” 

“How many got arrested?” Remus asked, a deep lump forming in the pit of his stomach.

“I don’t know. At least 20.” he said “But… But we saw people on the ground when they were dragging us out. I think some people died.”

“Fuck.” Remus said “What were they even looking for?”

“I don’t know. Someone tipped them off about the gathering and decided to scare us I think… The Death Eaters apparated as soon as they saw them, and Greyback made a run for it, the coward.”

“You two! No talking!” A guard snapped from outside the cell

Remus felt his blood boil. Will sat beside him and looked him over and quietly muttered “What happened to you?”

“I-uh…” he muttered, trying to clear his foggy head “Greyback got ahold of me first. Then he handed me off to the Death Eaters… They wanted information.”

“They tortured you, didn’t they?” 

Remus nodded “Yeah.” he said. Will winced 

“Did none of your people warn you about the raid?”

He shook his head “No.”

There was a rattle of keys and they all looked up. A gruff looking Ministry wizard stood in front of them, wearing a navy uniform. His dark hair was cropped close to his head and he looked over them with disgust “When I call you name, come forward for questioning.”

“Nobody has to answer any questions.” Remus snapped, unable to stop himself “Nobody did anything wrong.” 

He glared down at Remus “Then we’ll start with you, won’t we?” he said “Get up.” 

Remus stared him down and the wizard raised his wand. Remus glared at him but got to his feet shakily, leaning heavily on the bars for support as he limped over. His bad knee was screaming in pain but he clenched his jaw, refusing to show the man any weakness. His mother used to tell him what to do in situations like this, how you could never show any fear. The wizard opened the cell door and flicked his wand, binding his hands again, and pushed him forward. 

“Get a move on, I don’t have all day.”

“I’m going as fast as I bloody can.” Remus snapped, limping along the hall and into an empty room with a table and two chairs. He eased himself into one of them and finally caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the wall. He looked a right state, the wound from Greyback was caked with dried blood that had trickled down his neck and soaked into his shirt. His eyes were black and he was covered in dirt and mud. 

“According to the wand we recovered from you at the time of your arrest, your name is Remus Lupin, is that correct?”

Remus clenched his jaw, keeping his hands in front of him and not answering “I’d like to know what I’m being charged with.”

“If you didn't do anything wrong, you have nothing to fear. We just need to ask some questions.”

“Nobody did anything wrong, except for the Death Eaters.” 

“Death Eaters, sure.” he smirked “Seems as if you’ve been spending a lot of time around Harry Potter.”

He frowned deeply “I can give you their names. Malfoy, Pettigrew, Goyle, Fenrir Greyback.” 

“Peter Pettigrew hasn’t been seen in over a year.” 

“So I’m sure you’ll be very interested in a sighting of him.” 

“Seems like just the cover you lot would use to cover up an illegal gathering.”

White hot rage was bubbling through his body and Remus slammed his hands against the table “They bloody tortured me, you foolish man!” he snapped

The door opened and Remus was relieved to see Kingsley walk in. The wizard scrambled to his feet and gave him a salute “Mr. Shacklebolt, sir!” he said “What are you-?”

“I can take it from here, Bowers.” Kingsley said

“That’s not necessary, sir, i’m sure you don’t need to-“

“I said, I can take it from here.” he repeated calmly “This is Mr…? Lupin, is it?”

Remus forced himself to continue with the pretense and didn’t say anything

“He’s not talking, Sir, spouting off all kinds of nonsense about…” 

“I’m sure I’ll get the real story out of him. You’re dismissed.” Bowers frowned, but didn’t argue. Kingsley watched as Bowers shut the door behind him and then turned to Remus, flicking his wand to remove the handcuffs. 

“What the fuck happened, Kingsley?” Remus said in a hushed tone, rubbing his wrists “Why did I not get any warning this was going to happen, we were completely fucking blindsided!” 

“We didn’t know.” Kingsley whispered, glancing at the door and sitting down so he could lean in close

“How?” He snapped “We have three fucking Aurors in the Order, and not one of them knew?”

“Tonks and Moody are out in the field trying to sort out what’s happened. From what we can tell the Order came from over our heads, nobody knows who called the raid.” 

“My friend told me he saw bodies.”

Kingsley looked at the table and nodded stiffly “Three confirmed dead.” 

Remus shut his eyes hard and slammed his hands on the table “Fuck!” he yelled “They completely fucked us on this, Kingsley! You understand that, don’t you? The only thing the Ministry did tonight was prove Greyback right, and now we have the bodies to back that up. This was bungled completely.” 

“Remus, I’m sorry. We should have caught this.” Kingsley said 

“You’re fucking right you should have.” he snapped. He put a hand on his forehead, trying to ease the dull throbbing “Did Simone get to Headquarters?”

He nodded “She’s there now. She gave us enough forewarning that our people were the first on the scene.”

Remus nodded, feeling drained “Death Eaters were there. Pettigrew, Malfoy, Goyle.” he said

Kingsley raised his eyebrows in surprise “I thought Greyback wasn’t going to be that explicit about who he was working with.”

“That’s what we thought, too.” Remus said “But he brought them up on stage, talking about how we have a common enemy… And then this lot bloody proved their point. There’s no way in hell any of them join our side, now. The smart ones are going to get the hell out of dodge to avoid the Ministry, and the others… We just drove them right into Voldemort’s arms. I-“

He paused as he felt a wave of nausea fall over him. He shut his eyes tight and braced his hands on the table.

“Remus?” Kingsley asked 

“Hm?” He said “Fuck, sorry, I’m fine I just… Had a rough night.”

“We need to get you medical attention.” Kingsley said 

“No.” Remus said sharply “No, I’m fine. I just- I want to go home.”

Kingsley watched him skeptically but nodded “Alright. I’ll get you out of here. Sirius is furious. About took half the Order to keep him home.” 

————————

Despite it being barely dawn, the house was already buzzing with people when Kingsley helped him through the door. Molly was the first by his side. 

“Oh my goodness, dear-!” She gasped at the sight of him, taking him under his other arm 

“It’s worse than it looks.” Remus assured her

“Sirius is in-“

“I don’t bloody care that he told you to leave!” Sirius’ voice interrupted from the next room

“Oy, you people only know about this shit because I left to find you!” Simone yelled back “Don’t blame me because you people sent us in there with no idea what we were getting ourselves into!” 

“Oh dear.” Molly muttered. They pushed through the door and the two of them immediately swiveled around from where they were yelling at one another in the middle of the drawing room. Harry was in a chair in the corner in his pajamas, watching the scene as if it were a tennis match.

“Thank fucking God.” Simone said at the sight of him. Sirius was on him in a second as they helped lower him to the sofa. Harry was beside Sirius immediately 

Sirius kneeled next to him, a gentle hand on his non-bloody cheek “Jesus Christ you scared me half to death you stupid, stupid man.” 

“I’m really fine.” Remus said, not sounding convincing even to himself “Please don’t yell at Simone, she saved my bloody neck today.” 

“I-“ Sirius glanced back at her “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I-“

“I get it.” She said cooly 

“We really should take him to the hospital.” Molly said 

“No hospitals.” Sirius and Harry said at once 

“I’m getting Kashyap here, though.” Sirius said 

“Don’t bother her this early, I’m really fi-“

Sirius silenced him with a look and Remus shut up. He went up to a sleeping portrait on the wall and knocked on the frame “Phineas, I know you’re not sleeping- wake up.” he demanded

The man in the portrait gave an exaggerated wand “Ah, Sirius. How can I be of assistance to my great- grandson?” he said with a smirk 

“I need you to go to your portrait at St. Mungos and send for a Healer named Nadine Kashyap and have her come here. Now.” 

Phineas tutted “I really am too busy to run around fetching veterinarians for you.” 

Sirius scowled “You’ll do it now or I’m putting your portrait in the bathroom.” 

Phineas sighed deeply but left his frame anyway. Sirius immediately returned to Remus’ side. “What the fuck happened? Simone said there were Death Eaters?” 

Remus nodded “Peter was there, and Malfoy and Goyle.”

Sirius let out a growl “Fucking rat.” 

Harry scowled “What did they want?”

Remus pulled out a battered pack of cigarettes and tried to light it with his still-trembling fingers. Sirius took the lighter from him and lit it for him without taking his eyes off his face. “Thanks. Anyway there was some, er- light torture.” 

Molly’s eyes widened and she turned to Harry “Harry dear, why don’t you go upstairs with the others?” She said lightly 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Harry said, crossing his arms

Molly turned to Sirius and Remus, who nodded “He should stay, he’ll hear it anyway and I’d rather he hear it from me than from an extendable ear.” Remus said

She pursed her lips but didn’t argue further, just left the room to go to the kitchen. 

“Greyback’s goons were bragging about how they gave you over to him.” Simone growled “Christ, Romulus, I shouldn’t have let you out of my sight.”

“There’s nothing you could have done, they chose the perfect moment. There were too many of them anyway. Got my wand away before I could do anything about it.” Remus shook his head “Anyway, Greyback got me alone and roughed me up a bit before Malfoy got ahold of me, started asking where the Order was, where Harry was. Then they stupidly left me alone with Peter, of course he bolted as soon as the Ministry showed up.” 

“Do you have any idea who called the raid?” Harry asked “Moody, Tonks, and Kingsley have been running around all morning, none of them have a clue.”

Remus shook his head “No. If Peter hadn’t looked so surprised I would have thought it was Malfoy himself, but I don’t think they’d have risked being caught.”

“How many got arrested?” Simone asked

“I don’t know for sure. Will was there, he reckons at least 20. There were ten of us in the men’s cell.” Remus said, gritting his teeth “There’s something else, Si. There were bodies. Three dead.” 

“Three of us?” Simone demanded, eyes wide. Remus nodded and she turned away, circling “Do we have any names?”

Remus shook his head “Nothing yet.” 

“What the fuck were they playing at, using force like that?” Sirius snapped

Remus scoffed “They didn’t bloody care. We were animals to them.” he said 

“Won’t Malfoy at least be arrested?” Harry asked “You saw him with his mask off.”

He shook his head “It’s my word against him. Even if anybody else saw him, nobody else will dare talk to the Ministry now, they’ll be too afraid to get arrested, too.” 

“Look, Rem, I’ve got to go.” Simone said quickly “My people are sitting ducks, we have to leave as soon as possible. If the Ministry calls another raid, we’re fucked.”

“Go. Let me know when you’re safe, alright?” Remus said 

She nodded “Bloody take care of yourself, I don’t want to have to save your arse again.” 

He gave a laugh “You too, alright?” he said 

Sirius turned to her “Simone, I can’t thank you enough. Really. I’m sorry I… I can be a bit dense sometimes.” she said 

“Don’t mention it, Black.” She said, punching him on the arm. She nodded to Harry “Potter, keep your chin up, yeah?” 

Molly came back in the room and thrust a cup of tea into Remus’ hands and began washing the blood from his face with a damp flannel. Remus winced and grit his teeth, but didn’t argue. He still felt pain in every cell of his body and wished desperately to just fall asleep for several days. Sirius was still watching him carefully, his eyes never leaving him as he moved around the room, a ball of nervous energy. Remus could hear Kingsley talk to somebody in the next room in hushed tones. The door opened again and Arthur walked in, looking disheveled and holding an armful of documents and the Daily Prophet in his hands. 

He came in and looked over Remus solemnly “Thank God you’re alright. You gave us a good scare.”

“Have you figured out anything else?” Remus asked.

Arthur shook his head “No. But the Prophet released the names of the dead.” 

Remus held out his hand immediately and took the paper

 _“3 Dead and 23 Arrested After Illegal Werewolf Protest”_ the headline read. Remus quickly scanned through the text and his heart sank as the names jumped out at him in the third paragraph

 _”The Department of Magical Law Enforcement confirmed the names of the three dead, Mark Roth (34), Hindley Dawson (22), and the youngest victim and former runaway- Ocean Bourdain (18). The families of the victims have so far declined to comment.”_ Next to her name, an old school picture of Ocean was featured. She still had light hair, and was smiling at the camera.

Remus dropped the paper and shut his eyes hard, putting his head in his hands “Fuck.”

“Did you know them?” Sirius asked softly

Remus nodded “The last two. I- I helped Hindley at the hospital when he was bit, and I met Ocean yesterday… Fuck. She was so bloody young.” he said

Molly picked up the Prophet and scanned the article herself “Bloody pointless.” she muttered

“Is the ministry taking responsibility at all?” Sirius asked

“No. Not that we expected them to. It was so bungled that everyone is trying to push the blame onto everyone else, but we still don’t know who called the order. It came from high up, we know that much.”

“Fudge?” Harry suggested “He’d do anything to get people from thinking Voldemort is involved in anything.”

“It’s possible.” Arthur nodded

“At this point it doesn’t even matter.” Remus said darkly, pointing to the picture “The Ministry just gave Greyback a martyr. There’s no going back from this, they’ve effectively created a war.” 

He could barely disguise the fury in his voice. All he wanted to do was scream, was to find whoever did this and hurt them. But instead he just sat there, clutching a cigarette like it was the only thing keeping him rooted to the spot. Arthur, Molly and Sirius were still talking, but Remus couldn’t register any noise. It was like the adrenaline coursing through his body for the past few hours had finally been depleted, leaving him exhausted and strangely hollow. It was a familiar feeling, comforting almost. Harry sat down beside him, but didn’t try and talk to him. Remus gave him a hollow smile.

“Sorry to have worried you.” he said 

“Hey, now I know how you two feel.” Harry said “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Your godfather is never going to let me out of his sight now, so I suppose you have nothing to worry about there.” 

“I’ve never seen him that angry.” he said “Mrs. Weasley almost had to put him in a full body-bind.”

A minute passed before there was a noise from the fireplace, and Nadine walked into the room, dressed in her green healers robes and looking worn ragged “Lupin, you have got to stop doing this to yourself.” she said, shaking her head at the sight of him.

Remus smiled distantly “Sorry to drag you in so early, really i’m fine.” 

“Remus, if you say the phrase ‘light torture’ again, I’ll kill you myself.” Sirius glared at him 

Nadine raised her brows and came in closer, setting her brown leather bag on the ground beside her “What curses were you hit with?” she asked

“Just Crucio.” Remus said “And I was stunned a few times. Nothing major.”

“Lupin this is incredibly serious, I need you to tell me how many times- don’t joke with me here, I assure you I do not find you at all funny.”

He frowned “Crucio was… Three times I think. I couldn’t tell you how long. And I don’t know how many Ministry Wizards stunned me, it was at least two.” 

“Fuck. Okay.” she muttered. Nadine shook her head, shining a light into Remus’ pupils and running her wand all over him in strange patterns “Take off your shirt, I need to check the bruising.”

Remus looked up, slightly embarrassed “Er- do you all mind?” 

Molly and Arthur, who had been watching intently, suddenly jumped “Right, yes dear. I’ll go get some breakfast started, alright? Harry, come along now. Let’s give them some space.”

“I ought to be back to work. I’ll be home soon.” Arthur said, pecking Molly on the cheek and giving them a nod and shutting the door behind him. 

He began unbuttoning his shirt and eased it off his shoulders with some difficulty “Sorry, I know it’s silly.” he avoided looking at either of them in the eye- he always hated seeing people’s reactions to his chest, where the scarring was most extensive. Sirius was used to it by now, but he worried about anybody else seeing him so exposed.

“Don’t be, it’s alright.” she said, leaning in and frowning at the purple bruise blossoming across his abdomen. Sirius hissed and continued his pacing behind her, watching with the same intensity as if he were receiving open heart surgery in front of him. Remus winced as she gingerly touched his skin. She bent his bad leg and frowned at his reaction 

“Sirius, I’m fine, I’m not going to drop dead, alright?” 

“Is that right, Nadine?” he asked 

“Well,” she said “I think you have some broken ribs and you’ll scar from the cut on your cheeks. I think there’s a fracture in your leg, though. But for a man your age getting three unforgivable curses and two stunners to the chest, you’re doing much better than you have any right to be. Tough old bastard.” Nadine said 

Sirius nodded stiffly “Good. Alright, good.” 

“I’m going to patch you up, but listen to me- You need to take this seriously, I mean it. Bed rest. No getting yourself worked up. Your body was just put under immense strain, and you can’t expect yourself to just jump right back as if there are no consequences of that. You’re not 22, this is going to take time.”

Remus frowned deeply “Yes, I understand. You make me feel old, though.”

“Good.” She got to work rummaging through her bag for various potions 

“Did you hear about Hindley?” Remus asked. Nadine looked at the floor and nodded 

“We’ve been treating people brought in from the raid. Hindley came in… There was nothing we could do for him.” She sighed deeply “This isn’t going to end well. I can already tell.” 

“No. No it’s not.” Remus sighed 

When she was finally finished prodding at various parts of his body with her wand, he felt at least somewhat human again. He put on the change of clothes Sirius brought down for him and by the time Molly opened the door to tell them breakfast was ready, he felt about ready to fall asleep.

“Nope. We need to put weight on that leg to make sure everything is set and then you need to eat.” Nadine said apologetically 

“You’ll stay for breakfast, won’t you dear?” Molly asked her

“Er… I should really be getting back.” Nadine said

“Nonsense, you can’t go back to working without having something to eat.” Molly insisted 

Remus turned to her “It’s best to just relent, she won’t let you leave this house without giving you food.” 

“Oh alright.” She said with a soft smile “They can get on without me for a minute longer.”

Sirius eased Remus to his feet and Nadine followed, watching his gait carefully. As they walked into the hallway, she was very nearly knocked off her feet by Tonks- today with long silvery grey hair that touched their shoulders, rushing through to the kitchen and tripping over the carpet directly into her.

“Bollocks!” they hissed, picking themself up and blushing profusely as they pushed a hand out to steady Nadine “I’m so bloody sorry.” 

Nadine looked also a little red in the face herself “No! I’m sorry, I, er- should have watched where I was going.”

Tonks held out a hand “I-I’m Tonks. It’s good to meet you.”

“Nadine.” She said “Is your toe alright?”

“Hm?” Tonks said, distracted as they stared at her “Oh! Er- yeah I do it all the time.” 

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other and back to the two of them, and despite himself, Remus smiled deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is "Easy/Lucky/Free" by Bright Eyes
> 
> I promise the next chapter will be lighter


	29. Little Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Hey Little Trouble, what you doing tonight?  
>  I got a bad thought, you can make it right  
> Fell on the concrete with all my might  
> Got up, dusted myself off, now I'm ready for the fight"_

Bed rest did not suit Remus, but under strict doctor’s orders and the combination of Sirius and Molly’s watchful eyes, he was being a good patient and staying put. He was already going stir crazy after a day and a half. Sirius stayed by his side as much as he could, but was becoming busier with his various tasks for the Order and helping with clearing Grimmauld Place. Sirius brought him a large stack of books and records to keep by their bed, and told him to yell for him if he needed anything. Remus had half a mind to call him in just because he was bored, but he knew he and Kingsley were working on something important downstairs and didn’t want to interrupt by being childish. 

Noon crept closer and Remus tried to get into any of the books Sirius brought him, but found his eyes sweeping across the pages without retaining anything. He groaned and threw the latest one back on the pile before he heard a knock at the door. 

“Yeah?” Remus called out. 

Harry cracked open the door holding a tray “Mrs. Weasley sent me up with lunch.” he said

Remus smiled “Thank you, Harry.”

“Can I eat with you?” he asked

“By all means,” Remus said “You’ll be doing me a favor, I’m losing my mind a little.” 

Harry smirked and set the tray down in the middle of the bed and sat cross legged at the end of Sirius’ side “How d’you feel?” 

“Like I got hit with the Knight Bus to be perfectly honest.” Remus admitted “But better after some rest.”

“Good.” Harry said “Sorry everyone’s fussing over you, I know you hate that.”

Remus smirked “I suppose it's retribution for scaring all of you.” 

“What do you think is going to happen now?” Harry asked “To your friends, I mean, and everyone else?”

Remus mulled this over “I can’t be sure for certain. Greyback is certainly planning his next move carefully, trying to position himself as the natural opposition to the Ministry, he’ll be looking for retaliation for sure.” 

“So does Greyback actually care about the werewolves, or is he just trying to get power?” Harry asked

“That’s an excellent question.” Remus said “And an astute observation. Honestly, I don’t know. I think Greyback… I think he misunderstands that having one of us in a position of power doesn’t grant liberation to the rest of us.” 

“So sort of like how there’s Muggle Borns in the Ministry of Magic, but things still haven’t changed a lot for them.”

“Exactly.” he nodded “The problem is, we’ve been in the shadows for so long. And we’ve had to be, it was the smart thing to do. It keeps us protected, keeps us able to at least survive. But it also means that most people in our world don’t know any of us personally, or don’t know that they do. And it’s much harder to be afraid of someone when you know them.” 

“It’s hard to imagine someone being afraid of you if they met you.” Harry said 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Remus smiled “You’re a great kid.” 

Harry averted his eyes and ate a bite of his sandwich. Remus furrowed his brow.

“What was that look about?” 

“I dunno. I just don’t think I’m that great.” 

“I beg to differ.” Remus said “Harry, you are an immensely kind and thoughtful person. Where is this coming from?” 

He shrugged “There’s just… This connection I have with Voldemort, I just get worried that I’m like him. Something deep down, that I can’t change.” 

“You know, I really don’t believe that’s how that works.” Remus said

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m no philosopher. Even if I was, all of them have different ideas on what constitutes goodness and badness. And if we even have a choice in the matter or we’re slaves to predetermination, to our inner natures. Personally, I think there is no ‘deep down’. I think the natures we show to the world, the things we do and say, matter far greater than what internal demons one may have.” Remus said, gesturing vaguely with his hands “And you, Harry, could not be further from Voldemort. Despite the horrors of your life, you remain kind to a world that has shown you little kindness in return. There may be similarities on the surface level, but those things aren't who you are. What you are is an excellent friend, and fair to those around you, and trouble beyond all reason.”

Harry laughed a little, looking rather stunned- in the way that he always did when one of them told him things like this. As if a childhood of being told he was wrong and bad hadn’t prepared him to be spoken to in this way. “Thanks, Moony.” he mumbled 

“Of course.” He nodded, popping a crisp into his mouth 

“How come you never talk to me like i’m a kid?” Harry asked suddenly 

“Is that a bad thing?” Remus asked

“No! Definitely not.” he said “You’re just really the only one who does.” 

“I suppose one answer is that I never really learned how to talk to children, so it made more sense to me to talk to them as if they’re actual people.” he shrugged “But another is that when I was your age, it made me furious when people would talk to me like that. I felt like I had gone through enough to justify being treated like an adult. So even if there are things you can’t know because you are still a kid, I’m not going to bullshit you on why.” 

The door swung open and Sirius came in, looking like he was on a mission “Remus have you seen my- Hang on are you two hanging out without me?” he said, looking scandalized

“You were busy!” Remus said 

“Not busy enough to waste time with the two of you.” Sirius said, plopping down on the bed. 

“What were you looking for?” Harry asked

“Eh, not important.” He said “They can get on without me for a while.”

Harry cocked a brow “You’re trying to get out of cleaning, aren’t you?” 

“And what are you doing then, Potter?” Sirius frowned 

“Making sure Moony doesn’t go mad with boredom.” 

“Well you’ve got your work cut out for you, I'd better stay to help.”

“Both of you are using my near-death experience as an excuse to manipulate poor Molly into doing all the work cleaning this house, and you damn know it.”

“I’m okay with that.” Sirius said, picking up Remus’ sandwich and taking a bite. Remus scowled 

“I don’t recall inviting you to share.” he said

Sirius grinned “It looked good.”

“It is, actually. Which is why I was eating it.”

“Isn’t there that phrase about ‘what’s mine is yours’?” Sirius asked

“Nice try, but you have nothing in writing.” Remus took his sandwich back 

“Only because you’re making me live in sin because you don’t believe in marriage.” 

“You don’t even believe in all that shit.” 

“No, but I love a party.” Sirius sighed 

Harry smiled at them with a soft expression on his face“I’m really glad you guys are my parents now.” he said 

Remus blinked in surprise, feeling his heart swell at the sentiment “You know we would never presume to replace your Mum and Dad.” 

“No, I know.” Harry said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly “I’m just lucky that I got two sets.” 

Sirius grinned “We’re the lucky ones. Really.” 

————————————————————-

After a few days, Remus was reluctantly allowed to come downstairs so long as he stayed with his feet up. Remus sat at one end of the dining room table, feet propped up on another one and holding a book in one hand and smoking with the other as Molly and Sirius bickered in the kitchen.

“We can handle the kids for a day, Molly!” Sirius insisted 

“Maybe I should just go later when there’s more of the Order here.” Molly fretted

“Who? Who in the Order would be better at taking care of the kids?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow “Mundungus?” 

Molly frowned “I’m just being cautious, you’ve never been in charge of this many kids at once, and with Remus off his feet…”

“They’re all over the age of 14, I don’t think we need to worry about them choking. There’s only so much damage they can do to the house.”

“May I introduce you to my middle sons?” she said

“She’s got a point there.” Remus said, glancing up

“Not helping, Lupin.” Sirius said

He shrugged “Just offering my input.” 

“Look, I promise you everyone will still be alive and with all of their limbs, fingers, and toes when you come back.” Sirius said “Go to Diagon Alley.” 

Molly didn’t look convinced and glanced back at Remus.

“To be fair, he does have a flawless track record on both of those accounts.” Remus said “Except, I suppose, for Peter.” 

Sirius resisted letting out a bark of laughter when Molly finally sighed “Oh alright. See to it they actually work on their summer homework!” 

Ginny was first downstairs, yawning as she sat down at the table and helped herself to some toast “Where’s Mum?”

“She went to get your things from Diagon Alley.” Remus said with a smirk “Sirius is in charge.” 

Ginny blinked in surprise and suppressed a laugh “She left you in charge?” 

“Why is everyone so surprised by that? I'm responsible!” Sirius demanded. Fred and George appeared downstairs with a crack.

“She’s probably referring to the last time mum tried to leave us all with a babysitter.” George said 

“We maintain our innocence on that.” Fred chimed in 

“The gnomes chased her out of the house on their own accord.” 

“Listen, as long as it seems like you’ve at least vaguely touched a book when your mum gets back, and nobody loses any body parts or leaves the house, you can do whatever you like. Deal?” Sirius said

“Well there go our plans for the day.” George said “Fred, shall we get back to our pressing business?”

“Yes I think we should.” Fred grinned “Thanks, Sirius.”

Ron grumbled as he passed the twins on his way into the dining room “‘Pressing business’, more like setting off explosions in their room all bloody night. They’re worse than sharing a room with Harry, at least he just talks in his sleep.” 

“I don’t do it that much.” Harry frowned, following him in

“I’ve had full conversations with you while you were dead asleep.” Ron said “Mind you, none of them made any sleep, but still.”

“Sirius barks in his sleep sometimes.” Remus said “And does that weird running thing that dogs do in their sleep.” 

“How either one of us ever sleeps beside the other is remarkable.” Sirius shook his head 

“Mail’s here.” Hermione said, handing a stack of mail to Sirius as she passed by. Remus held his hand out to claim the Daily Prophet first and Sirius scanned through the letters 

“Package for you, Ginny.” Sirius handed off a small brown box to her. Soon after she made an excuse to go back up to her room, which Remus wondered vaguely if they should be suspicious of. He scanned the Daily Prophet for any news of Greyback (nothing, though the Prophet was still wasting column inches running opinion piece after opinion piece of the gathering), and tossed it back on the table. 

“What are you three going to get up to today?” Remus asked

They shrugged “What is there _to_ do?” Ron said

“You could start your essays so you don’t copy them from me at the end of the Summer because you put them off.” Hermione suggested, frowning at them both 

“Sounds boring, new suggestion.” 

They looked over at Sirius, who cocked an eyebrow “What, do you think I ever had fun in this house?” he smirked “Other than once setting Lucius’ hair on fire at dinner, I didn’t get up to much fun here.” 

“There has to be something you always wanted to do here, though.” Harry said, his elbows set on the table “I used to dream about all the things I could do in the Dursley’s house if they ever left me alone.” 

Sirius blinked for a moment “Hang on, I have the perfect idea.” 

He disappeared to the kitchen for a moment and returned with a handful of silverware, which he laid out on the table while they all watched, curious. He tapped his wand against the forks and knives and transfigured them into darts, like the kind Remus saw at old dive bars where the floors were sticky and the bathrooms risked giving you Hepatitis. 

“Darts?” Remus asked

“Tapestry room darts.” Sirius said with a wicked grin. Remus caught sight of his toothy smile and couldn’t help but laugh 

“Ten points if I hit your mother.” 

“You’re on.” 

——

“How many points if I hit the blank void where my parents’ hopes for me used to be?” Sirius said, aiming his dart at the wall 

“That’s a pretty big void.” Harry quipped 

“I liked you more when you thought I was cool.”

“I thought you were cool?” He smirked. Remus let out a laugh from the sofa and avoided the pillow Sirius lobbed towards Harry

The game was a rousing success, the Malfoys quickly becoming a particularly popular target, though Hermione managed to get Bellatrix in the eye. Even Fred and George were roused from their mysterious business dealings to lob darts at the wall with them.

“Where’s Ginny?” George asked after a while

“Yeah, it’s unlike her to miss out on the fun.” 

“I haven’t seen her since breakfast.” Ron said 

Sirius and Remus frowned at each other and Hermione stood up “I’ll go check on her. She’s probably just in our room.” 

She left to go down the hall and a moment later they heard a gasp “Oh. Oh dear.” 

Sirius darted out to the hall immediately and Remus eased himself up to limp after him on a walking stick he’d found. Hermione was standing in front of their open door where Ginny stood, sporting almost fluorescent green hair. Sirius suppressed a laugh as the adrenaline eased up “God, what happened Ginny?”

“It was supposed to be blond!” She cried, turning to look back at the mirror on the wall “You have to help me fix it, mum is going to kill me.”

Remus winced “Okay, okay, we can fix this. Er… Do you have the box?” 

Ginny frantically grabbed the box that had come in the mail this morning and thrust it in Sirius’ hands as she paced around

 _“Velma Valentini’s Miracle Hair Potions! With just one application, you can turn your dull old hair into flowing golden tresses that are guaranteed to turn even the most stubborn of heads! *Results and color may vary._ ” the box proclaimed

“Well that’s not very helpful.” Sirius frowned. He turned back to her “And that’s certainly not blond.” 

“It’s awful!” She said 

“It’s really not that bad.” Remus assured her “It’s very… Punk.” 

“It’s _neon_ ” Ginny moaned “Fred and George are never going to let me live this down.”

“Do you know any spells to counter it?” Remus asked Sirius 

“No, I know how to regrow hair, but not change the color permanently.” he frowned “Maybe just finite?” 

“Right, let’s see. _finite incantartum_ ” Remus tapped his wand against Ginny’s head and nothing happened 

“Well, worth a try I suppose.” Sirius said “Hermione, any ideas?” 

“Muggle hair dye?” She suggested 

“I feel like we’re beyond that.” Remus said 

“Is everything alright in there?” Harry asked from the hall and Ginny’s eyes widened

“Shut the door!” She demanded. Sirius suppressed a laugh and shut it behind him

“We’re fine, little mishap, nothing to worry about.” Sirius called back

“I hate to say it, your mum might be the only one who’ll know how to sort it out.” Remus suggested

“Remus, she’ll actually murder me.” Ginny said, slumping onto the bed miserably 

“Why the desire to dye your hair?” Sirius asked

“I dunno, it just looked fun! I thought it would be something different.” she groaned 

“If it makes you feel any better, Remus once tried to give himself a mohawk in our bathroom sixth year.” Sirius said

“Oh my god, that was one time.” he rolled his eyes “You all took the piss for weeks after that. I wanted to look like Joe Strummer.” 

Ginny laughed a little and there was another knock on the door. 

“Oy, where is everyone and why are four unsupervised teenagers throwing darts at the tapestry?” It was Tonks’ voice from the other side of the door “More importantly, why wasn’t I invited?”

Sirius opened the door and ushered them in “We’re having a crisis.” he said

“Oh cool hair, Ginny.” they said 

“Can you help put it back?” Ginny asked

Tonks laughed “Yeah, give me a second.” they took off their jacket and set it beside Remus. They looked quite nice today, their own hair pitch black and elaborately braided to look like an actual mohawk. They wore platform boots that added a few inches in height to their small frame. They whipped out their wand and tapped it a few times against Ginny’s head. In an instant, the green seemed to melt away, leaving plain ginger in it’s place. 

Ginny looked at herself in the mirror and let out a sigh of relief “You’re my actual hero, Tonks.” she said

“Ah, don’t sweat it. I helped half the girls in my year dye their hair in our dorm, I became a bit of an expert in covering up my mistakes. Word of advice, the muggle stuff works miles better.” 

“Please try that when we’re not in charge, please.” Sirius said quickly “I’m all for creative expression when it won’t get me flayed by your mother.” 

“Come on, we better make sure the boys aren’t destroying things they’re not supposed to.” Remus said 

“You look very nice by the way, Tonks.” Sirius said as they filed out of the girls’ room “Special occasion?”

“You could say that.” They said

“What sort of occasion?” Remus asked 

“None of your business, either of you.” they said, leaning against the door of the tapestry room 

“Oh come on, we’ve been cooped up for weeks.” Sirius groaned

“You’re both gossipy old queens.” Tonks rolled their eyes

“Yes.” Remus nodded 

“Well if you _must_ know, I have a date tonight.” They said

Remus grinned “With a certain healer?” 

“I’m not telling either of you anything else! I don’t want to jinx anything.” 

“Oh c’mon, she’ll love you.” Sirius said

“I have a habit of fucking these things up, so we’ll see.” they said “If I can get through the night without injuring either of us, it’ll be a success.”

“Where are you going?” 

“Christ you sound just like my mother, Sirius.” Tonks rolled their eyes and adjusted their hair”We’re going to drinks at a bar in Soho. Something casual.”

“I would actually kill a man to go to a bar in Soho right now.” Remus said 

They grinned “Maybe I can convince Moody to let me spring you two out for an evening soon. We can bring Emmeline and have the entire contingency of queers in the Order.” 

“I would be in your debt forever.” Sirius laughed “Good luck on convincing Moody of that though.”

“He has a soft spot for me, i’ll convince him. Right then, everyone’s hair a normal color? No more crises?” 

“You’re a life saver.” Remus said “Have a good time.”

“Constant vigilance.” Sirius reminded them 

“If you tell my Mum about this, you’re dead. She’ll be way too thrilled i’m going out with a healer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some well-earned and well-needed fluff at Grimmauld Place
> 
> Title is Little Trouble by Better Oblivion Community Center


	30. Just Like Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Spinning on that dizzy edge  
>  I kissed her face and kissed her head  
> And dreamed of all the different ways I had  
> To make her glow  
> Why are you so far away, she said  
> Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you  
> That I'm in love with you_
> 
> this was not meant to be this long my bad

The full moon came in late July, and with it, news of the first attacks. When the owl dropped off the Daily Prophet in the middle of the table during breakfast, everyone went quiet and watched Remus carefully as he picked it up.

“What does it-“ Ginny started

“Shh!” Molly hissed 

Remus looked up at the table of faces “I’ll read it out loud, it’s fine.” he said 

_”Two suspected werewolf attacks on children have been reported following last night’s full moon. The attacks, which occurred simultaneously although on opposite sides of the country, are suspected to be retaliation from the werewolf community for the accidental death of three attendees to a gathering held earlier this month. The first attack, occurred outside Milton Keynes, lead to the death of a nine year old boy. The second attack on a family in Liverpool left one child dead, with the other reportedly being treated for injuries at St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies. Healers denied requests for information regarding the child’s condition so far. The names of the victims have not been released out of respect for the families._

_The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures: Beast Division released a statement early this morning stating that a full investigation will be conducted and the culprits brought to justice. The department is investigating Fenrir Greyback as an early suspect for one of the attacks. Greyback, age unknown, was suspected to be responsible for a similar string of attacks on roughly a dozen children in the early 60s continuing until the mid-seventies and is known for being a leader of the werewolf community. Milton Davidson of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures warns parents of young children, and the broader community to be aware of the times of the full moon, and to stay inside with your doors locked once the moon rises. He also adds to be mindful of the people in your communities “If someone in your community is acting strangely near the full moon, or seems sickly during these times, avoid this person. You can never be too careful when your children’s lives are at stake.”_

_Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge spoke to reporters early this morning and stated that his “thoughts are with the families of the victims” and again urged caution around the full moon. Senior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, Delores Umbridge, was less tight lipped, telling reporters “The Ministry for Magic has a responsibility to the majority of the Wizarding population to enact swift measures to ensure their safety. We must not allow ourselves to be bullied into silence by half-breed radicals who wish to harm our children.” She is set to announce new legislation to bulk up the existing werewolf task-force and push for increased participation in the Werewolf Registry._

_To read more tips on protecting your home and family from werewolves, turn to page 13 for an interview with Rowland Puck, Ministry for Magic’s top werewolf-expert.”_

Remus set down the paper and let out a breath “Well,” he said “we knew it was coming.” 

“That Umbridge woman is a piece of work.” Arthur said finally. 

“There’s a name for what she is and I won’t say it in polite company.” Sirius growled 

“Have you heard from your friend yet, Remus?” Hermione asked 

He shook his head “No. She was going to wait until after the full moon.” 

Molly picked up the paper and tutted “Those poor dears.” she said 

Remus felt a phantom twinge from the mass of scar tissue on his shoulder, where the old bite was still as visible as it had always been. He shook his head “The Ministry is acting exactly the way he wants them to. Up the ante until they have enough justification to pass some mass legislation. Tale as old as time.”

“Don’t trust the government, kids.” Sirius said, grimacing at the paper “No offense, Arthur.” 

“No, I’m inclined to agree with you right now.” 

As soon as breakfast was finished and everyone went off to their respective tasks for the day, Sirius found a minute to pull him into their room and shut the door behind them.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” he asked, sitting at the edge of the bed. 

Remus stayed standing, pacing slightly “I-“ he shook his head “I don’t know. I feel like my priorities should be here with the Order, but in doing so I feel like I’m turning my backs on people who need me. And what does that make me? Exactly what they think I am. I’m either a lapdog or a dangerous half-breed.”

“Not to me.” Sirius said softly 

He stopped for a minute and smiled a little “No. Not to you.” He frowned again “I’m sorry, i’m just- I’m so angry. I’m angry that this shit keeps happening, exactly how I say it’s going to but nobody is going to risk a strategic advantage for some bloody werewolves. But I can’t seem like I have divided loyalties because of course I’m the first one they’ll suspect-“

Sirius winced slightly and Remus shut his eyes “Sorry. Sorry that was bloody out of line, I didn’t mean-“ 

“Hey, it’s fine.” Sirius said, holding out a hand to him “It’s a fair hit.” 

Remus let out an exasperated breath and slumped down beside Sirius “And you know what makes me feel the bloody worst out of everything that’s happened?” 

“What?” 

“That I came to this morning and I was worried that you would find the new scars on my face ugly.” Remus said, pinching the bridge of his nose “How fucking teenage and vain is that?”

“Well, I appreciate the concern, but you really don’t have anything to worry about there.” he said “Look, I know your loyalty is something incredibly important, I get that. It always has been. But maybe… Maybe stop thinking about who you should be loyal to and start thinking about what you _want_ to do. If that means going against Moody and Dumbledore and burning down the doors to the Ministry of Magic, I’m right there with you. I’ll handcuff myself to the fountain with you.” 

Remus let out a laugh “I appreciate that.” 

A crack filled the air and a small owl flew into the room and dropped a letter in Remus’ hands beefre disappearing again

_“Romulus,  
Pack safe, with I. Won’t say more. Read article- need to talk soon. Send details soon.  
-Si” _

“She’s safe.” Remus said, feeling a sense of relief wash over him.

“Hang on, who’s ‘I’.?” Sirius asked 

“Oh, that’s Will. You know, because he’s only got one eye.” Remus said 

“She couldn’t have just written a W?” 

“Well there’s no fun in that, is there?”

“All this time I thought gallows humor was a part of your personality, when it’s actually a trait of lycanthropy.”

“That and the substance abuse.” Remus nodded

Sirius bit his lip and frowned at the letter “I really don’t like the idea of you going to meet them again.”

“I’m just keeping track of my friends.” Remus said 

“I just… Something feels wrong. I don’t know. I don’t want you going alone.”

“I won’t be alone, I’ll just be seeing Simone and Will.”

“And the rest of their packs.”

“Yes, but…” He frowned “Look, I just need to make sure they’re alright.”

“I-“ Sirius sighed “Okay, but I’m coming with you.”

“Sirius, we’ve talked about it, you can’t come into the packs, they wont trust me.”

“But you’re only going to see if they’re alright.”

“I-Right. I just. I don’t want you to be in danger.”

“Yeah, me too. That’s why there’s no way in hell I’m letting you go alone.” 

Remus sighed “Alright. Okay, you can come. Although I have no idea how i’ll convince Mad-Eye we need to.” 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow “May I remind you that we are Marauders? What are those skills useful for if not to break out of my childhood home and meet up with a bunch of werewolves? And what makes you think they’ll automatically distrust me? Because I’m a pureblood?” 

“Yes.” He said “It’s rare for most of us to have partners at all, let alone the heirs to pureblood names. I just don’t want them… assuming I can’t be trusted.” 

“I’ve already met Simone and sure we didn’t hit it off immediately, but I think it turned out okay. I think at this point they should trust your judgement.”

Remus sighed “You’re right. You’re right. We’ll sort it out when she gets back to me.” he said “I’ve got to write a report for Dumbledore and Moody on this.” 

“Yeah I’ve got to do something downstairs. I’ll see you at dinner.” 

They kissed and Sirius left him there, shutting the door behind him. 

————  
Ever since returning to Grimmauld Place, Sirius avoided Regulus’ room. In a house that felt haunted by memories in every room, his held the most ghosts. It shared a wall with his childhood room. When they were little, they used to knock on the walls back and forth, ears pressed close so they could hear the reply from the other side; and when they were older- after it was too late for both of them- Sirius would press his record player close to that same wall and play songs he claimed were to annoy him, but secretly hoped he would love. Now the wall was plastered with newspaper clippings about Voldemort and a thick layer of filth. 

Sirius’ memory wasn’t what it used to be after Azkaban. He tried to use that excuse to himself for never being able to picture Regulus as he was the last time he ever saw him, some two years before he died, very nearly a man. Instead, he just imagined his brother when he still looked at Sirius with rapt attention, like he could perform miracles. When he trusted Sirius to protect him. 

‘Fat lot of good that did him in the end.’ a voice in the back of his head told him. Sirius shook off the thoughts and stepped through the door. He had promised Molly he would look through the room, making some kind of excuse about not being sure what might be in there- Regulus being a Death Eater and all. But Sirius was sure she saw right through him and just patted him on the arm in understanding.

“We’ll stay out of your way.” She assured him. 

He sat on the floor with his back against Regulus’ bed for a moment. The room felt like a shrine to him, though covered in dust, not a thumbtack was out of place from when Regulus had been here last. It was as if he could walk in at any moment and pick up the quill still on his desk. There was a time when Sirius would be furious at that- that his bedroom was stripped bare when Regulus’ was perfectly preserved. Now it just felt strange and distant- like he was overhearing a story about somebody else’s childhood. 

“Alright, Reggie, let’s see what you left. Maybe a diary? Do I have an obligation to read it, or is that disrespectful to the dead?” He muttered to himself. One habit from his years alone he found impossible to break was his need to talk to himself whenever he was alone in a room. It’s why he appreciated when Crookshanks followed him around, as it made him feel slightly less crazy when he talked to the cat. 

He opened the top dresser drawer and rooted around, finding nothing but carefully folded clothes (which he kept in disarray as he shut the door “I know you’d hate that. That’s what you get for dying, your blood traitor brother goes and rifles through your stuff, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

As he went through the drawers, he found nothing of note- just some old school books, his Quidditch robes half eaten by moths, a secret stash of long-expired sweets. He wasn’t really sure what he was looking for, if anything. 

“Sirius?” he turned around and saw Harry lingering in the door as if he were intruding on a private moment

“Hey, come in.” he said. Harry took a step in and glanced around, taking in everything

“This was your brother’s room?” he asked 

Sirius nodded “Yeah. I’ve er- been avoiding it.” 

“You don’t talk about him much.”

“No, no I suppose I don’t.” Sirius sighed “Things between me and him were… Well, complicated, I’ll say that.” 

“When did he die?” Harry asked, sitting on the threadbare rug 

Sirius thought for a moment “1978? No, ’79. It was the year after he left school.” 

“I didn’t realize he was that young.” Harry said “How did he die?” 

“He got scared. I don’t think he realized… You can’t stop being a Death Eater if it becomes too much for you. From what I can tell, Voldemort killed him. Not personally, probably had a hit ordered on him.” He sighed “Bloody idiot. Would have done anything to please my parents.” 

“You sound like you miss him.”

“Do I?” Sirius asked. Harry nodded “I suppose I… I miss the version of him that I knew. When we were kids, he was always softer, more trusting. Which aren’t traits that really help you growing up in a house like this. So I would act up, cause problems, take my mother’s anger away from him. I was always good at taking a beating. I thought I was helping him, but I think it backfired and all those expectations got put on him instead. Sorry, you don’t need to hear all of this.” 

“No, I like hearing about it.” Harry said “I mean, I don’t _like_ hearing about you getting beat up, but I dunno, Ron and Hermione don’t really… Get what growing up like that is like.”

Sirius laughed “Yeah I can see that. If there’s one thing Moony and I have going for us, it’s a plethora of childhood trauma to commiserate with.” he shook his head “Anyway, did you need something?” 

“Oh- er… I was just… Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah of course, anything.” Sirius said 

“What made you think Moony was the traitor the last time?” He asked

Sirius blinked at him “Wow, that’s a big one… Er…” he frowned, thinking it over “What makes you ask?”

“I-er- I overheard you talking earlier.” he said sheepishly

“You guys have got to stop with the extendable ears before someone hears something they _really_ don’t want to.” He shook his head and sat back down across from Harry and let his head loll back and rest on the post of the bed “What you have to understand is how bad things were last time. We’ve told you a lot of it, about how we were outnumbered, we were getting picked off, yeah?” 

Harry nodded, his eyes fixed on Sirius 

“So a little while before you were born, it became clear that something was wrong, we had a spy in the Order. The problem was, nobody had any idea who it was. And since we couldn’t just… Stop going on missions, things became a lot more secretive. None of us really knew what the others were doing and when. We would get dispatched separately, debrief with Dumbledore and then come back, acting as if we’d just gone to work like normal. Most of this wasn’t too involved, we’d go out on guard duty, or to investigate some tip or other and be home in a few hours. But Remus’ missions were much more involved. You’ve seen how hard it’s been for him to gain the trust of other werewolves, you have to put in time, and be fully committed. So he would be gone for months at a time.”

“And you didn’t know where he was at all?” 

“We knew his missions had to do with the werewolves, but we never knew how exactly. And I…” he frowned “I’m not proud of the man I used to be in those days, Harry. I wasn’t particularly understanding, or kind. And I loved Remus, as much as I do now, but I didn’t make an effort to try and understand how he was feeling. the Ministry was doing the same sort of thing they’re doing now, and Remus was reasonably furious about it. But me, being… How I was, I thought- well those laws are obviously not talking about Moony, he’s different. He’s not like the other werewolves. So when he would talk to me and your dad and Wormtail, and vent his frustrations, and say things like ‘us’ and ‘we’ in reference to the werewolves… I think the idiot pureblood in my brain kicked in and made me begin to suspect something was wrong.”

Sirius shook his head as if his former self could feel his disappointment “Combine that with the fact that we were both working so much on such different schedules that we never saw each other, the fact that neither one of us is naturally gifted at talking about our feelings, and- i’ll be honest- that we were drinking more than we needed to, and it was a powder keg. We started fighting constantly, and distrusting each other more…”

He gestured vaguely and Harry nodded, staring at the carpet as he thought this over 

“But listen, it’s not going to be like that this time.” Sirius said

“How do you know?” Harry asked “We don’t know what’s happening, what’s going to happen. What if I wake up one day and don’t trust Ron or Hermione? Or what if we all start getting picked off again?”

He sighed “Listen, I can’t make you any promises I can’t keep. I’m not going to tell you that it’s going to be easy and that the right people to trust will always be obvious or nobody will get hurt throughout this, because it’s not true. But you can trust your instincts. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders- hell, you’re much smarter than I was at 18, let alone 14.” 

“15.” Harry corrected

“Not until Monday, calm down.” Sirius smirked “You’re right to be concerned about everything that’s happening, but I promise you, we are going to do everything we can to make sure these things don’t happen again. We’re much better prepared than we were, we’ve learned from our mistakes. And I’ll be damned if I let the two of you go a second time.” 

—————————

“Come on Moody, they’ve been cooped up inside for weeks.” Tonks argued 

“Lupin needs to recover.” Moody grumbled, clearly annoyed at Tonks asking again

“We’re going to a bar, not running a marathon!” they said “Besides, his healer will literally be there.” 

“Going to a crowded bar in the middle of London is a recipe for getting poisoned.” 

Tonks rolled their eyes “Come _on_ , Moody. We can’t all be you, we need to blow off some steam! They’ll be safe, I’ll be there, Emmeline is going to be there.” 

Moody fixed Tonks with a stare and flitted his magical eye towards the other side of the table, where Remus and Sirius were eating and pretending not to listen in. Tonks grinned at him expectantly “If anybody dies, I’m not filling out paperwork.”

Tonks let out a triumphant yell “I promise I will fill out the death certificates myself. Moody, I love you. And I know you’ll never say it back because you’re far too manly, but I know you love me too.”

Moody grumbled something and turned back to Deadalus Diggle. Tonks spun around and gave Sirius and Remus a thumbs up “First annual Order of the Phoenix and Co. night of queer debauchery is go.” 

Molly cleared her throat from beside them as the kids held in laughs. 

“Did I say queer debauchery? I meant a pleasant homosexual soiree.” Tonks grinned, winking towards the kids.

It felt odd setting off for a relatively normal night out, Remus couldn’t remember the last time he’d done it, it had certainly been a while. He used to go to the bars more frequently than he’d like to admit, but then, that was before the muggles he’d become friendly with began dying en masse. He stopped going after that, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was cursed somehow, that getting close to someone doomed them to die. 

Sirius was thrilled, both to be let out of the house and to be out among people. He always did thrive in a crowd. Remus always thought he was one of those people who was meant to be seen, meant to be observed. When he got out of Azkaban, he was worried Sirius had lost that aspect of himself, but lo and behold- it seemed to be immutable. 

“Well there’s certainly no mistaking we’re a merry band of queers.” Emmeline said as they walked along. Remus was inclined to agree. They were all in muggle clothes, Emmeline wore a pair of high-waisted jeans with an oversized blazer over it, her hair in tight cornrows across her head. Sirius and Tonks looked very much related- and that they made up half of a punk band. Sirius had brought his old leather jacket out of retirement, still sporting the patches Remus had helped him sew on it a lifetime ago. Nadine, who Remus realized he had never seen outside of her green healer’s robes, was sporting a floral sun dress with a pair of combat boots peaking out from underneath. Remus felt rather plain beside Sirius, wearing a denim jacket over jeans and a t-shirt, but he just felt happy to be walking hand in hand with him. He was still using a walking stick to take pressure off his bad leg, the one part of his recovery that was frustratingly slow. 

Naturally, the bar Tonks chose was a loud and dirty punk bar, the patrons spilling out into the street as a Dead Kennedys song blasted from inside. The lighting was low and the walls were all covered in permanent marker graffiti and the floor stuck to their shoes as they filed in, pushing through the crowd. 

“Mafia seat’s open!” Tonks yelled back 

“The Mafia seat?” Sirius asked, cocking his eyebrow. They gestured to an empty table in the far corner of the bar and slid in 

“It’s what my dad always called it.” They shrugged “It’s so nobody can come up behind you.”

“Moody would be proud.” Remus smirked

“Please, no bloody shop talk tonight!” Emmeline said, her eyes flitting over the crowd standing by the bar

“Right, we’re on a mission to find Emmeline a nice muggle girl to settle down with.” Sirius said

She groaned “Right now I just want to get drunk.” 

“A noble plan. Tonks, help me with drinks?” He turned to Remus “Gin and tonic?” 

“You know me well.”

Sirius took full advantage of the location and kissed him deeply before getting up and following Tonks to the crowded bar. Remus handed a cigarette to Emmeline and leaned back in the booth. Nadine cocked a brow at him 

“You _really_ should cut back.” she shook her head

“Oy, no shop talk!” Remus insisted “As I once told Harry’s dad, if I live long enough for the smoking to get me, it’ll be a miracle.” 

“Christ I feel old.” Emmeline said “When did we get old?” 

“We didn’t, they just got younger.” Remus said

“Yeah that’s fair.” she frowned

“Anybody catching your eye?” he asked

Emmeline scanned the room and smirked “No, but you’re catching someone’s.” 

A man wearing a white muscle t-shirt was staring at Remus from the bar, and Remus made the mistake of making eye contact. 

“Christ, he’s coming over.” Remus groaned, taking a long drag of his cigarette. 

“Hey.” The man said, taking Sirius’ vacant seat. Emmeline disguised a laugh with her hand

“Hello.” Remus said, his tone neutral 

“I’m Ian. What’s your name?”

“John.” he lied

“I haven’t seen you in here before?” 

“Oh? Well, I’m not out much.” 

“That’s a shame.” Ian said with a smile “Can I buy you a drink?”

Remus smiled politely “Sorry, mate, I’m here with my boyfriend.” 

Ian frowned slightly “Is it serious?”

“You could say that.” Sirius said from behind them, grinning cheerfully 

Ian stood and held up his hands “Sorry, friend. Can’t blame me for trying.”

“Oh no, I think you’ve got great taste.” Sirius said, slipping back into his seat and handing Remus and Emmeline their drinks “But horrible timing.”

“Are you jealous?” Remus asked him 

“Course not. Besides, some guy gave me his telly-phone number while I was up there.” Sirius grinned, handing him the little strip of paper. Remus frowned and glanced back

“Which one?” 

“Hang on are you actually jealous?”

“We all have our flaws.” Remus shrugged

He walked back to his friends and Nadine and Emmline couldn’t hold back their laughing “Lupin has game, who’d have thought?” Emmeline said

“Oy, I got around in the 80s.” Remus said

“What a time to walk in.” Tonks said as they walked up, handing Nadine a drink and putting a tray of shots in the middle of the table. 

“Jesus, Tonks, I am definitely too old for that.” Emmeline groaned

“Nonsense.” they grinned “Sirius told me to do it.” 

Sirius handed him one “Bottoms up.” 

Remus laughed “Cheers.”

He downed the shot, which burned in the way that only cheap well liquor could, like gasoline trickling down his throat. Sirius hissed as he finished his

“Maybe we are too old for that.” he coughed 

“Lightweight.” Remus smirked. 

“God, why don’t we have places like this?” Sirius said, looking around the bar

“What, a gay district in Diagon Alley?” Tonks asked

“Why not?” Nadine asked “It could work.”

“Well there aren’t that many of us, are there?” Emmeline pointed out, sipping at her drink 

“I think there’s more than they say, we just don’t talk about it.” Remus said 

“My uncle was gay.” Sirius sad

“Hang on, which one?” Tonks said, setting their drink down hard 

“Alphard, my mother’s other brother.” 

“Alphard was gay?” Tonks gaped “I thought he was disowned for helping you when you were disowned?”

“You never heard this story? They found out after he died that he helped me _and_ was living with a man for the past _fifteen_ years without anybody finding out.” Sirius said. He glanced around “And the man wasn’t one of our sort, either.” 

Tonks sat wide eyed for a moment “Holy shit, how did I never know that?” they said “You go, Great Uncle Alphard.” 

“I think the queer gene runs along with the black sheep gene in the family.” Sirius grinned “Except your mother, I suppose.”

“I think she just passed it along to me so it was extra strong- had to get ahold of my gender, too.” They laughed 

“Your family really is as crazy as you said.” Nadine laughed “Present company excluded, of course.”

“Well…” Sirius made a vague gesture 

“Fair enough.” She said 

“I’m so glad I didn’t ever have to be apart of that world.” Tonks said, leaning back in their chair “I only met Narcissa once when I was like 9? Anyway she told me I needed to learn how to use my ‘gift’ to make myself skinnier.” 

“Christ, they’re nightmares.” Remus shook his head 

“My mum’s crazy, but just the normal amount of mum crazy.” Nadine said 

“Mine still tries to set me up with her friend’s sons.” Emmeline rolled her eyes “Even though I’ve explicitly told her I’d rather she introduce her daughters.”

“Oh my dad was the same way.” Remus laughed fondly “He told me once that perhaps the fact that I dated Sirius indicated that I had terrible judgement, so I could have been wrong about the whole queer thing, too.”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter “Did he really do that?”

“Until the day he died.” Remus shook his head “Loved the old bastard.” 

“Oh I _love_ this song!” Tonks said as _Just Like Heaven_ came over the speakers, jumping to their feet “Come on, let’s dance.” 

“Oh god, I’m a horrible dancer!” Nadine said 

“So am I, it’ll be great.” 

They disappeared into a crowd of people and Emmeline left to get them another round and Sirius grinned at him when he noticed Remus mouthing along to the words and leaned in to kiss him. Remus was rarely one for public displays of affection, but the drinks and the thrill of being out of the house without immediately throwing himself into danger loosened his resolve and he melted into it 

_”Show me how you do it, and I promise you, I promise that i’ll run away with you”_ Robert Smith crooned from the speakers, melting into the din of the crowd behind them. 

“Oy, loverboys.” Emmeline said, putting drinks in front of them. Sirius coughed and grinned up at her.

“Oh c’mon, Emm, what’s a good public snog every once and a while?” he said

“Don’t call me Em.” She rolled her eyes “I hate other people’s love.” 

Walking home was substantively more difficult than it was arriving. Sirius and Remus were now propping each other up and singing some T.Rex song that had been popular when they were in school and laughing at a story of Nadine’s as they approached Grimmauld Place. Outside the gate, Emmeline gave a two-fingered salute.

“You good to get home?” Remus said, his words slightly slurred

“Yes, are you good to get upstairs?” 

“Questionable.” 

“Goodnight!” She said, walking away with her boots clacking on the pavement. 

The remaining four clumsily made their way into the house, Tonks tripping over the umbrella stand as they walked in- setting them off into giggles. 

“Right, to bed with you!” Tonks said 

“Stay the night, we’ve got space.” Sirius said

“Nah, we should get back to my place.” Nadine said 

“Alright, g’night. Come on Moony.” 

After likely waking up the entire house, they both slumped onto the bed fully clothed and still laughing slightly at nothing in particular.

“Fuck I’m drunk.” Sirius laughed 

“Yeah. Yeah me too.” he said “Had a good time though.”

“I feel 21 again.” 

“Hold on to that feeling because I’m assuming we’ll feel 60 tomorrow morning.” Remus laughed. He yawned and rolled over to face him “But I know what you mean.” 

“Sometimes I forget what certain things feel like, because of the Dementors and everything. So sometimes something will happen and suddenly I’ll remember all these things, small things at first like what an orange tasted like, but then more things, like what it’s like when someone says your name, and sitting around in a bar with friends felt like, and I’ll just have a rush of memories and feelings from before. It’s… It’s weird. But it’s good.” Sirius said, staring at the canopy of the bed as he spoke and then turned towards him 

Remus smiled softly, his eyes starting to feel heavy “When this is over, we’ll go do everything we can that you don’t remember.”

“I like that idea.” Sirius laughed “And we’ll finally go to New York. You’ve always wanted to go to New York.” 

“Hmm initially that was because I wanted to sleep with Lou Reed.” Remus mumbled

“There’s still time.” Sirius said “Lou hasn’t settled down yet.” 

“You’d let me sleep with Lou Reed?”

“If you were given the opportunity? I’d be furious if you didn’t.” Sirius said. He lazily flicked his wand at the light so it turned off “G’night Moony.”

“Night Padfoot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title comes from Just Like Heaven by the Cure
> 
> I was going to end it but I couldn't resist a gay bar interlude


	31. London Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"London calling to the faraway towns  
>  Now war is declared and battle come down  
> London calling to the underworld  
> Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls  
> London calling, now don't look to us  
> Phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust  
> London calling, see we ain't got no swing  
> Except for the ring of the truncheon thing"_

As gloomy as Grimmauld Place was, they managed to make it seem almost cheerful for Harry’s birthday. Mrs. Weasley cooked a spectacular meal and she and Sirius managed to work together long enough to bake him a massive chocolate cake.

Halfway through the meal, Remus was distracted by a note arriving, from the same raggedy owl that brought Simone’s last letter.

 _“R- midnight tonight, The Swan - Si”_

The brief note was followed by an address scrawled in her scratchy handwriting. Remus slipped the note to Sirius as the others listened to a rather raunchy joke from Mundungus. 

“You sure it’s from her?” 

Remus nodded “Certain.”

“Right.” Sirius frowned, folding it back up and handing it back to Remus “Let’s do it.” 

Remus slipped it into his pocket and turned his attention back to the table, watching Harry open his presents - looking incredibly embarrassed as he did so “You didn’t have to do all this.” he said

“Nah, course we did.” Sirius said “Sorry we can’t be somewhere a little… Er- nicer.” 

“No, it’s perfect.” Harry said with a grin 

After dinner, the twins decided to show off their new fireworks in the sitting room- promising they were fire-free. There was a brief malfunction that set off an entire box of green fireworks off at once, nearly blinding with the flash, but other than that, it was really a sight to see. As Remus leaned back against the wall, he glanced over at Harry, only to see the back of him as he slipped out of the room quickly. He furrowed his brow and glanced back at the group. Nobody seemed to have noticed. He was sure he was fine, but Remus slipped out after him. Something in the way he’d ran out seemed off to him. 

Remus turned the corner into the dining room and to the end of the hall, where Harry sat with his back to the wall, eyes shut tight and his hands shaking 

“Harry?” Remus asked softly “Is everything alright?”

“I-“ Harry began “I don’t know. I dunno what’s happening, I just saw the flash and then all of a sudden I felt like I was back in the graveyard- right when Cedric… I can’t make it stop, my heart wont stop pounding-“

Remus shut his eyes and sighed “Harry, look at me- you’re having a panic attack. Take a breath with me, okay?”

“A- I’m not-“ Harry said, his breath coming shallow “I’m fine.”

“It’s normal, Harry. But I need you to breathe.” Remus said, his tone soft “You’re not in any danger, nobody is going to hurt you here. I’m right here with you, i’m not going anywhere.” 

Harry was breathing heavily, clutching his chest “How long is it going to last?”

“Not long.” Remus assured him “5, 10 minutes. It’ll be over soon.”

“I feel like i’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die. Do you need the quiet or is talking helping?”

“It- It’s helping. Just tell me a story or something.” 

“Alright, er…” Remus searched his memory for a moment and smiled a little when he thought of it “Okay, so on this day, 15 years ago, your mother and I were sitting in your parent’s house. I was recovering from the full moon and Lily was very, _very_ pregnant. Sirius and your dad were off on a mission, and I remember that because it was a very delicate one where we couldn’t contact them while they were there or it would blow the entire thing. Which turned out to be a big mistake because of course your mum went into labour.”

Harry was still breathing heavily, but he was steadying slightly “What happened?” 

“Well I freaked out, naturally. And then your mum freaked out.” Remus said “She felt very strongly about you being born in a muggle hospital, so we both manage to stop hyperventilating for a second for me to call a cab and get her there. And the whole time the doctor is asking who’s going in there with her and Lily is freaking out that James won’t be there in time so she’s like “my brother, this is my brother!” to me. And so now I’m freaking out even more because I do _not_ want to be in the delivery room because frankly, babies freak me out.” 

He let out a faint laugh 

“But finally- literally as they’re wheeling Lily into the delivery room, James runs in- still wearing his robes and bleeding from some scrap they got themselves in. The doctors were so confused, we had to tell them he worked at a theme restaurant. But he got there in time and I spent the next three hours chain smoking on the curb of the hospital with Sirius until you decided to make your appearance. I had never seen either of them look quite so scared and these were the two who looked Voldemort in the face twice by then without flinching.” 

“I’d take Voldemort, to be honest.”

Remus laughed “Yeah, I think so too. But then there you were, and you had us wrapped around your finger instantly.”

Harry smiled and shut his eyes, taking a few deep breaths, rubbing his eyes on the back of his sleeve quickly “I-I’m feeling better. I think.”

Remus gave a small smile “Good. Nothing lasts forever, yeah?” 

“I don’t know what happened, I was fine a minute ago.”

“I think it was the fireworks. The flash of green?” Remus suggested. Harry looked puzzled for a moment before a look of realization flashed over his face 

“Fuck, I didn’t even…” He shook his head “I think I’m okay.”

“Yeah?” He said “Do you just want to sit for a minute?” 

He gave a stiff nod and stared at his hands 

“It’s totally normal, you know that, right?” Remus said “It’s your body trying to protect itself.” 

“Yeah, I really wish it would stop doing that.” Harry said “I’d like to one day get through a loud noise or the color green without having a bloody fit about it.” 

“It gets easier.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, though, and so far it’s still hard.” 

“Didn’t say it wasn’t going to be hard.” Remus said “I just said it gets easier.”

“Nobody else seems to… I dunno, freak out when things like this happen. It’s the dementors all over again.” 

“And what did I tell you then? The others don’t have the same horrors in their lives. You went through something unimaginable less than three months ago, it’s not going to be better instantly.” He said 

“It just feels like I have to be… I dunno, like I have to seem perfectly cheerful or everyone frets over me all the time.” 

“You don’t have to pretend for our sakes.” Remus said “Look, if you need to lock yourself in your room and blast Nirvana in the dark, you do that. We’re going to be on the other side of the door whenever you need us. And I will personally make sure nobody frets over you.”

“Harry? Remus?” Sirius called from the hall

“We’re in here.” Remus replied

“Hey, can you just… Not tell anybody about this?” Harry asked, getting to his feet 

“‘Course.” Remus said “It’s between us.”

Sirius poked his head in as Remus was easing himself up with his cane “What’re you two up to?” 

“We’re gossiping about you, obviously.” Remus said 

“Rude.” 

“Moony was just telling me how Dad nearly missed me being born.” Harry said 

Sirius laughed “Merlin, that was a nightmare. I’m pretty sure we broke a dozen muggle laws trying to get there in time. Probably still a traffic ticket out for us in Norfolk.” 

——————

It was a few hours after they’d all been ushered to bed and Ron was snoring across the room, but Harry couldn’t get to sleep. He stared up at the moth-eaten canopy of the four poster bed and listened to the distant creaking of the house around him. Grimmauld Place was becoming more familiar to him now, more comfortable. He liked being surrounded by activity, people coming in and out and staying for dinner. It was chaotic and exciting and helped keep his mind off the ever-present sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. Still, he did miss the quiet cottage in the countryside, when it was just the three of them. He missed the green cabinets in the kitchen and the overgrown garden, the Quidditch Hoops behind the house and the summer breeze drifting in through the open windows. 

Imagining going back to the cottage one day was just beginning to lull him to sleep when he heard a noise in the hallway. Harry sat up and glanced at the bed next to him. Ron was undisturbed, still fast asleep. Harry stilled his breathing to listen.

“Come on, we should be fine to go through the front.” He heard Sirius’ voice whisper 

“What about coming back in?” Remus asked 

“It’ll be fine, everyone will still be asleep by the time we get back.” 

Harry glanced at the clock on the wall, reading it was just before midnight. They hadn’t mentioned any missions, no jobs from Mad Eye or Dumbledore. Making a split second decision, Harry pulled on a pair of jeans and snatched his invisibility cloak from its' spot at the foot of his bed and shoved his wand into his pocket before slipping out of his room. He saw Sirius and Remus creep down the stairs, silent to avoid the portraits.

“Watch the last stair, it creaks.” Sirius muttered. Harry began to follow them, careful to match their footsteps to avoid being heard and carefully stepping over the last stair.

Sirius listened carefully at the front door “Alright. I think we’re good. Let’s go.” 

Harry hesitated briefly as they stepped out into the night, knowing he was supposed to stay put. But he would be right by them the whole time, and if they never found out… Just as the door began to shut, he made his decision and followed them into the dark streets, staying as close to them as he could without alerting them to his presence. 

“How far away is this place?” Sirius asked 

“Not far. Fifteen minutes.” Remus said 

“Right.”

“We won’t have to stay long.” he said “I just want to check in.”

“I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious about this.”

“You’ve never been self-conscious in your life.” Remus said “You’ll be fine, just don’t say anything posh.”

“What, like accidentally slipping that I had a governess?”

“Or an estate in the South of France.” 

“Well there goes my plans for small-talk.”

Remus muttered something that Harry couldn’t quite catch as they continued along. The crowds on the sidewalk grew more crowded when they made their way into a more populated part of London, young people spilling out of bars and restaurants and drunkenly making their way home. They wound their way around, taking a few turns down side streets and alleys until they found themselves at the door to a dingy pub with an old wooden sign outside proclaiming it to be “The Swan”. Remus lead them inside and they were met near the door by Simone, the woman Harry had met when Remus returned from the gathering. She grabbed Remus roughly by the arm 

“What the hell are you playing at, bringing him?” She hissed

“Si, he’s fine.” Remus said “You know we can trust him.”

“Well I bloody know we can trust him, but the rest of them aren’t going to believe it. Things are tense enough as it is.”

“Hang on, who is ‘the rest of them’?” Remus asked 

“You’ll see.” She said “But he’s gotta go.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Look, I’m sorry, but there’s no way in hell I was letting him come in alone after what happened last time.” Sirius muttered “They’re just going to have to deal with me being there.”

Simone looked at Sirius and then back to Remus with a groan “Fine. Fine, but i’m not liable for how anybody is going to react.”

“I can handle it.” Sirius assured her cooly 

She frowned but lead them through the crowded bar towards a back room. Harry found it difficult to keep up with them without bumping into random people. He wondered if this was a bar for Wizards, or why Simone had picked it to meet with other werewolves, which Harry was now sure was happening. 

Harry just managed to get through the door to the back room as it closed behind him. There were a dozen or so people milling about in small groups. Most of them looked about Remus’ age or younger, almost all of them with scars like him, looking as ragged as Remus had when they’d first met. He’d never seen so many werewolves in one place, though he supposed other than Remus, he’d only ever met Simone very briefly. Simone immediately went up to an Asian man standing up front. He had long black hair and was missing his right eye, leaving nothing but a mass of scar tissue in its’ place. The man glanced towards Sirius, and Harry noticed quite a few of the other werewolves giving him sideways looks, and he became quite glad he was invisible. 

The one-eyed man came up to them and Remus put a hand on his shoulder “Will, I’m so sorry about Hindley and Ocean.” he said “It’s… Fuck, there’s nothing I can say.”

Will nodded sadly “Thanks, Remus… It was a hit, I won’t lie. We couldn’t even… Well, Ocean’s family took her body. You know how it goes. Couldn’t even come to the funeral to say goodbye. Angela took it pretty hard.” 

He gestured back to a dark-skinned woman sitting by herself with her elbows on her knees. 

“Where are the others?” Remus asked

“Leggs and Kristen went to Greyback.” Will explained with a sigh “I tried to get them to stop, but… Well, there was nothing I could say. They’re angry, I can’t fault them for that.” 

“Christ, I’m so sorry.” 

“That’s why we’re doing this, we’re about to get started.”

“Will, I can’t- I just needed to check that you were safe.”

“I know, but this is important. Just- just stay, alright? Do it for an old friend.” he said. He finally glanced to Sirius suspiciously “Simone mentioned you’d brought your…”

“Partner.” Remus said “I’ve told you about Sirius. Look, I know people are jumpy around outsiders right now, and I understand. But I trust Sirius with me life.”

“I understand that, but the others…”

“Look, he’s… He’s my pack, Will.” 

Will glanced back at Sirius and nodded stiffly “Alright. Alright, it’s good to meet you, I suppose.”

“Good to meet you.” Sirius said, giving him a big smile that was not reciprocated 

“Alright, shut up you lot, let’s get this started.” Simone said from the front of the room. Will turned back as the group shuffled around sitting in the scattered chairs or standing to the edge. 

“Right- er- thanks for coming everyone.” Will said “I’m not really much of a public speaker, but… Look, we all know whats happening. We’ve read the same articles.”

“But what’s that got to do with us, Willy?” a woman said from the back

“Well I think… I know we’re all in different packs and all, and we don’t have a lot of communication with each other. But it effects all of us. I think… I think it’s high time we do something. Anything.” 

A young man standing near Harry scoffed “Like what? Setting up a picket line?” 

“What’s so funny about that?” the woman Will mentioned before- Angela- said 

“What are we, Muggles?” the man said “You want to go get arrested again, that’s fine by me.” 

“If the worst they can do is arrest us, I don’t see why we don’t bloody do something for once.” Angela said “I’m sick of being afraid of the Ministry of Magic or Fenrir Greyback, aren’t you lot?” 

There was some scattered muttering 

“If we cause a big stink, they’re just going to lump us in with Greyback’s lot, we all know that.” A woman said “They don’t see us as individuals, they all think we’re the same.”

“Speaking of, what’s the Wizard doing here, Si?” a man said, gesturing towards Sirius. The whole room turned towards him, all apparently curious. Remus held up a hand

“He’s with me.” Remus said

Someone let out a laugh “Course he is.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus said hotly 

“Please, like we all don’t know who _you_ are.” he said “Big in your britches and all. ‘Course you’d be with one of them.”

“Cain, just shut the fuck up for once.” Simone said “He’s put himself on the line more than one time for you lot.” 

“Look, I’m here to listen, same as you. And if anybody’s got a problem with me or with Sirius, you can take it up with me directly.” Remus snapped “But I’d like to hear what Will is saying, if you don’t have a problem with that.” 

“Thanks, Lupin.” Will said “Listen, things are going to get worse if we don’t do something. All of you know that. They want to arrest us regardless of what we do. Personally, I’d rather be taken in for doing something about it. Now, the article in the Prophet alluded to a new set of legislation being floated in the Ministry by Umbridge.”

Almost everyone in the crowd sneered “Fuck that bitch.” someone growled

“They think they’re going to be able to pass this quietly and demonize us in the press, but I say they need to look us in the eye when they do it.” Simone said 

“But that means being public, you know that, right?” Cain asked 

Simone shrugged “They’ve already driven most of us to the fringes anyway. When was the last time one of you was gainfully employed in the Wizarding World?” 

“I thought you were staying out of it, Simone?” a woman asked from beside Remus 

“I was.” She said “Before they killed a kid in front of all of us. Frankly, I’m bloody sick of it, and I reckon you lot are too. I’ve been shunted to the gutter since I was 10 years old. And I’m sick to death of looking for salvation in the likes of Greyback and being sold lies by the Ministry. I have no interest in dying for anybody else, but I’m damn sure ready to start living.”

There was some scattered muttering around the room and Harry watched Remus carefully as he nodded, his brow knitted together like they did when he was deep in thought. 

“But what do we do about Greyback, anyway?” another werewolf around the edge of the room asked 

Will spoke up again “We know he’s been going around to the different packs- or rather he’s sending his people. If we can cut off his recruitment, it’s going to hinder him at least a little bit.”

“I can’t stop people from leaving if they want to.” 

“No, but we can make a statement together. That nobody who joins Greyback will be able to return to a pack, and make a pact to drive away any known associate of his from your packs.” Angela said from her spot in the corner

“That’s a little radical, don’t you think?” the woman asked “What, we leave them on their own?” 

“It’s what needs to happen.” Angela said “I’m not having any tolerance for people who hitch their ride up to a fascist like him. If you’re alright with hurting kids, you’re out.” 

“There’s also the issue of the next full moon.” Simone said “He’s going to try and attack again. It’s going to be bigger this time, too.” 

Will nodded “I believe he’s going to use the next full moon as an opportunity for the new recruits to prove their loyalty. He’s done it before.” 

Harry saw Remus grit his teeth “The Ministry will use that as an excuse to act.” he said 

Angela nodded “We need to make it clear that we’re not associated with him. That he is a fringe werewolf who doesn’t speak for us.”

“How do we do that?” Cain asked, cocking a brow

“A manifesto.” Simone said with a small grin 

“A manifesto.” Cain repeated “Great, so we’re communists now?” 

“Simone’s right.” Will said “If we’re going to be organized, we need to show them that we’re organized. They’re not going to take us seriously, so let’s make them take us seriously. Remus?” 

“Hm?” Remus said “Oh, I mean, I agree. It’s an excellent idea.”

“So you’ll write it, then?” Angela asked

“ _Me?_ ” Remus coughed “You’re kidding.”

“Oy, you know you’re the right one to do it.” Simone said 

“I-I- Surely you want someone better than me to do it.” He stammered as everyone watched him

“What’s that fancy education for if not this?” she grinned “You wanted me to get involved, this is how i’m getting involved. But I need help.” 

“Jesus Christ, Si.” Remus muttered. He glanced at Sirius, who shrugged “I-fine. Fine, i’ll fucking do it.” 

“I knew you would.”

“Yeah because you’re a bully.” Remus rolled his eyes 

“Thanks, Lupin.” Will said, smiling softly 

“Right then, is everyone in agreement of the terms? Of rejecting anybody who chooses to join Greyback?” Angela said

The spectators muttered to each other briefly before they nodded in agreement, some seeming rather uncomfortable with the step, but staying in line. 

“Right then. Next time we meet, we’ll have more concrete things to go over. But for now, keep your traps shut. This doesn’t leave the room, okay?” Simone said 

“Tell that to him.” Cain nodded towards Sirius 

“Oy, I’m on house arrest anyway.” Sirius said “Don’t have anybody to tell.” 

“Fair enough.”

Harry was too caught up in processing everything that he heard that he didn’t notice the man directly to his left trying to walk past him to leave, and ended up running directly into him. The man stopped and stared at the space Harry was in, and Harry’s heart jumped as he reached forward and touched his shoulder 

“What the hell is this?” he snapped, snatching the cloak off Harry’s head as everyone turned to look. Harry grit his teeth as his head became visible and everyone gaped at him. Sirius and Remus stood up immediately as everyone began to panic a little bit.

“Who are you?” the man growled

“I-“

“Harry, what the bloody hell are you doing here?" Remus snapped 

“Romulus, what the hell?” Simone snapped

“I didn’t know, he must have followed us.”

Sirius shoved his way through the crowd and grabbed Harry by the arm. He turned back to Remus “I’ll handle this.” and pulled Harry out of the back room and back through the crowded pub. Harry felt his stomach drop to the pit of his stomach 

“Sirius, I-“ He began as Sirius shoved him out of the pub and glared at him. Harry had never seen him look so angry. 

“Harry, this had better have a bloody good explanation.” Sirius said 

“I-I’m sorry, I just heard you leave, and I just-“

“You thought you’d follow us through the night in the middle of London? What if we had been going somewhere dangerous, did you ever think about that?” Sirius yelled

“I-I just knew you weren’t doing something for the Order, and I-“

Sirius let out a frustrated noise “Look at me, we’ve been pretty fair, I’d say. We have told you far more than anybody wanted us to- more than Moody, or Dumbledore, or Molly. Is that false?”

“No.” Harry muttered 

“And even when we’ve kept something from you, we’ve tried to give you a good explanation, because we feel like you deserve it.” Sirius said “We give you a lot of bloody leeway, against our better judgement. And we’ve done this to keep you safe. All we have asked you to do is to stay in the house.” 

“I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, I-“

“No, you didn’t think!” Sirius snapped “You- Fuck, Harry, you have done a lot of reckless things, you have gone off the rule book more than your fair share. But I have never once thought you would do something stupid like this.”

“You two go off on your own all the time!” Harry fumed “You’re supposed to stay in the house as well!”

“Because we’re adults!” he yelled “Because we know what we’re doing and have enough information to make an informed decision, and have the ability to protect ourselves if something goes wrong. Do you have any idea what we would have felt like if something had gone wrong, and you had been hurt?”

“I- I didn’t think about that.”

“No. No, you didn’t.” Sirius said. Harry felt like he had rocks in his stomach as he stared at his feet.

The door to the pub opened again and Simone walked out, looking just as furious “What the fuck is going on with this bloody family?”

“Simone, I’m sorry, we didn’t know he was there.” 

“I figured that much.” She said “He can’t say _anything_. It was a risk doing this at all, the Ministry is on our asses.”

“I won’t say anything, I swear.” Harry insisted “I’m really, really sorry.” 

Simone glared him down, her almost amber eyes boring into him “I’d honestly expect the savior of the Wizarding World to have a little more brains than this, honestly, I-“

She trailed off as there was a sudden shift in the air. The streetlights on the abandoned street flickered and the three of them froze as a cold sensation came down Harry’s spine. Before they could react, a Dementor was swooping down on Sirius as he gaped up at it, paralyzed with fear. Simone let out a yell and fell to the ground, trying to shuffle away as another one entered the alleyway. Harry’s body froze for a split second as he felt the familiar rush of fear and dread fill his veins before he fumbled in his pocket for his wand and wracked his mind for a happy thought. The day he left the Dursleys, the ride in the beat up old car to Wales and a David Bowie song blasting from the ancient radio.

 _“Expecto Patronum!”_ he yelled, and the enormous silver stag erupted from his wand and barreled into the Dementor hunched over Sirius, sending it careening out of the alleyway. He turned his wand towards the second one, making it’s way towards Simone just as the door to the pub opened and Remus walked out. The stag drove away the Dementor before disappearing in a silver mist.

“Fucking hell.” Remus said breathlessly, taking in the scene. Simone was retching into the gutter and Sirius was still lying in the middle of the street, shuddering and clammy. He turned to Harry, still standing with his wand out with wide eyes “Keep your wand out.”


	32. Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Don't give us none of your aggravation  
>  We had it with your discipline  
> Saturday night's alright for fighting  
> Get a little action in"_

Like a strange, six legged creature the three of them stumbled home, Sirius between them still in a daze. He hadn’t said anything at all since the Dementors descended on them. Simone had been taken home by Will, saying she didn’t want to go back to the Order headquarters if she could help it. Remus couldn’t argue with that, he was dreading stepping foot back at Grimmauld Place and what awaited them there. Harry kept making furtive glances at him, as if preparing himself for what was to come, but Remus could only focus on getting all of them inside before he could begin to think of what to say. 

Remus was often glad he was the one who was hurt more often among them. Not because he enjoyed the pain, or even the fretting on the opposite end, but because seeing one of the others hurt made him sick with worry. A little pain he could handle, but he couldn’t stand seeing someone he loved in pain. They finally made it to the house, and Remus pulled out his wand at the door.

“Remus, I-“ he began

He held up a finger and Harry stopped talking “I assure you I want to hear your account of tonight, but I need you two to get inside now.” he said, his tone short. He opened the door and gestured for Harry to get inside.

Molly was on them in an instant “Where have you three _been_?” she demanded “Ron wakes up and Harry isn’t in bed and then we find your bedroom completely empty!” Remus didn’t answer, just guided Sirius inside and set him down in a chair in the dining room and rushed to the pantry, pulling a chocolate bar stashed on the top shelf and breaking it apart, handing some to Harry and Sirius and waiting as they ate, Sirius’ face still pale, but his hands no longer shaking. Arthur came down into the dining room, wearing a dressing robe with his glasses slightly askew.

“Thanks.” Sirius croaked 

“I-What happened?” Molly asked

“Dementors.” Remus said “Two of them

“ _Dementors?_ ” Molly asked, horrified and clutching Harry’s shoulder “In London? How- What were you even doing wandering around the city with Harry in the middle of the night?” 

Remus was rescued from answering immediately by a crack filling the air and an owl swooping in, dropping a letter on Harry’s lap. He quickly read it over and stared down at the writing with wide eyes before shakily handing the letter to Remus. He blinked at it as he read it, his face draining of color.

“What’s it say?” Sirius asked

“It says they’ve expelled me and they’re coming to destroy my wand.” Harry said, standing up and running his hands through his hair “What do I do? Should I run, should I-“

“No, stay right here.” Remus said quickly “Arthur, can you get down there?” 

“I’m on my way now.” He said, rushing off 

“They can’t just do that, can they?” Molly asked

“Of course they can’t, for a case of underage magic? That’s insane.” Sirius said, snatching the letter from Remus.

“But I’m _allowed_ to use underage magic in life threatening situations!” Harry said “What did they expect me to do, not get rid of the Dementors?” 

“I knew it, I just knew something like this was bound to happen!” Molly fumed

“Molly-“

“No, you let him get involved! When I told you both explicitly that he was too young.”

“He’s not a baby, Molly!” Sirius said “He’s not that much younger than us when we started fighting, anyway.”

“And you shouldn’t have been fighting either!” Molly yelled very loudly, making the three of them stop where they were and stare at her. Her voice choked up as she continued “You were- You were babies. You shouldn’t have been involved when you were, either. Think about the twins, do you think they should be off fighting right now? That’s what you looked like when this started.”

Remus sighed “Listen, I-“

“I lost my brothers to this war.” she interrupted “And Harry lost his mother and his father and his childhood. And he deserves a half-decent shot of a life on the other side of all this. He deserves that at least.”

“With all due respect, you’re not his mother.” Sirius said

“I’m as good as!” She shot back “And I was there when he couldn’t get onto Platform 9 3/4 his first year, and when he was being starved in that house and when he was sneaking off into the forbidden forest all hours of the day and night!”

“Do you think I wanted that?” Sirius yelled “You think either one of us wanted to miss those things? To leave him all on his own?”

“Of course not! What happened was not your fault, and it’s a tragedy that it did. But until you’ve seen your child like that-“

“Are you really suggesting that we aren’t as much of Harry’s parents because we couldn’t be there for his life? Remus and I would both lay in front of a train for him, the same as you would for any of your kids.”

“I’m not saying that! I’m saying that when you look at him, you don’t see that little boy- you see James!” Molly hissed, pointing at Harry who was currently frozen in place watching the argument “And anybody with eyes can see how much he wants to be like you both- how much he wants to make you happy! But you go off telling stories about how you nearly got yourselves killed in the old days, and sneak off in the middle of the night to do Merlin knows what- of course he was going to follow you! Because that’s what you would have done.”

“He’s not a little boy anymore, Molly.” Remus spoke up “And pretending that he is won’t make him safe, it’s ignoring the reality of the situation. Besides that, what if you had lost one of your kids when they were small? Would you be any less their mother if you had missed those parts of their life?”

“I- No. No, of course not.” Molly said “You just- you don’t understand that kids watch everything you do.”

“Can everyone stop talking about me like i’m not in the room?” Harry said finally

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the light from the fireplace. Harry swallowed hard as Dumbledore walked in the room, an angry look on his face that Remus had only seen a few times in his life. 

“I have managed to halt Harry’s expulsion pending a hearing with the Ministry of Magic.” he said, looking from one of them to the other “But I would be very interested in hearing your accounts of what happened tonight.” 

Remus stood “It was my fault.” he said “I take full responsibility. Sirius thought it was a bad idea, but I insisted. I’m to blame here, not Harry and not Sirius.” 

“Where did you need to go that was so important you couldn’t come to me and ask?” he said calmly

“I- I needed to see if my friends in the packs were alright following the raid.” Remus said “I needed to speak to them to be sure.” 

Dumbledore nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on Remus “Is there a place we could speak in private?” 

Sirius and Harry watched Remus carefully as he gave the headmaster a stiff nod “As private as something can be in this house, I suppose.” 

He lead Dumbledore to the drawing room and shut the door behind them but didn’t make a move to sit down.

“I had hoped we had put the days of me warning the two of you to stay put for your own safety behind us.” he said 

Remus resisted the angry feeling growing in his stomach “Albus, I am not a child caught sneaking around the grounds at night, please do not treat me as such.”

“Then why insist on acting like it?” 

He shut his eyes “Obviously, I did not intend for this to happen- nobody could have predicted this, even you. But, I stand by my decision to go help a friend. Somebody has to make sure these people are being cared for.”

“Remus, I have asked you to trust me that there is a plan, and that the werewolves will be protected. There is a plan-“

“There’s always a plan!” Remus yelled finally, surprising even himself “You have all these plans that none of us are privy to. Plans about Harry, plans about the werewolves. And I always trust you, I have always trusted you and believed you and defended you when you have said to do so. I have given you _years_ of my life on faith alone, and I have never once asked for anything in return. I’ve put myself in danger, hell I’ve almost died more times that I could count for you. I missed out on twelve years with the man I love and the chance of giving Harry a normal life. And why? Because you told me to trust you. Because _you_ said there was a plan!” 

“I sincerely apologize for all you have lost.” Dumbledore said, his voice steady “And I am truly sorry to have to keep things from you.”

“Then don’t!” Remus fumed. He couldn’t help but feel teenaged and ridiculous bickering with Dumbledore, but didn’t back down “I think after twenty-five years of doing whatever you tell me to do, I have earned the right to have some answers, to some trust. And in the mean-time, I am going to do what I think is right in keeping my family and the packs safe. As far as I’m concerned, we’re on our own. You’ve made that blatantly clear in the past.”

“I have done everything I can to improve your life, Remus.” 

Remus let out a dark laugh “You-“ he shook his head “You know that friend of mine, the one who went to the pack with me? She’s a year younger than me. Got the bite at ten, just after she got her letter and bought her wand.” 

Dumbledore sighed “I’m not sure why you’re telling me this story.”

“When I met her, I thought it was strange. That nobody ever came to find her, or assured her mother that she could still come to school, or even came looking for her when they kicked her to the street.” Remus said “But then, she didn’t come from a ‘respectable’ family, was never much of a people pleaser. And of course, you already had what you needed in me, didn’t you? A tame werewolf.”

“As much as I would love to continue to hear these accusations all evening, Remus, I don’t need to explain to you the gravity of the situation tonight. The Minister is already seeking out reasons to disparage Harry in the press and keep him from school, and he would love nothing more than to know that you brought him to a meeting of werewolves.”

“I didn’t-“

“That’s not how he’s going to see it, and you know this to be true.”

“I’m not naive.” Remus said cooly “It’s a shit situation, we all know it.” 

“I will not ask you to stay where you are again. And I trust all three of you will learn from this.” 

With that, he turned to leave, the front door shutting behind him as Remus stood in the drawing room, clutching his fist so tight his knuckles had turned white. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down before returning to the dining room, where Molly, Harry, and Sirius turned to look at him. 

“Molly, can you give us a moment?” He asked.

She frowned, looking back to Harry. Finally, she held up her hands as if ridding herself of the issue “Fine. You talk.” 

The door shut behind her and Remus sat down in the seat across from Harry 

“Sorry, one moment-“ Sirius said “Did you just _yell at Dumbledore?_ ”

“I- yes.” Remus said, shaking his head “I shouldn’t have lost my temper. How are you feeling?”

“Alright.” Sirius said “Better.”

“Good. Harry?” 

“I’m okay.” he muttered, avoiding his gaze

“Excellent.” He nodded “I really don’t want to yell at you tonight. But I need you to tell me what the hell you were thinking.” 

“I- I’m sorry.”

“You’ve gotten yourself in and out of a great many scrapes in your life, Harry. That does not mean that you are, in any way, exempt from death or the consequences of your actions.” Remus said, his tone sharp 

“I don’t think- of course I don’t think I’m exempt!” Harry argued 

“I’d really like some evidence to back that up, given everything that just happened.” Remus said “Even if you weren’t a well known target to Lord Voldemort and every one of his associates, running around London at midnight when you’re fifteen years old seems pretty reckless to me.” 

“Like neither of you ran off on your own when you were underage?” he cocked a brow 

“It doesn’t matter what we did, or what your father did!” Sirius cut in “It doesn’t. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit in my life, I’ve done a lot of things I regret- I don’t want you to be like me, Harry. I will have failed if you turn out like me. Especially given the circumstances.”

“I always have to be better, and different, and careful.” Harry fumed “Why can’t I just make a stupid 15-year-old mistake without it being an international incident? I didn’t ask for any of this.”

“I’m sorry you are under so much pressure from the outside world, I really am.” Remus said “And I’m sorry that your mistakes are going to have a bigger impact, but that’s the way it is right now and there’s nothing we can do to fix that. But wishing something was different does not make it so. And if Fenrir Greyback decides to come looking for you, he’s not going to take ‘it was a 15-year-old mistake’ into consideration.” 

“I-“ Harry looked at his hands “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” 

“Clearly.” Sirius said 

They all sat quietly for a minute while Remus finally allowed himself to light a cigarette. Sirius picked up the letter from the table and let out a breath “What are they playing at, an expulsion for underage magic?” 

“They’re not going to go through with it, are they?” Harry asked 

“They don’t have anything on you.” Sirius assured him “We have witnesses.” 

“But we can’t ask Simone to talk to the Ministry.” he said “And they won’t believe you saying I did it in self-defense.” 

“I’ll talk to Simone.” Remus said “She won't have to say anything that’s not the truth, that we’re friends and met at the bar. Which we did. Nothing else needs to come into it, agreed?” 

“Agreed.” Sirius said 

“Harry, I know you’re going to tell Ron and Hermione regardless of what I tell you- and I’m alright with that. But I need the three of you to be incredibly discreet on what you saw and heard tonight. A lot of people are risking their safety by meeting like that.”

“I will.” he said “I am so sorry.” 

As much as they both wanted to ground Harry, there really wasn’t much worse than being stuck at Grimmauld Place, and in any case, they didn’t really know how to ground someone anyway, so they resolved to just send him to his room before slumping off to their own. The pre-dawn light was already filtering through the window while Remus sat on the edge of the bed, taking off his shoes. Sirius fell back, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Christ, Moony, are we bad at this?” Sirius groaned 

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Remus sighed “I don’t think they write books about this particular situation.”

He kicked his shoe across the room and laid back so he was side by side with Sirius. He reached out a hand and ran a thumb over the rough stubble on his chin. “Are you alright? Really?” 

Sirius gave him a soft smile “I’m alright. Just… Being around the Dementors. It just brings it all back, you know?”

Remus nodded “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I should be thanking you, you’re the one who taught Harry how to conjure a Patronus. Saved my ass, I couldn’t even think.” 

“It’s a good one, isn’t it?” Remus grinned a little despite himself “A corporeal Patronus at his age."

“It’s really something.” Sirius said 

“Thank you for coming with me.” he said “I’m glad you were there.”

“Yeah me too. It felt weird being there like that, exposed. Being the odd one out, you know?” Sirius said “Do you feel like that all the time?” 

Remus laughed and thought “Well… A lot of the time, yeah.” he said “Less now than I used to. You get used to it, honestly. But never here. Never with you.” 

Sirius smirked “Yeah, I heard you tell Will I was your pack. It’s possibly the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Piss off. I needed him to understand who you were to me.” Remus said “Everything else doesn’t really describe it. It’s different from just family.”

“What does it mean, then?”

Remus thought for a moment, bouncing his head back and forth “It’s more a feeling, it’s like… You know those moments where you’re in a room with someone, or a group of people, and you’re all quiet. And it’s not uncomfortable, or strange. You don’t feel any obligation to talk or be charming or funny. And you feel safe, and warm, like there’s nowhere else you’re supposed to be. You’re just… There. Together. With this mutual understanding of one another that you can feel like it’s almost tangible. That’s what a pack feels like. That’s what I feel with you and Harry.” 

Sirius smiled softly “And you say you’re not sentimental.” 

He rolled his eyes and shoved Sirius away “I’m plenty sentimental.” 

“Hey.” Sirius said. Remus looked at him “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting) by Elton John

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Slow Show](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29750430) by [FrankMell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankMell/pseuds/FrankMell)




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